During the past month I’ve spent the majority of my weekends wedding dress shopping with my bridal party.
I’m getting married in May next year and have a relatively tight deadline to receive it in time for my big day. So I was forced to squeeze in a huge amount of shopping in very little time.
My bridal party, consisting of four bridesmaids, have been there for me every step of the way and have sent me plenty of wedding dress inspiration. They were also frantically calling bridal boutiques to try and line up appointments for me. It was thoughtful and lovely.
So last weekend after much stress and anticipation, I finally found my dream dress while at a bridal boutique. Wanting to make sure I had it ordered on time to allow for appropriate fittings, I put down a fifty percent down-payment (a requirement of the boutique I was purchasing from before they would order it in for me).
I was ecstatic and thrilled that I’d finally found my gown. I took my bridal party out for lunch afterwards to celebrate and we had a really lovely afternoon together. But then when I got home I got a phone call from my bridesmaid Sandra that left me shaking and in tears.
Sandra informed me that another bridesmaid, Tanya, who is a close friend of mine from school, had shared a picture of me in the wedding dress I purchased on her Instagram account. I have social media, but I don’t use it or check it often.
Sandra, a friend who I work with, knew that I wouldn’t see it and felt that she owed it to me to tell me so I could address it if I wished.
Upon receiving the news I immediately called Tanya.
To be clear, I wasn’t even aware the picture had been taken. I was hopping in and out of dresses so frequently during the fittings that I wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on around me. I assumed Tanya was simply on her phone, I didn’t know she was snapping pictures.
Regardless, I wouldn’t have had an issue with her taking pictures as long as they remained private. But now a picture of me in my wedding dress is on the internet more than eight months before my wedding day. It makes me feel sick and as though the magic had been taken away and ruined.
When Tanya answered my call I asked her why she had decided to share the picture. When I confronted her, she was immediately defensive. She argued with me and said she couldn’t understand why I was upset when she didn’t have any of my friends or family on her Instagram account. She insisted no one would have seen it and that I was making a big deal out of nothing.
Listen: Sarah Harris knows this feeling all too well. She was papped in her wedding dress before her big day. (Post continues.)
I asked her politely to please delete the picture and explained that I wasn’t comfortable with it being on the internet. Her account isn’t private so it could easily be accessed by anyone. It didn’t sit well with me and I wanted it gone.
It was at that point Tanya demanded to know who told her about the image and insisted that she didn’t need to take it down. It’s now been a few days since I spoke to Tanya and Sandra tells me she has been blocked and deleted by Tanya on all her social media.
I’m now considering if I need to buy a new dress but I’ve already paid a $3000 deposit and really can’t afford to. But I feel like there’s no surprise or excitement around my dress anymore. Every time I think about it I want to cry and can’t imagine walking down the aisle in this dress anymore.
The situation between myself and Tanya as well as the vibe in the bridal party is feeling really strange. I’ve considered asking Tanya to no longer be in my bridal party, but I feel like that may only cause more issues.
Should I tell her how I feel or just suck it up and keep quiet?
If you have a horror wedding experience to share, you can do so anonymously by emailing submissions@mamamia.com.au
Top Comments
Delete the friend.
Tanya seems to think she has some kind of perogative here. She does not. She should not have taken photos without your expressed permission. She had no right to post a photo of another person on SM without permission. (This is true of everyone.) That she did so deliberately knowing she could avoid detection makes her actions even more heinous, and is compounded by her failure to make amends. This woman is on a power trip. She is not your friend.
If she continues to fail to make amends (as I strongly suspect she will, because, well, the whole power trip thing), you need to cut her loose.
Explain the situation, and ask the boutique if you can exchange the dress for another of comparable value. If not, ask for a referral to a trusted seamstress and see if modifications can be made to alter the appearance of the dress a bit.
I'm so sorry you have been put in such a difficult and painful position, and one that transcends a simple wedding issue, going to the heart of how we are able to keep some control over our own identities and privacy in the age of social media. It brings to mind similar concerns parents have when others post photos of their children without permission (which can actually be dangerous). It is never okay to post photos of others on one's own SM without expressed permission.
Good luck and best wishes to you.