By REBECCA SPARROW
There are days like today when I REALLY wish I worked in an office because Lord, do I need to debrief about what went down on Sunday Night last night.
I’m talking of course about Amanda Goff’s brave and certainly bold interview with James Thomas about her career change. A career change that saw her swap her life as a journalist for one as a highly paid escort in Sydney.
And there is so much I need to unpack and discuss. So I’m just going to write down here everything that is going through my head.
If you didn’t see last night’s interview, you can watch it here. And here’s what News.com.au had to say about it (just to get you up to speed):
By day she’s a 40-year-old mother of two doing the school run. By night, she works as a high-class escort.
Former magazine journalist Amanda Goff — known by her clients as Samantha X — has spoken of her scandalous double life as a secret sex worker.
The Sydney media identity, who has worked at New Idea, Prevention and InStyle, appeared on Seven’s Sunday Night program to promote her new book Hooked – Secrets of a High-Class Escort.
During the candid interview, Goff revealed that she charges $800 an hour for her services or $5000 for a full night from the luxury inner-Sydney apartment where she meets clients.
“I just decided to charge for something that I was doing for free anyway,” she told interviewer James Thomas.
I have no judgement about the fact that Goff is a sex worker. I just don’t. I think if people want to pay for sex for whatever reason – they should be able to do that so long as the female (or male) sex workers are working in safe environments and not being taken advantage of.
So you’re not about to read a rant from me about a woman – even a mother of two small kids – being a sex worker. Her business. Her decision.
But here are the two parts of the interview that I found jarring.
1. I’m confused about why Amanda went on national television and told the world she was a sex worker.
I’m sitting here at my laptop wondering if I should be concerned about this or not? Part of me wants to scream, “Your kids are going to get BULLIED. Please don’t do this!” The other part of me thinks, “Why am I saying this mother should be ashamed?” I’m confused. I don’t know what to think. But I do know that it felt wrong to me that Amanda was revealing her identity (which in turn reveals her kids’ identities.). And teasing aside, I would worry about their safety. Selling sex is not like selling Tupperware. I do personally think there is risk involved. Risk of obsession. Risk of stalking. Risk of threats and harm. As much as any of us want to say that men want ‘no strings attached sex” – I think emotions always come in to play. That concerns me. Am I being over the top and out of touch?
2. The bit that really ticked me off was what Amanda had to say about her clients. Here’s just a bit of what she said:
Goff said her services made men “better husbands”. Men, Goff believes, are hard done by and are often neglected by their wives.
“Where else are they going to go to get that outlet? I really do believe that in some cases I make them a happier husband,” she said.
Goff went on to say women needed to do more for their husbands.
“When you take a vow of marriage, men keep to it they provide. Women need to keep to their side to the bargain,” she said.
“I feel for men, I feel they don’t have anyone to talk to.”
Goff’s aim, she said, is to “make men feel desired, listened to and heard”.
Okay, I’m sorry but this is where I call BS.
First up, you’re not helping a marriage when a man has the option (YOU) to turn outside the marriage for sex or comfort or being “listened to”. Your clients want to be listened to? Buddy, go see a marriage therapist. Or, you know, YOUR WIFE. Or a divorce lawyer. Go divorce your wife and then you can spend whatever time you want with escorts.
Second, if these poor misunderstood men just want a sympathetic ear and someone who listens to them – why the need for the big boobs, the inflated lips and the blonde hair? Amanda’s before and after photos are pretty telling. Maybe it’s about them having sex with someone with big boobs, blonde hair and an Angelina Jolie pout? Or do hot chicks make better listeners? Don’t tell me that men are just going to see you Amanda because they want someone who listens to them.
THEY CAN CALL LIFELINE. IT’S FREE.
Lastly, men keep their side of the bargain by ‘providing’? I’m sorry. Is this 1956? I think lots of women are also “providing” an income. And, my bet is these women are also “providing” dinner, and a laundry service and raising children and wiping down the kitchen bench a million friggin’ times.
But in Amanda’s head the wife has to, what? BE HOT?
Men wouldn’t cheat if their wives were prepared to be hot and have sex more often?
And who is this according to?
According to the men who are with Amanda cheating on their wives? Yeah, since we have established that they are CHEATERS – I’m not sure I’d believe them.
It could be that their wives are also having sex with them.
It could be that their wives are running themselves into the ground trying to be ALL THE THINGS.
It could be that these men are philandering arse-hats who spend the family income on escorts.
THAT’S what I have an issue with.
Be a sex worker. Fine. It’s a job. I have no issue with that. But don’t sit there and rehash that old line that it’s the wife’s fault her husband is shagging an escort.
Call it what it is: Cheating.
Top Comments
Dear Mrs. Sparrow.
I have read your column and most comments and I have come to the conclusion that, while they all dwell in what could, should, or would be right or wrong, it seems that nobody is actually written about what it actually is, so allow me to do so.
I am a married man, and I have cheated my wife in numerous occasions. I have also met other cheaters, and we have all traveled the same road to come to who and what we have become.
First at all, just like military can go kill "enemies" and then don't hurt anyone in their civil lives, a cheater may not necessarily be a liar. A cheater lies on a specific part of his life because of what I call "emotional economics". Simply put, it makes more sense to lie and keep the emotional status quo, than to be honest and suffer.
Secondly, none of the cheaters I have ever met, me included, ever wanted to cheat. Cheating takes a huge toll in the cheater. You need to lie to your spouse, you need to sneak, sometimes you need to pay money, and you may even be subjected to blackmail and violence. From the emotional economics point of view cheater is counterproductive.
So, why do we cheat? I can not talk for all cheaters, but I can tell you about me and the rest of the guys I know: We cheat because our emotional/sexual needs are not being met. I do not mean to blame my otherwise perfect wife, but the fact is that back in the days before we got married by monogamous sexual life was colorful and prolific, and that changed. I did not sign for that, and there is so much internet porn one can view while she snoozes before one moves to the next level.
Should I divorce my wife? Definitely. But as I said, we are otherwise happy, very happy, incredibly happy. Did I talk to her about my sexual frustration? You bet! And her answer was "I am getting old". Words that would condemn me to a sexless life if I didn't take the step of doing what eventually restored the balance in my life.
And now I have a perfect life. I don't really pay for sex, but mentally I am getting there. And in the same way as different tools are useful for different jobs, I keep my wife to everything in my life, and whenever I need and outlet to my sexuality I let someone do the "dirty job" my wife wouldn't do.
It's interesting with the timing of Amanda's new book release that she's said recently on her Samantha X facebook page that she's not currently working as an escort, and not taking any client bookings. And perhaps hasn't been for some time. And perhaps probably isn't intending to for some time, if ever again. Her referring to herself as an escort in the present tense then is slightly misleading, but is probably working very well to help boost sales of her book... maybe she's banking on her book sales funding her retirement out of this line of work. And if she is, good luck to her - however I feel it's selfish of her to have done this in a way that has brought her children and former husband into the media spotlight while trying to whip up publicity for her new book - she has practically been shouting from the rooftops with a bullhorn that she's a marriage-fixer by virtue of being a prostitute. She may have listened to some of her clients' problems and helped them offload some of their stress, but others would have seen her only as a piece of attractive meat to have sex with for a price. Sad, but true.