My husband, CJ, and I celebrated 10 years of being together today. Ten years since we first met. We actually have 3 anniversaries (yep) but this one is the one I regard to be the most important because it was this one that marks the date that life as I knew it would be tipped upside down.
He is the most incredible father who is ever present for his tribe of girls. He has this cheeky grin and he has a great sense of humour and makes me laugh a lot. He’s so bright. He teaches me lots of things. He also is fantastic at pulling me up when I’ve taken something too far and he’ll often be the first person to roll his eyes and sigh with a comment like, “Why must you always insist on learning things the hard way?” (Because that’s me, baby, a bull in your china shop.)
My husband is a 33 year old male. He’s also autistic.
We were together 7 years before we realised he had autism. It wasn’t until after my eldest daughter, Sno, was diagnosed after a few years of back and forth deliberation on my behalf that we finally got her assessed and diagnosed – and THEN it occurred to us that CJ was too.
Katie Price talks about her personal experience with Autism. Post continued below.
I knew my eldest daughter wasn’t “neurotypical” from about age 4 in kindergarten.
Back then I didn’t drive, so we walked everywhere. If I dare walk a different route to kindergarten she would fall apart. If I didn’t give warning when I planned to change her usual breakfast food, she would not handle it. She never liked to be touched by other kids in kindy. She didn’t cope well with the singing songs. She would cry and cover her ears when someone sang “Happy Birthday” louder than a hush tone. She didn’t give good eye contact. She didn’t cope with meeting new people very well. She was rigid in her routine and there were plenty of routines.
I mentioned these quirks of hers to my husband. He dismissed them as normal and said he didn’t see the issue.
Wanna know why? Because for him it was his normal, too. He saw no issue with the way she behaved because he could see why. He could understand her triggers because they triggered him, too. And he had many of the exact same struggles when he was young that she was experiencing now. But no one made any connection.
After another very tough year I decided enough was enough. I needed help. Sno was melting down at the beach. Her screaming would go on for hours and hours. I’d tried everything, even things that didn’t feel good to me and nothing was working.
She was assessed. She was diagnosed with autism. It took a paediatrician an hour to make crystal clear a bunch of ongoing issues we’d been experiencing as a family for almost two years. I felt relief and direction. When I told my husband he was in shock and disbelief.
Ever heard the phrase, “can’t see the forest for the trees”? It means that sometimes the most obvious answers are directly in front of you but you just can’t see then because you’re not paying proper attention.
Yeah, that.
A few evenings later after Sno was diagnosed my husband and I sat down on the couch together and went through her diagnostic criteria. And it was here that we discovered that so many of her quirks were the same as his.
Jessica Offer with her family. Source: Supplied
A few months later my husband went and had formal assessments done and received his official diagnosis at age 30. He greeted it with grief, but also relief.
Which brings me to..
When I said yes to marrying my husband I said yes to him even and along with his quirks (which back then I had no idea were autistic.) I loved him for the way he saw the world and how he worked within it. I loved him for the way he can fix anything that is broken, the way he seamlessly adapts to different social situations, his impeccable attention to detail. I love him for the way he can problem solve. I love him for the way he’s a straight shooter and doesn’t suffer fools, and his dry sense of humour.
Looking at the big picture I guess you could say that the things I love about my husband the most are probably his most autistic traits. Fancy that!
Autism didn’t change my husband. He’s never not been autistic and it’s what makes him who he is. But maybe his earlier formative years would have been a lot less stressful and hard for him had his autism been recognised so he could have gained the appropriate support and learned strategies at a young age; rather than having to cleverly wing it for over 25 years.
There’s a lot more knowledge about autism now. Definitely more than what there was when my husband was a child. I guess that’s why we are both passionate about early diagnosis and intervention. Because when you love someone you love them fully and wholly and you want to support them to be the best they can be; whoever that is. And you realise that labels don’t define or limit a person’s abilities – but they can offer a great insight into the individual’s personality, and enable them to be supported to reach their full potential.
You can find Jessica on her website here.
Top Comments
I had an old boyfriend who had autism. Autistic quirks and cluelessness about others' feelings were things I could adjust to, but when autism was coupled with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, things got ugly very quickly. Benign neglect became malicious silent treatment. Cluelessness about others' feelings became an unwillingness to empathise with other people. All of this he could claim was due to his autism, but he was only malicious to me, not to his many friends who would invite him to parties every weekend and he'd go to them without me.
Would not date another person with autism again.
What a great read. My eldest son (5.5yo) was diagnosed as Autistic when he was 3.5yo. The evening of the diagnosis was full of tears and worry but thanks to my husband (who happens to share very similar traits with my son) I was quickly able to see it for what it was - the diagnosis didn't change anything about him. We have always known him as he is. He has always been himself from the earliest days. Our son is full of quirks, love, cleverness, sensitivity, passion, imagination and I wouldn't change anything about him. Autism is not a word to fear or worry about some kind of 'label'. Its a part of our son just like he has brown hair and brown eyes - all of his features/abilities/traits make him the unique little boy that he is. Early intervention has helped us immensely and I only hope that every child is able to access these services if they need.