Sheryl Sandberg was deep in grief after her husband’s death when she received a letter that seemed to confirm her worst fears.
Speaking to close friend Katie Couric about her new book, ‘Option B’, Sandberg described the moment she received the unnerving letter.
It was just a few weeks after ‘Lean In’ author’s husband, Dave Goldberg, had died suddenly of a cardiac arrhythmia after collapsing at a hotel gym while on holiday in Mexico in May 2015.
Listen: Sometimes, it’s beneficial to structure our grief.
“A lot of people kept saying ‘it gets better’, but it didn’t feel like it would ever get better,” the mum-of-two told Couric during an interview for her podcast.
“I felt like there’s a void closing in on me.”
Sandberg described the “overwhelming” grief that made her feel as if she wasn’t going to be able to live through another minute, let alone a day or a week.
Feeling like the pain might never subside, she opened a letter from a woman who shared a devastating message.
It read, “I wish I had something to say to you, but I don’t – because it’s been years and it really doesn’t get much easier. And a friend of mine lost her husband 10 years ago and it doesn’t get easier.”
Sheryl said that she was "not strong enough to read that letter".
Devastated and fearing that the woman's message might be true, Sandberg called Couric and friend, psychologist Adam Grant.
Couric, who lost her own husband, Jay Monohan, 19 years ago, said she immediately told her friend the woman was wrong and "unhelpful".
Despite its disconcerting effect, the 47-year-old said she was still grateful to have received the letter because she "learned something important after that".
Top Comments
I think it's also what is not what's said that's equally as hard to deal with. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and I had cared for her with my mum for a while. It was really painful and I was a mess when she died. Her funeral happened to be on a close friends birthday and I took a moment to send her a message saying happy birthday. She was aware what the day was for me and didn't even reply to the message saying thanks for the wishes. No reply at all. Not even in the days after, nor had she said anything before. That really hurt me and our friendship was damaged as a result, I haven't seen her in years and sporadically hear from her. I don't even know if she is aware of how much it hurt or that it was an issue for me. Grief is hard to deal with and it can be challenging to know what to say I know but to ignore it completely and not show any support of someone you supposedly care about going through it is equally as hard. Some things just shouldn't be said but recognition and thought to what someone is going through can mean the world in such bleak times.
After my mum died of cancer, people at my aunts church said it was because i didnt pray enough
I was 12 at the time
omg That is too much for a 12 year old. Is it not enough that your mum has just died? People say awful things
OMG you poor thing. People can be cruel and stupid.
I'm so sorry that you lost your mum to cancer. That is a horrible thing to say to someone. I hope you never took that on board, because it's not true. Unfortunately it's a sentiment that I've come across before with some people who attend church. Some people have faulty beliefs and no empathy.
People say such stupid, thoughtless things. My husband's mum died a few years ago. Someone asked him if we had kids yet, and when my husband said no, this guy said 'oh, so your mum will never get to know your kids?'. Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in, mate.