A recent study conducted in America has concluded that divorce is contagious. According to a CNN Report
Divorce is contagious in social networks, a new study says. The idea is based on the theory of social contagion, or the spread of behaviour or emotion through a group. In this case, the heated feelings and actions of one person’s divorce can be transferred like a virus, causing others to divorce, according to the study.
Not only can the risk of divorce spread from one couple to their friends or family, it can also affect relationships at least two degrees of separation away from the original couple splitting up.
In an article in The Daily Mail Katie Agnew writes in part
.An epidemic of separation spread through my circle of friends, infecting my marriage, too.
It all started with my friend Sarah three years ago, telling me over coffee that she’d left her husband of six years.
I hadn’t seen the split coming. Yes, there were tensions – he was away on business a lot, she’d given up her high-flying job to be a full-time mum – but nothing unusual.
The group that Sarah and I spent most time with were all in our 30s, with two or three children each, having met either when we were pregnant or shortly after having our first babies.
..We loved our children very much, but as ex-career women who’d worked in London in the media or the City, we were all pretty frustrated.
I remember my favourite phrase was that my life had turned into ‘Groundhog Day’. As I changed nappies, washed clothes and made meal after unappreciated meal, I had a voice constantly in my head asking: ‘Is this it?’
But divorce had never crossed my mind. And then suddenly there was Sarah telling me that she was getting a divorce.
She looked lifted, positive, hopeful. And even though I knew that divorce was tragic and devastating – especially for the children – I admit I felt a tiny little prick of envy. Sarah wasn’t living through Groundhog Day any more. She’d jumped off the hamster wheel.
A few weeks later Marianne, 39, confessed that she, too, had separated from her husband of 12 years, who had already moved into a rented flat.
If a couple in a social circle separates, it sends ripples through the entire group. The dynamic of your world changes and everyone begins to feel unsettled.
Read the full post here
Have you ever experienced this phenomena in your group of friends? Do you think that it would be easier to leave your relationship if your friends were regaining their single status?
Top Comments
I totally agree that break-ups appear to be contagious.
In my late 20's my parents divorced. My (now ex-) husband and I were the meat in the sandwich between my Mum & Dad, which sure didn't help our own marriage. About a year later I left my husband because he was mentally and emotionally abusive, and I think I saw that Mum was happy and coping well so I would be able to too. I was going out and partying, and one friend's husband said to stay away from her. When he said it I kind-of laughed it off, but I knew deep down that he was serious. My situation could have definitely affected my friend if she had any underlying problems in her own marriage.
Within a few months of my separation another 2 close friends from my mother's group also separated. I knew that their marriages were really dysfunctional as well, so it was no surprise.
The 3 of us realy helped each other out over the following 12 months, and felt really supported. Maybe me leaving my ex showed the others that life could get better afterwards, and that it wasn't the end of the world. The 3 of us had many ups and downs as we navigated our way around being working single mothers of very young children, going through very difficult times because of the personalities of our exes. But in the end we all met our current husbands, and all used the same marriage celebrant as a bit of a nod to our shared history, and are all pretty darn happy.
So I "caught" a divorce from my parents, then passed it onto 2 of my friends. Next time the same virus passes through my group I hope I'm immunise so I can't catch it again.
There are not a lot of reasons for a woman to stay in a marriage, unless that marriage is fulfilling, productive and a good partnership. When a relationship is not these things, it becomes very hard work.
The reasons (mostly bad ones) to stay used to be:
"I can't work, I have no one to care for my child/ren" there is childcare and most women already work.
"People will think less of me" that social taboo is gone.
"I wont have enough money to survive" there are government supplements and child support.
"No one will have me now that I'm used goods" people re-partner all the time now.
"My kids will be from a broken home" divorce is so common, the child from the nuclear family is odd one out at school.
I specifically say reasons for Women and not men, to stay in marriage, because men are usually penalised in a break up as they get less time with the child/ren, usually earn more so pay more child support.
The government supplements and child support are really not enough to survive on. Unless you have a decent job or help from someone (free babysitting, cash, food etc) it would be very, very difficult to get by.