We’re providing you with this comprehensive list of insufferable office behaviour as a public service.
Because we know there are gentle souls out there, tormented by the loud chewers and the personal space invaders of this world.
We present this list without advice on how to behave next…
You could print it out and stick it to the office fridge (that’d make you a #14). You could do a dramatic reading of the whole post while other people are trying to get on with work (hello, #5). Or, you could continue to say nothing as you watch the office Fridge Idiot eat someone else’s sandwich
(sound like a #1).
Whatever man, we compiled the list of the most annoying work colleague habits. Do with it what you will.
1. The person who fundamentally misunderstands how a fridge works.
Know that big cold box in the kitchen? Yeah, it refrigerates stuff. It doesn’t keep your milk/yoghurt/sandwich mould-free forever. Throw shit out when it rots. Oh, and don’t eat other people’s food – you’re not a puppy.
2. The person who speaks so slowly you can almost see your life slipping by as they talk.
Go home, set an egg timer, and practice getting to the point within a humanly acceptable time period.
3. The person who consumes smelly canned goods in confined spaces without sufficient ventilation.
Guzzling canned tuna in a windowless cubicle should be illegal. Partake in this activity with the knowledge that everyone hates you.
4. The person who gets all up in your grill.
Give every other human in the office an arm-length radius of personal space at all times. Non-negotiable.
5. The person who sings loudly to music only they can hear through headphones.
Spontaneous Karaoke is only acceptable on allocated party time. Otherwise, shuddupayaface.
6. The person who comes into the office sick just to prove how dedicated they are.
Keep your germs to yourselves, sneeze machine. It’s more respectful to stay at home and recover than cough in everyone’s faces to demonstrate your own importance to the company. Go home.
7. The one who chews food loudly like an inconsiderate cow.
This includes slurping soup, breathing deeply while eating, and masticating food in-mouth with great volume. Have some dignity.
8. The one who behaves like a feral beast in the kitchen.
Dishwasher Deniers are a very special breed of unbearable. Is it so hard to rinse your plate, stack it, and keep our society civilized?
9. The person who steals your favourite mug and makes eye contact with you while drinking from it.
You’re a monster.
10. The person who shares details of a toilet visit.
Just no. Never.
11. The one who sniffles and snuffles all day long.
Get a tissue. Blow your nose. Refer to annoying habit #6.
12. The person who types so loudly it’s like they’re playing a set of tiny weird drums.
Dude, it’s not a type-writer. Tap them keys gentle-like.
13. The person who takes long personal calls in an open-plan office.
Everyone knows it’s common courtesy to huddle awkwardly by the stairwell or lift to make gyno appointments or debrief on a one night stand. Dah.
14. The one who leaves passive-aggressive notes in common spaces.
Ugh-town. Don’t.
15. The one who has involved conversations with their computer screen.
Them: “Why aren’t you working today?”
Computer: “Everyone hates you.”
16. The person who forgets basic hygiene rituals.
Without showers, deodorant, toothpaste, and soap, we are no better than feral animals.
17. And finally, there’s the person who makes a list of annoying things colleagues do and puts it on the internet.
Oh.
Have you got any to add?
Top Comments
The problem with number 6 is not everyone has leave left. Or they could just have on of those managers that seem to think that all because the law says you need sick leave provision doesn't mean you are to use it. I've worked for people like that.
Missed the overly chirpy type. This is the kind of person that thinks the world is all rainbows and unicorns.
agreed!
People who spend all day on Mamamia because they're procrastinating about typing up the minutes from yesterday's executive meeting.
*cough*
yep that's me. On here all day. feel like I have company :-) Oh and re minutes, I got some great help on here a while ago as I am a first timer. I have to do them for the 2nd time ever next week and freaking out! I went to 1 meeting a while ago just to observe and understood NOTHING. Any tips for writing minutes when you don't really understand the content and they use really big science words? I will be able to record it but something tells me I still won't be able to understand even if I listen a 2nd time. It's really getting me down. I am just here because I need an admin job to pay the bills, I am actually a dance instructor and wanna be fitness instructor. Should I just quit and try to follow my passion??? ugh.. life is hard atm.
Talk to the person who is running the meeting and ask them to speak to everyone at the start and let them know that they need to be clear in terms of what they're talking about, or at least be clear with acronyms. If you don't know people's names, draw a picture of who is sitting where before you start, and number everyone, then refer to that number when you're note taking. Obviously find out later who is who. Before you circulate the minutes to everyone, if there are sections relating to specific people (say, Nicole talks about finance, Gavin talks about HR), then send them their part and ask if it accurately reflects what was spoken about. If they've been warned at the start of a meeting not to speak in gobbledegook and they receive minutes that are covered in asterisks, then it should be clear to them that they need to speak in a way that you can understand, or take the bloody minutes themselves! I've always thought it was a mistake having a new person take minutes at established meetings, but there you are.
Totally happy to help you out if you run into trouble!
Terrific advice, I'm a long time minute taker myself and those are all techniques I've used. I have also asked head of department to get a quick intro from each person at the beginning of the meeting. 'Hi I'm Sandy and I'm from HR' etc etc. I'm not great with names but I find if I can put the name to the face - I tend to remember it better. I also try to schedule writing my minutes immediately after the meeting so that I can remember what my scribbles meant but also if you ask the participants to look over their section this will decrease the delay getting the minutes back out to everyone afterwards. Hope that helps.