It’s a deep-seated fear for so many parents: how do you communicate healthy eating to your child without creating food issues? Nobody wants their child to develop an eating disorder such an anorexia or bulimia but obesity among children is an equal concern. So how do you talk to your kids about the connection between food, health and weight? Is it ever OK to use the word “fat’?
Mamamia reader Felicity* wrote to us…
“I have discovered that discussing the “F” word with a four-year-old is a very complicated issue. Not the “F” word that rhymes with truck but the one that rhymes with rat. No. Not frat, FAT. This morning I gave my three young children a lolly snake as a treat. The two bigger ones (age four and three) wanted another as soon as they finished their first. Of course they would want more. I gave them one and said, “That is it. There are no more.”
“But why can’t we have more lolly snakes Mummy?” asked my four-year-old.
“Because they are full of sugar.” I said. She likes long answers so I continued to explain. “And eating too much sugar is bad for you. Eating too much sugar everyday can make you sick.”
I was thinking of the current rise in diabetes in children but I should have wound it up here and said how lucky we were to have a treat, but instead I went on. “Too much sugar everyday can also make you fat and being fat can cause even more sickness.”
The “F” word just popped out before I thought about what I was saying. My mind raced on. Can I say “fat” to my child? Am I causing the onset of body image hang-ups at age four? No. Of course I can talk about it. Childhood obesity is a current pressing issue. It is on the news every week. It is my job as a mother to teach my kids about the consequences of eating the wrong type of food.
“Does Amanda eat too many lolly snakes? Is she sick Mummy?”
This was my daughter’s next question. She then went on and named numerous “fat” people she knows who she thought must eat too many lolly snakes and asked if they were sick. I was stunned for many reasons. I didn’t know that she would notice the size of others. It is not something we ever make comment on in our house. She has never mentioned her observations of others before. I don’t want her worrying for every “fat” person being ill. Nor do I want her asking “fat” people questions about their weight. Nor do I want her suggesting to anyone that perhaps they shouldn’t eat so many lolly snakes.
Clearly I handled this conversation very poorly and bailed out. I told her I needed time to think about the answers to all of her important questions. I thought I had done enough damage”
How do you handle the conversation about healthy eating with your children? Should parents ever use the word “fat” in describing the consequences of unhealthy eating?
Top Comments
My beautiful 4.3/4 pre schooler is 21.5kg and 110, so 90% percentile on weight and 95% percentile on height for her age. She came home from kindy this week and said that the boys said she was fat and had a baby in her tummy. She then pulled up her top and sucked in her lovely soft belly and said "look my tummy is flat". Where does she get that from ? I was fairl disturbed by the whole thing.
I think our role as parents is to empower our kids. This means giving them appropriate information about food and guiding them to eat well (among many other things). It does not mean making them anxious about weight gain, or berating them too much for eating treats. It is true that eating too much sugar will make you fat, and so I think that it is okay to tell a child this (as well as that it is bad for your teeth, won't fill you up and has nothing good in it - for a lolly snake). I also think it's great to talk about the benefits of food (eg. "this fish is good for your blood and your brain!")
To be anxious about your child's weight gain and to constantly talk about weight, however, does nothing to empower a child. It's awful reading some of the comments below about parents' obsessions with weight.
I think it's also worthwile to talk about how people might feel when we discuss what they look like. Whether they're fat or thin, or short or tall. (eg. "Everyone is different and that's wonderful, the world is full of all sorts of people. But people might feel sad, we might hurt their feelings, if we talk about what they look like, because sometimes this doesn't feel nice.") And this is true no matter what you look like.