There are no excuses for wasting your time on what could have been. In fact you stand to gain 45 minutes of your time back every week just by letting go of your regrets. Sounds flaky? Let me explain:
According to a study it seems that we are wasting 45 minutes out of every week wishing that we had done things differently, looking in the rear view mirror and slapping ourselves on the wrist for the mistakes that we have made.
The main areas of regret can be separated into our love lives, family, career, health and finances
The Daily Mail reports
On average, we have two main regrets in life. 17 per cent of those interviewed laid the blame at someone else’s door.
But two thirds of those interviewed said they thought their regrets had led them to act more positively and that they had learnt from their mistakes.
A quarter of the 2,000 people questioned by Electric Zebra, an electronic substitute cigarette firm, said their regrets had made them into the person they are today.
Common regrets range from not getting on the property ladder sooner to not being more promiscuous when younger. Others include regretting not telling someone we loved them and wishing we had repaired a damaged friendship.
The top ten regrets were:
1.) Not having saved more money
2.) Not having worked harder at school
3.) Not having exercised more
4.) Not seeing more of the world
5.) Taking up smoking
6.) Not staying in touch with people more
7.) Not having taken more care of our bodies when younger
8.) Not having appreciated an elderly relative more before he or she passed away
9.) Not having taken more photos of experiences growing up
10.) Getting married too early
I think I may be above average in this one. I focus quite a lot on the things that I could have done differently. Like high school. The whole of it. And then some of the decisions that I made after I finished school.
But with that regret comes learning. I regretted not doing something that I loved with my life but now at of 43 I feel really happy, ecstatic even with the way my life has panned out. Maybe if I hadn’t made all those decisions when I was younger I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. If I hadn’t stuffed up (and I did – sometimes spectacularly) then I would not have the strength and knowledge that I do today. I would also not spend 45 minutes a week regretting my teens and early 20s.
There is one thing that no time can repair though, I really wish I hadn’t had that perm the day before my wedding. Also there’s that smoking thing…
What are the things that you regret?
Comments
149 Comments so far
I agree with 9/10 on your list. But the one I would have included, for me, is ~
I regret not living MY life, but living a life around my parents. Mostly because my parents didn’t appreciate in the end.
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While I regret not getting my depression treated earlier, getting addicted to prescription medication and getting into an emotionally abusive relationship, now that all of that is behind me, I wouldn’t change a thing because I’m SO much stronger for it. Oh, the irony!
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No-one ever told me how great I looked 30-35 years ago – I might have done something to retain the brilliant figure I had then!
I regret taking up smoking, and drinking alcohol.
I regret not being taught to swim.
I regret not having hypnotherapy to not love chocolate.
I regret not moving to another State & leaving my unsupportive family behind 30 years ago.
I regret that males are not taught to dance when young & at school.
I regret not having been on a date for 36 years.
I regret working myself into illness because my bosses expected me to complete everything before I left (often at 8.30 pm & later).
I regret taking that job & staying 2.5 yrs. until I broke-down after working 12 hrs+ /day with no overtime or thanks. My first day was not lunch & I left at 6.30 pm. It made me so ill I was unable to work for 4 years – only able to do Temp work after that.
I regret not suing that very big (well-known) corporation at the time as I still suffer extreme pain, requiring constant medical attention, but I was just an exhausted Secretary with no confidence, legal advice or money to fight back.
That should just about do it!
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Do it. You don’t have to regret this. Go to one of those pro-bono workers’ compensation lawyers and give them a run for their money!
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Let’s see…
I regret turning my back on a friend who may have become the love of my life because the guy I was dating (and later married) didn’t like him. Of course when my daughter was 18 months old I found he was cheating on me, had been since i was 6 months pregnant and refused to stop. I took my daughter and left.
Now I work full time as a high school teacher, crippled with a mortgage, battling to give my daughter the best upbringing possible (including time with her dad) while suffering with anxiety and depression.
And to add salt to the wound? I see my old flame quite regularly… and his long-time girlfriend. Life can be a bitch sometimes, but it’s all worth it because I have a beautiful 5 year old who amazes me with her vivacity and capacity to love wholly and unconditionally. She is the reason I get up in the morning.
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I often regret the time I spend on the internet. When I look back and think of all the other things I could have accomplished during that time space…….and all I did was sit in front of a screen. It’s really time to give this habit the flick me thinks.
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Oh God, I hear that one. What I could have achieved if I wasn’t mindlessly trawling blogs!
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I am worried that I will regret choosing to not have children. I am so happy, and I work so hard and I love everything about my life, even when it’s a bit shit, because that is what makes life life… But I really don’t want kids.
Will I regret it? More than resent a child in my life??
I do regret caring too much what my ‘friends’ thought of me in high school. Goodness I hated high school.
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I regret drinking last night
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I regret wasting so much time [10 years] trying to get pregnant, letting it take over my life and not living.
Not anymore. I wrote this on my blog last week
“this is the end. i am not meant to be a mother. it hurts to write that. it hurts more than i could ever adequately describe to admit that but in the core of my soul, from the very fibre of my being, i believe it to be true. the pain subsides as the relief of realisation takes over.
in admitting it, not only here but to myself, i’m allowing my heart to love itself again. allowing my body to forgive what it could not have stopped and allowing my soul to see it’s potential in fulfilling it’s purpose in this world in some other, no doubt fabulous, fashion.
my arms may never have been destined to hold a babe in them but they were destined to be flung wide open and embrace life in all it’s fabulous glory and from this day forward, that’s just what i intend to do. if you want to, i would love for you to come along for the journey at my new blog abode – nothing is planned, the world is my oyster and if you let me, i’ll take you to the moon and back because baby, my life is just beginning……
THE BEGINNING.”
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I regret not speaking my mind more – being more authentic and genuine.
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Inheriting some money at 24 and deciding to buy a holiday house. Stressed us out for four years before we finally offloaded it recently for a considerable loss.
HOWEVER, whenever I feel gripey about it I remind myself that I’m young enough to earn the money back and it was an inheritance and so on..
Still, I feel like my Grandfather didn’t work hard all his life to leave his family money just for us to blow it on stupid decisions.
But what is done is done I guess. Lesson learned.
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I regret letting my “arty photographer” friend take our wedding photos. It was a beautiful, intimate, candle-lit ceremony, but in the photos everyone looks awful (including me, the bride) and all I can see is extension cords everywhere.
I regret having my wedding so quickly after my dad walked out on my mother. Everyone was in shock.
I regret letting my mother-in-law make my wedding dress. It was not the colour I wanted. I felt an obligation to allow her to do it. I was too “nice” to tell her it wasn’t right.
I regret not having a simple, intimate ceremony in Hawaii, the way we originally planned.
I regret not telling my mother-in-law to get stuffed when she made critical/unsupportive comments about my breastfeeding, when I struggled so desperately to get it established with my first baby.
I regret hiding my depression from my husband during that time, because I thought it made me a “bad mother” to admit to it.
I do not regret marrying my husband, or having my children. Those are the best decisions I ever made.
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I regret mucking up so spectacularly as a teenager.
I regret not traveling as much as I wanted when I was young.
I regret picking a less than optimal father for my first two kids.
Having said that, these things have shaped who I am and wouldn’t be the same person I am now (I’d still have gotten the stupid brain tumour though).
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I wish I’d been less worried about failure or what people would have thought of me and just gone for it, whatever ‘it’ was.
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Me too.
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I used to almost pride myself on living a full life, with many mistakes, but not having any real regrets. Well, now I have regrets. But these regrets have been the catalyst for some real soul searching and I can now say that I am much more aware, am closer to being my ‘true’ self, and have evolved emotionally. Just wish I hadn’t hurt the one I was supposed to love the most.
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I DONT regret shagging every bloke that crossed my spiderweb in my teens and twenties. I DONT regret putting minimum effort into my uni degrees to spend time socialising.
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Have to admit I experience regret over a few of these things.. At the moment, particularly number 10
After a whirlwind romance, I feel like I have woken up suddenly and found myself married with a baby and not really sure how I got here… I feel terrible to feel like this when I am so blessed to have a beautiful, healthy son and my husband is not a bad person at all, but at the moment I feel like we aren’t very compatible and married too quickly and for the wrong reasons. I feel like our life is a cycle of vicious arguments, half-hearted make-ups and a distant peace for a few days before it begins all over again. I try to talk to him but I get nowhere, I feel like we have no real emotional connection. I’m in such a bad place at the moment… I keep dreaming of my life before I met him and fantasising about what I could have done or who I could have met. I know this is so awful, especially because of my son, but I can’t help these bitter thoughts… Any advice??
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Get some couple’s help. Sometimes going to speak to someone outside of the relationship helps. They can help you both work out what you want and help set a plan in place to make things better for both of you.
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The arrival of a baby is always a massive shock. It will put strain on the strongest relationships. Don’t forget that sleep deprivation is used as an interrogation method.
No-one will be at their best in the face of all the changes to lifestyle that a baby brings. Particularly the levels of isolation that a new mother can suddenly have to deal with.
Have a chat to your husband, he may be feeling exactly the way you are (a little trapped?) and when you both understand where the other’s head’s at, you can address it together by ensuring that both of you get some baby free time at least once a week. Share a bottle of wine to loosen up your husband and get him talking.
We also set up a date night where we arranged babysitters once a fortnight and went out on a date and just had some fun together. That helped a great deal, but you have to wait until your baby is up to it.
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Well said Trog. The period after having a baby is a notoriously stressful one, for any relationship.
A good counsellor/psychologist will help “unpack” the issues, and figure out what’s baby-related and what’s not.
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Funny, I just finished writing an email to a friend complaining that my husband, who I’ve been with seven years, is driving me insane. We have an 8 month old baby. I think it’s just a stressful time. We’re getting OK sleep now she’s older, but I think we’re still coming to terms with changing roles and little niggling issues — who’s not pulling their weight, how to manage our money now I’m not working so much — are suddenly becoming full on fights. I’m sure it’ll just be a phase though??! Good luck!
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Me too. Everyday I feel so blessed to have two perfect, beautiful children but my mind wanders as to what my life woukd be like if I didn’t marry my husband. My children are in these thoughts though….that’s the odd thing. I have no advice but it feels good to know I’m not the only person out there who thinks this way.
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I regret the huge amount of time and energy I have spent over the years worrying about my weight, dieting, failing dieting, binging, feeling fat (even when I wasn’t – but I am now) etc…
I regret drinking so much from 16-23yrs (far far too much, really bad…) and the dodgy situations it got me into. In the past, I didn’t regret this, I thought it was all just part of what teenagers do, but now I realise that I still live the consequences of those years now, at 39yrs old, with my bad memory (short and long term), lack of tertiary education, regret etc…
I regret not buying Apple shares when we wanted to.
I am annoyed that I regret things that my *parents* did. Is that even possible? To regret the decisions other people made on behalf of me as a child, and how that affects me even now as an adult?
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PI regret my bulimia. For years it’s been a constant struggle, however the last 2 years it’s it’s taken over me, who I am and what I’ve become. It’s like an addiction, like my heroin, constantly thinking about my next binge.
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Please get some help if you haven’t already.
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I lost six years of my life this way (late teens and early twenties). Those years are just a blur of always obsessing over food and feeling disgusting. Such a waste. Now, I’ve been completely free of it for over a year and the funny thing is, after an initial weight gain as I learned to eat normally again, my weight is exactly the same and I’m 1000% healthier.
I hope so much you’ll be able to get over this. For me, the only thing that worked was putting myself in a life situation where I really had no opportunities to purge. It may not be the most medically forward solution but for me it worked eventually. Good luck xx
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I regret saying something really mean about someone who’d always been nothing but lovely to me, and I don’t even know why I said it. She hasn’t spoken to me since, and I’ve thought about it every single day since it happened. I want to apologise, but I’m too scared that she won’t want to hear it.
There are bigger things in my life I could’ve changed, but I wish I hadn’t done this one thing. I wish she knew how much I regretted hurting her.
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I realise it sounds very juvenile; I assure you, I’m a fully fledged adult!
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If she’s already not speaking to you, what do you have to lose? If you think she won’t listen, write her a note explaining (or asking) how you can rectify the matter.
Good luck
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Definitely apologize. Even if she still decides not to talk to you afterwards, I’m sure she will still appreciate the apology. At least that way she’ll know you regret it. Plus it will give you some comfort knowing that you tried to make amends.
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I dont look at mistakes with regret. Everything I have done in my life has brought me to this day. I’m 43, now so my life is pretty much what it is now.
There are lots of things that I could have done differently that could have improved the things that I don’t like about my life, but those “bad” choices I made also resulted in a lot of things I love about my life and who knows if they would have turned out differently by choosing a different path?
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My biggest regret is that I have spend so much of my life worrying about things I have no control over.
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me too!!
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Same!!!!!
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I regret reducing my Facebook friends list to a little over 80…I’m now asking a “question” about whether or not people support the LNP attempting to repeal same-sex civil union legislation if they win the Qld election, but when you’ve only got 80 friends spreading the question is pretty hard…
I also regret not learning to study in highschool, because it has caused terrible study habits for uni.
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Generally speaking I try not to have regrets, as I believe regret is futile, and like to think that even the bad choices I’ve made in life have been things I’ve learned from. The one deep regret I have though is being ‘too busy with work’ to meet my sister for a coffee on the morning of the day she died. I will regret that forever…
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Not studying my passion. Biggest regret.
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There is still time. Trust me
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Bern – what do you wish you had studied? I have taken the plunge back into full-time study this year, after many years of working! It is hard getting the brain back into study year, but golly I am loving it. x
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In my life God has always turned catastrophes into catalysts… so no regrets.
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I regret not wrapping my mum up and bringing her home to die.
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Oh that could possibly be one of the saddest things I’ve ever read. Much love. x
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Thanks Bern xx
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I try not to spend emotional energy on regrets. Sure there are things I wish I had or hadn’t done, like leave my ex-partner earlier (ie leave him before he left me), but I try to reason that I did what was the best idea at the time with the information & emotional situation I had then.
I’d like to follow that saying “regret the things you did, not the things you didn’t do” but I don;t always succeed.
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I have always said to “never regret what you cannot change”. That makes me sound like a very wise owl, master of my universe. I am great with regret but i spend my time and negative energy worried about stuff that is unlikely to ever happen as opposed to regretting what has already happened. Like being consumed by an irrational fear of ‘something terrible’ happening to my 2 year old. A normal parental fear but not to the degree I let it take off to in my own head.
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I regret cutting my eyelashes off when I was 10. They didn’t ever grow back properly.
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I regret some dumb financial decisions, particularly the one where I trusted my husband to be the oracle of financial wisdom. I wish I had have forced myself to get my head around the stuff instead of working on the assumption that since he seemed to speak the lingo he understood it better than me. Now we’re still bearing the brunt of it and I have to try and not let it eat away at me….
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Je ne regrette rien
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I regret marrying my ex-husband. He was and always will be a lovely guy, but I was too young, and our communication skills were sadly lacking on where we individually wanted to be, which was worlds apart. Our marriage lasted one year, and I left. It was the worst period of my life and I regret hurting him so badly. He didn’t deserve any of it. Having said that, we have both moved on to amazing partners, so I consider it a hard life lesson very much learned.
C’est la vie, as they say. Onwards and upwards.
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Me too, a very similar situation, except we weren’t young. I regret marrying him, but not our relationship before that. All our friends were getting married, I guess we thought that was the next step. I think deep down he never really wanted to get married and after 6 months I knew it wasn’t going to work.
I have since remarried and we have a 9 week old baby. It is completely different with my 2nd husband (I hate that I have already been married), it feels so different, this is how it’s meant to be.
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Don’t regret wasting your life on regrets!!!
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Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to sow more wild oats…
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Not buying a house when I could have in my 20′s. I was a single mum and didn’t want to risk it as the repayments were higher than rent and needed the extra money for my son. (I had a sizeable deposit) Now I am in my 50′s, the bank won’t look at me for a loan and I couldn’t afford it now anyway as I am out of the race. Most of my friends own their own homes and are talking of retiring and here’s me having to work till I am 67 before I am entitled to a pension. Gee I planned that well – not.
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Hi Sally,
I think you did really well to raise your son in an environment free from the added strains of mortgage stress. The last thing he would have wanted was to see you crippled with the worry of provided a roof over his head. It’s flawed thinking to believe that your life would have turned out much better if you’d made that decision. It probably would not have done so. The added stress may have caused you or him to have health problems. The house you bought may have had it’s own problems etc etc.
You have every right to celebrate and be proud of all you have accomplished – rather than chastising yourself over what you may have failed to achieve.
All the houses in the world can’t guarantee you piece of mind or buy you the love of your son. Xxx
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You should applaud yourself for bringing up a child solo. If you don’t I will! Owning your own home is a thing of the past. Embrace the financial freedom because what a lot of your friends haven’t told you is that they probably still owe thousands of dollars and will still have to work until they are in their 60′s!!
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I regret not regretting #10
It has been put to me MANY times that I will/ought/must regret marrying too young. Try as I might, I don’t. In my detailed teenaged life plan I was going to *maybe* marry no earlier than 30 and *maybe* have children. But I met an amazing guy at age 15 and all my little plans and dreams flew out the window. 20 years on, I can truly say that it was not regretful at all.
I have, however, entertained how much I would have regretted turning away from that relationship simply because of my age and people telling me I would regret marrying so young – no other human has even come close to how “right” he was, and still is, for me. How awful it would have been to have missed out on that!
So for those who worry about this, please try not to fret too much. The grass is greener where you water it
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“The grass is greener where you water it
”
Love it!
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I regret having a one night stand with a douche when I was 17. Wouldn’t be so much of a problem except I fell in love with his older brother a year later and we ave been together 15yrs and married for 10yrs with 3 kids!
Unfortunately the brother is still a douche, and even bigger one if that is at all possible, and I squirm at every family function I see him. We have never discussed it, I suspect my hubby knows but it’s just better left unsaid.
I know you’re not meant to regret anything but I really DO regret this.
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My regrets are:
Not applying for the qld police service earlier.
Not being a good wife to my husband! I’m only just realizing that I expected so much from him and gave him little in return. I treated him like a child for most of our relationship and marriage and now it’s too late to undo!
Buying my first house – I wish I did more research and bought in a different area.
I think that’s it. My life has been full of ups and downs but I wouldn’t change much. Although if I had of done the above then I’m sure my life would be very different now!
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Oh Sezzard, I don’t know you and don’t know your situation (though have been reading your posts.) Can I just say it takes too to make a marriage work and I don’t think you should be regretting not being a good wife to your husband. Is this not the man who left you with a new born?? – just sayin.. Go easy on yourself and I hope you are doing okay.
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Thanks Gypsy! Yes, he did leave me with a newborn but in hindsight I think he felt like he didn’t have a choice as I had pushed him so far away. It does take two and initially I was very quick to blame him for everything but I’ve actually had time to think about how I could have contributed to the marriage breakdown too.
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I don’t have it yet but I am worried I’m going to regret not having another child. Time is ticking on but we are in a situation where having a child right now would be really bag timing (and that worries because I am prone to depression and PND – the extra stress could be dangerous).
On one hand if we wait too much longer I don’t feel I will be able to deal with the big age difference and going back to “the start” again, but on the other hand I look at my pregnant friends and think how much I always wanted more children and really (probably!) might like another. FWP I know, but it is weighing on my mind right now.
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Shaezy! Let’s discuss this “possible regret” together. I am in the same boat. My kids are only quite young, 18months and 2.5yrs (3 in May). I am almost 32 and my husband is 40. To do or not to do? To do would almost certainly mean a new car because I wouldn’t fit three car seats in my current vehicle etc etc etc. There are a million pros and a million cons. I just don’t want to get to 40-something and say to myself why didn’t I just suck it up and do the hard yards back then?
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Shaezy! I am desperate to have a 3rd child, (I have a 20 month old and a 7 month old- both boys) but husband has said a definite NO. He is worried about the financial side of a 3rd, which I can understand to a point- But I have always wanted to fill the back seat of the car! And it’s not to try for a girl either, I have just always wanted 3 children.
I will talk him around, because I DON’T want it to be one of my regrets.
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I have never met anyone who regretted having that extra child, although I’ve met many who wished they’d had another one. My hubby didn’t want #4, but I did, & he finally agreed. We now have 4 kids aged 5.5yrs old & younger and neither of us regrets it for a second. Life is intense, we have no family support locally, but we love our 2 boys & 2 girls & are making it work.
I say do it
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Regrets? I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to mention…
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i dont have many regrets…..the only one i can think of is giving up dancing when i was 14…i kinda wish that i did it longer at least 4 more years more…i just got bored with it after doing it for 10 years…looking back i would of done it until school finished.
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i did the exact same thing! danced from when i was 3 to 14 was told i was capable of joing the sydney ballet company and i bailed on it because i was missing out on all the ‘sleepovers and birthday parties’ .. one of my biggest regrets!
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The only regret I have is, treating a man who liked me very badly. It was during my time at uni and I had just broken up with my first love (high school sweetheart) and was just in an awful place. I just wasn’t ready for another relationship. But there is no excuse for being unkind to someone.
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I definitely agree with the last one. I think it is a real mistake to get married young if you can help it.
My slut years are invaluable and looked back on very fondly
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Oh I totally agree – its good to have some stories
but on the otherhand, you can’t help it when you meet ‘the one’, maybe you will meet them at 18?
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True, but I also think “the one” is dependant on the right timing. I had plenty of lovely boyfriends when I was young, I just wasn’t ready…
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I totally agree. My slutty phase is something I remember fondly. As I understand it, so does Big Fella.
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I don’t regret even the really dodgy decisions I made because I too believe they have led me to where I am now – a pretty damn good place! I do cringe sometimes though, looking back.
I feel the same way (to a large extent – not completely!) about things that weren’t my decision but were negative experiences – they have made me who I am, and often forced me to find strength I had no idea was there.
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I regret not using that free return flight I had between London and Rome. I had 6 months to use it but I was too busy going to the Ministry of Sound every weekend to make it to Rome. What a ning nong.
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oh who cares- Rome will always be there. I bet you had a ball at those festivals and clubs. I know I did when I was there…
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I regret not using the word “ning nong” more.
Thanks for bringing it back on my radar!
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i regret not taking my ex back a month ago when he asked me too
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Sorry to say but he’s an ex for a reason
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Sometimes true, but not always.
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the reason we broke up though was because im 21 ive been with him since i was 17.. we broke up because i pictured spending the rest of my life with him but needed to know what i was like on my own….he waited 5 months then couldnt hold on any longer… aah feels like a whole neww break up
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I regret not telling that boy I loved him.
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There’s nothing wrong with introspection or reflecting on experience.
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I regret not knowing my mother was dying when I was a teenager. I regret not helping her more. I regret bottling up all my feelings after she died and letting them out years later by drinking and sleeping around. I regret not taking better care of my younger brother and sister. Now 15 years on I have decided to seek professional help to deal with it. I regret not doing that earlier.
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I’m sorry Boo boo – they must be hard regrets to have. Glad you have gotten help. x
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Thanks Kate
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Never too late boo hoo. Good on you for getting help now. Good luck
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The first one is not your fault, so isn’t a regret. You wish you had known, but it was outside your control so there’s nothing to regret.
As for the professional help, I wish I had done that 20 years earlier too, but we’ve done it now
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You’ll never regret getting professional help. It’s never too late. xxx
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Wow. I’m only 23 but I agree with half the regrets on that list- 1, 2, 3, 4 & 6. That’s scary, I don’t want to be saying the same thing in 10 years. I really, really need to get my shit together!
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