Allison Tait.
by ALLISON TAIT
It occurred to me today that I have reached my 40s (let’s not talk about how far down that road I am) without becoming a fully functioning adult. I mean, there are just things that I don’t know how to do yet.
For example:
1. Buy pillows.
I need a new pillow. Really badly. To the point where I wake up with a sore neck and an unhappy disposition. And yet I have not managed to buy myself a new pillow. I realised when I went to the shops that I had never bought a pillow for myself. All my pillows come from my long-suffering mother. She went through a phase where she was looking for a new pillow and I pretty much just inherited all the pillows that didn’t work for her. So I had pillows by default and that worked well.
Now, however, she is happy with her pillow. And I am in need of one. So I must get my own.
How do you work out which one is right for you when you can’t lie down on them for 12 hours to give them a test run? Am I a medium person? Firm? High? Duck feather? Latex? Oh. My. God. Talk about Option Paralysis.
A friend told me that Ikea has a pillow wall. Or bar. Or something. I forget. You can test the pillows. But on a wall, or a bar, or something. Not on a bed. This doesn’t seem to be a solution for me.
Advice please. How the hell does a person buy a pillow?
2. Sew. Anything. Buttons. Hems. Anything. I did sewing in year 8 at school. I should be able to do this. But I am also saddled with what is generally known as a Distinct Lack Of Interest and I have no idea how to overcome that.
Fish
Advice please. How does one foster an interest in mending?
3. Cook fish. Here’s a confession: we rarely eat fish in this household, let alone three times a week. Oh, we love quality tinned tuna (Sirena only), fish fingers, and takeaway fish and chips on occasion, but I am categorically useless at cooking fish. I am of the cook-the-crap-out-of-it school of fish chef, and my last attempt, at barbecuing some fillets, has gone done in the annals of Fam Fibro history as Mum’s Worst Meal EVER.
I’m never sure what to buy and then never sure what to do with it once I get it home. I even went to a course once at the Seafood School and yet, here I am. I suspect there is no hope for me, but even so, any advice?
I am sure that real adults do not suffer from these deficiencies. They do everything well, competently and with assurance. They have lovely pillows, no loose buttons floating around the house, and eat perfect fish three times a week.
Or not.
This article was originally posted on Allison’s blog here, and has been republished with full permission.
Allison is a freelance author, writer and blogger living large(ish) in a small(ish) town. She combines her day job (factual feature articles and non-fiction books) with her night job (fiction writing). Fortunately, she gave up on sleep years ago. You can find her blog here.
Are there things that you don’t know how to do yet? What would you add to the list?
Comments
61 Comments so far
My mum also went through a pillow buying phase when I was growing up! Try a dunlopillow. They are the magically perfect!
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“How does one foster an interest in mending?”
The only sewing-related things I can do are buttons & hems; hems because I had to repair my own skirt at school if the hem came undone. Buttons – maybe the same reason, I’m not sure.
I can’t drive. There, I said it. Somehow this bothers other people a lot more than it bothers me.
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LOL – this made me laugh because it reminded me of Dylan Moran!!
“I can’t swim. I can’t drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?”
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1. Latex pillow. Only way to go.
2. I don’t mean to sound flippant and rude but learning how to do basic mending sewing is really really easy. If you have the dexterity and mental capacity to tie a shoelace, you can sew a button. I used to work in a clothes store and learnt how to do little mending jobs on my own, as I went. Just go on youtube and type in ‘how to sew a button’ or ‘how to hem pants’ and voila!
3. Put the fish in some foil with some lemon and salt and put it in the oven. You can also put some flour on it and fry it up in a pan or chuck it in a steamer.
Finally, don’t beat yourself up about things you can’t do. There are loads of things my mum and nana can do that I can’t (e.g. my mum can make an entire dress from scratch), but then there are lots of things that I can do that they can’t. We are from different eras and all the skills are valuable.
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I am laughing at point 2. I know what you’re saying with the basic dexterity thing. I know. But oh how I struggle with conjuring up enough interest to even find the You Tube videos…
I will give the latex pillow a long hard look though. Thanks!
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Why does everyone recommend latex pillows?
p.s I have never bought a pillow before either :/
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Rick Stein’s “Seafood”. Should be titled “How to Cook Seafood for Dummies”. So there’s number 3. As for number 1….When you figure out how to shop for a pillow, let me know….mine is awful
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1) Latex
2) Delegate
3) Baking Paper
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LOL! I love your short and sweet approach. Particularly ‘delegate’.
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I’m 32, have 3 university degrees … but I can’t iron, no matter how hard I try!
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Outsource it! And buy clothes that don’t require ironing if you can help it
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This!
i have an entire wardrobe of clothes than dont need ironing. i refuse to buy them. and if, by some chance, something does come out of the wash and need an iron, it sits on my ironing pile for at least 6 months. avoid at all costs!!
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I can sew (but don’t), cook fish AND am finally happy with my most recent pillow purchase (latex, btw), but I’m still to decide what I want to do when I grow up, (whenever that is… obviously 40+ isn’t really grown up yet!). Sewing is over-rated, although fish isn’t.
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1. Go to a furniture store and make as if you want to buy a bed. Try all of them. They have pillows on them. Work out which one you like (surruptitiously look at the label or something) and then go and get that one. I did this – worked a treat. Actually I just bought it from the furniture shop after I lay on it several times and liked it. Still love it (latex).
2. Outsource sewing. Trade skills with a friend or pay someone. Life’s too short.
3. fish fingers are fish…..
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I can’t help with the fish or sewing, but I have mastered the art of pillow buying. Several years ago, my job involved lots of travel which meant a different hotel and different pillow nealy every night. I discovered that the Sheraton not only had the best, most comfortable beds, but also their pillows are heaven. Thankfully, Sheraton sell their pillows (brand new, not slept on by 100s of people before you), and I am now enjoying that heavenly pillow every night.
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Even people who can sew (or indeed love to sew) hate mending. i am always able to see a new dress/ top for the children but never the mending piling up!
As for fish – salmon love it! Ocean trout, rainbow trout etc! yum!
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I live with a fisher-dude. AND I used to hate fish. Now that I’m converted my tip for fish would be:
Flathead fillets, rolled in egg yolk, rolled in breadcrumbs. Lightly fried on the fry pan with some spray oil – just like chook strips would be. Just a few minutes less. A bit of baby spinach leaves & a slice of lemon on each plate (plus some oven fried chips) & perfect!
Wish I could sew though…
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Thanks. Delighted to read I share you skill deficiencies. Am good with pillows, and am happy to just have the types of fish dishes you describe. But the sewing! OMG. So not interested, unskilled, hence, it just doesn’t happen.
But, Eureka! Guess who moved in across the road? A seamstress who put up as sign…. Clothing Alterations Here. I am thrilled!! I have even sent my daughters girl guides badges over to be sewn on! Shameful? Lazy?
Not at all….just a woman here who has a lot on her plate, and more than happy to outsource. More power to us!
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i am approaching 40 and don’t know how to cook fish either or anything else for that matter. I can sew a button though. I have bought a pillow but also have many from my mum’s house. Highly recommend a latex pillow!
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If your not a sewing you can use hemming tape to hem things – get it at the supermarket or spotlight wtc. Just put it on the edge, fold it over and iron.
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Buy some salmon cutlets and fry them in the frypan. They won’t break apart and they are absolutely delicious! Or buy some fresh fillets, wrap them in baking paper (salt and pepper them first and squeeze over some lemon) and stick them in the oven for about 15 minutes. Yum.
Buttons are easy, give it a try. Just knot the bottom of the cotton and off you go. Hems are a different story, lucky my mother in law is good at that.
I recently bought some pillows from some website via a Cudo voucher and they are brilliant. Feather. But like some other suggestions, go to Harris Scarfe and have a feel. Go alone and allow yourself some time.
Good luck!
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I’ve never cooked much fish either, even though I love it. Recipes always ask for ‘firm white fish’ which I have no idea what it is, or will say things like ‘if ocean caught coral trout is not available, ask your fishmonger for an alternative’. Right, because OBVIOUSLY I’m buying it from my fishmonger and not from Coles where I get he rest of my groceries ….
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Hah, agree completely.
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Dunlopillo. Best pillow ever! I have been using them for 18 yrs. they are brilliant!
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Wool pillows are the only way to go, it’s a natural, sustainable, breathable fibre, won’t burn if you have a fire. Recent research has shown that babies sleep longer when on/in woollen bedding, so I guess adults might too.
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My new favourite, easy way of cooking fish:
Buy white, firm fillets. dump a cup of polenta onto the plate. press the fish onto the fillets, coating (crumbing) them. cook in frypan with olive oil for 3-4 minutes each side.
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Things I think I should know as an adult:
1 – Cars; no idea? Oil? Water? I can change a tyre, but I don’t really know where the jack goes and just wing it and hope the car doesn’t come crashing down.
2 – Garden; I love the idea of gardening being a relaxing hobby. But i cant manage to keep anything alive
3 – Money. HATE it. I’m budgeted and dept-paying and saving and directing this payment and mortgage and all that fuzz. I would LOVE to not have to worry about money because whenever I have to go through it all I just want to bury my head and hope it all goes away.
I can cook fish – I can even catch them ☺
I can hem and sew a button & buy fluffy pillows.
Iam so glad that I am not the only adult who feel completely lost at times. Being a grown-up is hard.
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If you have a ‘Bad Backs’ store where you live they have fantastic pillows. I don’t actually have a bad back (went in there with my father in law) but the pillow I picked up (which you can test on the bed in the shop) has changed my life as far as a good night’s sleep is concerned – comfiest ever!
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I have never heard of a Bad Backs store, but I am going in search of one immediately!
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Best fish-cooking moment I ever had was when I was living in Britain, where smoked haddock is one of the normal dishes. I wanted to try it, but didn’t know how to get it right. So I went to the local fish shop, asked for a good piece. When asked about weight, I simply told him how many people it had to feed. As he was wrapping it, I asked for ideas on how to cook it to get the best flavour out of it. He immediately suggested 2-3 ideas that were all much easier than I thought they would be. I definitely think the best way to get this right is to ask the experts! They *want* you to enjoy their product, ’cause that way, you’re more likely to come back!
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With cooking fish it all depends on the type of fish. But to keep it simple, when buying fish you should ask for something firm so that it doesn’t break-up when pan-frying (if it’s not firm then it’s better to cook it in the oven).
Try starting by crumbing your fish as this will also keep the fish together better. With the fillet you should coat it in flour, then lemon juice (or egg, or milk) and then coat it in either bread crumbs or corn crumbs (like corn flake crumbs found in gluten free section of supermarket). Make sure your oil (preferably vegetable oil as it has no strong flavour) is hot before you place the fish in the pan (must be hot otherwise your crumbs will go soggy- you can test by dropping something in the pan to see whether it sizzles). When the crumbs are a nice crisp brown then flip it over to the other side and do the same. Overall the fish should be cooked in less than 10mins although this depends on the thickness of the fish (try not to get anything too thick).
Once you’ve mastered that you can do practically the same thing without crumbs.
For oven cooking, place the fish in foil along with slices of lemon on the sides of the fish. Cook at about 180 for about 10-15mins and then unwrap and check its progress. To test you should go to the thickest part and see whether the fish is breaking apart. If it isn’t then cook for a bit longer.
BBQing fish can also be done either with or without foil.
To the other poster who wanted to know how to cook chicken- basically you can do it the same way as fish. The trick to chicken is to only turn in once otherwise it will dry out. Marinating your chicken will also make it more moist. You can try a simple lemon, salt and pepper if you don’t want anything too strong.
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Pillow purchasing is easy peasy.
Sewing is definitely something I struggle with. I pay $25 each time to have my daughter’s uniform hem taken up, even though I have had sewing lessons.
I would love to eat more fish but cooking fish baffles me.
The other thing I struggle with is makeup. I wear makeup but my skills are rudimentary.
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Preheat oven to about 180 deg C
Get sheets of glad bake – probably about 20cm longer than your fish, get your fish. Decide what cuisine you’re going for – Asian, Italian, whatever flavours you like. Then put a bit of oil on the middle of the paper (spray oil’s good for this). Put the fish on it (in the middle of the paper – you’re making a parcel). Asian – soy sauce, chilli, ginger, garlic, lemongrass, lime, coriander stems (put the leaves on at the table), coconut milk (powdered is great for this – just sprinkle a bit of powder on each piece of fish), fish sauce, Sesame Oil. Italian – garlic, basil, oregano, chilli, a bit of tomato paste or some diced tomato, etc. You can also put dill, butter, other herbs, and you can put some vegies in too as long as they’re cut up small (like carrot matchsticks).
Gather up the sides of the paper and scrunch them together to make an envelope with the fish inside – you can also staple it shut. The idea is to make a steaming bag for the fish. Then bung in the oven for about 15 min or so – if you’ve got the paper sealed up, it’s really hard to overcook the fish this way.
You can also do the same with a smaller bit of glad bake and put it on foil – it’s cheaper and it is easier to scrunch the foil to seal it up.
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Many thanks Kris2040. That is the way my late mum used to cook fish – I’d forgotten. I will give it a try next week.
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Can’t help with the other stuff but go to snooze and u will get the best pillow ever. You lie on their bed tester thingy and then they tell u what pillow you need. Love it.
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Dunlopillo. I’ve had mine for 6 years and their as good as new. Super easy to wash too.
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Never bought a new pillow and still have the ones that are years old. Just try and imagine all the bed bugs, dead lice, dead insects, rotten hair etc in the old ones. You might never sleep again until you have new ones. And always go harder rather than softer.
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You dont have to foster an interest in order to do something. Youd be surprised ..but I bet you could sew a button on ..hems are another matter though.
Pillows I have to have feather ones that you can scrunch ..they are not that expensive Id just buy one that feels good
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I am an adult male who taught himself how to sew and cook out of necessity. I can’t do anything fancy with a sewing machine or a needle, but I am able to sew a button back on when needed.
Cooking fish is easy.
Get yourself a water pillow. We got ours from our chiropractor. Best investment ever !
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Love a man that can sew!
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I used to sell pillows at ikea. gosa vadd back sleeper is a good ‘standard’ kind of pillow. and don’t worry, no one knows how to buy pillows. it drove me crazy.
there’s also a whole lot of grown men out there who don’t know how to buy sheets. one guy didn’t know what ‘those sheets that stay on the bed by themselves’ were called. fitted sheet? ‘I don’t know…is that what it’s called?’ yes, that’s the kind with elastic around the edge. ‘is THAT how they stay on?’
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hilarious!
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Did you not learn from your mother’s experience? You need to find a grateful recipient of your hand me downs and go through the same trial and error. Or turn them into cushions.
Mending is best done with friends. Put aside an afternoon, invite a couple of friends, make tea/pour wine and in a few hours you’ll have a couple of things back in the wardrobe and a fun afternoon. Only way I ever get mending done.
Fish need less cooking rather than more, safest way is to bake in foil. Fish flesh is not inherently “germy” like say chicken and so does not need to be overly cooked.
I fail at the grown up stakes in other ways – driving is scary and regular housework is a concept unrealised in our house!
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Sorry, but as a food scientist I feel compelled to correct misinformation about food.
Fish, like any animal, contains microbes (germs). Usually however the time between killing the fish and its consumption is much shorter than other animals, which means there is less time for the microbes to grow and multiply.
Another factor is that muscles are sterile on the inside, its the surface that is contaminated. It doesn’t take much to kill surface microbes. A good way to understand this is the way you cook steak versus mince. The surface of steak has microbes but the middle is sterile which is why its ok to eat steaks rare. Mince (unless freshly prepared like steak tartare) has all those surdace microbes mixed through and therefore needs more thorough cooking.
Hope this is helpful (dont want to sound preachy!).
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Can DEFINITELY help out with the “Cooking fish” issue!!!
You’ve given me an idea for a post actually!! I think there are LOTS of basic “how to’s” when it comes to food…..
Boil an egg – soft, medium, hard
Make the perfect pancake
Make a basic “tomato sauce” – for pasta, pizza etc…
Bake a really good, simple chocolate cake…
Oh gosh I could go on and on….
I think I will…..
*runs off to start post*
I will include Fish Allison!
Great article!
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Phoodie – Please could you publish a cookbook?! – including all the recipes on your blog, plus these basic how-to’s that you mention here, plus lots of others?!?!? Please??
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Yes!
Would LOVE to!
Are you a publisher?! If so, contact me!
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Can please add “How to pan fry chicken breast” to the list? I only seem to be able to burn the crap out of it!
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YES! I’m always scared I’m going to give myself (and whoever else i’m cooking for) food poisoning so I always end up over cooking my chicken!…
so now I just bake a lot of salmon lol
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Get some of Jamie’s 15 minute meals chicken recipes. He cuts the breast fillet in half, then you bash it on greaseproof paper with whatever seasoning you’re using. It’s really thin so it cooks quickly, and you can actually see it cooking when it’s that thin. There are two absolutely delicious recipes – one’s a quinoa salad with blackened chicken, and one is with potatoes and peas. They’re brilliant. And no, it might not take you 15 minutes, but it’ll still be good and quick.
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Agree! I once saw a cooking show from a lady in the UK – Diedre? Anyway, in this one she was showing how to cook TOAST! At first i thought it was hilarious (i still do actually), but she had some good tips! Nothing wrong with learning how to do the absolute basics better.
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Delia Smith? She has a cookbook called How to Boil and Egg. Back to basics at its absolute best!
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Please include poaching an egg! I have tried it so many times in the swirling water saucepan/frypan way and it NEVER works!
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You just need to use REALLY fresh eggs. The fresher they are, the white stays close to the yolk and doesn’t spread out.
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Oh thanks odette! My problem every time is that the white just spreads into the whole pan.
Might go nick some eggs of my friend with chickens and give it a go.
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Get egg rings – steel hoops, usually in the supermarket with the cooking implements. Put them in a frying pan of boiling water. Then crack your eggs into them and the white doesn’t wander! You want the water to be just above the top of the egg. Then boil for 3 minutes. Much more reliable than the other method m
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Don’t forget to put a big swig of white vinegar into the water first as it helps keep the egg together. It also depends on the temperature of the water. I always put the eggs in when there are a lot of bubbles but the water is not yet boiling. And make a whirlpool with a spoon before you drop the eggs in.
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My routine for buying a pillow involves knowing roughly what I want (not too hard or soft and not too fat) and buying a mid-priced one in that range from Target. This method hasn’t failed me yet! I really can’t be bothered dealing with stuff like needing to buy pillows, so cheap and cheerful it is!
I love to sew, it is something that has been passed down from my mother and nanna, so I don’t know how to advise you to ‘like it’.
But what about doing a simple project – like a pair of shorts or a skirt for a child, putting a date on it (I will give it to them as a Christmas present) and making sure that project involves most of the basic stuff you want to be able to do (sew some decorative buttons on, hem, elastic, etc).
The most foolproof way to cook fish (and my go-to every time) is in the oven, wrapped in tin foil with a few herbs and butter, or garlic butter, or oil. As long as you have something moist in there, and something to keep the moisture in, it rarely fails. I usually bake for around 10mins at about 180°C.
We all have stuff that we think ‘all adults should be able to do’. I can sew a dress, but I can’t even swallow a pill. I’m pretty sure I know what the more valuable skill is!
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1. The places that sell mattresses usually do pillows too, admittedly ergonomic and a bit more expensive, but you can test them on a bed. The best pillow I’ve ever had came from one of these places. Which reminds me, I need to go get a new one.
2. Noone likes mending. I sew at least half of my own clothes, quilt, embroider and make soft toys but things like hemming and replacing buttons gets ignored as long as possible. Not sure about buttons, but there are places in most malls that will do the hemming and basic adjustments for you.
3. Me neither, we hardly ever have fish and I have no idea how to cook it, apart from in a pasta sauce (chop up and dunk until it changes colour, serve asap). I eat it in restaurants instead. Sorted.
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I could’ve written this article, word for word.
I need a pillow too, any advice in the comments would be appreciated!!
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This is strangely timely, as this weekend I am experiencing one if the occasional frenzies of ‘acquiring grown-up skills’ that I go through. I pinned my own trouser to take to the tailor AND cooked stir dry yesterday – both very unlike me!
My advice for buying a pillow is go to a specialist bed shop – you might not get to sleep on it for 12 hours but at least you can lay down on it!
And mending – just think about the money you are saving on repairs or new clothes. Or do like me and find a great tailor!
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