By JULIA ALEXANDER
Well we don’t just call a spade a spade anymore, do we? We call it a motherf*cking shovel.
Whether it is the veil of anonymity on the internet or simply catching someone at the wrong time, it seems like the claws are out for anyone and everyone these days and there’s no hesitation in digging them in.
You only have to look at the commentary in response to some of the self-professed “light hearted” articles published here on Mamamia to question what happened to the sisterhood.
A new mother jokes about being tired of being asked about sleep: what an ungrateful, soon-to-be friendless cow. You will never/will always/may consider voting liberal: either way someone will probably find a way to blame you for singlehandedly destroying our country and forcing someone else’s child into daycare. Hold on, you chose to send your child to daycare?…. let the tirade begin.
The attacks are personal and aggressive. Even writing this piece I question which parts might be torn apart, entirely misconstrued as offensive, demeaning, or possibly aiding Kony and there but for the (dis)grace of Yumi Stynes go we all…
So I wonder, Why, instead of applauding effort or individuality, do we try to find failing in others, no matter how small or insignificant? I am the first person to put my hand up to voice an opinion and respect everyone’s right to do so. Brave and tenancious women fought long and hard to give me the right to do so. I doubt very much however these same women would be proud to see flocks of us anonymously speculating about each other’s appearance or personal lives just because they disagree with a particular political persuasion or parenting style or god forbid use of gender specific words.
When and how did it get so bad? When did we all become such bitches? Whilst conceding that yes, I am generalizing, it seems that women are incredibly adept at pointing out each other’s flaws – even in ourselves. Which makes us our own worst enemies. Are we hell bent on taking other women down simply because we disagree with them or perhaps there is some deeper nagging insecurity about something in our own lives. The more we criticize others, the more likely we are to feel that we in turn are being criticized and it’s time to break the cycle and cut the crap.
As it’s been said far more eloquently before, intelligent people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people. Let’s just think about that for a minute. When someone expresses an opinion (provided it is an idea as opposed to superficial musings about other people) they are generally showing their intelligence – whether or not you agree with them. Who are you to then attack the person as opposed to the idea? Apparently a pretty small one.
It looks like it’s time some of us booked in for a personality upgrade.
It is too late (and probably entirely inappropriate and hypocritical) to “give up bitching for lent”, so instead I am going to refrain from making, indulging in or secretly enjoying all bitchy comments/narky digs/inappropriate interest in other people’s lives for the next month to see how it improves my state of mind. Who knows, hopefully I’ll keep going for the next month, and even the month after that too. I am going to reserve my opinions for ideas and theories, not people.
So come on and join me and ditch the bitch. Celebrate everyone’s achievements, whether you could have done better (or just wish that you did). For anyone who’d rather not, well I am just going to make like Ellen DeGeneres – “My haters are my motivators”.
Julie Alexander is a former lawyer, stay at home mum, documentary producer and wannabe Alpha Wife.
Do you think that women are their own worst enemies?
Top Comments
Well said, I take the ditch the bitch pledge.
Great article!
I think this applies to both women and men. People have overall, got a hell of a lot 'bitchier'! I tend to think this is due to the changing world. It's becoming very rare to find people that have a 'selfless' outlook on life. Years ago, life used to be about what you could give, what you could do for others, how you could go about getting to where you wanted to be WITHOUT stepping on others. Now, life seems to revolve around material things (freaking iPad, iPod, clothes etc - the list goes on and on), people aren't as open to helping others (which is due to all the horrible things that seem to happen these days) and people seem to do anything (including stepping on others) to get to where they want to be. Life and the world is changing, which means people are going to change too. It seems that the world is becoming a 'dog eat dog' world and people are adapting to fit this. Society tells us exactly how we should all look, what we should have, what we should do and the people that don't fit this - yes, more than often they have nasty things said to them by people that 'fit in'. But in the end, it's up to that person to NOT take this to heart.
I am constantly having bitchy/mean comments thrown at me because I don't fit what society says I should. I'm a larger set woman, I have short hair (which more than 5 times a days I am called a lesbian by people who don't know I have a male partner and a baby on the way), I am outspoken, I refuse to bitch about friends or a person walking past me, I don't wear make-up, I like football, I don't have a smart phone, I'm not at all up with the fashion of today. These are all things I am constantly bitched at for. I used to take all these things to heart, now - I couldn't care less. People can think or say whatever they please, but in the end they don't know who I am as a person and I am a damn good person, so that's their loss for missing out.
People bitch for many reason. Boredom, jealousy, vanity or they themselves are very unhappy as a person, the list could go on and on. One thing I have learnt, is once you are happy with yourself and embrace everything you are as a person. You will no longer ever feel the need or want to 'bitch' about other people. Everyone is different and no one deserves to be picked on for being themselves. In the end ladies and gents, just ignore the bitchiness - if you don't, you're giving them exactly what they want. Just smile and ignore, that will annoy the 'bitchers' more than anything!
Love yourself and love life xxx