“When I die, I want to be cremated and I want you to scatter my ashes.”
My mother and I had had this conversation every six months or so for as long as I could remember but it never failed to make me feel uncomfortable. I wasn’t oblivious to the the fact that she would die one day, I just didn’t particularly want to think about the details.
It was also her gentle way of reminding me not only did she not wish to be buried, she also didn’t want to end up shoved in the linen cupboard like her late father had been, hidden away like a dirty family secret.
Over and over again, I’d assure her I would follow her wishes and that when the time did come, I’d make sure that in death, just as in life, her requests would be respected.
But when that day did finally come, I fell down a bit with my promise.
Maybe I just never believed that my strong, smart and independent mother would be going anywhere anytime soon, and that we'd have plenty of time to discuss the ins and outs of death and the aftermath.
But we didn’t.
Mum was diagnosed with cancer in late August and died in November. It was so quick and so savage that we didn't even get the chance to discuss funeral plans because my mother refused to believe she was dying. Ever positive right up until her last breath, Mum saw her cancer diagnosis as a blip, something she would overcome with a little treatment and some time. The thing is, time is the one thing cancer is hell-bent on destroying.
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I'm so glad I stumbled upon your post!
I've had my Mom's ashes for about the same as you. Family members range from indifferent (didn't ever ask anything about them) to downright obnoxious (said they were meaningless). I've decided to sprinkle them not where mom would like to be her final resting place, but in a place that I like going, and a "visit" would be more likely from time to time. I probably won't go out of my way to mention it to family members, but if asked I will tell them where, and why I handled it that way. Avoid conflict, do SOMETHING with the ashes, and be ready to tell them should they ever ask.