By EM RUSCIANO
Welcome my darlings to the Best and Worst of The Week Show. I am your host, Em Rusciano. You may remember me as the Diamond Creek Primary School Debating champion of 1989 or perhaps you read my words on this very site and listen to me speak those aforementioned words on my radio show Mamamia Today everyday at 3pm.
This is a place where we can all purge ourselves of the weeks triumphs and tragedies. I will read each and every comment, my cherubs. I promise. No matter how big or small your best and worst is, I wish for you to bleed it out onto the page so we can either give you a high five or soothingly stroke your cheek.
I will be focusing on personal bests and worsts this week, as the news has been fairly balls AND I am a fragile performer who finds it hard to focus on anything but herself.
BEST: I have THREE bests and my God they are corkers!
FIRST BEST: My eldest daughter was awarded a general excellence scholarship to a prestigious private school in Melbourne. I must say she really is generally excellent. She was awarded this excellent thing and now will attend a most lovely school. Despite me doing the following things to unintentionally sabotage her chances:
1. Spelling “scholarship” wrong on the email application.
2. Wearing a unitard and high tops to the first interview (to be fair I had just rushed from a gig and had no time to change.)
3. Paying the application fee in cash, which I suspect made me look like a “lady of the night”.
4. Tearing up at the second stage interview when she described herself as “eccentric and kind”.
SECOND BEST – My other child, Odette is six and just delicious. On the very day that her sister received her scholarship, Odette bought home her year book from 2012. The students were apparently asked to write down their dream occupation and well, my kid’s was a little left of centre!
Isn’t that just the best?
THIRD BEST – My Melbourne International Comedy Festival show opens this weekend. This is my very first one and to say I feel uncertain, anxious and all the stress would be understating it. Severely.
Ending my marriage two months before I launched into a festival of laughs probably wasn’t my greatest decision but hey, if I don’t laugh I’ll cry. Right?!
It’s called “Puberty Rhythm and Blues” and I hope to provide therapy for those who, like me, acquired their sexual knowledge from Dolly Doctor and under the stairs at a blue light disco. I also hope to provide useful tips to those of you who also have a child on the cusp of this special time.
Throughout all this I sing songs. There is a lot going on. It’s on at The Forum Theatre in The Pizza room every night of the festival. Please come along. (Details here).
WORST – When I took my girls out for dinner to celebrate the Scholarship and the Banana we were sat at a table for four. The waitress came over and said “will your husband be joining you”?
The girls instantly looked worried and I felt like the bottom had dropped out of my stomach. I realised that I had, out of habit, booked a table for four. The waitress meant no harm. I think she had recognised me from stuff and didn’t know that Scott and I had separated.
Plus she was expecting a forth person due to my subconscious booking error. I gathered myself and answered: “Nope, just us three awesome chicks”. It made me realise we are just a party of three now. My family dynamics have truly changed. Man that hurt.
That’s it for my crap, now over to you!
How has your week been? What have been the best and worst bits?
Top Comments
Best 1: Just got another article published online for my internship! Yay!
Best 2: Had a tiny bit of time today to indulge in reading a food magazine and countless food blogs (crazy obsession I know...)
Worst: Had a massive argument with mum and sister and had a hard time trying to shut up and listen to their point of views. (Note to self: Must try much harder at keeping mouth shut in order for mum to side with me for once! Haha gawd that's immature...)
Best - I'm getting married in a week from today!
Worst - I spectacularly dislocated my knee this week which required an emergency room visit and 7 hours and many painkillers to get the kneecap back in. Ligament damage and crutches later... We ran into our best man in the waiting room. The poor thing had an emergency appendectomy so is still recovering and can't do any of the bucks party activities today. One of my bridesmaids had a crash during a race this week (pro athlete) and is a little banged up. Our car company pulled out due to a family emergency, and my lash extension lady did the same today.
So... Enough bad luck. I am pretty uncomfortable and still struggling to sleep through the night but it could have been worse and my fiancée was amazing at the hospital, and though I won't get a first dance or to wear my beautiful special heels... A darling bloke willing to hold a bed pan is worth more than that.
Onwards and upwards!
For future referencing, if you ever dislocate your knee, try straightening it completely straight away, it often just pops back in. if you wait, it swells too much and won't pop back in! Good luck with everything!