By MELISSA WELLHAM
What a week it’s been in the Mamamia office. There were the Oscars. We’ve had our new group of Semester 1, 2013 interns starting work. And there was an excessive amount of cake consumed in honour of Nat’s birthday.
For those of you who have only just started playing along at home, Open Post is many things.
It’s a place to hear about what’s been going on in the Mamamia office; and a place to share what’s been going on in your life. You can share workplace dramas or cute family moments; we want to hear everything from (polite) political diatribes to what TV shows you can’t stop watching this week.
Things have been a little hectic at Mamamia for the past week or so. Working on a website – which exists on the World Wide Web and so is, by definition, global – means that no matter where you are, it’s possible to be ‘at work’.
The Academy Awards (and subsequent after parties) unfortunately weren’t scheduled to take into consideration the real lives of the Mamamia team, and Style and Beauty editor Nicky worked tirelessly to bring you galleries of the most impressive (and, well, underwhelming) outfits, including the celebrities who wore not one or two but three dresses on the night. Take a look:

Anne Hathaway in Prada, Armani and custom Saint Laurent
Putting aside the excitement of the Oscars, last week Mia and Jamila were working from Melbourne (you can read all about it here) – which led to morning meetings with everyone trying to talk loudly into a single iPhone at once (sheer anarchy), awkward conversations in cabs (Jamila: “Yes, let’s write about nipple slips!” Taxi driver: “Excuse me Miss? I hope you don’t mind me asking but…where do you work?”), and thousands upon thousands of emails exchanged.
It made me marvel at the wonderment of the internet. With much of our team (namely Bec and Kate) working from interstate and writers and readers all over the country, being online is the only way we can all keep in touch. Wahoo for the web, huh?
And for your further amusement, here’s what been happening over at Mamamia’s Instagram page. (If you’re not following us on Instagram then WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? We’re available on the handle @mamamiaaus):

Mia on the Today show this morning
Birth, for all its pain and messiness, is beautiful – and so are the powerful mothers who deliver. Do you have an amazing birth photo? Share it at iVillage. Send your photos to lana@ivillage.com.au to be included in a gallery. Editors Lana and Alana have already shared theirs. Click here to check them out.
So that’s what’s going on in our world. Wherever you are currently located in Australia – or indeed the planet – what’s going on in yours?








Comments
259 Comments so far
Ok don’t laugh…. This is very serious! I am actually completely addicted to frozen cheesecake. Over the last 3 months I’m almost eating a whole one per day. I think about it constantly like a smoker or drinker. I get anxious when there’s none in the freezer. Clearly I’m stacking on the weight…. I can’t stop…. Not a joke…… Heeeeelp!
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I think your first step might be to go to your GP. If you’rea actually addicted to something (whatever it is) then you might need to see a psychologist and possibly go on some sort of medication.
Good luck!
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Quite a while ago I saw a movie called “Cuba After Peak Oil”. It was fascinating! It showed how after the Russians pulled out of Cuba and left Cuba with nothing, Cuba transformed itself into a beautiful self sustaining ecosystem, with regenerated soils growing abundant and organic fruit and veg, and attracting and sustaining a host of wildlife – simply because they stopped using anything artificial (they had to because there was nothing).
I just happened to be thinking about this and chatting over coffee with a friend this week, and – low and behold – I discovered yesterday that the guy who did the film is giving a talk at Ceres this evening about how to achieve this sort of thing in Melbourne. Wow, how incredible!
Boy do I look forward to Melbourne implementing such strategies and bringing organic produce into affordable prices – making it a staple of every home. My son has food allergies and I need to be careful of all the additives in foods, including pesticides and herbicides and fertilizers.
The cool thing is that this sort of thing can be achieved by each of us in community style gardens where we work together to produce good food. We’re going to need this sort of community spirit the way the global economy is going!
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Thanks, may go to this!
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Ginnifer Goodwin is such pretty girl, but she is one who cannot pull off the pixie hairdo I don’t think. Her face is much more suited to longer hair.
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AGREE.
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Tomorrow I move out of home for the first time.
24 yrs old, only child… Bring it on
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Kaybee, I am also an only child and moved away from home last year. Not going to lie, the first year was a bitch! But each month it gets easier and easier. Just keep yourself busy! You will love it xx
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By the way would it would be great to meet some other Aussies living out here in England. Husband and I are living in Warwick… well in between there and Leamington Spa. Anyone around here?
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It’s been almost 3 weeks (tomorrow) since we moved to England. It feels like the time has flown by! Also today is our 2nd day in our new apartment… speaking of which we had major dramas yesterday when they delivered our furniture. We had been living in America for about 2 years before coming here and husband’s company relocated us and shipped all our furniture over. Well let me just tell you American furniture and English homes don’t mix! We couldn’t get our sofa through the door and our coffee table was way to big for the space, so the people that delivered the furniture had to take those pieces back to storage! Luckily we have 4 weeks free storage until we can figure our what the hell to do! In fact I think we need to update some other pieces of furniture too…. why oh why do English homes have to be so small! Uhhh despite its smallness our apartment is brand new and came with fantastic appliances (still don’t get the washing machine/dryer in the kitchen!)
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Are you for real? l personally find that quite repulsive.
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Oh dear. There’s so much about your statement that saddens me. I know you intended for it to be a light hearted comment and maybe I shouldn’t be saddened. Maybe you’re actually having as much fun as you think you are. In life, I’ve found that the level of respect you receive from men and frankly other women too is set by your own level of self respect. If none of them calls, it doesn’t mean you’re not special.
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I sold two crochet projects this week – my first two! I’m still in the process of trying to figure out a name for my tiny new business and some branding, and whether or not Etsy is the place for me, or if I should just build a webshop for myself in wordpress. Any suggestions for me? Does anyone successfully sell on Etsy? I know it’s a lot of hard work networking and marketing, but I’ll enjoy that challenge. I just worry that the fees will eat into my already small profit margin and make it a non viable venture…
I’m in a bit of a stall though – without the name I can’t get cracking on the rest. And I’m itching to get cracking on the rest!
I also have to say, I watched an interview on youtube yesterday with Andrew O’Keefe taking on Dutch conservative anti-Islam politician Geert Wilders and now I have the biggest crush on AOK ever! He did a wonderful job making Wilders appear the fool that he really is.
It’s well worth a look if you have a spare half hour: http://inburgeringadventure.blogspot.nl/2013/02/my-new-hero.html
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How about hooked on life or something along those lines. I also saw a show (I can’t remember what it was) where there was digital photography close ups of lace work and crochet and they were blown up as art work. They were black and white and looked really effective. It could be heaps of fun to play with. Good luck with it all!
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So im about to go on annual leave and my 5y.old daughter decides to swallow a $1.00 coin on monday. We were collecting coins to use at the laundromat because my dryer died last week! Come wednesday…. Dryer fixed, no coin! Swishing though poo with a skewer isn’t at all the restful holiday i’d imagined….Then, 3rd son is dead set on ordering tuckshop for friday but i’m a dollar short! Hearing my dilema, my daughter (who has kabuki syndrome) lifts up her dress and says hereya one dollar! Oh bless, i hope she poos it out by friday or we’re off to the mater for xray! Cheers!
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Good way to spread awareness of kabuki syndrome! And l dont mean that in a sarcastic way, but l would bet almost 99% of MM readers who read your post went straight to Google to look it up .l only know of it cos l have nursed a child with kabuki. Hope she does well
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Thanks lavender! She’s a treasure! I bought a ticket in the lotto hoping to win but would sooo much happier if my girl passes that dollar.
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I am 37.5 weeks pregnant and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my Son whilst stressing how I will cope with a newborn and a challenging 22 mth old daughter…. Maybe this would make a good article?
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Good luck to you! I wouldn’t mind reading an article about this myself
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2 years is a pretty common age gap between kids, just relax you will be fine!
Good luck with the birth.
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I had little gifts ‘from the newborn’ to give to my 2 year old when she came and visited in hospital, just so she didn’t feel left out or jealous at all, it worked a treat.
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Life is one big freakin challenge at the moment. I get one drama sorted then the next one rolls along. Day off work today and the catering I organised for my boss went pear-shaped. Not my fault but I’m dreading my boss tomorrow…I’m his favourite scapegoat.
I have to pay dorky holiday tomorrow and spent over an hour on hold today…I’m willing to hand them my $$ if they’d just answer the phone.
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You are proud of this? And you expect one of them to ring you when that’s how you behave?
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My 2 year old boy was a bit cranky after his swimming lesson. In the change room, I thought I would get him out of his wet clothes and get him changed first. After getting out of his clothes (and swimming nappy), he refused to get into his nappy. So, I decided to get changed. A few seconds later, while i was half naked, I glance towards him and see that he is doing a wee right in the middle of the public changeroom. I was mortified and I didn’t know what to do. With exposed boobs I rushed him to the toilets (a bit pointless since he had finished, but I felt like I had to something). I had tears in my eyes as he was bawling his eyes out at my reaction and he had a tantrum while I put him in his nappy and murmurred sorry and left. It was a change room with ‘grates’ in the floor so there wasn’t any sign of the incident….but embarassing nonetheless.
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Awww you poor thing! That would have been so embarrassing!!
One of those awful days…
One day you will look back and tell him (and others) this as a “funny growing up” story.
Don’t worry you won’t remember it in a few weeks!!
Enjoy the rest of your week x
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Naw, don’t feel bad about that. He’s just a little boy and you can’t always predict what is going to happen. It’s not like you or he did it on purpose…
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My now 3yr old has a habit of weeing anywhere that is dirt or grass, as we live on a farm and that is acceptable to us here. If its not on the carpet then I’m happy.
Not so good – out at a party Friday night in the beer-garden of a small town pub (very family friendly) and he pulls his wang out to wee in the middle of the grass! Cue me, running flat out to get him to at least the garden bed before he empties the flood in a walking/crawling/baby space.
Don’t be embarrassed! He is a little guy just learning what this wee business is all about. Any other mum in there would have taken it with a grain of salt, and known you were doing your best.
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My Husband forgot to wear shoes to work today.
yup
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My boss did the same thing last week, spent the day wandering around in socks.
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Tired (excessively)or starting a new fashion trend maybe??
P.s But did he remember his undies (oh and the clean ones)
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Yes definitely tired. He got up to the three year old three times last night while I slept. Not complaining about that one!
He had thongs in the car so wore those. Still, his vagueness makes me double check everything he does! (which he hates, but how can I stop?)
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l must ask how long did it take him to realise it? Or did someone mention it to him?
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He didn’t realise until he got all the way to work. He is a school teacher! It was Chapel day too. I guess Jesus wore thongs…
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Well… there’s been one or two announcements, a departure of something that could’ve been amazing and just work. Lots of work.
All of the above has got me thinking about my next steps, and that, my friends, is scary as f**k.
Love from cold, wet, tired London xxx
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Hey Ozinuk… as someone who has just moved to England let me just say uhhhh this weather! Well actually I shouldn’t complain, we’re just outside of London and haven’t had any rain for about a week now… but it’s still COLD!
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This is my fifth winter over here… and it’s certainly been one of the driest! Loving the no rain, however am well over the chill. Bring on the longer days.
Welcome BTW – hope you’re settling in all ok and have discovered the amazing delights of Waitrose! xx
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Hey everyone, have just moved to Brisbane and am finding it challenging to find my feet and new friends. I’m in my later 20′s so thought it would be easy but it’s hard when you work long hours! Or can anyone recommend good places to eat/drink? Thanks!
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Em, I’m from Brisbane, but unfortunately, I’m not going to be here for very much longer otherwise I’d say lets meet up! Good places to eat – my no 1 restaurant in Brisbane is the Purple Olive on the New Farm/Valley border.
Otherwise, try joining a book club or going to networking events in your professional body (if you have one). I met one of my very best friends through Mamamia – I joined her book club after she invited me and we are tight as now! I really feel for you – Brisbane is a bit tough to make new friends, everyone seems to have their mates from high school/uni – it doesn’t have much of a transient population as Sydney and Melbourne!
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Where are you going Whippersnapper? I must’ve missed the announcement.
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I WS can’t say because she posts MM comments from her work computer, but I am pretty certain it’s the UK?
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Welcome to Brisbane Em. Many newcomers to Bris have told me about a website called meetup.com which is Not a dating site but suggestions of activities, events,etc and is especially good for newcomers. Good luck
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I got to see an awesome relative of mine win lots of money on millionaire hot seat this week. I’m very excited for her! I know she will be wise and sensible with her win!
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Was it the girl who was having her 21st birthday and has an ex footy player father? If so, I never watch that show but saw the ad and she looked so lovely I made a point of tuning in to cheer for her. She seemed so sweet I actually cried when she won!
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Pretty ordinary week…I have a cold but trying so hard to kick it.
I got a letter at the start of the week relating to when I went to donate blood month ago and couldn’t. They wanted a sample cos of an irregular result from my last donation. They let me know it was probably nothing and the sample should be fine. Well, it wasn’t. It turns out my ferritin levels are at 4.98 nano grams per litre, when the acceptable range is 15 to 200. I have an appointment to see my doctor next week and I’m sure that they’ll do more tests and find that I’m anaemic or something, so nothing major, but I just hate waiting! Given that my husband and I want to start trying for a baby in a few months, I don’t know how that will affect that or an eventual pregnancy. Though if nothing else, an iron deficiency goes some of the way to explaining some things, even if I did just think it was normal.
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Haven’t seen Oopsyboops for awhile. Has anyone else?
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OMM: I’m a teacher and this week has been lovely. Firstly, I watched an award winning play that was written and directed by an ex-student and it was fantastic. It got brilliant reviews and it looks like bright, glittering things are ahead for her. A couple of days later, I bumped into another ex-student who was thrilled because he’d just has his first article published in a national magazine. How exciting!
I’m thrilled for both of them and am delighted with their success. However, it has made me think about my own life – and specifically, is it wrong just to want to plod along and not push myself to do more? I love my life and I love teaching, it just feels like I should WANT to want more!
I’m over-thinking this, aren’t I??
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Yes you are over-thinking. A great teacher and one who loves what they do,is a rare thing.
‘I love my life and I love teaching’
That says it all! And remember, those ex-students would not be where they are without you. You are doing more than enough.
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Thanks Lottie – I needed that. I shall continue to admire those who have lovely ambition while I enjoy cruising along in my lovely life
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Wondering why so many adults find it a struggle to make friends or don’t have any friends. I just don’t understand. It is rather sad . What a lonely existence
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Kelli I’m speaking from my own personal view point here but making friends as an adult isn’t as simple and well organic as it is when you’re kids… also having an introverted personality doesn’t help much either I suppose. For e.g. I’ve just moved to England and I would love to meet new people, but it’s the matter of how? where? It’s not the easiest thing in the world to do.
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and I have I got a story to make you all cringe and chuckle this afternoon!
Was just having a bored moment at work and decided to have a stalky stalk of a girl who I used to go to uni with. Just so happens that I knew her at uni, she was quite good friends with a friend of mine. She deleted me from FB a few years ago, NO IDEA why.
I didn’t know that Ex Mr W knew her, but he mentioned her once or twice at home when we were together. Found out she went to his birthday dinner back in November and so overly dramatic me was like “THAT’S IT, THEY’RE TOGETHER”. It’s highly unlikely but I’m a catastrophiser like that.
Just having a stalk on her FB today. Hanging out. ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED FRIEND REQUEST!!!!!!! ERMAHGAWD. I undid the friend request and went to Dr Google who told me to block her straight away so FB can’t send her an email notification (if she has them set up) for my friend request because I’ve got her blocked…..
Instant panic. Now I’m just laughing. If she sees it then, oh WELL. I’m going over seas. WHO CARES.
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Oh God that is one of my worst nightmares when I do a stalky stalk.
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HAHA ME TOO! Note to everyone: do not stalk on your iPhone. So easy for the hand to slip! DO ALL STALKING ON THE COMPUTER WHERE YOU HAVE TO HAVE A VERY DEFINITE MOUSE CLICK!
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I have done this! I was stalking an ex-friend on Facebook (yes, on an iPhone!) and accidentally sent a friend request to my nemisis. Strangest thing – she accepted!
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iPhones are the devil for Facebook. I accidently subscribed to the female friend of my ex (when we were together). I was snooping because he always ‘liked’ every single one of her ‘hilarious’ status updates…hopefully I caught it before she noticed.
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Ooooh been there lol
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OH NO! My worst nightmare lol!
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AARGH this happened to me – i was stalking my ex boyfriends page a couple years ago and stalked an event he had created that wasnt set to private – for his new girlfriends 30th bday party, and somehow i clicked join to attend it!!! i was on my stupid ph and it wouldnt let me unjoin it till i got home to my computer – mortification!
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My favourite is when you accidentally like a photo that’s around 4 years old. Gah!
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The guy I am seeing from work is playing with my heart. Yes he is married with kids but he told me how much he adores me. Now I want him without having to share him. At 39 my fertility is declining . I want this man and I want his baby. Hoping that pregnancy is easily obtainable for me. Then we can be a family and he leaves his.
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Obvious troll….is obvious…..
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You go girl. A woman has to fight for what she wants in life.
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Are you serious K? Agree with below comment – All that comes to mind is selfish. What about his wife and kids? You want them to suffer just so you can have what you want. What comes around goes around…v
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You know what … I am not being selfish I am just for the first time in a long time worrying about myself for a change. I adore this man and will fight tooth and nail to get him
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All that comes to mind is selfish. What about his wife and kids? You want them to suffer just so you can have what you want. What comes around goes around…
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he is the one who is cheating. why is it always the females fault. also, his wife and kids don’t deserve to be put through his infidelity. His wife should also have the chance to find true love- someone who actually loves her and treat her right. he sounds like a scoundrel though and once a cheater, always a cheater. pity the woman who falls for one.
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Sisterhood? You dont touch another womans husband / partner / boyfriend. Women who do are homewreckers and deserve nothing but the worst.
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again, he is the one cheating. i don’t condone her actions, but she is not the one with kids and a partner already.
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K
Are you serious? You want to be responsible for breaking up a family? Not to mention if he’s doing this to be with you, he will probably do it to you down the track…
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Run! as quickly as you can.
He’s a total douche for cheating on his family. If he wanted to leave his family to make a life with you, he would. If he hasn’t, his actions speak louder than his words.
There are always other options for having your much longed for baby, including IVF as a single woman.
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Agree with all the above comments, do not go here. You are destroying lives, and probably your own too.
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Oh god, please let you be a troll and not actually think these thoughts.
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I so agree with Ally! “All that comes to mind is selfish. What about his wife and kids? You want them to suffer just so you can have what you want. What comes around goes around…”
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I agree with you… But Ava it’s odd you’re agreeing with Ally, I thought you were the same person.
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Are you ‘young and naive?’
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My car had a flat battery on Monday morning so I was forced to walk to work. It felt so good getting some morning exercise that I’ve walked to work every day since & walked home, of course. Hope I can keep this up.
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Heres my deal. Came off pill after nearly a decade. Nothing happned for three months, then had a period then another a month later. Thought that meant nature had kicked in but my third was due early feb and still nothing. Anyone else had experience with coming off pill and getting irregularity like this? We want to try for kids in about six months.
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Hi tess
I was in the exact same boat as you – I’m probably 3 months ahead of you.
I had nothing for 3 months, then had 2, missed 1, then back again (so far at least).
Crazy bodies ….
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OK great thank you!! Hope we both have less craziness soon!
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OMM: “The Light Between Oceans”. I can’t stop thinking about it. I was up until 1am reading it and will probably do the same tonight. It’s broken my heart about 18 times over (and I’m only 1/4 way through) but I can’t remember the last time I loved a book so much.
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Thanks for that Natalia!
Just finished ‘Gone Girl’ (fab book, highly recommended!) and need a new one to be engrossed in!
*scuttles off to Amazon*
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I just finished Gone Girl too. So awesome.
And I downloaded both these books on the basis of the book club discussions on this site!
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I need Gone Girl but cannot find it anywhere to buy
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Thanks Nat, I too have just ordered a copy of The Light Between Oceans
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Book Depository have it, I bought a copy last week, also bought “The Dinner” by Herman Koch.
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Love mm book posts. Could we please have another soon I need ideas? Just finished Gone Girl and The Secret Keeper, both fantastic.
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I just ordered gone girl from fishpond.com.au, along with the light between the oceans…. and a few other books – that website is very dangerous for my credit card!! thanks for the recommendations!
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I have just started this book and love it so far
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OMM: Possibility that my husband will be offered a job in Canada (dependent on a visa at this stage). Offer only came through on Monday, and they would want him to start in 6 weeks! Calgary is currently -7deg. Yikes. It is an interesting job opportunity, he will be taking a pay cut but it is an opportunity for him to change his career path (from being a lawyer – i swear 80% of them want out!). It is very exciting/scary but am trying not to get my hopes up in case it all falls through.
Also OMM: is it acceptable to eat my first hot cross bun for the season on Friday? We will oficially be in the month of easter…
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I have been eating Hot Cross Buns since last week!
Eat away!
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Hey Yas, I ate my first hot cross bun at the beginning of this month. Just saying.
And Canada is amazing, I love Calgary
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Two words: billable hours. Get rid of them and that rate would drop right down, I’m sure of it!
What is your husband doing now/going to do in Canada if you don’t mind me asking? I love hearing what lawyers “do next”.
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Project management!
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I am in a major rut, i have put on weight due to comfort eating, not sleeping well due to stress, i hate the way i look, then eat more crap.I have just started back at work part time after maternity leave so working 3 nights a week plus 4 kids one who is under 6 months old is a challenge.
Really need to work myself out of it somehow.
Also the baby has a bad skin condition which makes him sleep less and is very uncomfortable plus the comments are you sure it is not chicken pox, yes i am sure. So back to the childrens hospital to get a treatment plan this week. I really hate seeing him like this
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Oh l feel for you – it is so hard to try and juggle all those balls in the air and make time for yourself. I hope your little one gets better soon xo
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Hi anonymous,
Would it happen to be eczema? My litte girl had it very bad as a baby and we both didn’t sleep for a long time. Let me know if you want to chat it was a nightmare
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Due on Saturday with my first baby! Am so ready for it to arrive. Have been seriously nesting for the past 2.5 weeks, gone through every cupboard, draw etc in the whole house and thrown out heaps of junk. My house has never been so clean! Now just playing the waiting game, although bub is lying transverse and posterior, so a little nervous as to what is going to happen.
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How exciting! Good luck. Enjoy the clean house. Goodness knows when bub comes it won’t be clean for long
x
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A good week all in all, haven’t had a mid-week drink at all this week and feeling much better for it!
Best: Other half and I considering buying our first home together
Worst: The blah rollercoaster that is the week I have my period – tired, cramps, moods – ugh!
OMM: Does everyone feel so uneducated when buying their first home? have literally googled ‘how to buy a house’ !!!
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There’s some good advice on https://www.moneysmart.gov.au/ – check it out! Good luck. x
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Thank you!
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I’ve been out looking at houses with my son for the last few weeks – he and his partner are also buying their first home! We’ve seen some doozies…. Don’t be too starry-eyed…. Vinyl weatherboard cladding looks nice and neat but… what lies beneath? A: Usually rotten timber. Why is the bathroom freshly painted? A: To cover up the mould. This won’t take much to fix! Completely rotten timber window frames? Are you kidding? There can also be good things you might not see at first glance – one house had beautiful timber floorboards under 2 layers of stinky carpet. Go under the house, if you can, to check on the state of the floors and also the wiring (white = good). To sum up, taking along an old cynic (if you know one) can be a good idea!
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Trying to think of where hubby and I can meet new people and make new friends in our lives who aren’t direct connections through work. Spoke to my shrink about it last night, she agrees it’s challenging for adults. Best suggestions are through religion (ie. church groups), children (parents groups) or hobbies – none of which we have in our lives. So sad
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have you thought about social tennis or mixed comp touch football?
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We’re not very athletically inclined.. last time hubby tried a social soccer club/team he ended up tearing a ligament in his ankle and it was a bit of a disaster
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I think you’ll find many people who join church groups often dont do it for the strictly religious aspect of it, but the social and community aspect.
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I’ve found interest groups/clubs are great for meeting people. I met my husband through Friends of the Earth and at the moment I’m looking for a hiking group to join so I can leave my couch potato husband with the kids for a while and get into the great outdoors with some like-minded people.
I’ve also made some good friends from doing a weekend market stall. It’s the same little community of people there every weekend and there’s not much else to do but talk (when you’re not dealing with customers).
There are groups for just about everything (assuming you live in a city, I’m guessing it’s more difficult if you live in the country). Are there any interests that you and your husband share?
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Volunteer! Help out at an animal shelter, pull weeds- so many volunteer activities involve group work activities and meeting new people.
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Try a latin dance group
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Volunteering is good – I joined the local SES (State Emergency Service) and met a great bunch of people! Or how about a once – a – week evening course in something you’re interested in?
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With all the rain on the weekend we discovered our skylight is leaking. Probably has been for some time considering the damage to the lightwell walls but only just made it through to the house. Fingers crossed it is just a seal, I’ve got someone coming out to look on Friday (also praying for good weather so they can actually come). 2012 was a really tough year financially and I am only just getting back on my feet so my fingers and toes are crossed it isn’t too expensive to fix.
On a happier note it is girls night this friday. I can’t wait to hang out with the girls, eat tacos and chocolate and gossip to our hearts content.
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ive been all reflective this week, in a strange rather nostalgic mood, although this could also be brought on from the delirium of lack of sleep!
15 weeks pregnant and still fighting nausea and headaches and a young son sick with ear infection in both ears and soaring temperatures since sunday night insured that i had plenty of (night) time in which to reflect!!
in one of my broken sleeps i had the most realistic dream that i was back in high school…the details so spot on and it was even like i could smell the science lab smell in my dream, ever since that ive been thinking about the past, my friends and i and how much we have all changed since those days.
And also, how very wonderful and special it feels to be so important in my sons life, while hes been sick all hes wanted is to be as close to me as possible, when he cries out for me at night, half asleep and all feverish and shaky and as soon as I lift him up he calms. I can still remember being a kid and how when i was sick as soon as my mum walked into the room i felt like everything was going to be ok , and i love that my son feels this way now about me and my husband. Makes the all nighters completely, totally worth it when you know he feels better just for you being there.
I want to preserve these memories forever so i can bring them out and cling to them fondly when hes a teenager telling me he hates me and doesnt want to be seen in public with me!!
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On the weekend boyfriend and I had a big talk- and up came the subject of marriage. He said “I’m sorry but I just don’t ever want to get married. I just don’t believe in it anymore”. I felt winded. We have always spoken about our future, and how we both want kids, and how that will be after we get married. Now this- but he still wants to be with me and for me to be the mother of his children blah blah… But somehow this says to me that I love you, and you are good enough to have my babies but you aren’t good enough to call my wife.
So what to do? Things haven’t been the best lately anyways. He has a shocking temper sometimes, and the last few weeks it has been cranky central around here. Even sleeping in separate rooms some nights because he can’t get to sleep if I’m tossing and turning next to him (moving spots to get to a cooler part of the mattress because it has been hot) for example. So yeah I just don’t know.
It just feels a lot better to have written that out, so we will see what happens I guess.
Hope you all have a good week xx
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Re-reading that I dont know if I quite worded that the best way possible. Not wanting to sound too dramatic, but at the same time it’s not trivial…
Oh, and have been diagnosed with a gluten intolerance, so trying to find things to eat that don’t make me feel revolting is actually a lot harder than I first thought it would be.
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Hi Sarajayne,
I have a number of food intolerances gluten being one and I’ve found the internet a good source of information.
There are lots of gluten free food blogs on the internet which contain lots of yummy recipes.
For example: http://www.theintolerantgourmet.com/
Plus did you know there is gluten free pasta, bread, pizza bases, rice & corn crumbs, lasagne sheets and couscous (made from corn). Also check out http://www.freelicious.com.au they have the gluten free couscous.
P.s- it gets easier trust me!
Hope that helps
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Thank you Miss M! I didn’t realize oats weren’t gluten free, so every morning for breakfast I have eggs, rice and salmon for lunch, and then rice and something else for dinner! I think I just need to sit down with a notepad write a big grocery list of things to have on hand.
Thank you
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And read this post: http://glutenfreegirl.com/how-to-live-gluten-free/.
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Just going off gluten myself and am finding http://glutenfreegirl.com/ such a help! Good luck x
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Hi sara, I know how you feel. Are you in shock and trying to suppress that niggling feeling that you have, you know, that you think he just DOESN’T want to marry you?
I had that feeling. For a long time. 12-18 months probably. Ex Mr W and I were together for 4.5 years and lived together for almost three of those. I assumed as soon as we moved in together, we’d be engaged within a year. Hell, when we started going out, and he first said “I love you” he secretly began putting money out of each pay into an account to save for my engagement ring (we were only fresh graduates at the time and I didn’t know about this until I started questioning him on his commitment to me years later when he blurted out “I have a ring account for you, what do I have to do to prove I want to be with you forever!”).
Anyway, our relationship turned from the idea we would be getting engaged shortly following moving in together (2010), to me panicking because the engagement wasn’t happening, turning into the same fight over and over again every six months. He would say “I do want to marry you but we’re just not ready yet”. I hate to say it, but the power balance in the relationship shifted because suddenly he had something I wanted and it all started to fall to pieces.
In hindsight. It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready. It was that he became unsure about me. He had all the signs of wanting to settle down – wanted to buy a house, very happy in Brisbane (I wasn’t, I became bored with Brisbane soon after graduating and have wanted to live in Melb/overseas since 2010), interested in driving his career, wants to set up his own law firm, etc. Clearly, those things are indicators of someone wanting to settle down. Doesn’t the wife and children come with wanting to be settled? That’s what I think anyway. Those things SCREAMED at me that he just wasn’t sure about me. I couldn’t understand why? I’m fabulous!
NOW, I am forever grateful we did not get engaged. Because I was not happy and I wasn’t going to “fit” into his idea of surburbia in Brisbane. I wanted to be free and do fun things, and the life he was offering me WAS NOT FUN! I would have been a terrible wife to him because I was unhappy, I just didn’t have the strength (and I loved him so so much) to admit to myself it was because of him and the relationship.
Of course it is different if you are with someone who straight up, from the start, genuinely does not believe in marriage. Some people don’t. I have family who don’t.
But if your boyfriend has suddenly changed his mind and previously DID want to get married and now he doesn’t, if I were you, I’d be seriously reconsidering how you feel about the whole thing. It is SO HARD to confront this situation, but try not to be an ostrich the way that I was.
Best of luck to you. Remember be kind to yourself, it’s YOUR heart on the line here!
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Sarahjayne, dont let him dictate how you live your life and dont settle for less than you want or deserve. He says he doesnt believe in marriage but you do, so go and meet someone whose life expectations meet yours. Before you end up trapped in a life you dont want.
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Sarajayne, I was told by an ex-boyfriend (notice ex) that he wasn’t sure he wanted to marry me. We had been together for around two and a half years at this point. I hung around, hoping it would get better until he cheated on me and effectively ended the relationship.
People show their true colours often, you just need to look for the signs. If he hasn’t been upfront from the beginning about not wanting to get married, then I would be a little bit worried.
He said “I just don’t believe in it anymore”. Imagine that one of your friends told you her partner said this to them? Whether you would tell them or not, wouldn’t part of you think that maybe he wasn’t the right one for her?
I wish I could hug you because this is a terrible situation, but from someone who has been there, be honest about your own heart. If it’s important to you to get married, find someone who would be the happiest man in the world to call you his wife. He’s out there!
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Sarajayne – I feel for you.
My (now ex) boyfriend told me his theory on marriage about three years into the relationship… on Valentines Day in an overly romantic French town. Bloody hell. It devastated me. He didn’t believe in it, see the point of it and never wanted to do it. After much much probing over the remaining three years of the relationship I determined that it wasn’t ME he didn’t want to marry, it was that he just didn’t want to marry.
It’s going to be incredibly hard to overcome, and if you can accept his point of view along with giving up your dream of marriage (sorry to sound so harsh – really not meant this way!) then you’ll be ok. You will be. It’s a compromise.
The other thing I learned is to always trust your instinct… you’ll know if it’s worth sticking around for. You will. I promise.
xx Love
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The same thing happened to me this week. The exact same thing. We’ve been together ten years. There were multiple engangements in our very close circle this week. I just keep asking myself why am I not good enough… It really sucks darl, I get it.
Love another Sarah Jane
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Aw I hate this so much- same. We have had 6 friends get engaged in this month alone, and four weddings. So when I am trying not to think about it, all I do is think about it, ya know?
xx
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Marriage/ life long commitment is hard enough with someone who loves you to bits and desperately wants to marry you. Extremely, happily married but it’s been a long, hard road and we’re not at the end of the journey. I’d travel the same road in a heartbeat though. I’ve been asked by many a good friend about to get married what makes my marriage healthy and my answer is that 1) never get complacent and 2) ask yourself before you get married what is the one major underlying theme to all our arguments ie. money, trust, lack of romance or imbalance of housework load etc. and then ask yourself if you can fight that fight for the rest of your life. If you think you can live with that one argument or issue for all eternity then get married. Rarely, does that one issue that crops up repeatedly go away completely without some counselling or serious work by both parties. It can get better, a lot better but it will always be there. Ask yourself, even if you did end up getting married, would you still always wonder he loved you enough?
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Your boyfriend sounds exactly the same as mine! Says he wants to have my children but doesn’t like the sound of marriage. He also had a bad temper and we spend half the time sleeping in separate rooms as he is a light sleeper and I toss and turn a lot. it really is depressing and I wonder why I am still with him?
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Oh Tania, this just made me cry. We slept in separate beds last night – again- and like you, I honestly do wonder why?
And he always seems to say “it will be better when”… It will be better once work becomes quieter, it will be better when we find a new car, it will be better when…
Ugh.
Another thing that makes it so hard is I moved to NZ to be with him, so I don’t have a support network here yet, and also if I go home- I will just feel like such a failure.
xx
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OMM: Am I pregnant? Who knows? I’m about 7 dpo and half way through the two week wait. I TRY not to symptom spot but I can’t help it! So far I have had cramps and a bit of nausea and I’m praying that they’re pregnancy symptoms and not just a dodgy dinner. If I am pregnant how will I stop the worry? I’ve had 2 miscarriages in a row and no explanation both times. I know that with every mc the chance of having another goes up
sorry for the ramble, my head is all over the place.
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Luck and love to you, snow
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Have been thinking about you Snow.
Fingers crossed.
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You can’t stop the worry, just learn how to live with it. I had three recurrent miscarriages before I finally had my last 2 girls and with the older girl was very nervous through the whole pregnancy.
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ive been wondering how you were going Snow. im keeping everything crossed for you, the two week wait sucks, even more so after what you’ve been through xx
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Bit late to the party but best of luck Snow. I’ve got everything crossed for you x
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OMM: Playdates. Why oh why are some parents so keen for them? Maybe I’m cranky cos I have two school age kids and a baby to juggle already but aren’t the numerous kids’ parties on the weekend enough? Don’t they play at school? OK, rant is officially over. (And I’m learning to say no).
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Hi Ecidnac, I’m all for play-dates as long as I’m not expected to stay as well!
If your kids are old enough and you feel comfortable leaving them at their mates’ places, can you say, ‘Look, Emily would love to come but I’ve got heaps to do at home, could I just drop her for an hour or two?’ Than it’s a win-win. One less kid for you, some fun for your little one.
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Thankyou! I hate playdates. I have found they tend to be used as a quasi babysitter by the parents whose kids are so over scheduled they dont know how to entertain themselves. If their child has a playdate they are occupied and leaving mum alone.
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Of course the point of a playdate is to occupy kids! If my kids have friends over they are happier, fight less and let me get on with other stuff – even if it’s reading the weekend papers. They aren’t over scheduled, they just like other kids. Of course you can’t do that with very small kids. Mine are 6, 9 and nearly 12 and I will often say no to more time on the iPad, but if they want a mate over I’ll generally say yes – and offer to pick up and drop off (within a 5km radius
)
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Hi Kate (I love your parenting articles)!That’s all well and good re. dropping them off and picking up…if you know the parents. But there’s a new one that’s cropped up who is asking for a playdate and that means I’d probably have to stay or trust that my kid would be ok there (my 8 year old) as I don’t know the parents at all. Plus while a drop off playdate is fun and easy at the time, it then means you owe them another playdate at your place. And so the cycle continues!
I just think we as parents are busy enough with the other after school stuff and trying to have a life ourselves (yeah right!). Say 5 kids ask your kid over for a playdate over a year. That’s 10 a year for them (if you pay them back a playdate at your own house) but then if you have three kids, multiply that again by 3!! See how I mean that it starts to get out of hand? I think kids’ birthdays and sport are enough and maybe the occasional playdate with their bestie!
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Hi Ecidnac, I never keep score – we have kids at our place every week but don’t expect reciprocal invitations. That said, I never think twice about turning down an invitation on behalf of one of our kids if it doesn’t suit us on a given weekend. Sometimes it all gets a bit much and you need to say, ‘Thanks but we’re having a quiet one. Maybe next time.’
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No worries, I guess I just feel obligated, even when they don’t care whether it’s reciprocated or not. In the end, I usually just suck it up and have the playdate as I don’t want to appear rude (what sort of nice excuse can be used??).
It’s just more of a pest at the moment when my youngest is so little. In a few years, I’ll probably be crying out for playdates for the youngest (different gender to my first two)!
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Ecidnac dont worry, my youngest is 10 and I still find playdates a complete drag! I actually avoid the school gate these days because I was so sick of getting bailed up.
We have 4 kids and they’re all happy to hang out together and by Sunday after Saturday sport, work and school all week we’re stuffed and all need a lazy day so having one of their friends here isnt something I encourage and sending one off to someone elses house just means a reciprocal visit another time.
Isnt that what school holidays are for?
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Your thoughts echo mine Echidna
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Your thoughts echo mine Ecidnac
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Oh my god, i HATE play dates!! Thank goodness mine are growing out of this stage…when did play dates become the norm?! I never had them.
Hate them with a passion. All that small talk with parents i have no interest in getting to know…no thankyou!!
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I had playdates in the early 70s. It was just called going to a friend’s house then. Play dates morph into sleep overs and then the Friday or Saturday night outing. All of which is finally followed by “the gathering”. Compared to this, play dates are a walk in the park (metaphorically).
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I’m afraid I’m with Kate here. A play date, no matter whose place it’s at, is an opportunity for kids to be sociable, as we all are and keep each other entertained for a while. It’s also a good opportunity for your kids to get used to playing host or being a guest. I haven’t stayed at a play date past the age of 6, unless I’m friends with either of the parents. Sure, don’t accept every invitation if you’re busy, but don’t feel obliged to reciprocate every invite.
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Last week I wrote about my lover of a year not answering my texts, phone calls, etc for over a week. Well I still havent heard from him!
Its taking all my strenght not to contact him.
Now, I just want to know why? If he want’s out, I get it – even though it hurts like hell. But I still think i deserve an explaination!
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Play a trick on your mind and heart and pretend he has actually done what he is meant to – i.e. sat and told you, like a man, that it is over.
Waiting to hear the words from him will be a killer. It may never happen. Don’t wait around. Live your life.
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Thanks cim, that’s what i’m trying to do.
I just find it really hard how you can be in contact with someone constantly during the day and night for over 12 months – then absolutely nothing!!!!
Because of this, i really doubt i’ll ever find out why.
I know in my mind it’s over – just need to convince my broken heart of it…..
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Maybe you can now concentrate on what you want from your marriage?
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I’ve had this – it is ugly. In my case, I couldn’t bear the not knowing and contacted him enough/confronted him so that he finally got back to me with a written response of ‘it’s over’. I needed to hear it from him.
It was gutless of him not to have done it earlier and I also felt that I deserved an explanation, so I made sure I got one. I didn’t beg, I just told him the truth. Don’t feel you have to not contact him – doing so is not a sign of weakness on your behalf – but be prepared for the fact that he may never front up and tell you what you deserve to be told.
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What a cruel, cruel man to just drop all contact like that. He doesn’t deserve you! Please keep reminding yourself that you deserve someone who loves you and treats you with respect. Best wishes. xo
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Considering I am pretty sure this is the same Kim13 from last week….I feel sorry for her husband.
Maybe this is a sign for her to actually work out things with her husband now she has cried over the lover?
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I had this problem toto. In the end I had to tell him to stop ignoring me or I’d be turning up on his doorstep. So I got dumped by text, no explanation, nothing. Hurts like hell not having answers but what can you do without becoming the crazy ex?
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I had this problem too. In the end I had to tell him to stop ignoring me or I’d be turning up on his doorstep. So I got dumped by text, no explanation, nothing. Hurts like hell not having answers but what can you do without becoming the crazy ex?
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Pregnancy test negative AGAIN. Boo month 7 of trying….
On a related, hopeful note…I just weaned my first child and I hope this will help in our journey to conceive baby 2 sometime soon. Just wish my hormones would return to ‘normal.’
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Last weekend I was hoping that cyclone Rusty would be so kind as to bring my husband home. We have a toddler and a 4mth old, i have no support and hubby works away four weeks at a time.
I got my wish, but mean old rusty has since intensified and I now feel selfish as I fear for the safety of everyone living in the area where rusty is about to wreck havoc. I hope everyone stays safe. My thoughts are with you!!
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Hi dkmum (and anyone else who might be in a similar situation),
My hubby has just had a job offer in WA for a FIFO 3 week on 1 week off roster. We currently live in NSW and not keen on moving permanently so he would be flying back on his week off. How do you cope with your hubby away so long? We know the money will be worth it, just not sure how we will cope!
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Hi Mary Jane. My husband does 2 weeks away in WA snd 1 at home, we are in syd. No kids yet, but it is pretty tough already. Yes for sure the money is good, which is a key consideration. I woul say that if he does it you guys need a plan for how you will communicate. We text throughout the day and Skype every night. I thnk It’s important to share normal day to day info, so we know what the other has been up to. Keeps us close. Even to the p
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We live in WA and my partner is a FIFO worker, it’s honestly been one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my adult life. The weeks that he isn’t here seem to go for an eternity, I miss him all the time!
I think it really depends on your personal situation – do you have a busy social/work life that you’ll be maintaining while he’s away? Do you value independence and your own space? Have you ever been apart before for a long period of time, how did you find it?
Some relationships that I know of work very well with the arrangement, mine just isnt one of them – simply because we’re best mates that do everything together and it sucks when I don’t have him here to hang out with!
I’d be happier in a one bedroom unit if it meant he didn’t have to go away – the money isn’t enough to make me like this lifestyle, but again this is a personal thing. He has responsibilities that he needs this level of income for – he says openly that he wouldn’t be in this line of work if that wasn’t the case.
All the best with your decision – hope it works out well for you both!
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More behind-the-scenes MamaMia pics, less memes…
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Especially about wine. Didn’t we talk recently about the insidious nature of problem drinking? Stop encouraging this ‘alcohol as a normal coping mechanism’ culture.
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Agreed. The wine jokes are getting really repetitive. Where are the pics from the week that’s been? Isn’t that why we’re all here commenting?
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OMM: I have SUCH fun on the weekends now! I went out for dinner and drinks on Saturday night with my housemates and we had the best time. We went on the dance floor after dinner and danced like the most ridiculous idiots ever – cue “the bricklayer”, “Austin powers moves” imitating the Pitch Perfect dance moves, “the shopping trolley” and me pretending to be a T-Rex dancing.
WE GOT THE WEIRDEST LOOKS from these girls around us “sexy dancing” and we just DID NOT CARE.
27 in 3 weeks! 27 is going to be my year. I can just feel it. Good things to come!
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27 was a GREAT year for me. It was the year I just decided to go ahead and try stuff, and actually achieved a lot by doing so! I considered it the last year before my ‘late 20s’ (it made more sense in my head at the time!)
Go you! It sounds like you’re having a great time!
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Sorry in advance for the depressing rant MMer’s. Possibly the worst week I have had in a long time…….
Thursday night: First work function at my new job we were holding for clients. I had a few glasses of wine and canape’s and the last thing I remember was at 9pm the function was winding down. 12am I wake up in an ambulance.
No memory of in between. I am the luckiest person on earth that my partner was there, as he just happens to be a client!
We left, headed to the pub with my boss, my partner noticed I wasn’t going well, tried to walk back to the train station and that is when I lost it. Sick, couldn’t walk. Back at our station the transit guards apparently helped carry me to partners car. Got home, totally unresponsive. Ambulance.
God knows what could have happened if my partner was not there.
Freaked me out, and my family. Tests were done, to find out what happened. Either an allergic/alcohol poisoning situation or a drink spiking.
I have had so much more than that before and just had a bad headache the next day
In the craziness I got a black eye, and whiplash from my head lolling everywhere. I was in bed for 3 days with killer headaches and couldn’t move much.
While I was in hospital and recovering my car got left at the train station for 2 days. People tried to break in and they also drilled a hole in my petrol tank to steak fuel.
I need a new petrol tank which I would have been able to pay for, except yesterday my old company said HR advised them not to pay out my annual leave which I desperately need!
Bad things always comes in three’s and only today have the headaches stopped, and I am getting my head around what happened.
Still feeling down about it and I am scared to what the test may reveal.
Hope everyone else is doing better than me! x
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Holy moly that is one awful week. Poor you. Here’s hoping things are on the up for you
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Hugs, maggie
Hopefully it’s nothing serious. Take some TLC time for you xxx
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Maggie that sounds like an awful week. Sorry about that.
Re: your annual leave – the former HR manager is clearly aware that your annual leave pay out is a statutory entitlement, right? As in, they can’t refuse to pay it. It should have been paid out with your last pay cycle at your last employer. I suggest you contact Fair Work (though never ever done employment law so it might be another government organisation, but I’m pretty sure it is Fair Work).
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Its the Fair Work Ombudsman that deals with entitlements such as annual leave – call 13 13 94 or they have live web chat on their website
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Sending lots and lots of hugs your way, Maggie.
Just remember, every day is a bright new day and if you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.
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Well, one good thing to happen this week was that our property manager agreed (as did our tenants) to sign a three month lease on our house, which means we will only have to live with my parents for about 2 weeks when we get home (and will probably sleep the whole time anyway!) I know this is rare, and it means we won’t be without a tenant while we are out of the country or stuck in my parents place (or who knows where) until September, which would have been the 6-month lease option. So happy it worked out!
OMM this week are these crazy hormonal symptoms I’ve been getting – they will not let up, and even husband has noticed. They are like every pregnancy symptom I’ve ever heard of, but I am on a continuous pill, the same as always, and haven’t had any antibiotics/vomiting/etc. I’m putting off testing because a) since I don’t have a cycle, I don’t know when to do it, b) if I am pregnant, husband is under so much stress that I don’t want to add to it right now and c) it’s kind of bad timing and I guess I am burying my head in the sand in denial.
I guess maybe stress is knocking my hormones about, but it just adds to my stress! Maybe I should just accept that napping at 1pm every day isn’t a bad thing…
Oh, and it’s gonna snow again tonight and tomorrow – we had slushy rain earlier which was not nice (while I had to walk across campus), but this may be the last time I see snow for a few years (probably LOTS of years) so I am hopeful it will be a good snow!
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Have you considered getting your thyroid tested? Apparently it’s common in women to have thyroid issues (I’ve just been diagnosed myself).
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I’m avoiding the medical system until we are back home – too expensive and, THB, terrible!
It’s been a combination of exhaustion, headaches, cramps, back ache and wanting to throttle my husband 24 hours a day. The other day I nearly slapped him because he was trying to fold up his raincoat and the noise was annoying me. :0 I don’t even get mood swings this bad with PMS! I’ve had a lot of moments in the last couple of weeks where I probably should have engaged brain before mouth, even around other people, and that totally isn’t me!
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I think if I were in your position I would probably be doing a pregnancy test, just to be sure. While the pill is effective nothing is 100%. I got pregnant while on Implanon so it definitely can happen.
But in the meantime, enjoy the snow!
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That’s great news re your place back home! Omg 2 weeks of sleeping sounds about right
Tell you what Rach… now that we have left the snow I kind of miss it… not driving or walking in it but just seeing it out the window. England is so different to the U.S. it’s crazy!
Hope everything is ok with your symptoms!
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Posting anon for this one… I kinda lost my head last night and cried, and cried until 1am and blaaahed out all my self loathing and now my husband is worried I’m going to be a danger to myself if you get my drift. And I really hate scaring people like that. So now he wants to ‘have a talk’ when he gets home and he’s got that look in his eye like – sad – and worried – and I don’t like it because now I’ve exposed all my vulnerabilities and shown him (again) my crazy underground basement and it’s not really attractive. I don’t like being the weak one. It’s not a good way to be. But I’m kinda not OK. In fact from an objective perspective my behaviour has been quite alarming. This isn’t sympathy fishing – I’m OK – not a danger too myself! Just very sad. Don’t know what to do.
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See your GP. Get a referral to a Psychologist – medicare will cover some or even all the cost. Sometimes it’s just so much easier to talk to a professional than someone who we know will worry and fret. I know – I’ve been there too…
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I reckon just about everyone has an “underground basement”. Your husband sounds sweet, worrying about you. I don’t think it’s necessarily weak to let it all out sometimes, so long as you’re not hurting anyone/thing. Good luck with the talk!
(If your husband is too spun out by the whole thing you could try a counselor, they have the added bonus of being objective in their advice).
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OMM: I want a baby – even though it’s not the ‘right time’ according to logic / finances / housing / our marriage / my husband. It’s just my biological clock kicking in and every month around this time it screams ‘I want a babyyyyy!’. I turn 25 in 2 months and we’ve agreed to wait until I’m 28.
Haha
has anyone else had that? Is that weird? xx
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Screw logic! I think you should have a baby
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Rose, I experienced that as soon as we got over here to the US 19 months ago. We would be living as students, on our savings, on the other side of the world, and MY world was suddenly consumed with thoughts of little people. I was 28-29 then, and the timing was completely inappropriate! I blame my dog though – I had to leave her behind with my parents and I think looking after her may have been masking some of my maternal urges…
For me, it has been a long journey and a lot of tears with husband trying to explain how I felt and how important it was to me. Brain has finally engaged and now that I can see home approaching (3 months), logic is prevailing and I know I will just need to work a bit, get ourselves settled in again, and then it will be the best time for us.
TBH, I think putting a number on it (such as ‘when I’m 28′) is perhaps part of your problem. What about drawing up a timeline of things you guys want to achieve together that you want to do before little people, rather than an age? I know my husband would have regretted it his whole life if we hadn’t come and done overseas study before we settled down to have a family.
Best of luck – I DO know exactly how you feel!
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Thanks Rach & Natalia! (*starts secretly choosing baby names*)
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There is never a right time! We put it off for years while trying to do all the things we thought we should before we settled down, until one day I didn’t want to wait any longer. We started trying and at the end of the first month, hello preggo! We’re now 3 weeks away from meeting our little human. Its still not the right time, we were supposed to be buying a house before the baby came, but that hasn’t worked out so we’re still in a tiny rented apartment. It’ll work out. If you want to do it, do it!!
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As someone who is only 27 and experiencing fertility problems, if this is want you want, don’t question it, just go with it! The thing that comforts me the most during this struggle is that I know time is on my side…
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Wait one moment! Yes, sorry to be the rational one here.
I’ve got to ask how do you mean ‘even though it’s not the ‘right time’ according to logic / finances / housing / our marriage ‘ ? Please elaborate. I think the other factors will never be 100 per cent ideal but your relationship has to be in a good space to handle such a huge additon/ experience / change. That’s a key element. ‘I want a ababy’ is not enough. I suggest you do some work on that aspect and get it balanced before making a new person. You’re only 24 and already married, so you have time to get it right.
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My current issue is a bit of a gut-feeling thing telling me to be careful.
My best friend from rural QLD has decided she is moving to Syd where I am, with her two young school kids. I am so excited this is happening, I miss her so much and we are so similar – two peas in a pod. I am really happy for her, she has felt trapped for months and has wanted an escape. Her plan is to start fresh in the big city, get a new job, start studying online (like me) and- this is where I am concerned- move out into a nice big house with me and my daughter.
I have looked into it and am very excited – two single mums combining forces and living in a nice large house with a secure yard, garages, safe area, pets allowed. I am currently living in a small unit with my 4 year old with no yard, its an old run down place (but I put effort into it being nicely presentable) in an okay suburb. I would love to move into a beautiful home and have a small pet, like birds or guinea pigs or even a cat – my daughter adores all animals.
I am just so worried that I will not have my privacy and space which I so very much treasure these days. I study at nights and am worried about not having the peace after my child is in bed, or having to watch her kids if she goes out and not being able to meet deadlines etc. I do love her children and they are well behaved, but I am worried I might feel overwhelmed and stressed out at times with three in the house. Or maybe it won’t matter???
Also an issue is my boyfriend, he is younger (21) and not ready to move out of his home yet but he does come over to visit me frequently and I love the quiet nights we spend together watching movies, cuddling etc. I am concerned that this won’t happen as much and we will lose out on our couple time – which is precious enough as it is being a parent!
The massive pro’s of this possible arrangement is the company I will have during the week, the confidence living with another parent, the fact my best friend is near when I need her, our beautiful kids growing up together. Having a gym partner, study buddy, fellow house cleaner, and someone to take the pressure off and vent to. Also our rent would be significantly cheaper. I currently pay 350, I would be paying from 250-300 if we lived together, which would be an awesome savings addition.
I am just so scared it will not work out and our freindship will fall to pieces and I might be stressed, anxious, and behind in my studies.
Does anyone have any experience in similar situations? My gut is telling me two different things and I don’t know whether I should hold back or jump in and take a chance and save some money.
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There was a recent post from Bec Sparrow about miving in with her sister-in-law and lots of useful comments there from MM readers about how to set up boundaries and make it work – good luck!
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You’re trying desperately to convince yourself by listing all the pros, and they are good ones too.
However, the first five paras of your comment deal with your intuitive feelings – while the “pros” takes up only two.
And I expect you’ve given some thought to what you’ll say to your friend when you tell her “no.” ??
Your intuition won’t let you down.
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There are a few things you need to consider before you sign up for this as it could end in tears.
No.1 is she aware of your boyfriend coming over so often? This ruined a flat mate friendship I had. I didnt like her boyfriend and after a few months of them dating he became part of the furniture and she gave him a key to our unit. So he would let himself in at odd times and a few times he really frightened me. Basically I had no privacy in my own home. I didnt think this was appropriate, I had my own boyfriend and didnt let him treat it like a free boarding house. She thought I was being unreasonable so I moved out.
No.2 Do you really appreciate how the dynamic of home life is going to change from being a home with 1 child to a home with 3 children?
No.3 There are 2 of you and 3 of them. If money is tight one week you may resent that if expenses are split down the middle and then feel like you’re subsidising one of her kids.
No.4 Discipline. Are you free to discipline each others kids? Be aware a parent will usually see the other persons child as the bad one and her own as the innocent one. She has 2 kids.
Thats my 20 cents worth!
Good luck.
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Ahhhh thankyou so much for your response, you put into words alot of stuff I hadn’t really brought to front of mind, and yes you are completely right about those issues. I am too scared of the huge clash of families/finances, sooo.. maybe seperate units and our own space is enough for now!
Especially the boyfriend thing: I love seeing my boyfriend and he currently has a key to my place and it wouldn’t feel right doing so at the new place. And also, another thing I hadn’t thought of, he might be pretty hesitant to come over if there are three kids around. As it is I am so lucky to have such a wonderful guy at that age to accept me and my daughter as a package deal, I can see him becoming overwhelmed with two more to get used to every second day.
This is why I love open post.
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Agree re: boyfriends and flatmates. When living with my bestie, I was the first one to get a boyfriend in our time living together (Imagine me sing songy voice – Diiiickkheaddd ex Mr W), and I was very conscious not to have him over too much (2-3 nights a week).
When she got a BF, we had a sort of unspoken “arrangement” that we would “alternate” weekends at home with the BF, so one weekend she was at home with her BF, I would go to Dickhead Ex Mr W’s.
DEFINITELY no keys. I would have gone through the freaking roof if her boyfriend had a key and vice versa.
In my current house, I’m pretty sure Housemate 2 had given her ex boyfriend a key *but* I moved into that situation, we didn’t move in together so I sort of couldn’t really say or do anything about it – especially considering I was new in the house. They broke up about 3 months after I moved in, but if either of them got a new BF now, I would be like “NO KEYS”.
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Yes no keys!
We moved in together as 2 single girls and ended up meeting the boyfriends along the way. And her boyfriend worked shiftwork so it wasnt pleasant to be having breakfast in my pjs at 6am before work and have him walk through the front door after night shift!!!
She didnt get it.
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This has nothing to do with my world but I just have to say Mia your hair looked fabulous on the today show this morning!
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I agree! I tuned in this morning and was shocked by how long it is now! And it looked gorgeous. As did her polka-dot top!
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Yay, I LOVE open post! I love hearing how everyone is going.
My own comment is boring but happy – I love my beautiful boyfriend so much, I love my wonderful family, I love my small group of wonderful friends, and I’m grateful to be young, fit and healthy. Thanks Universe.
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After days of agonising I have decided to take the job at flight centre. My goal was to get a new job by my birthday (july) this year. Still not sure if it’s the right one, I know about the pay cut, long hours, stress etc… but I am going nowhere in my current job (admin assistant) and have been here for years and if I don’t jump now I’m scared I never will. I think its time for a change, new skills, career growth etc. My current boss rejected me for a higher position recently and rejected my leave for feb this year – i was supposed to be in Brazil dancing in carnval right now!! I’m pretty sure I will enjoy the travel perks at FC.
I have spent days and days agonising over this so today I have decided I am going to do it and stick with it. That’s it! I am choosing my choice!!
Aaah.. i feel better
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Everything happens for a reason – congratulations!
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You do realise that – in your new role – if you hear of a brilliant-beyond-belief airfare deal you’ll have to spread the news on here! lol
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I work for flight centre and its honestly the best thing I could’ve done. I came from retail where I was bored out of my mind and really needed a challenge, which is exactly what I have now! It took a while to gt used to working on a commission basis but I love that I get directly rewarded based on how hard I work. If you’ve got any questions, fire away!
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