“No one heard Hillary the day she showed cleavage”.
Unfortunately that’s not just a random line some dingus wrote on an internet forum. It forms part of a formal ‘advice’ that was issued to the female employees working at one of the biggest law firms in the United States.
Because just like the former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, smart lady lawyers need to be told that no matter how well researched their case, a court will always be distracted by their boobs.
The memo contained countless other wisdom filled phrases, including: “Your friends will still like you afterwards, even if you adopt a formal tone”, ‘Don’t giggle” and “Pretend you’re in a moot court, not a high school cafeteria”.
Well, forgive me but the women on the receiving end of this memo are lawyers, right? So forget about pretending – they are more likely to be in a court than a high school. And I suspect they don’t need reminding.
You can read the whole condescending memo here.
The internet basically exploded after it was published on an online community forum for American lawyers.
Justifiably, the women who work at the firm were pretty insulted. The tone of the memo treats them like 12-year-olds, it’s full of loaded (often sexist) assumptions about female behaviour and the examples are crass and insulting. Exhibit A: “Wear a suit, not your party outfit”. Yeah, ‘cos of all those female lawyers we know who rock up to work in a blinged up string bikini and stripper heels…
The firm has since apologised and said that any offence caused was unintentional. (The greatest defence of all time, eh? Shifting the blame to those who feel offended rather than those who caused the offence because obviously it wasn’t intentional).
It’s all a bit absurd. Ridiculous. Sexist. Crass. Insulting.
But.
When you take the time weed out the outrageous and gendered assumptions in the memo – there’s actually some pretty solid advice in there.
Because working in a professional environment does require that you adjust your manner, behaviour and style from your everyday, casual approach. Whether it’s wearing a uniform, or avoiding informal language or speaking with confidence – that’s part of doing your job.
And for lawyers, that can be all the more important.
A lawyer is in a position of incredible power; being able to speak a language and operate in an environment that is often foreign to their client.
As individuals who use a lawyer’s services, us lay people are often stressed, anxious, frightened and wary. So the importance of a lawyer presenting so as to inspire the confidence and trust of their client – as well as that of a judge and other lawyers – shouldn’t be underestimated.
Considering all of that, I’ve made a few tweaks to some of the key points in the lawyer memo. Most particularly, I’ve made it relevant to men as well (because, shockingly, man lawyers also speak, wear clothes and present to clients).
And I think I’ve improved the memo somewhat (She admits modestly…).
It turns out, that hidden amongst all the judgmental rudeness of the original, was some practical and helpful advice.
Take a look:
Replace with:
When speaking in front of a group, it’s normal to get a little bit nervous. Often this will manifest itself by you adding a lot of ‘thinking’ words into your speech. Words such as ‘like’, ‘um’, ‘ah’ and ‘you know’ are really masking the fact you’re unsure about what to say next and that can make the audience uncomfortable. When you’re nervous, practice pausing instead. Then the audience thinks you’re just creating drama or pausing to add emphasis ala Days of Our Lives and will be listening extra closely to the impending Very Important Point.
Replace with:
There’s no point trying to be someone you’re not. Presenting is about putting forward the very best of you and your ideas – so let your own personality shine through. But do ditch the inside jokes, the swearing and the ‘kinda’ ‘shoulda’ ‘woulda’ casual language. Be the version of yourself who your grandmother would be proud to take to dinner at the bowling club and introduce to all of her friends. Imagine Nana is in the audience and you’ll be just fine.
Replace with:
Please do no visualise any fat arrows. That sounds dirty and wrong and will put you off your kick-arse lawyer game. Try to stand up straight and have your shoulders back – it might feel a little bit weird but good posture gives you more confidence. Speak in your normal voice. Because that is what will make you feel the most comfortable. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Trying to fake a deep voice will just make you sound like Marge Simpson or the Godfather. Not very lawyerly.
Replace with:
Every workplace has some sort of uniform. It might not be as formal as a military, police or chef’s uniform but there will be a code for how you’re expected to dress. Make sure you stay in line with the code because that’s part of what is expected of you at work. If you’re in a corporate environment, then consider dressing like Hillary Clinton. The girl’s got style. Name me another person on earth who can rock an orange pants suit.
What other general sort of advice would you give to women AND men employees in corporate environments?
Top Comments
I'm sure there MUST be many decent female lawyers in Australia, who don't need to be told how to dress appropriately for work... but so far I haven't seen one.
I honestly thought that a female lawyer would be equally able as a male lawyer, to handle the convoluted situation that needed to be addressed... but when I first saw how female lawyers were dressed I was so shocked that I actually found myself trying to look calm, as I didn't want to offend anyone, and basically thought to myself maybe that's how they're expected to dress.
If you saw any of these female lawyers walking down the street and didn't know any better, you would honestly think they were desperate, looking for the wrong type of attention... NOT the type of attention that is appropriate when addressing a serious matter in Court. I've seen a few male lawyers who could use some advice also, but in the world we live in today, women should know better.
By the way, I'm a female.
Advice to men.
1) We can tell you are scratching/adjusting your crotch even when you turn your back. Your trouser material moves.....
2) A quick flick of your crotch is still noticeable.
2) Keep your hand off your groin when on the phone.
3) If you don't shower in the morning and just take a shave, please ensure you get all the foam off your face. It sometimes sticks to your hair.
4) Over dosing on the deodorant does not conceal BO - not ever. It makes it worse.
5) Don't assume your pay packet makes you appealing to women. Most of your female colleagues don't care.
6) Keep alcoholic beverages to a minimum. A drunk male is as unacceptable as a drunk female.
7) Do not slap high fives and overly use "bam!" "bazinga" or any other slang. You are not at a high school party with your friends.
8) Try not to overstate your qualifications, ability, achievements and knowledge of all things. People will forgive nervousness in a speech but they won't forgive a complete jackass wasting their time telling them a load of crap, talking down to them as though the members of the audience are as thick as two planks of wood.
9) Polish your shoes boys! You don't want the front row seeing your scuffed shoes. And remember, socks should match your shoe colour or the colour of your suit. Iron your clothes and ALL of your shirt, not just the collar and cuffs. Remember, no one takes a man seriously if he looks like he has dressed from the washing basket and can't assemble himself well enough to be taken seriously, as applies to women apparently.
10) Whoever bought your cartoon ties and socks, and boxes, might have though they were cute but they are not appropriate for corporate affairs. If you can't stand out on your ability, it is best to leave the brightly coloured suits and boys attire off. You don't want the audience thinking you are a wanker!