I’m feeling a little ticked off. So forgive me a moment while I vent.
Over the years there has been a LOT of talk about ending the mummy wars. And that’s only ever been a good thing. I think the media and parenting websites (including Mamamia) are publishing fewer divisive stories about motherhood. Added to that is the fact current parents have become (I think) far more accepting of one another’s choices. Which is terrific! Birth choices. Feeding choices. Schooling choices. Lunchbox choices. Bedtime choices. The list goes on. The key is to feel confident in our own decisions and just do what is right and best for our own family. Because really, unless you know or suspect a child is being abused – then there’s no need to be concerned with what’s happening next door. It’s called staying in your own lane. Right? Right.
BUT.
Lately while going about my day-to-day life I’ve noticed Baby Boomers (women in particular) taking enormous joy in continually pointing out how useless or selfish or pathetic today’s parents are. Here are just a handful of examples of dozens I’ve noticed over the past few weeks.
There was the older parenting expert who I saw mocking new mums suggesting they only wanted their newborns to fall asleep quickly so they could get back to texting on their phones. Really? REALLY? I have yet to know or meet a new mum who is looking for a sleeping quick fix for their newborn so they can get back to texting their mates and trawling the net. Instead I see some new mothers who are mentally unravelled because of sleep deprivation and who are asking for help only to be told to ‘suck it up’.
Well guess what? Unless you know that mother’s family situation and how much support she has or does not have, unless you know her personal ability to last months or years on four hours of broken sleep and unless you know her mental health history and whether she currently has POST NATAL DEPRESSION then perhaps stop being a smart-arse and treating her life she’s selfish and offer her some practical help. Saying to a chronically sleep-deprived mum, “Take it as a chance to bond with your baby. You’ll get sleep eventually” is NOT HELPFUL!
There was the grandmother at my friend’s playgroup who raised her eyebrows in disapproval and actually said, “Tinned custard?” when my friend dared to take a small tin out of her bag to feed her baby. Yes, lady – tinned custard. STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE.
And then there was the time I posted a story about safety watches for toddlers that can help you track them via GPS should your toddler get lost in a crowd. “Aren’t you capable of watching your own children?” a Baby Boomer asked me. “Too busy wanting to drink gin with your friends than watch your child?”
Yep, that’s it. Got me. I like to take my 2 year old and 4 year old to the EKKA every year, pin $10 to their shirts and say “Godspeed, boys!” as I head off to the Cattleman’s Bar and yell “G&T’s for everyone. My shout!”
You know what I think? I think if any of these women were my mother-in-law, I’d want to move to Peru.
The vast majority of parents are doing their best.
Let’s say that one more time with feeling: The vast majority of parents are doing their best.
Watch Bec Sparrow reveal what she’d like young people to know about adulthood below. Post continues after video…
So to those Baby Boomers I would ask you to try and find your empathy. And if that’s impossible then at the very least stay in your own lane. (Or better still, be a mentor not a critic. Feedback delivered with kindness is always so much easier to take.)
To the Baby Boomers and grandparents who are already providing kindness, advice, wisdom and support – I thank you from the bottom of my heart. There are millions of parents – myself included – who would be lost without the love, support, advice and random beef curries given to us by our own parents and grandparents.
And to every parent of newborns or toddlers or small kids or teens – keep trucking. You’re doing a great job. Tinned custard for the win!
Top Comments
I'm an older mum of a beautiful, strong, tenacious toddler. I am xgen with baby boomer parents. What I remember of my childhood was being outside playing with my friends in the neighborhood without any adult/parental supervision all day. I remember going to the pub from about 7 or 8 years old with my younger sister. Mum sitting at the bar with her friends while all the kids played and amused themselves. Again without any supervision from our baby boomer parents getting increasingly intoxicated. Us kids successfully reaping spare coins from patrons so we could play video games and they could keep us entertained with minimal interaction. I don't see children out on the streets unsupervised or children playing video games in bars while their parents relax, drink, socialize and be oblivious to where their kids are. Was it safer back in those days or just less regulated. I also remember the coat of living was far less expensive than it is today. Wages may have been a little less than they are today but they haven't increased at the same rate as inflation. I also remember the incredible support of my grandparents who practically half raised my sister, cousins and I. Today's parents have less freedom, less disposable income, less support, higher living costs, increased regulations (try taking your children into a bar and not supervising them these days or letting them play in the street all day), increased pressure to control our children so they don't disturb anyones entitled right to enjoy life without the sounds or presence of children. My young daughter and I have endured contempt, hostility and and abuse from far to many baby boomer women and some men too but mostly women. Not all baby boomers have been nasty abusive or horrible. Some have been really nice. But my daughter has been glared at since infancy just for being out in public. She would smile at people and they would glare back. She would optimistically throw her smile at someone else and then keep doing it despite most people turning away or glaring. She did receive smiles and friendly interactions thankfully. But I'm shocked at how many people seemed hostile. Occasionally she (while in her pram) was rammed by trollies pushed by women who gleefully apologized. One time a baby boomer looked at her in the pram while I waited in line as if she were in the way then swung her handbag as she passed and hit my 10 Mth old baby girls legs. Wow. Something is clearly wrong with attitude, values and morals to seemingly hate children so much. I remember baby boomers when they were young parents. You were far from perfect then and you're far from perfect now. And if this doesn't describe you personally as a baby boomer don't take this to heart, it's clearly not about you. Xgen, Ygen, milenials you are not inferior to the older generation. They were not the best generation that ever existed and neither are we. However, can we be the generation that creates equality and love and ends the hatred.
I am both a grandmother and a mother to five children. The youngest of whom is 3 and the eldest is 32. I love the differences I see in parenting these days and I would never criticise my daughters in law or my daughters over any parenting aspect. I just want the same courtesy to be shown to me! As an older mum I have faced awkward silences as I do practice attachment parenting. Let's all live and let live. It's a jungle out there and we need all the love we can get dolls!😘😘