A couple of weeks ago, on a Saturday night, my longterm boyfriend’s mate made a comment to me that I haven’t been able to forget about.
A group of guys and girls were all at my apartment to celebrate a mutual friend’s surprise birthday, and had been drinking for hours when it happened. It had been a warm Sydney day, and most of the women were dressed in typical summer clothes; strappy tops, denim skirts, the usual.
I was in a wrap-style dress that showed a bit of cleavage (hard not to do when you have large boobs like mine) – it’s one of my favourites.
So I put down my drink to go to the bathroom when my boyfriend’s friend stopped me in my tracks, in the middle of some of our friends, to ask: ‘Woah, woah, woah, what’s going on here?’
He was gesturing to my chest. He continued: ‘Your tits look magnificent.’
I froze.
I could feel the blood pooling in my face as I blushed. I instantly felt uncomfortable; like I was suddenly naked and on display after all these hours of feeling confident. I mean… what do you… say to that? Why was my boyfriend’s friend commenting on my breasts?
Oh. He’s married too, by the way.
I mustered to mutter, “Sorry, what?” while my female friends glanced at each other awkwardly – I’m guessing they could sympathise from experience – and a few of the guys turned to see what was going on.
‘I meant it as a compliment!’ he insisted. ‘I just think you look great.’
I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I shuffled away, consciously tugging at my top as I moved to the bathroom. A few of the women followed me, and commented that he was completely out of line, and my boyfriend agreed, although he hurriedly pointed out that his mate is harmless, and sometimes just suffers from foot-in-mouth syndrome.
Listen: Nipples can be fashionable now. Oh, great. (Post continues…)
‘He said the wrong thing,’ my boyfriend cajoled. ‘He was just trying to compliment your outfit and how you looked.’
I understand what he means, but if that was the case, couldn’t his friend have just said I looked nice? Why were my boobs the focus of the comment?
Weeks later, I still feel really uncomfortable. Should I say something to him the next time I see him about the way he made me feel, or am I overreacting?
Give anonymous your advice in the comments below…
Top Comments
It's funny how men rarely behave like this when their spouses are around to see them. I'd bet money he wouldn't have said it if his wife had been standing next to him at the time, which suggests he knows deep down that he shouldn't be speaking to you like that. Regardless of how much he had to drink or how often he puts his foot in his mouth, he knew he was being inappropriate, but he had lost his inhibitions and didn't care. I disagree with many of the commenters below, I think you should tell him how uncomfortable he made you feel. If he really is harmless and a good guy, he will be mortified and apologise.
You could say something but it doesn’t sound like as if he would honestly care or listen and this to me is the bigger problem. I agree with the others, you have to call it out at the time. A couple of months back I hurt my foot- a grade 2 sprain that was swollen and purple for some time. I posted pics of it online and I actually got men telling me it was hot and sexy and other vulgar comments. On a bruised foot! Once I took a a pic where there mere hint of a cleavage was at the bottom of it (I also have big ones!) I got sent a dick pic in response from a guy I didn’t know telling me he wants to “suck my boobies”. I called him out right away telling him his behaviour was unacceptable. I don’t think he fully got it but it was better than saying nothing and letting it happen to others. Let it go now but should it happen again, make it clear then and there that he needs to learn this is not ok.