You know that phrase it’s not you it’s me? The one commonly used in breakups? Well, I’ve been using it a lot lately. No, I’m not getting a divorce. I’m not separating from my husband. I’m just not up for sex, so that’s what I’ve been telling my husband.
After growing and giving birth to two babies in the space of 18 months, my body has been through a lot. To hell and back, actually.
My ‘you-know-what’ has been in ruins. Twice. I’ve been seriously ill more times than I have fingers and toes to count. And now, I’m insanely busy and exhausted from solo parenting two kids aged two and under, as my other half works away a lot. Oh, and not to mention my own work.
The weirdest things we’ve ever heard in bed. Post continues below.
The thing is, sex hurts these days. It takes a LOT to work up to it. And, more often than not, I just don’t have the energy, headspace or time for all of that.
It doesn’t mean I love my husband any less. It’s the opposite, in fact. I love him more now than I did when we met. Seeing him be such a good dad to our little ones is a serious panty-dropper. If only I had the urge for that.
I just don’t have the hankering for it like I used to. I don’t want ‘the big D’ from anyone! Not even my Hollywood man-crush Channing Tatum does it for me anymore. Babies have knocked that out of me. Exhaustion is a huge libidod killer.
Not even Channing Tatum 'does it' for me. Image supplied.
I went shopping on the weekend sans kids for the first time ever. Completely solo. Ahhh, the luxury. My hubby suggested I buy underwear. Obviously he noticed I've still been wearing my maternity underwear even though I haven't breastfeed for months. It's just comfy, you know? It’s not that I don't make an effort for him. I still dress up on the odd occasion we get to go out. On the weekends I try to look decent (if he's around to take care of the kids so I actually have time to do things like blow dry my hair and put makeup on).
So what happened? I literally had no idea what to buy. After two years of being pregnant or breastfeeding, I was pretty damn happy in my Bonds. Confronted by a wall of lace, I had a panic attack. Where was the old me that used to live in Elle Macpherson lace?
I want us to get it back. Image via iStock.
But I'm determined that this should all be temporary. I want us to get it back. And the first step was buying that damn lacy underwear and banging it on for a quick selfie for the hubby. Because even as a mum we need to get a bit of 'the old us' back…it might just take a wile.
Hang in there, hubby. I love you more than ever.
Top Comments
These issues can be so sensitive! My husband and I have had several phases of dysfunction over our 8 year relationship. I was repeatedly raped as a child over a number of years which has always been the root of sexual dysfunction for me, but after giving birth to our daughter by husband was so scared of getting me pregnant again that he really struggled to want sex and now, 7 years later I desperately want another baby and he doesn't and I'm struggling to want sex because all I can associate it with right now is that baby he's not letting* me have. It's become a weekly argument lately. Please know (and let your hubby know :p) that you're not alone and it will pass!
*obviously it's a much more complex situation as to why my hubby doesn't want another baby and just not "letting" me.
It'll come back. It did for me and now I'm more orgasmic than ever. There's plenty of time for those kinds of shinagians. Hormones are a super powerful thing and make sure you're not interested for a reason at your stage of life, so you look after and focus on the kids, not him. And I have never found a pair of lacy undies that are comfortable despite the fact I'm a small size in both bust and bum regions. They are for show only and I stick to plain ones mostly despite my husband wishing I donned Victoria's Secret undies daily. Stuff that. It's alright for him, all guys jocks are comfortable, even the 'sexy' ones so if it's OK for him, it's sure as hell ok for me too.