Miscarriage is a possible outcome of every pregnancy, but it’s not something we as a society are comfortable talking about.
Author Jessica Rudd, 31, miscarried two weeks after she discovered, to her joy, that she was pregnant with her second child.
Jessica Rudd. Image: supplied.
The daughter of former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was devastated and filled with the same guilt and anxiety that every woman feels when she miscarries.
Jessica Rudd and her gorgeous daughter... Post continues after gallery
Jessica Rudd and Josie.
"Is it because of that New Year’s champagne I had before I found out I was pregnant? Is it because I walked the dog on a hot day? Is it because I lifted my toddler out of the car? Or when I bumped into the kitchen bench?" Rudd wrote in the Australian Women's Weekly of her thought process after losing the baby.
Jessica Rudd and family. Image: supplied.
And because we're so uncomfortable, and so ill-equipped to deal with miscarriage, if you do dare to make other people feel uncomfortable and divulge the information, they just don't know what to say.
"Some say, 'it wasn’t meant to be,' which is strange, because you’d never say that about any other dead being. 'Oh, your partner died. Sorry. I guess it wasn’t meant to be,'" Rudd writes.
The grief of expectant parents who lose their baby before it comes to term never leaves them - nor does the knowledge that miscarriage is a possible outcome of every pregnancy.
"The thing about miscarriage is that it steals the joy of pregnancy and replaces it with terror," Rudd writes.
Mia opens up about her miscarriage. Post continues below...
Rudd is now pregnant again, and the baby is healthy and developing normally. But despite this, she is terrified of losing the baby.
"There is no such thing as a replacement child," she writes. "For so many parents, this quiet grief for a child unknown — for a life unlived — remains."
Read Jessica Rudd's column here.
More on coping with miscarriage?
Zoe from Married at First Sight opens up about her miscarriage.
Actress Jaime King on the struggles and agony of five miscarriages.
Miscarriages now receive formal recognition by NSW Government.
First trimester miscarriage: Why do we act as if it's no big deal?
Top Comments
I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and I use the phrase it wasnt meant to be - because I feel that it wasn't. I believe there was something wrong and it was never going to survive so in fact I was somewhat lucky in that it happened sooner rather than later. I know to some that might sound blasé but even now I do still have times if blame and feelings if failure but I know in my heart that is wasnt meant to be and I am better off to have a miscarriage than have a child with severe disabilities and whilst I praise those who can do it I don't think I could have.
I have also experienced miscarriage at 8 weeks. Years of trying, countless tests and finally one day of pure happiness as I held my positive pregnancy test. I, like ME have felt that my only chance had gone. Many, many tears, anger, frustration and immense sadness followed. I have accepted I will never have a reason for this and I am moving on. I'm taking the positive that after years of nothing I actually got pregnant and with the love and support of my wonderful husband, family and close friends I am healing. What I experienced is called "early pregnancy failure". How nice to see those words on my ultra sound results. As if I wasn't already feeling like one! Coming from a family who's grandmother had a stillborn I can't even begin to fathom what my grandparents went through. It doesn't compare. It's a heartbreaking journey. I agree with Zara that there needs to be a difference between miscarriage and stillbirths.