sex

“I dislocated my jaw giving a blowjob during a threesome.” 10 sex stories that ended in medical attention.

I don’t know much about what happens on a field. But as far as contact sports go, sex has got to be up there. 

With all the thrusting and twisting, pulling and poking, squeezing and stroking, let’s face it. We’re all just one wrong move away from hospitalisation

Because in this game, there are no shin pads. There are no mouth guards or helmets. And definitely no cups. 

Says the girl who’s undergoing physiotherapy on her tailbone. 

Watch How to have better sex. Post continues after video. 


Video via Mamamia.

It’s been almost a year since my boyfriend and I were doing it from behind, when suddenly pain shot up my spine. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced and I screamed at him to slowly back TF off. Months of lingering pain dragged on before a doctor stuck her finger up my but and diagnosed me with Coccydynia. 

Pain of the tailbone. Usually caused by childbirth, but any hard impact will do the trick. (It sure was fun explaining that one to my GP.) 

Ah sex. 

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. 

So let’s pause to honour those women – and men – who’ve fallen before us (some on their very own sword). May we learn from them, grow from their mistakes, and pay tribute to the medical staff who receive us. Praise be.

Ashley

“I was having a threesome with my boyfriend and another guy and everything was going great until I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. I guess I shifted as he was thrusting because I suddenly felt this pop and a flash of pain. I pulled away with a yelp that shocked both of them. 

“It killed the mood rather quickly when I realised that I couldn’t close my jaw. After consulting Dr Google and trying some home remedies – none of which worked – we went to the hospital and had to describe what had happened to the nurse in ED. 

“It turns out that I’d dislocated my jaw and was instructed to use hot compressions for the next few hours. It finally got better after about three days – of total and utter rest!

Phoebe

“We had only ever hung out as friends when one day we ran into each other at the local pizza joint. As we were waiting for our food, he confessed to me that he’d had a crush on me for months! We lived only a few doors down from each other, so he offered to walk me home. When we got to my place, we sat and talked for hours. Then he kissed me.   

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“Everything was going amazingly until he put the condom on, and that's when it all went to s**t. We were about a minute into a really great time, when suddenly I dried up like the Sahara Desert, started itching and then swelling. It was hell! When I started wheezing, he called triple zero. The paramedics showed up to find a naked woman gasping for air and a man in his briefs in a complete panic. 

“Turns out, I have a latex allergy. A shot of an antihistamine got me breathing again, but my privates – which looked like those of a Baboon in heat – took a little longer to recover. 

“We used only latex-free condoms from then on.” 

Max

“My wife and I were newlyweds, so the sex was vigorous and frequent. 

“One day she was on top and really enjoying herself – going up and down with her full body weight – when she went slightly too high and my penis popped out. She came down hard and my d**k slipped sideways between us, nearly folding in half, and catching her labia. Just like you could catch your finger in fabric. Except my penis tore through one side of her labia. 

“She rolled off of me with her legs together, in excruciating pain. I tried to soothe her and asked if I could see what happened. I hoped that she was just really bruised, but when I looked she was bleeding heavily and I could see that there was a rip. That’s when we realised that we needed to get to a doctor.

“At the hospital, her gynaecologist took one glance and said to me, 'you’re either hung like a lumberjack or you need to stop putting large things in her vagina!' I explained what happened, and he understood right away. 

“My poor wife needed three rows of about 20 stitches to sew her labia back together.

“It was about two months before we had sex again, and there was a scar from the injury that was sensitive for a while after that. We started gingerly but eventually got back to going at it!” 

Olivia

“I was 17 and sleeping with my boyfriend when sex started to become painful. I’d previously had an intrauterine device (IUD) fitted, so I thought that something must be wrong with it.

“One night during sex, it began to hurt like it normally did when suddenly I felt the sensation that something exploded. It was the worst pain I had ever felt! 

“We ended up going to the Emergency Department where doctors found that an ovarian cyst the size of a golf ball had ruptured, that my ovary had twisted around itself, and that my IUD was down in my cervix. 

“I had emergency surgery that night to drain the cyst and check on a few others, correct the ovarian torsion (untwist my ovary) and remove the IUD. I waited two years before getting another one fitted!” 

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Listen to the Sealed Section, hosted by Chantelle Otten. Post continues after audio 


Daniel

“I was a young guy – around 18 – and my girlfriend and I had recently started to have sex. As I’d been a virgin before, we took every opportunity. 

“One Sunday morning we started to get frisky and I was a bit over eager to get inside her, without any foreplay as such. As I did, I felt a snap sensation and a sudden sharp pain. I looked down thinking, "what the f**k was that", only to see what looked like a major haemorrhage all over my penis and some between her legs.

“Initially I was very confused but after a quick examination we found the source of the bleeding. It was coming from the little bit of skin at the back of my cock. I panicked, wrapped it up in tissue and quickly got my clothes on to get myself to the hospital.

“I arrived at the Emergency Department and could feel what I imagined to be pints of blood between my legs. It was a kind of warm wet feeling. I was soon seen by a doctor who had a quick examination before telling me that I’d snapped my frenulum (the banjo string), but that I was going to be fine. He said it only looked a lot worse because of all the blood.

“He did ask my permission for some medical students to come in to see which, for some ungodly reason, I agreed to. So about six young students walked in and had a look, with each one clearly trying not to laugh at me.

“Anyway, six weeks of no sex or touching soon taught me the importance of lubrication.”

Lauren

“I was having sex when the strings of my IUD got caught, tugging on the coil and moving it inside my uterus. I’m not sure if it was the penis that jogged the strings, or the jiggling of having sex that caused them to get caught on something inside. My boyfriend said he didn’t feel anything, and I just shrugged it off as we were a bit rough. 

“Then I started to get cramps. At first, they were pretty mild, and I just thought it was my period starting so I got up and went to work. But by the time I got there, the pain had intensified to the point where I couldn’t even stand up. I was pale, clammy, and had broken out in a cold sweat. I kid you not, I thought I was going to be on one of those I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant TV shows.

“I took paracetamol and went to the bathroom to check if I was bleeding. No blood, but I found I couldn’t walk back out to the shop floor. It was so painful, I started crying.

“Fortunately, I work at a pharmacy, so – doubled over – I hobbled back to where my manager was. Just my luck, the Chief Pharmacy Tech was also there. I was so embarrassed, but she took one look at me and drove me herself to the closest Emergency Department. There the nurses quickly gave me Codeine for the pain and did a pelvic exam before sending me to another clinic. 

“By the end of the day, the pain had eased, and an ultrasound confirmed that the coil had moved back into place itself. The consultant said there was nothing more to worry about, but that the strings were far too long and tangled. So she trimmed them and sent me home. Everything was fine after that. It was a complete freak accident!"

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Matt

“I had just started seeing this girl. We were getting to know each other when she told me that she’d had appendicitis a few months ago. Her doctor didn’t do any surgery, instead he just gave her medication – which I thought was really odd. 

“One night, we’d been having sex for a few hours when she started to feel really sick, so I called an Uber to get her home safely. She later texted me from the hospital saying that they were rushing her in for an appendectomy. 

“To this day I think that I caused it from too much pounding! And I never saw her again.”

Isabelle

“I was having sex with this new guy when he asked me to use an anal toy on him. 

“He told me to push it in deeper and deeper but suddenly I lost my grip on it, and it kind of got sucked up. I have no idea what happened to it. It just disappeared and I couldn’t feel it and he couldn’t push it out. 

“He ended up having to do to hospital to get it removed.”

Jenny

“When I was pregnant, my husband and I had sex and I started bleeding afterwards. Obviously, we were both very alarmed so I called the doctor and explained, in my not-so-good English, what had happened. He said we should go to the hospital to get checked out, and to make sure everything was okay. 

“So we did that. But, of course, the doctor we saw at the hospital was not my reassuring, grandfatherly obstetrician. No, he was a very young man who awkwardly asked my husband to leave the room and then grilled me – 'is everything ok, does he hurt you' etc. 

“I started tearing up because I was hormonal, scared, embarrassed and irrationally offended on my husband’s behalf. Of course, the doctor had to ask these questions. But at that moment I was swarming with feelings and sobbed out, 'HIS D*CK IS TOO BIG AND ALWAYS HITS MY CERVIX'. 

“The doctor cleared his throat to smother a laugh, while I hoped the floor would open up and swallow me whole. Fortunately, a scan showed that everything was okay with my pregnancy – just that my cervix was brittle – and off I went. 

“After that my partner declined sex until after our son was born.”

Phil

“When I was a teenager, I got my foreskin caught in my girlfriend’s braces. I was able to get it out, but it left a small cut. 

“I didn’t want to get into trouble from my parents, so I kept it under wraps. Except I eventually wound up with a gnarly infection and ended up bottling it to the Emergency Department.”

Feature Image: Getty / Mamamia.

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