There was one morning radio segment that had everyone in the Mamamia office talking this morning.
It was the story of a woman whose partner of four years had suddenly vanished without a trace, and it came via Chrissie and Jane’s Private Investigator on Mix 101.1.
For those of you who haven’t heard of Chrissie and Jane’s Private Investigator, it’s a weekly segment where the show’s P.I. looks into listeners’ long lost family members, suspicious partners and, well, anything else that might make for good radio.
This morning, the person under the microscope was Marie.
Marie’s partner of four years had suddenly vanished without a trace. One moment they were discussing marriage, babies, and moving interstate. The next, he had completely cut contact and disappeared from her life.
Not surprisingly, she wanted to know what was up.
Marie lives in Melbourne and had met the man online. He also lived in Melbourne, but said that he could never stay the night because of work commitments in Adelaide. This was despite the fact that they saw each other almost every day for four years.
He made promise after promise of marriage and exotic holidays, but never followed through.
Then one day, this mystery man told Marie he had terminal cancer of the lymph nodes, kidneys and pancreas.
The last time Marie heard from him was June 13, when he told her he’d run out of phone credit.
Then, nothing.
In a bid to “find some answers,” Marie asked the Chrissie and Jane Show’s Private Investigator to do some digging. And what they discovered floored her.
The guy was alive. He didn’t have cancer or any other kind of illness. He lied about working in Adelaide – the real reason he could never stay the night with Marie?
HE HAS A WIFE AND KIDS.
He had also lied about his age, even his name.
“My life, I have told him everything. I have never kept anything away from him. Nothing’s secret with me. And this asshole has lied to me from day one,” Marie said.
“Wouldn’t you think the wife would suss something out as well? To do that sort of thing, why would you? How could you?”
Totally understandably, Marie’s been left gutted and heartbroken. And she can’t even call him and scream, because he’s thrown away the phone he called her on.
At the very least, she knows, and can start to rebuild her life.
And yet. There are two women involved here. This guy is the ultimate Catfish. He created a fake identity, found a woman online, and led her on for FOUR YEARS. All while he had a wife at home. And while Marie, the unwilling mistress – now has the chance to move on, what about ‘Mr Right’s’ wife?
Doesn’t she have the right to know what her husband has been doing? Or is it nobody’s place to tell her?
How would you handle this situation? If you found out someone was cheating, would you tell their spouse, or stay the hell out of it?
Top Comments
A former colleague of mine (beautiful, intelligent, successful business woman) met a guy at an overseas trade show. She lived and worked in Europe and he was an Aussie. They started seeing each other and after a few years she moved to Sydney to live with him for 6 months.
We all had heard about this guy but had never met him until one night when we had a staff get together and she brought her 'partner' along. Many of my colleagues knew him because he was a customer of our company and was well known. He was also well known to be married and still with his wife. Apparently my female colleague had rented an apartment in Sydney and he 'moved in with her'. He worked day shift (as he told her) so he spent nights with her.
He and his wife were at an industry function and his wife was heard to complain that he was working back-to-back night shifts so she never saw much of him these days because she worked during the day.
So he was playing the wife and telling her he was on nights, and playing the unwilling mistress by saying he had day shift when really he went home to his wife and kids place during the day and pretended to sleep there.
This lovely lady had left her teenage daughter back in Europe with her dad so she could come out and have this experience. We all knew the story and I am not sure she ever did know it - I believe a few years later she was still in touch with him. I did have the idea to write to her anonymously and tell her about him but in the end I decided it was none of my business.
I read a quote once along the line that "lying is a form of theft" as lying robs someone of the truth. (it could have been in the book " The Kite Runner".
It really resonated with me because of trust issues I was having with my now ex husband at the time. I understand that he and his wife have children and the prospect of "breaking up a family" is a sobering thought for most people. However, his wife has the right to know and therefore make conscious choices about how she lives HER life - if that is solo or through forgiveness and therefore remaining married - it's at her discretion once she has the information to make an informed decision.
I have elected before to not disclose my knowledge of a 1-night stand to a friend. I did however confront her partner and once I felt satisfied that he was suffering with remorse and rechecked his commitment and loyalty to his partner I decided not to say anything. Many years later, they are happy with a beautiful family (and he's a dedicated husband and dad) and I feel vindicated that I made the right decision.
But a 4 year relationship with another woman and living dual lives - that escalates things to a whole new level whereby it needs to be transparent. Having said that, I would hope that in this circumstance where the "unwitting mistress" finds out first that she would extend compassion to the wife and be respectful in how she imparted the devastating news.
That's my 2 cents worth