By JEFF BOGLE
First it’s this…
“Oh man, you’re having a girl? Dude, you’re in trouble!”
And then it’s all of this…
“Oh, wait until they are crawling!”
“Oh, wait until they are walking!”
“Oh, wait until the terrible twos.”
“Oh, wait until they start talking!”
“Oh, wait until they start talking back!”
“Oh man, you’re having another girl? Dude, you’re in trouble!”
“Oh, wait until they want a cell phone!”
“Oh, wait until the eye rolling!”
“Oh, wait until they like boys!”
“Oh, wait until the tween years!”
“Oh, wait until middle school/high school/college!”
“Oh, wait until they get want to get married!”
Here’s a little secret, fellas, the one they don’t tell you at the sports bar or in the Mummy and Me classes you aren’t invited to attend: You can go right ahead and forget all that crap. All of it.
I have a simple, four-word message to all dads of daughters, especially guys who are just now starting out on this journey, the guys welcoming newborn baby girls into their lives.
It is a message I’ve taken to actually saying out loud to dads I see with very young girls by their side — and if you know me at all, you know talking to strangers about anything remotely related to parenting (or, um, anything at all) is not a strong suit of mine.
But I’ve jumped that personal introvert hurdle because it’s crucial that dads receive a counterweight to balance out all the BS macho guy talk they will hear in regards to their daughter(s) and their role as dad to a daughter: It only gets better.
Yeah, it gets challenging. No sh*t, Sherlock. Parenting isn’t always Pinterest-perfect cupcakes and Instagram-worthy rainbows, but why would you want it that way, anyway? What a colossal bore to have everything scrubbed and sanitised, silver spoons and phony-smile photo packages. Challenging is good! Entering into challenging situations makes us think, evolve, grow, change, get better — and helps us find new ways to love the people we adore so much already.
Yeah, your precious little princess will eventually crawl, walk, talk, talk back, crave some overpriced technology, be sweet on boys and/or girls, awkwardly grow into her tween years, have her heart broken, break a few herself, enter high school and maybe go off to college. That is all absolutely true, but there is nothing in your daughter’s timeline that you need to fear. Nothing. The only thing worth fearing as the dad of a daughter is not being there to share in her experiences.
As her dad, you get to be a steady knee to hold onto as she props herself up learning to walk; to be an example of calm in the face of adversity as she tests her limits as a toddler; to defuse the tension with funny eyes in response to her eye rolling; to teach her how to be a good digital citizen on social media with her new phone; to hold her tight while saying nothing when she goes through her first breakup; to know that even though you are a “fixer” by nature, there are moments in her life when she’ll need to cry into your shoulder or scream her lungs out and to know that all that’s required of you in those moments is to be present, to live life not through her, but alongside her as daddy, mentor, confidant, counsellor, consoling presence, friend, and dad again.
I need you to hear this and believe this, for I know it to be true: It only gets better.
The conversations get better. The jokes get better. The hugs get better. The laughs get better. The nights out get better. The Saturday mornings get better. The concerts get better. The love, it gets better. And stronger. It all gets better.
So, the next time some blowhard warns you of whatever impending doom he insists will befall you as the dad of a daughter, and makes some terrible joke about needing a shotgun to protect her, ignore him and know that it only gets better.
This post originally appeared on Jeff’s blog, Out With The Kids. Follow him on Facebook here.
Jeff Bogle is an at-home dad who writes about parenthood and All Things Childhood: kindie music, books, toys & culture at Out With The Kids. He is married to an adorable redheaded gal and has two lovely little ladies under the age of 10 who provide him with countless hours of humorous in-home entertainment, and who get to do, hear, see and play with more cool stuff than you can possibly imagine. He considers himself one of the luckiest guys in the world, although he needs to be reminded of this fact from time to time.
What do you wish people said to you – mum or dad – when you found out you were expecting?
Top Comments
Those inane jokes they make to dads about how they'll be "fighting off the boys with a shotgun" really irritate me. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm all about raising a daughter who can stand up for herself and make good choices about who she wants in her life, and I'm all about raising a son who's not a threat to girls but someone who gives and deserves respect from them.
Ugh, I can't stand those "jokes". Even things like "I won't let her date until she's 40". Really? Because dating, even *gasp* having sex is so horrible that you won't let her have that experience? Just as bad are the ones from the mother's perspective saying things like "my son is not your ATM". Grrr.
Really? I never took it as the girls not being able to do and be what you say, it's more reflective perhaps of an 'in' joke between men that my dad once explained as 'it was always good when you were a 19yo pursuing a 16yo girl ... Not so much when it's someone else's 19yo sone trying to pursue my 16yo daughter!' Lots of boys can be enthusiastic in their pursuits of girls, and often the dads of girls were too, so they know what the teenage boys are thinking when they are pursuing their daughters ;)
But I missed the question. Here we go: when I found out I get a boy I was shell shocked. I was so 100% certain I will have a girl. Then my husband asked me why, and I said because I wanted to hand over everything beautiful I learned from my mum to my child, little things like setting a nice table and wrapping beautifully a present, big things like how to love and have friends, how to struggle and how to laugh.
His answer was: and why do you think you can't teach this our boy?
He got me big times, all my gender pigeon holes where none existing for girls, they can ride the motorbike and work in the workshop, but for the boys I doubted they can set a table.
Now I have two very gentle boys, one loves to cook with me and do some crafting, the other is up the tree and races all kids in the neighbourhood. How great is that.
So I got the right comment: be open minded and see who they are, not what you expect them to be.
What a great comment Vetae.
My 80 year old grandmother taught me to knit, knead dough for apple pie (cold hands, rubbed butter and flour), my mother, grandmother and mother in law taught me some great recipes as well.
As a young Takka. My grandmother and aunt also taught me how to correctly bait a hook, clean and prepare the fish we caught and change the oil and spark plugs for the car.
I love anecdotes like these that change common misconceptions, thanks again V.