This is an open letter to all my friends who are mums.
Watching your children grow has fascinated me over the years but watching you grow as parents has also fascinated me.
I’ve listened to stories of your mini triumphs, laughed at your ‘mum fails’ and looked through 1000 pictures of your children.
I admire how you are bringing up your children and getting it done. I’ve listened to you tell me how tired you are, but then you scold me when I say I’m tired too. You say ‘I don’t know what tired is’.
I’ve quietly accepted your ignorance when one of your children has had a birthday and you tell me ‘I wouldn’t want to come, as it will be full of kids’. I’ve let you ask me time and time again when I am having children, even though the answer to the question is so personal.
To all the mums I know, your children are wonderful and such a blessing. I’m your friend. Or at least I thought I was.
I’ve shared the good, the bad and sometimes ugly with you. You’ve changed and mostly, in a wonderful way. You are sometimes doing 10 different jobs while I am doing just one or two. This doesn’t mean I don’t understand you. I do shift work and I get tired too.
It’s a tired that you may not understand, but don’t scold me and tell me I don’t know the meaning of tired. I do.
You may think I don’t want to go to your child’s birthday, but I do. I want to share these moments with you as we have already shared so much together. Please stop thinking because I don’t have children I don’t want to be there. I do.
Stop asking me when I am having children. Just because you are established and have a family, I may not be there yet. I may not have a clue, I may be on a different path but I may also be very unsure. The actual question is so personal so please think before you ask.
You tell me you can’t make plans and take each day as it comes. Having a child has become quite overwhelming. I understand.
However, I see you meeting up with other mums. This I understand perfectly. You’ve built a bond with other mothers.
But when I ask you to give me notice about when you want to catch up, it’s because I have a job that sees me working funny hours. I would love to catch up more than anything. I just need to make plans with you, like the plans you made to meet up with those other mothers.
Remember before you were a mum, we were friends. We shared a lot together. Just because I’m not on the same path as you, doesn’t mean you should turn me off. Don’t ever discredit your friends that don’t have children. Especially the ones that you may have shared so much with.
Our journey’s may be different but how awesome are our stories?
Top Comments
Firstly I am a mum and I do not want to go to childrens birthday parties. I dispise them, so if the writer wants to go in my place, go right ahead!!!
I think she slightly misses the point with the whole "i see you meeting up with other mums". I think that is because "other mums" get it when you are half an hour late, or have to cancel at the last minute becasue of a poo disaster, or don't care that you are still wearing you pj top with your jeans because you got distracted and didn't finish getting dressed, or that you have to stop 15 times telling one short story to attend to the baby screaming or the toddler spilling their juice, or the husband ringing to see if you have sorted out the car service yet. Maybe her friends feel she won't understand or tolerate all this daily crap that comes with leaving the house. Or maybe they are so bogged down by their mundane mum life that they can't bear to hear about the great winery the friend went to on the weekend and how they should catch the latest movie on the big screen or to look at her clean designer shirt they will never fit into again, and so for the moment its best they just chat online til she gets her head above water again and begins to feel like the woman she once was.
Nope, you don’t know what tired is until you have kids. I am a shift worker too, I thought that was tiring....until I had kids. If you one day have kids you will laugh at how clueless you were and wish you could be as tired then as you think you are now.