It’s true – science says so.
My parents got married young and then got busy: banging out four kids across the next six years.
It was chaos. It was mental. It was heaven.
Mum was one of six, so our extended family was about 34 cousins at last count.
We had no money but it never really mattered. Home-made parachute tracksuit pants hung next to home-made happy pants that were handed down from our cousins. The pantry was strictly Black and Gold, holidays were had in the backyard and on special occasions we’d split one bottle of Woodies Lemonade and dive into yet another boiled chocolate cake.
It was the best of times and the best of times.
We were never bored. We taught each other how to play games and ride bikes, we snuggled into cubbies during storms, our backyard basketball and cricket games were always evenly split: 2 on 2.
As a child, my big family was joyful and funny and amazing. As an adult, it’s even more so. Having siblings as an adult is like having the best, best friends in the world who will do anything for you and you for them.
But today, when I read about a five-year study that concluded big families are the happiest, it made me really sad.
Because for me, it was so true. But at this stage in my life, having a big family is also a dwindling option.
The study interviewed hundreds of parents from a range of family setups and found that parents with four or more children were the most satisfied with their lot. They enjoyed – rather than felt overwhelmed by – the chaos of a big family. The disadvantages, such as the expense and time pressures, were balanced out by the joy their children gave them.
Chaos? Yes.
But worth it? Absolutely.
Except there is just one problem with that study.
Having a large family is just not something many choose anymore. And some people simply can’t have a big family.
Some people would say it’s the time. The average age of first time mothers is getting older (it’s 27, according to the Bureau of Statistics), leaving women with less fertile time.
Others don’t just delay parenthood because of career, but also because of situation. Finding the right partner seems harder than ever.
Then there’s the cost. My God. It’s skyrocketed in the past five years. A report from AMP and the National Centre for Social and Economic Modelling (NATSEM) found middle-income families spend up to $458 a week to raise a child.
But for others, it’s the sacrifice. There is no end to stories about sleepless nights, financial ruin, years spent searching for socks and shoes, filling lunchboxes, ferrying bodies to and from Saturday morning sport and dealing with pimply teenagers with attitude problems.
My big family is the best thing in my life. And to see that there are so many more out there, that it’s statistically proven to provide happiness, is heartwarming and life affirming.
But in the increasing absence of that option – and depending on what works for you and what you’re able to have – any family is good.
And the one thing that the study about big family doesn’t mention is that as long as you have a family that loves you and supports you: numbers don’t matter.
Do you have a big family?
For more on family…
Things your family does you didn’t realise were weird.
‘Why my family fears holidays. (And why I took one anyway and got stranded in Bali.)
Top Comments
I have four adult children. Yes, it was hard, especially when food shopping (bulk shopping = savings), we stayed in caravan parks instead of resort hotels on holidays, and there was lots of noise and chaos but also there was lots of laughter, adventures shared and luckily my kids loved getting hand-me-downs (especially from 1 boy/1girl families). They learnt to be independent from a young age as you either did something yourself or you had to wait your turn, they learnt to appreciate the small things in life as well as the big ones. As adults, they tease each other, laugh together and always have each others backs - something that I get a lot of joy from witnessing. My mum was one of 10 kids and to see they way all of her siblings rally around each other either to celebrate or commiserate or just support each other is something very very special. Has being part of a big family (both immediate and extended) been a happy experience? You betcha!
Sorry to be a Debbie Downie, but I feel like these articles only ever discuss the good things about growing up in huge families and really gloss over or romanticise the downsides of it.
Admittedly my family was bigger than yours (I'm one of 10 kids) and I wish more articles about growing up in big families were honest about what you miss out on because your family doesn't have the money to pay for opportunities. Can't tell you how many times I was 'sick' growing up on excursion day because mum couldn't afford to send me and then all I heard about for weeks was how much fun it was.
I wish more of these articles were honest about the fact that older siblings (almost always the girls) were often expected to help raise their little siblings by doing far more than what could be considered 'reasonable chores' helping around the house. I wish more of these articles were honest about the fact that having 5 girls of very varied ages crammed into one tiny bedroom actually sucks and isn't all 'sleepover fun every night'. I wish more articles were honest that the 'handmedowns' they gloss over were often thin and worn and had been patched numerous times by the time the 5h kid got them. I wish more articles touched on how hungry you were sometimes because your portions were tiny so everyone got something to eat.
I feel lke these articles make the assumption all the kids grow up to be best friends. Not everyone is close to their siblings in adulthood. Sometimes more kids in the family = more family drama to go down and more people to 'take sides'. Sometimes you just don't have anything in common with your siblings. Sometimes you end up the outcast in the huge family because you grow up and don't want to be Catholic.
I'm glad you had a nice experience in a big family, but I'm so sick of the 'sunshine and rainbows' treatment is alway seems to get in articles like this.