Can you be a godparent if you’re an atheist?
*Cue gasps, looks of shock and pearl clutching* Oh my stars, surely not… it’s right there in the title!
And yet it’s a safe bet that most modern godparents have no bloody clue what’s in the job description.
So when one man turned down his friend’s request to be a godfather to his newborn baby, he left his former friendship in ruins and sent the internet into a flutter.
Listen: Holly and Andrew discuss the godparent dilemma on the latest episode of This Glorious Mess.
Sharing his anguish, the self-confessed atheist asked Slate’s agony aunt Dear Prudence for advice.
“Recently, I was asked by a good friend to serve as a godparent to his child,” he wrote.
“I felt the godparent role wasn’t something to take on casually as a mark of friendship. I would genuinely be responsible for that child’s religious education, if the worst were ever to happen. So I explained I’m not Catholic and didn’t think I was the right person, but expressed how much I want to be a fun and supportive ‘uncle.'”‘
But his friend’s response wasn’t fun or supportive. The reluctant godfather was uninvited from the baby’s christening (because obviously it’s no place for an atheist!) and cut out of his friend’s life.
"I feel very hurt and excluded... What’s your take?" he asked, desperate for advice to mend the relationship.
While some might say he's better off without the god botherers, 'Prudie' has some much more tactful and helpful advice. She suggests that 'Reluctant Godfather' see the role of godparent as more like a fun uncle. I'm assuming that means tease them senseless until they become teenagers, then sneak them beers under the dinner table.
"Declining godparent duties does not mean 'I hate your baby and don’t want to attend a christening or eat barbecue with you,'" she writes.
Phew.
So while you can refuse to be a godparent, you should probably talk to the parents first. Find out whether they're looking for a godparent more along the lines of a fun uncle or an aspiring priest who will recite scriptures by the child's bedside. You could be in the clear for a lifetime of doing the bare minimum and just hanging out with the kid. That's not so bad, right?
For me, godparents are one of those outdated traditions we can do away with.
I was christened alongside a cohort of cousins, and a couple of awkward adult relatives who I assume had recently found god. Our parents doled out aunties and uncles for godparents like they were lollies and we greedily accepted them, thinking more along the lines of extra birthday presents than our religious education.
Time to step into the confession booth now, I don't think any of our parents had ever taken us to church (and still haven't to this day.)
To further add to the desecration of any religious sanctity of the day, as the priest held the holy water aloft and my godparents watched on (mildly disinterested, I'm assuming) my two-year-old sister got up on her pew and shouted, "can we go to the pub now?"
My godfather has been AWOL for the last decade or so, and I'm still waiting on that spiritual guidance from my godmother.
Have I been missing out on something? Maybe. But my godparents could definitely have turned down the gig and saved themselves a trip to church. No hard feelings.
Would you say no to being a godparent?
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Top Comments
My brother is a god father to a child that he never saw again after the christening. He was 17. That was over 25 years ago. What a ridiculous custom.
This is a great piece and got me thinking about an athiest couple I know, who asked an athiest friend to be godfather. It really confused me as to why they chose such a religious formality. Then I thought it was because they wanted to appoint someone to care for their son in the event they weren't there - but isn't that where next of kin comes into play? They've both got great extended families they're close to, so that made so sense. Very confusing!
How strange and old-fashioned. Unless you're religious, genuinely seeking religious/spiritual guidance for your child, then appointing someone to be a godparent is utterly pointless.
A requirement for enrolment into catholic private school can be sacrament of baptism - so just a formality. Guardianship of an orphan is now a legal matter.
I know quite a lot of athiests who still nominate 'godparents', as more of a cultural than religious role.
For example, rather than provide 'religious guidance', the role is more to be that special person in the child's life who provides them with guidance, support and love - basically like another uncle/aunt that they can rely on.
It's a lovely way of acknowledging those people who are more like family than just friends. It is still a responsibility to be taken seriously and formally, but just absent religious guidance.
I am athiest and would feel deeply uncomfortable with having a religious ceremony (obviously!). But I might still nominate someone in that cultural role - I just might not call it a godparent - of, if I did, I certainly wouldnt have a ceremony.
It's not pointless at all. Do you think the ONLY reason religious people nominate godparents is purely for religious guidance, and that there is no other responsibility, guidance or support involved in the role? I have never seen the role as being limited purely to religious discussions, so it could easily apply to non-religious people.