By MIA FREEDMAN
Wandering around the internet this week I popped in to visit one of my favourite bloggers, Rebecca Woolf at Girls Gone Child. Rebecca had her first child Archer pretty young and quickly followed that up with Fable and then last year, twins Boheme and Reverie.
Rebecca is a writer and her husband works in TV and she always writes so beautifully about her family life and the mental, physical, emotional and financial struggles she has, struggles which are so typical of women who are trying to navigate this stage of their lives.
I read what she wrote about marriage – in relation to a blip she was having with her husband, nothing major, just the usual temporary disconnection you can have when life is busy tossing you both around like a salad.
Marriage is HARD. It’s hard and it’s weird and it’s terrifying and lonely and all of these things we do not discuss when we repeat our vows. “For better or for worse” is a little on the vague side I think.Anyway. I was listening to this song and thinking of Hal and what it felt like in the beginning of our relationship when the biggest challenge was who was going to sleep at who’s house and how nobody really fights in the beginning of relationships because everyone is too busy posing and perfuming their assholes instead of you know, farting.Which is awesome and I totally miss that because I’m a human being and that shit was fun. And hot. And non-farty. I miss the way life used to smell when Hal was making me mix tapes and I was cooking for him every night and we were both these people that we weren’t really but WANTED to be because we thought we were better that way. We thought we were more lovable with mix tapes and four course meals and ironic sweater vests and me in the makeup I wore to sleep.
None of that exists anymore but it didn’t ever anyway. That’s what I’ve come to realize over time. That the beginning doesn’t really count. The beginning is basically a total bullshit lie.
In the beginning, we made each other “happy”. Now? We make each other BETTER. Happy, too, but also unhappy. Because growth hurts and the truth can be brutal and that is how we grow. That is how we grow as a couple and grow our children and that is how we grow.In the end, I feel insane in the fortunate department for finding someone who makes me better, who makes me grow. And I’d rather spend my life painfully (sometimes) growing than painlessly stunted. Because by its very nature “for worse” is undoubtably what makes me better. It’s what makes all of us better and closer and more tolerable and a team.