The favourite child. It’s a gag that crops up in almost every family – in fact, two days ago, my mother opened my birthday card with the following line:
To my favourite daughter…
I’m her only daughter.
It may be a cultural joke but a long-term study by sociologist Katherine Conger suggests there really is a favourite child and news flash, it might not be you.
The study, conducted in America, followed 384 families where a pair of siblings were born within four years of each other.
Results revealed that 74 percent of mothers and 70 per cent of fathers reported preferential treatment towards one child, according to Quartz.
The study also found that first-born children were more likely to believe they are the preferred child and younger children are more likely to believe the elder children are too.
So according to Conger, I think I'm the favourite and if I had a younger sister, she'd think I was too.
Quartz also spoke with Conger about the study where she revealed one of her main theories had been proven wrong.
“Our working hypothesis was that older, earlier born children would be more affected by perceptions of differential treatment due to their status as older child—more power due to age and size, more time with parents— in the family,” Conger said.
Conger also told Quartz there exists a belief within every sibling they're being treated unfairly.
“Everyone feels their brother or sister is getting a better deal,” Conger said.
“Regardless of how you look at it, both [elder and younger children] are perceiving preferential treatment.”
The concept of the 'favourite child' has been echoed by other medical professionals such as developmental behavioural paediatrician Dr Barbara Howard.
Dr Howard told the New York Times she often saw children develop behavioural issues from not being seen as the preferred child.
“It’s impossible not to have favorites, and we do know that the perception of favoritism is one of the biggest factors in sibling rivalry,” she said.
Here's one mum who openly talks about having a favourite:
Top Comments
You might think being an only child doesn't come with these issues, but you can end up feeling guilty as a child when there is only one of you and you're closer to one parent than the other. You are also very aware that you are the only one who can fulfil a lot of your parents future dreams or expectations, like becoming grandparents, being there for the one who is widowed or caring for them in older age. It can be a huge pressure when those responsibilities solely fall on you.
There needs to be more acknowledgement of personality in this topic. Some kids are easier to parent based on their personality, or whether they are more like one parent or another. Ease in parenting means less parent-child conflict and therefore, greater perceived warmth between both.
Children whose personalities don't mesh as well with their parent's may feel they are the less favoured child but personality clashes don't mean loved less. It is such an important topic to explore and clarify with children because so many generations of children have come away from their childhood feeling 'lesser.' Parents too have experienced immense guilt over it. With all the advances in psychological research, you'd think we'd have better explored and integrated this knowledge by now.