I’m 18 dates deep in my 50 Fat Dates quest.
As a plus size woman in Australia I found it difficult to meet Aussie men and ended up moving to Hollywood to dip my toe in the deep end of the dating pool.
It worked! I ended up in a three-year relationship which was great, until it wasn’t and we broke up and I was single again.
New Year’s Eve rolled around I was contemplating the coming year. My fate was inevitable. I had to haul myself back on the dating horse and put a chubby leg over. The only way this was going to happen was if I set myself a goal, a target or had a plan.
I started thinking it through, “What if I just did one date a week?” Sounds doable. “If I did that for a year I’d date 50 people.” That’s huge! I persuaded myself through cliches, “It’s a numbers game. You’ve got to kiss some frogs. Every lid has a teapot.”
And with that 50 Fat Dates was born.
Why 50 Fat Dates?
Because I’m fat (duh) and I was going on 50 dates.
Also, because plus size dating is a taboo, because so many big girls (including me) have been told they’re ‘too fat to date,’ because I wanted to find out what guys really think about dating plus size women and because I needed to put myself out there!
Be Real. Isn’t this 50 Fat F#cks?
Um, no.
Although based on the response I’m sure that would have been possible. It’s a plus size dating quest not a string of sweaty one night stands.
I’d been running my own plus size blog, Big Curvy Love, for years so it was a no brainer to chronicle the 50 dates.
Valentines Day was the perfect time to start. Yes, in my mind this was a real-life-romantic comedy in the making and I was for sure was going to have a legit ‘meet cute’ just like in the movies. Wrong. If only I knew what was in store.
My Plus Size Dating Plan
Casting a wide net was my top priority. I tried online dating, meetups, introductions, dating events, big girl night clubs, conferences, weddings, and networking mixers. I was also aiming for a cross section of men so I didn’t go after the same ‘type’ of guy I always dated.
How about a silver fox, toy boy, divorcee, single dad, white collar, blue collar, different cultures, ethnicity and religions. When you have 50 dates to play with the list of possibilities is long. It was shaping up to be the bloody Noah’s Ark of dating with one man of every ‘type.’
Seriously though, I was in my mid-thirties and was hoping to find myself a good man and rather than sitting in my apartment wondering why I’m single and waiting for someone to come knocking on my door I decided to do something about it.
Although, (spoiler alert) one of the 50 Fat Dates actually did come knocking on my door. He was a plumber sent by the landlord to fix the toilet and we ended up on a date (he was #17).
What happened on the dates?
I was catfished, stood up, and lied to multiple times. Yeah, not exactly the romcom I was hoping for.
One guy had a girlfriend and was looking for someone to ‘join the relationship’ (yes a threesome) another had a girlfriend, (I only found out when she tracked me down and sent me an e-mail with photographic evidence warning me of his ‘ways’ and a thinly veiled warning of b*tch get away from my man).
There was the sexy ex-military guy turned comedian who lived with his mum, the gun enthusiast who ran me through what he’d do to an intruder (taser them until they poop themselves wait for them to wake and taser them again apparently), the super nice Spaniard (there was no spark but we loved the bottomless champagne and orange juice at brunch), and the lumbersexual I met while shooting a movie (he was an extremely tall hipster and I wondered if he’d ever actually chopped wood).
Not all of the dates were horrendous. The good guys I dated were a bit middle of the road with no spark.
Was being fat ever an issue?
Nope. No one freaked when they saw I was fat in real life as well as in my dating profile. Actually, I found it super easy to date in Los Angeles. So much easier than in Australia.
All 18 dates asked me out again and I certainly broadened my horizons when it came to dating outside my ‘type’.
Why did you stop at date #18?
Mr Beverly Hills kinda broke me. He said he was 38 (he was 55). He said he was single (he’d been married 33 years). He said he had no kids (he had three ). He said he was a property developer (he was a CFO for a rapper worth $820M).
I think there’s always that person who changes you and he was that for me.
I’ve been on a dating hiatus ever since and a lot has changed in my life but #18 isn’t going to be the end. The quest for 50 Fat Dates continues so keep an eye out for date #19.
I’m going back to my ‘type’ and see what happens this time.
What’s your experience with dating?
Top Comments
What I always say to those who are having problems meeting nice people is this..........."Try doing some courses ie. Cooking, pottery, art, drama, creative writing etc..........there are bound to be people who share your interests and, being in a course together means there's no pressure to hook up. You get to check each other out while you're learning stuff - which adds to your general knowledge . General knowledge is vital when you're communicating.
Most people in our society have been groomed to focus on the superficial stuff ie. appearance & the illusion of fitness.
Seriously - it's what's in your head that really counts.
Most people are attracted to confidence.
Of course things like grooming are important but if you don't actually believe that you have anything inside to offer - they won't either.
The benefits of extra weight usually manifest in beautiful, youthful skin, a more relaxed attitude and less obsession with blowing your pay on the very latest fashions and maintaining a skinny arse.
Of course good health is important but in the meantime, appreciate all of your positives and concentrate on that nice, warm, happy personality.
Sounds like my experiences with online dating. I had one guy tell me he loves BBW and then tell me he has never met more "fat bitches with bad attitudes" before. He asked if I'd always been a "fat bitch" and when I was slow to answer demanded "answer me you fat c**t". I'm fully open about my size, I'll answer questions and have the same experiences.