Editor’s note: This post deals with suicide. Some readers may find this article triggering.
BY BERN MORLEY
I’m not an alcoholic but I am the daughter of one. So, watching Australian Story last night about Fiona O’Loughlin’s struggle with alcohol and subsequent suicide attempt, was quite confronting.
Fiona O’Loughlin is a brilliant Australian stand-up comedian who is successful the world over. Her tale, as told by Australian Story last night, whilst quite confronting, was also quite the act of bravery.
In her own words, her story served as a cautionary tale and not one to aspire to by saying “I don’t hope to be an inspiration as much as a dire warning”. Yet I believe otherwise, I think Fiona’s story simply proved that we are all very much messy, complicated human beings and sometimes we find ourselves in places we don’t quite expect. And more importantly, that rock bottom is simply a place we can rebound from.
It was hard not to identify with O’Loughlin’s daughter Tess, as the child of an alcoholic, the anger and utter sadness of seeing someone you love unconditionally completely fuck up everything good in their life.
You can see, as the story unfolds, her daughter wanting and wishing with everything she possessed, to simply “fix” her mother only to discover that the only person who could ultimately do that, was Fiona herself.
Fiona O Loughlin’s daughter Tess speaks to Australia Story.
Fiona built life as an Alice Springs-dwelling mother of five before she made her stand-up comedy debut aged 36, late in the comedy circles. Fiona says that she made a pact with herself that she was going to “transport my dinner party self to the stage and tell stories”. And tell stories she did. It didn’t take long for her to star to rise, performing all around the world at the highest level. And while the geography changed, there was one constant – alcohol. In particular, the two mini vodka bottles she would swig before she went on stage. Which was of course, just fine. Until it wasn’t.
Watch Fiona performing at the Melbourne Comedy Festival earlier this year.
Fiona admits candidly that her alcoholism is linked intrinsically to her performance on stage although hitting ‘rock bottom’ took some time to achieve. It often though, as in any addict’s life, takes a catalyst, or a moment of clarity or I suppose even, a moment of utter regret to make you change. Or at least try to.
“You know, the public rock bottom was at the Brisbane Queensland Performing Arts Centre when I did literally pass out on stage and immediately after that someone said let’s just tell the media you’re exhausted… and I said no, let’s tell the media that I’m an alcoholic because that’s the truth. I had an overwhelming sense of relief and maybe I should have felt more embarrassed – I felt very bad for the people in the audience”. Fiona admits.
Many people who have never been touched by addiction, don’t understand that there is no ‘quick fix’ or ‘golden bullet’. Nothing happens instantly or easily. Fiona attended rehab but as she pointed out, “I was still carrying so many secrets that an addict carries so it was the beginning of a very long road”
The most telling and heartbreaking statement during the interview from Fiona was this though – “You know I used to suffer terribly from self-loathing so I was really living a double life”
Soon after, Fiona attempted to end her own life.
“The pain in your children’s face when they know you’ve been – when they know you’ve fallen off the wagon is unbearable and so I thought – and I believed that I only had one solution and that was to kill myself”. Fiona checked into a hotel under an alias and took an overdose.
Luckily, she was unsuccessful and was then able to find a psychiatrist that “seemed to work for her”.
Now, just over 12 months sober, Fiona, via the Australian Story Facebook page said this: “I am truly one of the lucky ones. Truly privileged to have had access to the treatment I have received and the love from family and strangers. So many, especially indigenous Australians, need the same patience and understanding. Let’s go everyone! Save ourselves, and our loved ones one annoying pisshead at a time.” (The Treatment Fiona refers to is Antabuse or Disulfiram, which is a drug if taken every day reacts with alcohol to make you feel sick when you drink it).
I implore you to catch up with the episode if you haven’t already. In no way is Fiona pretending that the path she has taken has been ultimately, a righteous one. So many artists, actors, writers and comedians that we hold in high regard, who from the outside looking in, seem to have it all together, are struggling.
We need to understand that sitting so quietly, just below the surface, is a sadness that they can’t show the world. That they are often wearing a mask to hide their hurt and have it so perfected that there is no way that most of us would ever realise. Their job is to provide entertainment and just as we’ve recently and devastatingly seen with Robin Williams, this pressure is often intolerably hard to sustain.
I hope after watching this, it can be understood that alcoholism is a disease that will and does ultimately kill and that it takes understanding and support to overcome it. And that a lot of people forget alcoholism it is an illness, not a choice.
Mainly I hope this starts a conversation about how alcohol is so seductive yet so destructive. That how in Australia, drinking to excess is a national past time. How it’s a conversation Australia needs to have.
Most importantly, Fiona O’Loughlin was courageous last night, to speak up, to expose herself, to be scrutinised but most importantly, be true.
Fiona O’Loughlin, I for one am so very glad that you stayed.
If you or a loved one need help, please take a look at the following websites:
Lifeline Australia for crisis support and suicide prevention: https://www.lifeline.org.au/
Beyondblue, for depression and anxiety: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/
SANE, the national mental health charity: http://www.sane.org/
Moodgym, for free online cognitive behaviour therapy: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
Headspace, for online counseling: http://www.headspace.org.au/is-it-just-me/getting-help/eheadspace
Kidshelpline: http://www.kidshelp.com.au/kids/get-help/web-counselling/
PANDA, the post and antenatal depression association: http://www.panda.org.au/
Top Comments
I just feel terribly sorry for her five children and particularly the older daughter Tess, who had to track her mother down, find her at the hotel and rescue her from attempted suicide. No child should have to go through that.
I am quite sure that wasn't Fiona's...
All that has been mentioned is 2 mini bottles of vodka before performing..... That does not make one an alcoholic.... Not saying that Fiona isn't, her story was brave and raw, but what are the quantities? I question my own level of drinking when I can easily down a bottle of wine a night ...same as my sisters and girlfriends . We hold down full time jobs, we manage our kids and families... That is 8 standard drinks ... And feel no effects... What amount was Fiona drinking to pass out on stage?
I would say you have a problem. Can you cope without having a drink?....can you go a month without having a drink?
You drink a whole bottle of wine at night? Good God! I'm afraid you and your sisters and girlfriends need an urgent wake-up call. Especially as you are responsible for children. 8 standard drinks a night? That is horrendous. I would be so ashamed of admitting this. You might think you're coping, but your idea of coping might not be others.
I'd say the 2 mini bottles of vodka were a minimum and there was probably a lot more taken over a night.
Do you think it's a good thing that you can easily have 8 standard drinks a night? That would make you a 'functional' alcoholic, same as one of my parents and let me tell you I resented the hell out of that parent as a teenager.
Sorry for the judgements below... we come from different places and learn to cope different ways. Don't listen to the comments of the "clean people". Listen to your values x