A frustrated husband has turned to Reddit for advice after discovering his wife secretly paid their wedding photographer to exclude her from every photo.
The 25-year-old explained his wife had been camera-shy throughout their six-year relationship.
“When we first started dating she would delete any photograph I took of her,” he said.
“She permitted a few if no one else saw them. She doesn’t have any social media accounts either.”
He went on to relay how she had later confessed the thought of somebody taking photos would have impacted her enjoyment of the day.
“She didn’t want to worry about someone taking pictures of her on her special day,” he said.
The recently-married man went on to share how the intimate ceremony was the first time he had ever seen his partner wear a dress.
"My wife looked absolutely beautiful and happy. She doesn't really dress up and this was the first time I had even seen her in a dress, so it was a welcome surprise," he said.
"Our families are asking for wedding pictures and I don't know what to tell them."
The post ended with a call out for readers to weigh in on whether his anger was justified and what he should do about resolving it.
"I can't seem to let this go, even though it's been a couple days. What do I do?" he said.
One reader urged the husband to encourage his wife to attend counselling as they experienced a similar situation with their now deceased mother.
"My mum was like that too. She yelled at me as a kid of I tried to get a picture of her at Christmas or whatever... it sucked. Now I'm 40 and she's been dead for six years. I literally have 3 pictures of her… This is a symptom of a much larger problem… Get her into therapy before you have kids," they said.
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Another reader suggested contacting the photographer to check whether he had taken any photos of her incidentally or without her consent.
"Before you spend lots of money trying to recreate the night for new photos, make sure you call him up and talk to him on your own," they said.
One reader recommended the husband addressed the issue now to prevent it occurring in future memorable moments.
"Don't let it go. You'll be sorry in the future if you have no pictures. What will happen when you have kids, if you have them? No pictures holding the newborn? No family photos to send out? No cameras on birthdays, on Christmas, on holidays?" They said.
"This is a big deal and it also reveals some serious phobia or self-esteem issue that needs to be dealt with. These sorts of things get WORSE with time if untreated, not better."
Other readers suggest he insist the pair agree to recreate the wedding day or simply have photos taken while in their bridal best.
What would you have said?
Top Comments
I definitely agree that it's a problem that she went behind your back with asking the photographer to do this.
Because your marriage has started off with a lie...
In terms of her rights and her feelings... well, it's hardly a crime to be 'camera shy' or whatever her problems are.
Even if it's a phobia or whatever that you don't understand, that doesn't mean you can just ignore it, tell her to get over it, force her to go to therapy, force her to recreate the ceremony for the pictures or anything else!
I know what it's like to live with anxiety over things that other people deem to be 'no big deal', but that doesn't make it go away, people yelling at you that it's 'no big deal'.
So I would talk to her, tell her you're unhappy and why (which you have every right to be), but I would also suggest listening to what she has to say as well, not just insisting she's crazy or needs therapy or whatever else your friends have said.
If she has some genuine fear or phobia and she simply does not want photos, then you will have to either learn to live with that, possibly working WITH her with therapy or something if she agrees to that, OR you will have to break up.
Those are your only choices.
Forcing her to just get over this fear, recreate a wedding for photos, or anything else you've suggested simply will not work.
Especially as she has shown signs of this fear for your entire relationship... why did you suddenly think an ongoing phobia - which you had noticed before - would go away on your wedding day?
I've been down that road as well, people expect me to get over my fears/anxieties according to THEIR whim.... they simply do not accept the reality!
So if you really love her and want to make the relationship last, then please don't go down THAT road!
Talk to her, don't forget to tell her how you feel about being lied to and deceived (as I said, your feelings are important, too), but also don't forget to ASK her how she feels, and talk TO her about it... not AT her.
Good luck, I really hope you can work through this situation <3
he thought it would be fine because she deceived him until afterwards, about the photos. This is a dealbreaker unfortunately, this ''get sneaky to get what I want regardless of what's agreed'' aspect to her personality. Being all lovey-dovey ''tell me about your sad'' is wonderful UNTIL she deliberately ruins your wedding day memories without saying anything until it's too late.
The childish solution is to wait until something is very important to her, then deceive her and tell her after that whatever it was she wanted isn't actually happening, soz, but you have a phobia.
great way to start a marriage, with deceit...