Two thousand nine hundred and forty four dollars.
That’s how much money I have spent in the last 10 weeks on going to weddings. And no, none of these were an overseas destination wedding that required overpriced flights to Bali and several nights in a hotel. These were just ordinary, run of the mill, local weddings.
So along with celebrating all that love and devotion shared between my friends and their newfound life partners, I am also nursing a woeful bank balance and a small credit card debt.
Some of that money I am happy to shell out. The $420 return flights to Brisbane. The $85 cab back to Melbourne from the Dandenong ranges. A $200 dress (that I secretly wanted to buy anyway) from David Lawrence. That is money spent on allowing me to attend the special event with friends or making sure I look nice on that occasion.
But I also spent $1200 – almost half my total wedding attendance cost – in contributions to wishing wells.
Wishing wells, for those lucky enough not to know, are basically a fancy way of the bride and groom asking for cash. But instead of just saying “please give us money”, they make up a poem, or use some cutesy quote. And they prompt you to bring them however many hundred dollars in a white envelope, place it in a bird cage covered in flowers or a clay pot shaped like a well (because that makes it feel more ‘special’) and never receive so much as a ‘thanks’.
Reading between the lines, those poems are the code a couple uses to communicate one or more of three messages:
1. We suspect all of our guests have very bad tastes, and don’t really want your choice in gifts.
2. Our wedding was very expensive and we need you to help us pay it off.
3. We’re not sure we need anything specific right now but aren’t going to waste this opportunity to take money off our friends.
Yep, despite the dress-up, polished, pretty and creative ways of asking, there is absolutely no way to ask for a cash gift at your wedding that actually disguises the truth. It is an utterly classless decision and one that reduces your guests to the amount of cash that they can spare at any particular time.
Me? I started out 10 weeks ago being generous. $200 is a good amount, I thought to myself. Not realising I would then be expected to spend that same amount six times over, leaving me basically scraping for cash ahead of Christmas.
I get that new couples need money to start their lives together. But it’s not like the olden days where weddings were about moving out of home. These couples have all been living together for several years, they got ‘moving out’ presents when they did just that, or for their 21st birthdays, or in a lot of cases for their 30th birthdays. So why do you need more?
And if a couple is getting married, mulling over all the options around gifts and registries and ultimately decides: cash is the only thing that will satisfy. Well, why not be upfront about that. Don’t give me your request tied up in a pretty bow that insults my intelligence (and my taste in gifts).
Just say: We’d love it if you could put some money towards our life together.
Plain. Simple. Although still, kinda icky.
Top Comments
All of this nonsense is exactly why I have made a simple decision: I no longer attend or involve myself in weddings.
Now before you unleash the vitriol, hear me out.
I donate more of my time and money to charity and the less fortunate than literally most people I know put together. I am involved in many causes and trying to make the world a better place. So when I spend a morning with someone who is trying to stay strong in the face of being broke and unable to afford her son's medical treatment, I find it incredibly difficult not to slap you in the afternoon when you're falling apart over Betty not having time to come over and help with the bonbonniere or this debate of how there is an appropriate way to ask people for money for literally NOTHING. You're getting married not curing cancer! Get over yourselves!
The only wedding I will take the time to attend this year will be held in a country back garden and yes there will be a wishing well... with all contributions going to the smith family.
Frankly there are just way more important issues in this world. If you girls fought half as hard for good causes as you do over bridal etiquette, there would be less hungry people in this world.
Please wake up.
Good on you for donating money and time to charity and doing great work for those in need. But that doesn't mean that people can't enjoy nice things or have weddings to celebrate. Just because people want to spend their money on weddings, fancy cars, dresses, wishing wells etc doesn't mean they are self-absorbed or do not care about those who are less fortunate. If everyone had your attitude no one would do anything for themselves or celebrate a happy time in their lives the way they want too. Im sick of all this wedding bashing. The worlds gone mad.
You seem to be missing the point here and given your assumption that I don't "celebrate happy times" you have clearly pigeon holed someone you have never met. How classy and informed of you.
There is an enormous difference between enjoying the finer things and being consumed by them.
There is a difference between having some fun and being completely frivolous and self involved.
Having lived on both sides of that coin I know what I consider more rewarding.
It is just a shame when disease and hunger are not considered to be someone's problem, but what method of bleeding wedding guests is.
Perspective is a gift too many of you seem to be in no danger of receiving.
Sarah... you are too clever and make too much sense for this forum.
Leave the stepford wives to their petty battles, you will never get through to this lot.
Having a go at people's request for money via a wishing well says more about you then them. Giving them $200, and whinging about it and then assuming other couples want the same amount says, again, more about you then them. You give what you can afford and if you can't afford anything then don't go! $200 is absurd unless you are maybe family or very close and even then it's not necessary. I personally like wishing wells and gift registery because it takes the guess work out of what people want or need. If they are wanting me there to share their special day and giving me free food, alcohol, entertainment then giving them money or a gift is the least I can do.
I'm just happy you're not my friend....