The Today Show host reviews the worst movie of all time.
My husband had a big smile on his face last night when he discovered I was heading off to see Fifty Shades of Grey.
This was the book series after all that left women all over the world wanting more… if you know what I mean.
Sure, I was the only woman I know who hadn’t read the books. But hey, 100 million copies sold must mean a good movie, right? Wrong. Fifty Shades of Grey is, quite simple, the worst movie I’ve ever seen.
With a script that makes Mills & Boon read like bleedin’ Dickens, and lines like, “I don’t do romance”, Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey is the 30-something jerk of a billionaire who never seems to work. An emotionally crippled narcissist no one could love.
Read more: The Fifty Shades of Grey movie won’t show THAT scene.
Meanwhile, Dakota Johnson is the one-dimensional, lip-biting (could someone please get that girl a chapstick!) totally pathetic Anastasia Steele, who for no discernible reason falls in love with the aforementioned jerk and, single-handedly, sells women across the world short.
Yes, Fifty Shades of Grey is more appalling than appealing. It’s domestic violence dressed up as erotica… and if there’s one thing this movie is not, it’s erotic.
Read more: Ten times ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ glorified an abusive relationship.
One star out of five… and that’s only because of the excellent choc top I consoled myself with later.
Oh, and as to Pete: No, he didn’t get lucky. Because after two hours of complete drivel I need more than a choc top to pop my corn.
Must read: Mia Freedman has a reminder to anyone who is outraged over Fifty Shades of Grey
Listen to a feisty discussion about the film in the latest episode of Mamamia Out Loud:
Top Comments
I am a 70 year old man who first read all three books and then did not want to see the movie because the trailers were terrible. I went anyway and loved it. There is not abuse!!!!!!!!!!!! These two agreed to explore and they did. I wish I had read these books 45 years ago because I feel I would have been a better sex partner, not for the S&M but for the eroticism.
So I watched 50 shades of Grey last night with Jenny.....? Never read
the books (well, first chapter, first book, that’s it) couple of things were
umm interesting to me and a little disappointing too... Here goes...
1. We first arrive to a massive line for food...No choc top frown emoticon I didn't do 45mins on Stairmaster to have no damn choc top....thank you Harbourtown and Yoghurt land for staying open late for the late yoghurt treat :-)
2. No "special addition" attachments, attached to seat; :-(
3. Giggling women in Middle back Centre.....Found out where those "special addition" attachment seats are. Apparently they got there early found out the giggling ladies were friends,
4. I’m sorry but last time I listened to the news, breaking into someone’s house, tying them to the bed and blindfolding them, and turning them on to their stomach was “Break and enter” and “Rape”.....
5. The only time I am going to have my head down bum up and on all fours is when I’m $1 short for a chocolate bar and I’m searching the god damn floor
6. What’s the go with all that pubic hair? I kept thinking every time I saw that, I needed to remember to brush Tilly, my cat’s,tail so she didn't get any knots.
All in all I had a fun night with my gal pal and I’m now going to read the last chapter of the last two books before the movie comes out again xxx