Unexpected opinion: "I think this mother is over-reacting"

A mother in the UK has gone ballistic after a photo of her teenage daughter in a bikini was shown in a school assembly as part of a conversation about the privacy implications of posting words and images online.

A picture like this:

 And according to media reports:

The teenager was left feeling humiliated and in tears after a blown-up version of the snapshot was shown to more than 100 children in a school assembly.

Teachers copied photos of pupils on the web to show them the dangers of posting private images online.

But the schoolgirl’s mum has complained to the school head and education watchdog Ofsted.

She said: “They took the photo from her Facebook profile – she put it on there last year.

“They used other photos of kids from the neck up but for some reason they thought it was OK to use a picture of my daughter in her bikini.

“Why did they have to use an image like that to make their point? Then they pointed her out in the assembly. I got a phone call from my daughter in the afternoon. When she told me about it I went from nought to 60 – I was so upset at work I was sent home.”

I am the mother of two teenagers and a 9-year-old. And while I understand every mother’s instinct to come out swinging when she feels her child is distressed, I think the school had a valid point to make and I’m glad they made it.

It’s not like the teachers hacked the students phones to get these photos. They did not invade their privacy.  They took images that were publicly available on Facebook. Images that the students themselves posted. Now, I have a Facebook account too. I know that you don’t post photos you’re ashamed of. You post photos that you carefully choose (and, if you’re a teenage girl, probably alter with filters etc) to project yourself and your life in the most flattering way.

Call me insensitive (INSENSITIVE! YES! I HEAR YOU!) but surely the whole point of trying to educate teenagers about something is to show them the consequences of their actions.

I guess the teacher could have just used a bunch of words to warn the students about the privacy implications of what they post but in the tsunami of lecturing words hurled at your average teenager by adults every day, do you think it would have had any impact?

I don’t.

And it’s not like the girl was naked in the image. She was wearing a bikini. Is that so bad?

I wasn’t in that classroom so I don’t know if the teacher implied that wearing a bikini was something to be ashamed of – which it obviously isn’t. I don’t support that. But if she didn’t want her classmates or her teacher to see the photo, why did she post it on Facebook and why were her privacy settings not adjusted?

What is stranger to me is the way her mother goes on to defend her daughter by saying: “She’s really upset and hurt and this has knocked her confidence. She’s not the type of girl who likes attention like this. She’s a tom-boy, she doesn’t wear make-up and she doesn’t even have her ears pierced. It’s not often you even get her in a bikini.”

It sounds to me it’s the mother who has the problem with the bikini and is projecting all kinds of slut-shaming ideas onto her daughter. There is no evidence that the school did the same thing.

At the end of the day, teenagers aren’t stupid. They’re often irresponsible and they do silly things but I don’t believe we should necessarily always tie ourselves in knots trying to protect them from the consequences of their actions.

This girl posted a photo in the knowledge that anyone with access to the internet could see it. While it may not have been her intention for “anyone” to include her teachers, that is the whole point they were trying to make.

Lesson learned, I’d say.

But what do you think? 

Teachers are not the only ones who think shame is a good way to get a discipline message across. Here’s a mother who thinks the same thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o743kRg1XJ4