You know, I always thought that the end of a marriage was devastating.
I always envisioned it to be internal, agonising and heartbreaking, regardless of each party’s best intentions.
I did not ever imagine that it could ever be portrayed as an appealing lifestyle choice.
Welcome to the world of ‘Conscious Uncoupling’, which few of us had heard of until yesterday when Gwyneth Paltrow, 41, used it to describe her divorce from Coldplay frontman, Chris Martin, 37.
Here’s how the announcement was described on Gwyneth’s website Goop:
It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate.
We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.
Love,
Gwyneth & Chris
I am of the age (closer to 40 than 30) where people in my friend circle are starting to divorce or separate. Some of these come out of left field and some I predicted silently while drinking free booze at their wedding reception.
And I know, that after almost 15 years of marriage myself, that nothing is sacred and nothing comes without hard work. Life changes. WE change.
And you know what? That is completely fine but let’s not pretend when the end comes, it’s not devastating or that somehow, there is a better way in which to do it.
Time magazine had this to say:
Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t eat cereal, she eats quinoa granola with olive oil. She doesn’t go to the gym, she does “brain activated” Tracy Anderson Method dance cardio. And she doesn’t get divorced from the father of her two children, she “consciously uncouples” from him, as she explained in an announcement posted on her lifestyle website, Goop.com. Apparently, Paltrow wants to differentiate herself from all those people who get divorced while unconscious.
The point here is that in her graceful attempt to explain her situation, Gwyneth alienates herself from the rest us by making it seem that divorce is almost… lovely. Not to mention rather easy.
If only it were that way for the majority of uncoupling couples.
Through both hard work and circumstance, Gwyneth has found herself financially independent. And that means at least 75 per cent of the stress that normal people in the midst of a divorce encounter (all the stuff to do with money) has already been eliminated.
Most couples are too busy hashing it out over living arrangements and school fees to make public announcements about how they’ll be happily ‘co-parenting’. They are devastated, angry and broken.
In a perfect world, Gwyneth’s version of breaking up would be the norm. In a perfect world, every couple at the end of their relationship would put their children first (Paltrow and Martin’s children are Apple, 9, and Moses, 7) and put aside their differences. In a perfect world, both parties would remain kind and respectful and committed to constructive parenting, side by side. Like Gwyneth and Chris appear to be doing.
But rarely can this ever be a reality. Real life (the messy, non-Goop kind) invariably gets in the way.
But does it have to? With more and more couples splitting up, is this the future of divorce?
Top Comments
I understand and agree with what Gwyneth has said, and have consciously uncoupled myself , and obviously it's not just celebrity talk, it's heart talk about living consciously, rather than from programmed belief patterns, we ( you and I) are the ones that make this abetter world through making conscious choices, not waiting around for permission to do so, or fearing other people's over-reactions about matters that are non of their business. She isn't broken ! Love is infinite, you don't stop loving someone just because you are growing/going in different directions and relies it is more harmonious to each other to uncouple. Change is the only constant. This is the future, it's ok if you don't understand it yet, one day many more will, ask your kids....... Or better still watch your kids and learn.
If anyone is outraged by this pronouncement, I'd say that it is entirely to the pompous and completely ridiculous use of the term "consciously uncoupling". By far the greatest example of celebrity double talk and total fuckwittery since Janet Jackson came up with "wardrobe malfunction".
Jubilation, I upvoted your comment for sheer cleverness and best creative use of the F word so far in 2014! :)
However, I do feel that a 'conscious uncoupling' sounds far more civilised and would be a much better thing to aim for, than an 'acrimonious split', a 'bitter custody battle' or an 'ugly assets stoush' which we are more used to hearing about. So in that sense I do support Gwyneth's (and Chris Martin's) words in this instance (and I notice that no one actually gives Chris any credit/grief for the wording of their statement - it's all been put down to Gwyneth's pomposity).