By REBECCA SPARROW
This past weekend George Clooney gave all of us a lesson in love.
And it’s possible we missed it.
It’s possible that amongst all the swooning over luscious designer gowns and Armani suits and Venetian canals and tequila and hang-on-was-that-Emily-Blunt-on-that-gondola? – we missed it. We missed the real take-away from the four-day extravaganza that was George Clooney marrying Amal Alamuddin.
But it was there and as lessons in love go, it was big.
It was a lesson in not settling.
If marriage is something you feel is important, if it’s something you dream of for yourself and you’re privileged enough to be legally permitted to partake in it, then Clooney’s weekend wedding was a lesson in the value of being prepared to stay single unless a phenomenal person comes along who tips your world upside down for the better; who enriches your life rather than drains it.
It was a lesson in flipping the bird to society and its constant pressure to get married simply because you’re single and over 40 and WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY AREN’T YOU MARRIED?
It was a lesson in standing your ground, holding out for the real deal. In being happily, comfortably single (and yes, maybe even childless) rather than miserable and married to the wrong person.
It was a lesson, I think, in taking the concept of marriage seriously.
And by George, it was good to be reminded.
Because society seems deeply uncomfortable with people being single over 40. And at a time when friends and family and the entire world seem to be chanting “YOU’RE OLD! JUST PICK SOMEONE AND GET MARRIED” – it’s a courageous move, I think, when any man or woman resists the pressure to ‘settle’ and instead holds out for something special. Something remarkable, someone remarkable who makes their heart sing..
At 53-years-old George Clooney has been badgered and mocked for years about his apparent refusal to remarry (he was married to Mad Men actress Talia Balsam from 1989 to 1993) and sire a brood of kids.
Flick through to see some of George’s famous past relationships… (post continues after the gallery.)
And while we certainly (read: unfairly) view older single men as ‘mischievous rogues’ and their female counterparts (like say Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Aniston) as ‘unlucky in love tragics’ – the truth is there is pressure on all single people of all sexual persuasions over 40 to conform and get hitched be that through a marriage or commitment ceremony. Married people, it could be said, want everyone else to drink the Kool Aid.
I should know. In the past I’ve been one of those obnoxious women hounding my friends about their single status.
And while I have tended to tread lightly around my single female friends, the same cannot be said of how I have treated my single male pals. In hindsight I frequently accused them of refusing to grow up rather than acknowledging that – like my female friends – maybe they hadn’t met the right person. Imagine that.
Last year in an interview with W Magazine (and following his break-up with Stacy Keibler), Clooney said as much when quizzed about why he was 52 and single AGAIN.
“I haven’t met her yet,” was Clooney’s reply.
Clooney’s own parents Nick and Nina Clooney have been married for 55 years. It’s not a stretch to assume the benchmark was set fairly high on what a successful, loving marriage takes. On what a strong marriage looks and sounds and feels like to George Clooney.
And in a world that loves a wedding (The dress! The cake! The presents! The flowers!) but is ho-hum about staying married, I say “Good on you, George.”
Good on you for taking your time.
Good on you for not settling.
And good on you for being smart enough to recognise the right woman when she eventually crossed your path.
So here’s to everyone out there who is happily single and refusing to settle.
Keep the faith.
Want more photos from George and Amal’s wedding? We think you’ll enjoy these too…
First pictures of George and Amal’s actual wedding.
IN PICTURES: Feeling inspired by Amal’s amazing wedding pants? So are we.
Amal Almuddin is officially married to a guy called George. You might have heard of him?
George declares his love for Amal and her family in an incredibly sweet and public fashion…
Top Comments
So I'll throw my anecdotal experiences into the mix...I love that this article throws a new idea in. There is absolutely a lot of social pressure to find someone from about 28 onwards-persistent questions from family/co-workers etc..and all of my friends have experienced this. Strangely I haven't too much, but then all my family are overseas. I've had some friends who have definitely settled and either divorced after 2 years or are now living in marriages from hell where there is persistent fighting, no passion and sex. It was clear that they made the choice to marry the person who they had been in a long-term relationship with at a certain age "because that's what you do." People still do this! It's quite natural. Sometimes you don't even realise you are doing it. I know that because I was in the same situation a few years ago-engaged to a lovely guy who would do anything in the world for me, treated me well yet something was definitely 'missing' that I couldn't quite detect...before I stumbled upon self-empowerment and became more conscious. I slowly realised that some of the choices I was making was due to my conditioning and not truly knowing myself. This is all anecdotal-my experiences, not right or wrong. Just my circle, not a reflection on anyone who is reading and not necessarily true of all cases.
Now that I know myself better and a couple of years into my 30s, I am stronger and more confident in myself. I know myself better so I am probably more selective. I compare that to the difference between being a primary kid and playing with everyone because you don't know who you are...over time we are (hopefully) more selective in who we invite into our lives because we are more conscious of who we are. Self-awareness is a gift that helps us to nurture ourselves and become who we are. I have used my few years of being single to truly grow into myself and love myself. I look back and see I didn't and I was not aware of it. I was co-dependent and we should never 'need' another person...in my view, we should enjoy the people in our world and there should be a give and receive of love and lessons. Co-dependency is a nasty spiral of low self-esteem--you can never grow as a person when trapped in a reciprocal relationship like that because both people are trying to complete each other rather than growing into their own strengths. So basically, I am open to meeting the perfect person for me in the right amount of time. But I am not waiting. Waiting means that you don't value yourself. Waiting is not self-love or valuing and accepting the perfection of your life as it is.
No matter what situation you are in, value yourself and steer clear of other people's judgements. Decide for yourself...if you are not happy in your marriage/relationship, be authentic about it and realise the choices that you always have to make-that choice could even be doing the self-work; and sometimes friends and lovers grow apart, that is a natural course of life. Never stay in any situation that is no longer functioning out of fear.
If you are single and unhappy or fearful of judgement, I would suggest focusing on your purpose for being here to gain some perspective. If you don't know what that is, I would encourage you to find out. It is only when I was single after almost a decade of relationships that I came to know myself, grow and work out what I wanted to do to be happy and serve my world. I have travelled the world by myself, started my doctorate, landed my dream job because I have put so much energy into knowing what that was (rewind 5 years and I was unhappily engaged, working a 9-5 that I was not passionate about and occasionally suffering from depression which I now attribute to not knowing myself and my sources of happiness).
These comments tell me that there is a lot of judgement out there from all sides. If you buy into the judgement of another, it's like a prison that entraps you from knowing yourself. And knowing yourself is the greatest source of happiness-because you will never find that source in another-it only comes from you. Check in on yourself-are you happy? We are not essentially here to find another person, we are here to know ourselves and from that knowledge to contribute to our world. Romantic experiences, our relationships in every sense, will come and go. Some people may be lucky enough to get 55 years and if that works for them and they're happy, that is AMAZING for them. Other people may be here for another reason, their life may be slightly different with different lessons that they don't need a life-long partner for.
Figure out who you are and why you are here and you'll no longer be waiting, you'll be creating ;) We are all on our own journey and it's all about love.
**P.S. single ladies/men-never believe for a second the collective thought pattern that there are not enough people out there. Trust me, there are plenty!! People get divorced 50% of the time, there is a revolving door of amazing people who are single at any age. I've seen it happen time and again and it is always UNEXPECTED. You are a powerful creator. Write your list and you will attract the list...then keep tweaking that list ha ha! Once you are in alignment-BOOM! Instant manifestation. This happened with my dream job, an incredible process that I must write about someday : )
Oh please! Get over yourself. Society has no issues with people who are singe and over 30, 40 and older. That perception is obviously something espoused by single people who themselves feel inadequate and sick of trying to find love in pubs, clubs, online, through hook ups, one night stands, blind dates and even on tv shows! It isn't society who is making billions from trying to match make and it isn't society using these methods. It's also easy to 'wait' for the 'right' one when you've bedded scores of famous beauties Not that he doesn't deserve a happy marriage (and I am happy for him and Amal as I would be for anyone finding love), but this article promotes the whole ideology of 'waiting' as the way to go which is the very cause of so many single 'older' people to begin with. Careers,
Partying and thinking the grass is greener,
Or bolting when reality hits are among reasons why there are more single people who want to be hitched. The marriages that last have been through better, worse,
Sickness, health and not had choices to tempt them when (or before) the going gets tough. Do your research before writing rubbish. If may improve the quality of your work!