Inner-city inhabitants are no strangers to frequent cockroach sightings, but as I’ve recently discovered, our fellow city dwellers aren’t just after forgotten food.
My roach revelation occurred on a standard Sunday night. I’m home alone, watching I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. The spirit of Charlotte Dawson just made a cameo in the form of a psychic ‘Real Housewife’! I’m clearly hooked, cause I’ve been sitting still in the same position for a while, bare feet on the ground and thus exposed to hungry critters hiding under the couch, when… Ouch! WTF?? A sharp sting pierces my right ankle.
Out of the corner of my eye I see something black scuttle away. HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A SPIDER!? My survival instincts kick in and I make it my mission to hunt that f**ker down and catch it in a jar to show the doctors when I make my grand entrance into the ER.
Luckily I didn't have to make that emergency medical trip because all I found on my hunt was a sheepish, putrid cockroach crawling across the room.
Wait, it couldn't be a cockroach. They don't bite... do they? "YES B***H, THEY DO," says Google, a few seconds later.
"Cockroaches are nocturnal, omnivores insects, and they can eat anything that is edible, and humans are not an exception," a pest control website informs me.
I have visions of cockies eating me alive overnight. Like that part in Bridget Jones' Diary, but substitute the pack of Alsatians for a pack of hungry bin bugs. Yuck yuck yuck!
My 3-minute research operation also tells me that bites can get infected, cause, y'know, roaches carry a shit tonne of germs, diseases and generally feral stuff.
After dousing my ankle in tea tree oil, I run around spraying every nook and cranny with surface spray (why does this make me feel evil? What have they ever done to me? …Oh, that's right *sprays harder*).
Listen: This is how you cancel plans without feeling bad. Post continues below.
Then, I jump in the shower to cleanse the last bit of roach essence from my skin. It helps, but I still feel icky and weirded out. After an hour, the pain has subsided and the bite mark is barely visible. I think I'll live.
Yes, cockroaches are gross. But until now, I found them to be relatively innocuous creatures. Human beware, you could be their next meal.
And if anyone has any good pest control suggestions, please let me know.
Top Comments
It's true. I've been bitten a couple of times. Woke up in the middle of the night with a stabbing pain in my toe and seen a cockroach scurrying away from my foot. No one believes me when I say they bite.
WTF!!!Yet, another reason to hate those dastardly crawlers.