Welcome to Group Therapy where you get to exchange wisdom with others in the Mamamia community.
Today’s question is about guilt which is something I know NOTHING ABOUT. Oh wait…..
Sue* writes….
I’m fortunate to have an understanding boss but still, I feel terrible. Prior to having my child I was very reliable, worked long hours and rarely took time off. Now I just feel torn. I can barely put it into words how awful I feel. I wish I didn’t have to work but unfortunately, I do. I just wonder in winter, with all the colds and sickness going around there must be lots of working Mums around feeling the same.
I thought it would be interesting to hear people’s views about this situation. I wonder how many other Mums are home today feeling guilty and worried about the same thing.
*name changed
Oh this is a doozy. Yesterday I had one of those absurd days when I dashed around giving myself emotional whiplash as I tried to juggle the very different and urgent demands of my kids and my job. One of the children really needed time with me and I totally forgot about a radio interview I was meant to be doing and when I picked up my phone, discovered 11 missed calls and irate messages.
Pretty standard stuff and I guess it gets a little bit easier when you make a certain peace with your inadequacy and inability to be superwoman. But yeah, you still feel like crap sometimes, don’t you?
I often envy men’s ability to just get on with it and not waste all that emotional energy beating themselves up. WHY DO WE DO IT? What purpose does guilt actually serve?
You don’t have to be a working mother to have a masters degree in beating-yourself-up-with-guilt but it sure helps. I’m guilty of being paralysed by guilt myself so I am all ears for advice on this one…..over to you….
EARLIER ON MAMAMIA….
Top Comments
I constantly feel guilty because I simply can't be in more than one place at a time and I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I am very lucky to have been working in the same job for over 25 years so I had long service leave and maternity leave to draw on when I had my two boys, four years apart. I am working half time which amounts to 3 short days per week. While I am at work I am conscious that I must get as much as possible done so I am not dumping on my colleagues. I reckon I do more in my 6 hour days than when I worked full time. I feel guilty leaving anything unfinished and walking out when there is so much to do, so I usually work a little overtime every day but that makes me late in picking up my kids. I could work longer hours but that is taking time away from my kids and the end of the day is always a busy time. I already rely heavily on my elderly Mum as she drops off and often picks up the kids from school/ daycare if I'm running late. Again the guilt for asking her to walk 3 blocks, sometimes in the rain, to get them. Then there's the guilt from not contributing more financially to the household now my wage is halved...it is never ending and was sending me crazy but I'm trying to let go of the guilt and look at the positives..Mum gets some exercise and the kids have a lovely bond with her. Work colleagues are always happy to see me and want me to keep working on whatever terms I can manage, I contribute financially as well as being a housekeeper which saves money as I prepare almost all our meals; if I worked longer hours I think we'd eat take away or buy prepared meals more often! I don't think there are solutions to all the problems we encounter. Guilt will always be part of our increasingly busy lives no matter what we do! Perhaps all we can do is accept it and be kinder to ourselves..
Good luck with that!
I still remember the day my then 10 year old (now 15) feel off the flying fox at school and broke his arm. The school couldn't contact either myself or my husband (I was with a patient and he was inter state). I got out of my appointment only to find 10 increasingly frantic calls from the school on my mobile. The docs wouldn't give him pain relief until I okayed it. To top it off I was working and hour away in the city. He was alone and scared and in pain and I wasn't there. GUILT (add flashing neon signs and a loud speaker). I ran from work had to leave my boss with a double patient load, miss family meetings and the like. It was a new job so I was panicked about that too (though more after the fact and my boss was fine after all my worry). When I finally got to him he was okay and I was hysterical, worry guilt all fighting. He ended up having to have surgery. Guilt upon guilt upon guilt. I haven't taken a job since that was that far from home. I felt like the worlds worst parent. When he was okay I felt like the worlds worst employee (only one married with kids). See 5 yrs later and I still feel bad and always have my mobile attached to my hip.