by TONIA ZEMEK
So you’ve booked an overseas holiday, just the two of you. You’ve carefully planned the itinerary. The hotels have been expertly researched. The matching luggage has been purchased. But are you really compatible travellers? Assume the brace position and go through this checklist before you take off:
1. Window Or Aisle
Early on you need to establish in which camp you belong. You’re about to sit in dozens of shuttle buses, cabs, planes, trains, boats and gondolas. Don’t be wonderers. Nothing annoys your fellow commuters more than a queue jam because you two can’t decide who sits where. Really it’s quite simple. The person with the smallest bladder takes the aisle. So ends the carry-on.
2. Finders Are Keepers
The loser is the official misplacer of passports, tickets, sunscreen, room keys, and Euros. One of you Traveling Wilburys will be a loser. The other, ideally, will be a finder. Consider this an official travel warning: two losers should not travel together. Anywhere. Ever.
3. In Sickness and In Health
You’ll need to pack precautions if you know the yin to your yang suffers from sea sickness, car sickness or plane sickness. Stock up on magnetic bracelets, potions and pills. Buy inflatable stabilizers if you have to. Do anything you can to limit the commotion when in motion.
4. Eat it or beat it
No, we’re not talking Weird Al Yankovic or Michael Jackson. Dining duos will be duly tested when in Rome. While you may be seeking traditional gelato, linguine and limoncello, your beloved might well be in search of the golden arches. Did someone say McHappy meal for one?
5. Reading, Writing and Arithmetic
Do the math. If you travel with a reader, it’s going to be a long, long trip.
The reader must absorb all signage from San Fran to San Sebastian. It’s imperative to take in every word of every museum flyer, map, tombstone, rhinestone and teabag. If your partner is a reader and you are not, you are doomed to a life of waiting. While you enjoy an entire museum in a half hour, your precious reader is still getting through the entrance. After all, those ancient hieroglyphics on the submission stubs are completely compelling.
6. Sherpa or Shirker
Do you take this person to be your sherpa? To carry your backpack and roll your carry-on? To shove your jacket in overhead lockers and haul your duty free all the way from terminal 4 to the hotel? If you’re writing your own vows, make sure you’re on the same page. Never agree to any pre-holiday pre-nup involving “you bring it, you buy it, you lug it”.
7. The Wait Debate
Airline: “We regret to inform you flight QF51 has been delayed.” You: “What a wonderful opportunity to grab a coffee and chat about where we’re headed.” Your travel partner: “Check your boarding pass, I think our first stopover is Singapore.” You: “No. I mean where we’re heading together as a couple, in life’s great journey.” Your Partner: “Well I’m headed to duty free and then I’m going to buy the paper and read it while listening to life’s great iPod.” Consider this flight cancelled. Follow the row of red lights to your nearest exit.
8. Lingo Bingo
Phrase Book Buddies travel happily together. You may have observed them standing side by side, flipping through matching mini dictionaries and practising pronunciations. You’ve definitely heard them ordering tapas while the poor Spanish waiter humours them. Ole! Take a leaf from their book. One in all in. It’s no fun anchoring your Aussie accent while your travel partner’s set sail for parlez-vous Francais. Comprende?
9. Shuffle or Shuttle
The Proclaimers said they’d walk 500 miles. Did your travel partner make the same admission? Lock in your sightseeing MO so you know if you’ll be pounding the pavement or pulling up a pew in the air-conditioned mini bus. Your pre-band-aided ankle and your pre-cushioned butt will thank you.
10. Snappy versus Happy
Ask your companion if they intend to explore a country or just photograph it. It is possible to have too many selfies in Amalfi. Unless you’re working for National Geographic, it’s probably not necessary to return with 500 happy snaps. It’s unlikely they’ll all be happy.
Tonia Zemek has worked as a tv producer on everything from MasterChef to Big Brother. She’s gradually making the move from broadcast to print. Follow her journey on twitter here.
What kind of traveller are you? Have you ever ruined a relationship or friendship by travelling with someone?
Comments
37 Comments so far
I will travel with my husband but we are quite happy to do our own thing once at our destination. That way we can both do what we want. Me – checking out the local culture, hang outs, scenery and eating street food. Him – following all the tourist traps and buying things he can buy at home!
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I love this!
My partner and I have been in Europe for 6 months. Every time we plan a trip, we argue, but we always have a fantastic time wherever we go. We both think we know best. I *know* I am the best at booking accommodation, he is the best at organising transportation. Itineraries are tricky though. We both think we are experts.
I am the reader – I must read everything, everywhere. I absorb it all and then I report back later.
He is the photographer.
This works out well – we know how to wait for each other.
He is The Loser Of All Things. Where are my glasses? I can’t fund my sunnies. Where the f*** is my passport? *Cue panic* Where is that black t-shirt? What happened to my jeans? Did you bring soap?
Lucky for him, I am The Finder of All Things.
He gets terrible motion sickness and vomited all over my scarf and a walkway and a window at Changi Airport… three weeks later I came down with food poisoning in Vienna and we were locked in a hotel room for 3 days. When he asked the cleaning lady to clean the bathroom, he tipped her 10 Euros and thanked her profusely. (It was quite unpleasant) He left at 3am in 5 degree weather to find a pharmacy for me when I could not stop heaving.
We have learnt how to care for each other in a whole new way. We are also very comfortable with spew now.
We were told before we left for 8 months overseas together, “it will make or break you!” I think now that we’re talking marriage, it’s made us.
But I STILL think we can make it to Pompeii and Amalfi when we go to Italy… He doesn’t agree!
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You guys sound like a great couple. Hey maybe you could combine travel and marriage. Maybe a wedding in Italy?
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Ha, thanks!
Italian wedding… hmm…
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I travel by myself. Solves all the problems!
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We arrived back from a 6 week trip to the US on Tuesday. Once upon a time in a land far, far away, when we travelled as a couple, all of the above applied to us. This time around, we were travelling with 4 kids: a 6-year-old, 4-year-old twins and an 18-month-old. O_o. We survived, the kids had a great time and we didn’t manage to lose any of them OR any of our ten bags of luggage we brought home. (It probably would’ve been 12 except that the baby doesn’t get a luggage allowance.) After travelling across the world with my tribe of littlies, I reckon I can survive just about anything! The biggest pain was going through security checkpoints with our hand luggage. Like I have time to be a security threat??!
The best part was we all had a blast and created some life-long memories with cousins, grandparents and aunts and uncles on the other side of the world. Now if the kids will only stop waking up at 4am because of jetlag…
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Golly! Congratulations. What a journey. So pleased to hear it all went well. Now time to plan the next one, hey? Too soon?
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Nope, not too soon. We’re hoping to make it back every two or three years. I figure it’s only going to get easier as the kids get bigger, so the next one should be a (relative) breeze
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Wonderful. As you say, such lovely experiences for your kids. Happy travels x
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Next time you should look into ‘meet and assist service’. It’s free for people traveling with children. We’re off to Fiji next week with our 3.5 yr old and 1.75 yr old twins and they will help you with your bags from check-in to gate.
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Now this is love: I have a small bladder & will never knock back a cup of tea on a plane. My husband has a dislike of heights & isn’t interested in looking out the plane window. I love heights & love to see where we’ve been, where we’re going & even just watch the clouds. Husband is also quite tall & if he can occasionally sneak his legs into the aisle a bit on a long flight it’s helpful. So despite having the smallest bladder, he still gladly gives me the window seat! It’s actually easier for me to squeeze past him than vice versa due to his height.
Also compatible: he loses things, I find them. He reads maps well, I get disoriented sometimes. We’ll both eat local cuisine most of the time, did need to find healthy options in the US – Japanese was good for this. I’ll try the language a bit more than him, but the more we travelled the more willing he was to have a go.
The one where we had to meet in the middle was the reading. I’m an art gallery & museum loving reader! We settled for me not seeing & reading everything & him sitting & having a rest for a bit if he needed to. Rests, meal breaks & snacks are crucial. Never underestimate the power of a Werther to lift your blood sugar & spirits in the middle of a museum!
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Your husband sounds lovely. Can we clone him please?
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Hilarious! Our problems begin before we leave home when my husband tries to insist we travel around the world with one spare set of clothes each. I’m more of a ‘pack for every occasion’ type girl. If he comes home from a trip with one item he didn’t wear he’s disgusted in himself. I expect to bring home half a suitcase of stuff I didn’t wear.
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I’m with you. Should I mention I pack an entire bag of shoes (boots, thongs, heels, flats, slippers, joggers)? Always end up wearing the same pair everyday!
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I only ever travel carry on- it makes life so much easier. I went to Vietnam for 2 weeks in February with 6kg in my pack and only had to wash my clothes once. You can get on and off planes, buses and trains so much quicker, walk around trying to find your hostel, save on taxi fares…… You always end up wearing the same clothes anyway no matter how much you pack! Oh and when I backpacked for a year, I had only 2 pairs of shoes- gortex trail shoes and Birkenstocks : )
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I’m going overseas with a friend soon for a couple of months and while generally I’m pretty easy going I can’t handle being late to things and taking ages to get ready and my friend is never ever on time and likes to get ready at a very leisurely pace.
I’ve already warned her I may get shitty with her and I’m sorry in advance.
She also has the smallest bladder in the entire world so every couple of hours we’ll be needing to have toilet stops.
We’ve both acknowledged that we’ll get sick of each other at various points on the trip and are planning to have time when we can just go off on our own.
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Good on you guys for having these discussions BEFORE the trip. Should make for a much smoother journey. I hope you have a great holiday.
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I’m going to the US with my boyfriend in six weeks and he will maintain possession on my passport because I once left it on a plane and was stuck in customs at Toronto for several hours until the cleaners found it.
I also inexplicably found my passport destroyed by water (I’d been keeping it in my knicker drawer so God knows what happened) two weeks before I was due to go to the US last time. Thank God I looked!!
Moral of the story: I should not be trusted to carry important documents.
I am so nabbing the window seat though. I have the bladder of an elephant and can hold on for ages.
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Lucky you – a trip to the US and an elephant bladder. I’m a peanut so I always need the aisle. Have a great time!
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Brilliant, brilliant article Tonia – Bravo!
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Totally identify with ALL of this – thanks for making my day.
He’s a finder and a ‘safe’ foodie – I’m a loser and if it’s local cuisine, I want a bite of that! We nearly came to blows in India …
It’s been nearly 20 years of marriage and traveling – and we’re still together. Proof that miracles do happen.
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I went to Singapore for 8 days back in April with a friend of mine, which was my first time travelling with someone- or pretty much travelling at all.
The weird thing (to a lot of people) was that we only met last August (At the Wicked stage door in Perth), live in different states (me in NSW her in SA), became Facebook and Twitter friends and decided in October to go to Singapore (to see Wicked).
But we had a great time. We had plenty of downtime at the hotel, were both happy to do a lot of walking, and turns out are very travel-compatible friends!
We’re now planning a trip to NZ sometime next year (yes, for Wicked again. Why break tradition? LOL)
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What a Wicked friendship. I love a happy travel tale – enjoy NZ.
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Good advice. Travelling buddies are like relationships; there needs to be balance and you need to compliment each other.
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So true. There should be an audition process!
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I thought I posted something earlier, but it didn’t get through.
Anyway, the list left out ‘Smoker vs Non-Smoker’, which can be an awkward combination if travelling together. The smoker can get excited about being able to smoke *inside* cafes in place like Vienna & Budapest. The non-smoker – not so much.
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Or you could always travel alone – I am off to Vanuatu by myself for 8 nights next Monday and can’t wait. Traveling alone lets you be completely selfish, doing what you want how you want when you want to. And I have not found it lonely – even in France where I didn’t speak the language, if you are friendly and give it a go you will talk to people.
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Over 35 years of marriage, you learn a few techniques. Some things are easy: I like window seat, he likes aisle (long legs), we’re both very keen photographers (no selfies, we’re both always looking for the arty moment), we’re used to eating together (and both hate fast food), and neither of us are losers (but if he wants to lug that stuff around, he’s welcome!)
Other things? we tend to wander separately through museums, galleries etc and meet up after a reasonable time, I love languages, he took a week in Fiji to learn “Bula” (we laugh about it) and when my 57 yo feet are tired I park myself in a scenic spot and Mr energy goes off to do something I’m not interested in. Giving each other a bit of space is key here.
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Now that’s a travel relationship to aspire to. You two sound like a great couple (at home and away).
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Just back from the US with my partner and these are mine.
1. Build in some down time – international travel is tiring; you don’t need to be up at 6 every morning to catch a different tour bus.
2. It’s okay to call it a day at 2pm – especially if you got up for early entry to whatever activity you were doing. If you need to go back to the hotel and have a nap instead of seeing another wing of the louvre that’s perfectly fine. You are on holidays for a rest after all.
3. If you’re tired, hot, sore-footed and sick of crowds, chances are they are too. Go gentle on one another and keep whinging to a minimum.
4. Something will go spectacularly wrong – in our case a blocked toilet coincided with a gastro and vomiting attack at 3am – you are both allowed to whine about that, then move on and never speak of it again!
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I just thought of another: we are all toddlers. If our basic needs are not taken care of (food, rest, toilet) we get grumpy and take it out on each other.
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Well said! (and yikes on point 4 – you poor things).
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Mr & I have been on a couple of long-ish overseas holidays and travel really well together!
Im the finder, always have everything organised! We both love to see the sights and try new things, we always try our hardest to eat true to the country we are in, although sometimes if you’ve had a big day or feel a bit off, nothing beats the ‘comfort’ food of a familiar franchise, (although many franchises are heavily influenced by the country they are in)
I love traveling, I love the buzz of airports, yep, even a flight delay wont dampen my (our) travel bug!
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Thanks for your comment Lucy. I’m glad to meet a finder as I am a loser. Lost an entire hotel once – took about two hours of walking to find it.
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That’s not losing a hotel but finding new streets
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Wooo! Tonia, love it!
May I just add one more. People, if you’ve abandoned your healthy eating regime at the departure lounge gate but your travel companion has packed 30 days worth of Celebrity Slim shakes and bars so she doesn’t get fat….sorry but it ain’t gonna work out (pardon the pun).
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I’ve just got back from a month around Europe with my boyfriend. Big Step!
We had a wonderful time, but I did have to adjust my idea of how much to do in a day. He taught me to slow down. Make cake and coffee an integral part of the day. And I found the holiday was so much more relaxing as a result. Yes we didn’t see every sight, but we really enjoyed those we did see.
Oh and my camera died halfway through the trip. While I’m sad I only have iPhone shots of many places, it did make me absorb more and snap less.
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