parent opinion

'I want the judgement to stop. I'm 25, in a committed relationship and I don't want kids.'

I’m 25, in a happy and committed relationship, and I don’t want children.

It’s something that not many understand, or even try to. However it is something that many people like to pass judgement on.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, we intend to move in together soon, and from time to time, the discussion of children has come up. I have been open and honest with him about my disinterest and to be honest, resolute feelings about not having children. He always meets with two responses, depending on his mood, “you’ll change your mind” or “yep, I know, you’ve said”.

Team Mamamia confess… what my partner doesn’t know.

Video by MMC

I have tried to explain my feelings and hesitation towards having children, but he doesn’t seem to understand, because let’s face it, I’m a woman, and I ‘should’ be elated with the idea of having children, right? Absolutely wrong!

There are two main reasons I don’t want to be a mum, the first being money. I watched my mum constantly give up things for herself, for the benefit of her children. Although my mum was married, I can tell you right now that she definitely raised my siblings and I alone. My mum, the brilliant woman she is, showed me a side to motherhood I didn’t know, the selfless, alone side.

The second reason I don’t want children is because I’m a teacher. This is a big one for me. I know what children can be like. I know how beautiful they can be and I also know how horrible they can be. I know what it’s like to teach a student with disabilities, I see the strain it puts on families, teachers, friends, the list goes on. And sorry, that’s not a life I want for myself. I truly believe that teaching has scarred me, and I don’t think I would be the only one.

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Thirdly, I don’t get joy, like ‘most’ women do when they see a baby. To be frank, I find them rather annoying and I don’t like the idea of having something, someone so dependent on me. I am that women in public who will actively move away from people, tables even leave stores, if there is a baby nearby. I’m okay if it’s sleeping, however the minute it makes noise, I feel a deep annoyance within myself. God forbid when they cry and scream in public!

I’m an aunty to a beautiful 18-month-old boy; he’s busy, he’s happy and most of all, he has a lot of my love. Except, he doesn’t spark the joy in me that I know most women feel, that ‘clucky’ feeling. I have never once felt that. Never once thought, ‘gee, I hope my kids are that cute and happy’. More often than not, I find myself adding to the list of reasons that I don’t want children.

As a woman, I feel incredibly guilty that I don’t want children. I feel horrible that I don’t want to do what ‘I’ve been put on this earth to do- reproduce’, (according to many narrow minded people).

However, I don’t feel guilty for not doing something I don’t want to. I feel like I am doing the right thing by not having a child for the sake of my reproductive system. I feel like there are many children in the world, whose parents probably should have made the decision I have, to not have a baby for the sake of it.

What I do want though, is for the judgement to stop.

Just because I’m a woman.

Just because I have a reproductive system.

Does not mean I have to have children.

Can you relate? Do you think women are still judged for not wanting children in 2019? Tell us in a comment below.

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