Domestic violence is a massive issue in Australia, but we don’t often think of teenagers as the perpetrators.
Like all mothers, Tina Broadby worries about her kids. But, unlike most, hers are not run-of-the-mill concerns.
She worries her son, Shane, will kill one of his sisters on a violent rampage.
It is a valid concern. Even Shane says it is a possibility.
He is just one of the thousands of Australian teens terrorising their family members behind closed doors in their own homes.
According to the ABC’s 7.30 Report, up to 5,000 cases of adolescent-led family violence are reported to Victoria Police every year.
These out-of-control kids, unable to control their angry outbursts – which can be sparked by something as trivial as name-calling – are leaving their marks all over the family home and putting the lives of their family members at risk every day.
The walls of the Broadby home tell the story of Shane’s violence. Unlike the bruises carried by his family members, these marks do not disappear.
Shane is able to explain how each hole and dent was caused. One by a wayward radio thrown by Shane and intended for his father. Others were caused by his fist. His knee. His slamming of the door.
The violence started when Shane was around eight years old, but escalated at age 12.
Shane says the worst thing he has done was fight his dad.
“I didn’t want to do it, but he got too close. I don’t like people coming too close,” he says.
“I grabbed him and kneed him in the head.”
His sisters are terrified of Shane and his temper.
One sister, Sharlene, says he nearly suffocated her by pushing her head into a blanket. She says he hits their mother and punches her in the stomach.
But this hidden violence is going largely unreported as parents desperately try to protect their out-of-control kids by not calling police, despite the risk to themselves or their other children.
Data suggests the majority of adolescent perpetrators have been exposed to adult family violence, with up to 70 per cent of the teens involved experiencing violence from their fathers.
Kildonan Uniting Care social worker Jo Howard says parents aren’t reporting the violence because they feel “an incredible sense of shame”.
“They feel embarrassed that this is happening to them in their family,” she says.
“They feel concerned that if they speak about it they will be blamed, which frequently they are.”
Brooke Gowans says she has called the police eight times on her 15-year-old daughter, Ebony, because of her violent outbursts.
“(The police) are wanting you to push charges and, as a mum, you sit there and go, ‘I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to ruin her future’,” she says.
Brooke says Ebony has abused her physically – pushing her into walls, pulling her hair, punching her in the jaw – as well as mentally.
“She says things that you can’t erase from your mind,” Brooke says.
“Things like, ‘I hope you die. I’d like to see you die’.”
Despite the fact that around 1,700 Victorian families have taken court action to keep violent children away from the home, there are few services for families with violent children.
At the moment, both Shane and Ebony are living away from their family homes.
It’s the only way their family members feel safe.
If this post brings up any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service. It doesn’t matter where you live, they will take your call and, if need be, refer you to a service closer to home
For more on domestic violence, try these articles:The life of another woman has been claimed by alleged domestic violence.
Domestic violence: Aboriginal women are 38 times more likely to be hospitalised.
Waleed Aly grills Malcolm Turnbull over domestic violence funding.
Top Comments
I have recently been in this position. My 13 year old started having serious rages, smashing things and threatening me. She has always been an angry kid but with puberty and starting high school, it all spiralled out of control.
In the end, I had her arrested and refused to pick her up from the police station. She was in the care of FACS for a week, shunted from shelter to shelter. I felt bad doing it, but there was no way I could have her home straight away. Also I needed a break from the constant walking on egg shells.
Since then, she has been put on an AVO although living at home. She has broken the AVO twice and been arrested and put into youth detention. This made it very real for her and that along with psychological help has calmed her down.
When asked by the psychologist what I wanted for my daughter, I said for her to be able to manage her emotions so she will be able to fit in with the world. It will make life easier for her and everyone around her. She will have a greater chance of happiness. And isnt that what we want for our children?
Yes, I feel great shame that my daughter is like this. It must be my parenting right? Well the other two turned out fine and she was raised the same.
This is the most stressful thing that has ever happened to me. I have had major life events over the last few years that haven't broken me. This, however, nearly has broken me.
We are in the lucky position (yes there has been a lot of luck involved) where the school is completely on board, the police who have attended have been great and we have found good psychological help quickly. Many other people just get bumped through a very flawed system.
It's definitely not your parenting! I know many families with the same situation- several children all raised the same way, and one experiences severe anger management difficulties. I wonder what causes these sorts of things? Sometimes I think it's similar to mental illness- some sort of chemical imbalance which you have no control over.
Great Article Mamamia... I am impressed that you have started to look at other parts of Domestic Violence. Please write more of these showing the different sides of domestic violence, its not always just about women and children being hurt. In this article the father has also been hurt by his son. How about an article about the very untold story of the men being domestically abused by their violent female partners/wives. This does happen too... My partner was abused by his ex wife and its a real thing that also happens in our society that no one talks about because of the shame, embarrassment and complete loss of confidence and self esteem these men feel. He actually gets emotionally upset when he sees the domestic violence commercials on tv because they portray only a small part of the huge problem. Keep moving in this direction please!