It’s Sunday morning and there’s a man lying next to me in my bed.
My head is throbbing, my throat is dry, my phone’s on 13 per cent battery. I know that after about 20 minutes, when this man leaves, I’ll probably never see him again. And that’s okay with me. It’s exactly what I wanted.
Most weekends, it’s the same story. Get dressed up on a Saturday night, go out with friends, down a few shots, dance, go home with someone.
Since I became single last year after a two-year relationship, I’ve wanted nothing more than casual sex. For me, it’s the best kind of arrangement. You have the sex, you have the cuddle, then you go your separate ways and don’t talk to each other until you want it again. Watch: Amy Schumer in her movie Trainwreck loves casual sex. (Post continues after video.)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for romance. But as a successful woman in my mid-20s, I don’t want a relationship. I don’t even want to date, necessarily. I just want sex.
A Vanity Fair article recently addressed the new age of men who use dating apps to sleep around as ‘fuckboys’. These men, the article explains, view women as something to house their dicks – just for a night, or on a casual basis, until they got bored of them.
But forget fuckboys. I’m a fuckgirl. And proud of it.
For myself, and others like me, dating apps like Happn and Hinge are my hunting ground. I’m not on there to find a boyfriend. I’m on there to meet someone who I am attracted to – and who is attracted to me. Someone who wants to go for a drink, maybe dinner, then go home with me. It doesn’t have to happen right away, but it does need to happen for me to remain interested.
I’ve ruined many potential relationships with this tactic. Most recently, I was speaking to a guy I sorta liked, we went on a date and hit it off. That was Thursday. By the time Saturday came around, I was like a wolf. I was clingy, practically begging to see him. But it’s not because I liked him. It’s purely because I wanted him in a physical sense. After we slept together, he stopped speaking to me. I was told by my friends this was because I went too fast. I should have waited, used my vagina as bait for him to want to keep seeing me. But in my mind, I was fine – I got what I wanted out of him.
There’s a new era of women who want no-strings-attached sex. We want the cuddles without the commitment. We want the sex without the fighting. We want someone who will reply to our texts, but won’t hound us. We’re single, independent, sexual beings.
Casual sex makes me feel empowered, but the men I’ve slept with don’t tend to play by my rules. They’ll view my keenness as wanting a relationship, when in fact it’s the exact opposite. They’ll wait days to text back, not realising that I’ve already moved on by that stage.
A friend of mine summed it up best when she said:
“The idea that women want more than sex from every man they meet frustrates me. I’ve spent a year dating men I only want to sleep with. I’ve had times where I’ve been on a date, slept with the guy, we both enjoyed it and then we moved on. No feelings were hurt.”
When I first slept with my ex-boyfriend, I thought I had an epiphany. I thought sex was only good when you were in love with the person. But after the relationship had fizzled out and sleeping with him felt like a chore, I realised how wrong I was.
Of course, there are Sunday nights when I long for the company and security that only a boyfriend who loved me could provide. But then I turn on Netflix and the longing goes away.
I know one day I’ll be ready to date exclusively again. I know I’ll be ready for a relationship and all the things that come with it. But for now? Leave me and my casual sex alone. We’re perfectly happy together.
*Editor’s note: The author of this post is known to Mamamia, but has chosen to remain anonymous.
Do you indulge in casual sex?
For more posts on sexuality…
So, how much sex really happens on The Bachelor?
“My life as a male sex worker.”
“Make him a snack after sex + 12 other ridiculous things a magazine wants you to do for your man.
Top Comments
Why is this being made a big deal? It's called women taking responsibility for her own pleasure. This is judged? Get over yourselves.
Women used to be able to command a premium for sex, in the 1950s it was worth a ring, then a relationship, then a few dates, one dinner and now a swipe of the finger on an app. 10 years ago dating sites could charge men much more than women for membership, now that's very hard to maintain.
In that sense the author has helped dropped the value of vagina to junk bond status. Maybe that's why she wants to remain anonymous, because having a vagina these days isn't valuable enough to command a relationship, as it used to be and that might annoy some women. Certainly not to protect her identity from men as she is out to meet them.
If men can now pretty much have sex on demand, it's logical to see the next step as women having to go farther than they may be comfortable with and start having porn star sex in the competitive market of relationships.
I'm not saying she is wrong, free country and all, but I wonder if lots of random dong leaves one waking up at 30 and really happy, happier than just one guy who loves and adores you and is commited to you?
Isn't she saying I'm not an object (a walking vagina) with a monetary value, I'm an independent person who will do want I want. Reverse your logic, does a man have no sexual premium because men are willing to sleep around and if so do men care or even think about that? Do they care that their penis has no premium? haha . If women are not thinking or worried about their sexual and monetary commodification and have moved the F$*! on then hoorah and maybe you should move on too. Nobody makes someone else have porn star sex unless it is a controlling and unhealthy relationship. Did you think that some women, sometimes want porn star sex too and that women are not passive vulva shaped money boxes?