By GEMMA HARTLEY
To my daughter.
This is my body—and it is beautiful.
I want you to know I am proud of this body, imperfections and loose skin and stretch marks and all. It is mine and only mine, unique and wonderful in its own way.
It may not be the type of body you will see adorning the glossy pages of magazines—thin and tan and tall and flawless. I am at peace with that.
I am still beautiful. My body does not need to fit some ill-conceived notion of perfection. It is already perfect.
My body is strong. Amazing. It has brought life into this world. It has housed you and your brother, kept you safe and warm and healthy even before I knew you existed. These scars and marks on my stomach tell a story. A story of love. If that is not beauty, I do not know what is.
My body has nourished you and comforted you. These breasts that are no longer perky and unmarred, this stomach which is not lean and flat, this face which has aged so quickly; all these things sing of my love for you. How could I not celebrate this body? How could I not think it beautiful?
I know it’s not always so easy. I understand why there are so many women who do not love their bodies. Who have learned to hate their bodies, and because of that, hate themselves. Who criticize their features every time they glance at their reflection. Who chase endlessly after the elusive beauty they see in airbrushed photographs. Who never feel good enough, even though they are.
Because it’s easy to feel ugly when a boy at summer camp tells you that you’re really pretty, except for your nose. Or when a girl in your class makes fun of your flat chest. Or when you flip through teen magazines and suddenly your clothes aren’t good enough, your hair isn’t straight enough, your skin isn’t tan enough, your legs aren’t long enough. It’s easy to feel ugly when there’s always someone whispering in your ear that you could be, should be, better than you are.
But I hope you never feel that way, my love. Even though you will grow up in a world that will tell you a healthy, beautiful, able body is not enough, I hope you always know you are more than enough.
When you are bombarded by images of women who depict an impossible fantasy, I hope you never look in the mirror and hate any part of yourself.
I hope you always stand tall and hold your head high, because you know that you are beautiful.I hope you know, with unwavering certainty, that no one can define beauty for you.
You only get this one body, darling. It is yours and only yours. Believe me when I tell you that there is beauty in the fact that you are entirely unique.
There is beauty in the fact that your body is strong and able—that you can run and jump and swim and dance and cartwheel and kick and do whatever else you choose to do. Your body is powerful and amazing. Appreciate all it does for you. Embrace it as it is. Love it. Love yourself.
I hope you will always look at this picture of me and think I am beautiful. I hope you always look at yourself and think you are beautiful too. Because it’s true, my love. It will always be true.
xoxo Mum
This article was originally published on Role/Reboot here and has been republished with full permission.
Gemma Hartley is a freelance writer living in Reno, Nevada. She is a monthly contributor to Reno Moms Blog and posts regularly on her personal blog Journey of Love.
Top Comments
Western women always seem to have low self esteem, and have to "teach" or talk themselves into loving themselves. Whereas the rest of us just seem to get it organically, and deal with more pressing issues in life...i'm sorry, but as an ethnic 30-something year old educated woman and mother of two, i found this self indulgent and cringe-worthy to read...i pity someone who publicly feels the need to write something like this, almost trying too hard to convince herself that she's perfect "just as she is".
OK, I do love this, but I'm going to say something that probably isn't popular. I actually think it is more important for Mums to write this letter to themselves, not their daughters. It is important that Mums live this philosophy, not just preach it. Their daughters will learn far more from that than from any letter.
I also hazard to say that letters like this are still focussing on appearances. Although I agree with the sentiment, to me this is still telling girls to focus on their looks.
I grew up in a household where appearances weren't really discussed. We aren't a gushy family, even so my Mum rarely told me or my sister that we were beautiful. If we were dressed up we would probably get a "you look nice" or "I like your hair that way", but that's about it. I think this is why both my sister and I have pretty good self-esteem - the focus in our household was always on your talents, be it sport, music, theatre or school. I didn't really think about things like whether I was pretty until I started reading magazines that kept telling me not to worry, everyone was beautiful, love yourself for who you are - thanks, I didn't realise I was supposed to have an issue with this!
couldn't agree more, I grew up in a house with only one mirror, and a mum who never made a fuss of us only to make sure we cleaned ourselves," don't forget behind your ears and the back of your neck and make sure you use soap not just the flannel". I distinctly remember, you only had everyday clothes and one set of good clothes and the only time you looked in a mirror was to check you did your hair right and dressed right when you had the good day clothes on. My mum only wore lippie on these days and as a daughter growing up I don't think I ever saw mum, ever looking in the mirror on a daily basis and I don't ever remember my mum discuss weight or looks at all, about any one. Maybe my mum was the exception, I don't know, but she had seven children to cook and clean for. But I do know that once we entered adulthood and went out in the big wide world to work, our self esteem was the thing that got us thru, in this dog eat dog world. I have 4 children, 3 daughters and 1 son,(adult) my advice to them, don't put shit on yourself, there's enough people out there that will do that, for any little reason. Be glad your alive and not sick, be happy with you, yourself, because at the end, you only have yourself and what you think of you is way more important then what anyone else thinks.