.
I set off this morning with a list of jobs. We have guests arriving next week and I’m doing a few last minute things, you know, like having the spare room painted! I rang G this morning to tell him I hadn’t been able to get to the mall as there’d been a fire. As I drove closer to the building I could see they were diverting traffic and had closed the doors.
“Oh yeah, sorry, I should have rang you – I saw the firetrucks and ambulance outside when I was on my way to a meeting.” G knew I was heading there – we’d discussed it earlier that morning.
Ten minutes later, as I drove to the next location, it occurred to me that he obviously hadn’t pictured me blazing away inside the bedding section of Debenhams.
I would have.
I would have had him burnt to a crisp, me an immediate widow. I would have pictured me answering the door to find someone from the office with their head bowed. “I’m so sorry.”
And then I would have started planning.
What would I do? Who would I ring first? Would my parents come here or would it be better if G’s parents came? Would the children and I have to leave straight away or would the company let us stay in the house until we got organised? Where would we live? What sort of car would we get? We wouldn’t need a big car as they’d only be five of us.
I’ve done this a thousand times.
Late home from the office? Massive car crash. Take a little longer to whip to the shop for milk? I begin to envisage a guy with the balaclava and a gun madly grabbing clumps of cash from the register while G lays on the floor fighting for his life. If the beagle takes a longer walk than normal in the morning – I just know they’ve both been left for dead on the side of the road, a terrible hit and run.
Crazy. I know I’m crazy.
I remember reading an article years ago (when I was pregnant) about why pregnancy will make a woman worry more about the death of her partner. It was all about primal instinct – reverting back to our original roles of hunters and gatherers. And although the logic is a perhaps outdated, I get it. We become a little more vulnerable when we’re pregnant, we can’t run as fast, jump as high, or dodge the wild bear as well as we used to – but I had my last baby five years ago? And I know where the supermarket is.
If I had to, I could hunt and gather on my own. If I had to. I would be stoic and strong. I know – I’ve thought about it.
Is it possible that someone who lives in a state of change and adjustment, just needs to throw the worst possible scenario her way to feel like she has some control?
Kirsty Rice is an Australian writer and blogger currently living in Qatar. This piece was originally published on her blog, which you can find here. You can follow Kirsty on Twitter here.
Do you worry unnecessarily? Do you imagine the worst or are you fairly optimistic? Realistic even?
Side Note: Kerri Sackville has just released The Little Book of Anxiety – her recounts of anxiety are well worth reading. You can buy the book here.
Comments
115 Comments so far
I have a tendency to think of the absolute worst case scenario, and prepare myself for that, so that anything better than that is a bonus.
For example, I was so convinced two nights before our wedding that my hubby would be glassed at the pub, that I rang him at 2am (not something I would ever normally do) and begged him to come home, telling him I didn’t want to be a bride without a groom. And he still married me!
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I’m not a mother and I always worry people are dead if they’re late. Especially if they’re driving, if they walk or take public transport home I’m not that fussed but if I know they’re driving I’m sure they’ve had an accident. My sister is the same way, people think it’s funny but it’s not really! I always expect anyone I’m living with to leave a note if they’re not going to sleep at home. I don’t think any of us have anxiety disorders, it’s just natural fear.
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My mother had anxiety disorder,if any of our three siblings were late from school/college/uni she would worry the hell out.we didn’t have mobile phones that time.I hated it,I tried to grow up as ‘worry when needs to be’.the only time I was worried was when my youngest one was born premature,I had vivid dreams ,I had dreams like hubby died while saving other people from fire and I was angry with him that why did he died saving others life while I am all alone with two little kids.LOL.It was not funny that time.But I do understand people with real anxiety disorder.
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I do this all the time, I have worked through so many outcomes for death, disability and financial ruin of all of my family countless times. I remember doing it as a child, when my mum dashed into a shop and left me in the car, I sat there thinking about what I would do if she never came back, who I’d live with, where the money would come from. I thought it was a bi product of being an only child of a widow. I’m pretty normal ( I think) in other ways though.
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I can totally relate. I read a book called “Who switched of my brain” by Dr. Carolyn Leaf. Really helped me understand the anatomy of a thought and how we can change the way we think! I highly recommend the read.
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Oh I worry about everything. I only started doing this after I became a mum -when i realised it was really imortant for me to stay alive. I went through a phase where I fixated on my health, then my husbands. I imagined his death, even his funeral, the flowers and the music. (I dont think there was any subconscious link to wanting him dead, because I really like him, haha). I even did this when my son first went to camp. I once folllowed an ambulance because it was going in the direction of my father’s place. If I see a firetruck in the vicinity of my house I assume that my house has been engulfed in flames and I probably left the iron on…….and yes Iam aware I sound like I have an element of OCD and melodrama. The funny thing is that when I am faced with a real, actual crisis I am very calm and in control. I think a psych could have a field day with that.
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I do this all the time!!
However, then I remember that I can’t see the future so if I’ve thought about it then it can’t possibly happen… problem solved, anxiety over
There might be a fault in my logic, but it works a treat!
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No. I only worry when I have to.
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I can relate to this to a degree however am usually able to control these thoughts simply by knowing (and reminding myself) that, even if the worst was to happen, it is out of my control and time spent worrying about ‘what if’ scenarios is usually pointless.
Having said that, my boyfriend spent a good 6 months battling with some pretty bad depression a couple of years ago and during this time I would come up with any reason possible to text or call him during the day because I was terrified he was going to kill himself. If he didn’t answer or respond within minutes I could not work, think… breathe until I knew he was ok.
I’ll never forget that panicky, helpless feeling and have nothing but sympathy for those who suffer from these sorts of thoughts constantly.
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I never do this with my partner, I usually assume there is a reasonable explanation why she is late/ not answering or whatever, but when I was in my late teens, early 20s I used to do this a lot. Any time I liked a girl I would constantly worry about terrible things happening to her, and how I would react. It was like a sign that I liked someone, if I imagined being destroyed by news of them dying. I had a friend who had an interstate girlfriend and he did the same, worrying about things happening to her constantly when they were apart. I did get over it eventually except now I’m older I worry like that over my parents!
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I avoided reading this for a while as it is too true for me too. My psych calls my way of thinking “tree thinking” – imagine the trunk of the tree being a scenario and then every branch off the truck, and every smaller brand and stick and twig and leaf off all of those are possibilities I think of based on the one scenario. It’s exhausting.
My friends joke that they wouldn’t know what to do in a natural disaster or nuclear war or zombie apocalypse and while they’re all floundering around like beheaded chooks, I’m already in my pre-built, fully equipped underground shelter, ticking off my checklist ready to live out the next 50 years. I actually wish I had that shelter sometimes.
My kids are terrific sleepers but early risers, and I would give my right arm for a sleep in. But if they sleep even 15 minutes over their normal wake up time I start to panic. I frequently check the backseat driving to work to make sure I have actually dropped them off and I am not going to accidentally leave them in the car. If husband is picking them up, I will be anxious the whole way home until I turn into the driveway and see the car. If I go somewhere new, I need to know how I am getting there, what the layout is, where the toilets are, how to get out and get home. If I don’t feel comfortable with all of those things, I probably won’t go.
I’ve worked hard over the years to lessen these fears but sometimes they just clutch me by the throat and shake. I really sympathise with anyone who suffers anxiety. It’s a horrible condition.
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I am EXACTLY the same and after suffering for years have finally been diagnosed with OCD for the obsessive negative thoughts, just 2 months of CBT therapy and Zoloft and I am free of feeling doom all the time. It’s brilliant.
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Oh really? If you see this can you please write a bit more! I would love to get rid of my stream of negative thought
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Hi, my anxiety started when I had my first baby, I thought it was PND and counselling worked to a degree, the unbidden thoughts kept coming but I could push them away but after my second baby the anxiety went through the roof and I was just getting bombarded with these negative thoughts so I saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed Obessive Compulsive Disorder and prescribed 50mg of Zoloft along with cognitive behavior therapy and I’m a new person. I found the anxiety debilitating and I was worried that my boys would grow up to be nervous types because I would hover over them all the time. Now I feel back to normal. Good luck
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Oh. This article looks and feels all kinds of strange to me, because if it had been me writing it, it would have been the “why i’m now single ” type , i’m afraid . I can’t stop wondering now though , is it you or is it me? am I a paranoid freak or are you too quick to blame yourself for everything ?
Your mind went to “he’s normal , i’m a total anxiety ridden mess”, where mine would go straight (and at the speed of light) to “wtf?? he doesn’t care if I live or die??” , cue heartbreak , anger, argument , divorce lawyer…
I wonder if it’s you or if it’s me…
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WOW! I had to read your comment a few times, but I think I’ve got it now. Nope, would never think that he doesn’t care if I live or die. If you met him, I’m sure you’d feel the same on that one as well. The piece, I think, was more about the irrational anxiety I feel about something going wrong. Losing him or any of my family, is really my worst nightmare. I’ve written about him/us/ the whole shamozal before. Feel free to come and say hi – http://shamozal.blogspot.com/
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I must be a lot worse than you are then
Not only do I jump to the worst case scenario but I have a “it’s normal , the only way to stop worrying is to stop caring ” mindset , I’ve read it’s an OCD trait in the comments , and I’m ok with having that as well if I do, but I’m also autistic and cannot deal with anything unexpected , so I mentally prepare for anything in every situation (even a future conversation ). It might be a part of it. I’m sure your husband is very sweet though , I’m just extremely sensitive and paranoid I guess, I have rejection phobia :p
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My mum is autistic and she used to drive us kids mad with her ideas on what was going to happen to us whenever we left the house. Looking back, I feel terrible for saying “it’s ok, we aren’t going to get raped” and laughing, but of course I was a kid, she was not diagnosed and none of us understood.
She also really really struggles with being prepared. I have learnt to NEVER surprise her. My sisters wanted to give her a surprise birthday party a couple of years ago. I said “only if you tell her that it’s a surprise and give her as much details as you can so she doesn’t have a meltdown. then I’ll come!”
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Oh that’s funny and I totally relate. I’m VERY ashamed to say it but when I start imagining hubby involved in fatalities, sometimes it turns to fantasies about my new, wealthy, lifestyle (having earned the life insurance money) – grieving in Europe etc. It’s DREADFUL I know but I just wish to confess
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No need to apologise – have totally done this (…adding a nanny for 7yr old twins!)
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The same thing happened to me after my first baby. I started worrying about everything more. I have 2 kids now and would like a third but I just don’t think I could handle the stress of it. Things like when they start on solids and they do that gagging thing where they look like they’re choking, or wandering off in the shops as toddlers (they’ve been kidnapped!) or sleeping so deeply as newborns that it’s hard to tell whether they are still breathing. Everyday stuff like that made me feel sick with anxiety. It’s not so bad now they’re a bit older but I’m expecting it (the anxiety) will come back full force when they are teenagers (going out on their own, driving etc).
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thank you so much for this article and for all the great comments below, knowing you’re not the only one who imagines horrible things and suffers major anxiety is comforting in a strange way- what a great group therapy session, I don’t feel alone or like a complete freak knowing you are all thinking the same things. thanks everyone!
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I haven’t laughed so much in…. A couple of days. Well I don’t expect to laugh so much at comments but the comments below are hilarious! The things you guys come up with in your minds. I lol’d so much. I think it must be a woman thing. My husband also thinks I’m crazy for worrying about little things. E.g I think my marriage is too good to be true so either someone (read evil woman) will get in between us due to jealousy or one of us will die young! I worry most when traveling and literally put my stomach in a knot every time we travel. Of course by plane means we’ll be dying in a plane crash landing in the water never to be found while my family waits for us at the airport only to be given the horrible news…
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ETA: not laughing at people’s genuine anxiety issues please no one misunderstand me! Laughing at unnecessary long winding conclusions over a husband 1 min late from work etc…
Reading the title I got worried and thought the author was unhappy in her marriage! Then I saw who the author was and thought no cant be that. Kirsty I love your blog and writing style always gives me a chuckle!
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Thank you – I’m in the middle of dropping 4 children off at 4 different birthday parties and you’ve just made my day
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I can definitely relate. As a child, probably from 7-13yrs I had severe anxiety with my mum. She worked 5 mins down the road but if she was only a few minutes late I would get so anxious I was physically sick. I couldn’t do anything or concentrate on anything else. I would cry and become inconsolable until she would get home. As I got older I would found ways to cope better and I’d go for a quick bike ride to take my mind off it and use some adrenaline. Also most times when I got home she was home too. I’m still very anxious and with a child now my anxiety has shifted to her well being. I think I’ll always struggle with it.
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I do this. A lot. My doctor refers to it as ‘catastrophising’. I do it to the point of panic. Unfortunately, I do it often. It’s debilitating. I can be going about my day, a stray thought in my head and Bang! It’s real to me, and I’m spiralling the way you describe.
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I have previously been a worrier to the point that I started to suffer panic attacks – then I really did have something to worry about. All good now though. A good strategy is to have a ‘worry hour’. So say you allocate say from 6pm to 7pm to do your worrying – if worrying thoughts come throughout the day just say to yourself ‘I will worry about that in my worry hour’ and put the thoughts to one side until then. It can actually work quite well.
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I am the complete opposite. I was only saying to someone last week that I think one of my biggest problems is that I am too trusting. I trust people I know and I trust that everything will be ok. I have young kids and a husband away 3 months a year. And he’s about to be deployed to Afghanistan. I used to be a worried and anxious person but have now learned to approach life with “do your best to stay safe and healthy and have some degree of trust that others want the same for you”. Be sensible. It’s worked for the last 17 years and I sleep better!! Perhaps like you say, I am like this because I have the control. Those out of control are worrywarts, doomsayers and worst case scenarios are constantly created.
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I do this too, ive never been pregnant! Funnily enough I get it from my dad! One evening we were driving on a windy narrow mountain road, it doesn’t get used much and at this point we were about an hour from any town. A junky little old car full of teenagers screamed past us going WAY over the speed limit and we could hear their thumping loud music as they passed. Neither of us said anything about it at the time but later that night we confessed and realised that we had both noted the time they passed us, checked if there was phone reception (there wasnt) and mentally worked out a plan for what we would do if we found their car wrecked further up the road… We’d even both done a mental inventory of any first aid type stuff we had in the car. What a pair of weirdos! Thankfully we never came across an accident.
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My husband rides a push bike into the Sydney CBD most days. I am petrified that he’ll be hit by a car. Other than that I’m not a major worrier.
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My husband did ride a pushbike regularly on the roads and also race pushbikes. It always worried me, especially the thought he would get hit by a car. Ironically he had an accident not long ago on an ordinary pushbike (not the fancy, expensive racing bike) on a purpose built bike trail whilst out for a very leisurely ride and suffered serious spinal injuries. So I guess there really is no point worrying ’cause really we can’t control anything.
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I am definitely a worrier, and as such I have my zombie escape plan all figured out for when the inevitable apocalypse happens. Can’t be too careful.
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That’s perfectly sensible. The US government Office of Public Health and Centre for Disease Control has one too. You can download it here:
http://wwwn.cdc.gov/pubs/phpr.aspx
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Kirsty I have to say I really enjoy reading your articles, the are really relatable, real and funny. I so do this too, especially when my mobile goes flat..xoxo
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Thank you! I can’t tell you how lovely it is to read a comment like this. Thank you for taking the time to write it. Have a good weekend, and thanks for making me smile. xx
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Yes, I do do this. I also have a full blown anxiety disorder. I do it a lot less now that I am treated for it though. My husband used to travel long distances at night and if he was late, that was it. Had imagined all the details you mention above. Thanks for posting. I feel better reading this!
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Yes, absolutely do this, thank you for writing this, and for all the people who have posted that they do this too.
I’m amazed at how far I take my scenarios too, imagining the phone calls, the funeral, whether I would ever be able to go back to work…
Then I make myself stop, and imagine my husband and I sitting on our porch, aged in our 80s, chatting about how life actually turned out quite well, and it was a shame about all that worrying!
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This is me all over and i’ve been like this since i was a child. I remember being aroun 7 and mum leaving me in the car while she ran into the shops to buy milk and it reached the 5-10 minute mark and i worked myself into such a state i just started crying my eyes out thinking the shop had been held up or she had been hurt by someone, she had just run into a friend and was talking!
Thank you so much for this post – here i was thinking i was a nut case all on my own.
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This is so weird. Yesterday I saw on facebook a friend of mine had seen a woman get hit by a train at a train station. This was around the time my mum and sister catch the train home. I flat out convinced myself that it was one of them and called both of them and got no answer. I was getting all kinds of worked up, trying to hide it from my husband (who is a total worrywart too actually) and then my mum called back. The sense of relief was amazing. Although then I felt guilty for being relieved it wasnt my family, because it was someone’s wife/mum/sister…
Once I spoke to mum I told my husband what I’d been worried about. He was like, “Wow that’s a new level even for you…”
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I hear you! One of my daughters was driving to work on the same road and at the same time as a fatal car accident. The radio reported that the victim was a female in her 20s and I don’t know how I didnt die on the spot. My husband had recently left and I had no money to recharge my mobile phone to contact her or her work and not enough petrol to get to the accident or her work. I ended up at the police station begging them to find out if it was her.
It wasn’t mine but it was someone else’s daughter and I nearly collapsed with relief for my family and grief for theirs.
I have hundreds of tales of terror but this one has to be in the top 10. I’m sure the cops thought I was mad but they had the good grace not to say so.
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Oh I hear you! Why do we do this I wonder?
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I’m not a relentless ‘worst case scenario-ist’ but from when I was quite young, always used to work out the best escape route in any new house we moved into by navigating until I could do it with my eyes closed.
Scared the hell out of my mum by doing it in my sleep, too!
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I don’t even have kids and I do this all. the. time!!
My boyfriend was away for two nights this week and I reckon I got a total of about 5 hours sleep over that entire period, because I convince myself someone is going to break into my house, murder me and cut me into little pieces.
Look out when I have children! I feel sorry for everyone who comes into contact with me.
:-/
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Hey this is me. As soon as husband is away at night, every burglar in town congregates around my home!! I usually wind up sitting in the lounge all night with every light on. I must do something about it as it’s getting worse. In my defense though, I have had a burglar inside and I came across him. Holy crap Batman, scariest moment of my life!
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You poor thing..no wonder you have burgular anxiety. This was so me to, we got our family dog 4 years ago..since then the sleep is amazing. I know he is there to bark and wake me up and scare them away xo
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Tried the dog thing. When he barked, shat myself thinking what the hell is out there. Same result – sitting up all night yada yada!!
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I am exactly the saaaame! And I was in a house that was robbed when I was younger, and I think that’s why I still have sooo much anxiety about it.
When my boy is home, everything is fine, I hardly think about it, but yep, like you said, when he is gone all the burglars and murderers are just drawn to my house!
Sigh.
What CAN you do about it though?
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Hi Miss B
Isn’t it strange that when husband in bed next to you bombs could go off and you wouldn’t be able to wake me, but a leaf drops on the grass when I am alone and I can hear it. Dont know about you but it drives me nuts!
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Thanks for writing this article – after reading it, and the comments, it has spurred me on to go to the GP to get a referral to a psychologist to talk through the anxiety issues which have plagued me my entire life, but I have been trying to ignore in the hopes they will go away on thier own. They won’t, and now I have a baby that I am responsible for. The last thing I want is for her to learn how to be anxious and worry about every single thing from her mother.
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Good on you for doing this. My mum and I are ridiculously close, but the one thing I would like to improve about our relationship is for me to shed her extreme tendency to worry. She’s never seen a psychologist, but I’ve seen a few and would guess that she has generalised anxiety disorder and mild-moderate OCD. I can recognise in her what I’ve had diagnosed in me, which has at least in a big part developed through years of conditioning to catastrophise, check things and be fearful. I love her to bits but I wish she would see and address her issues, rather than being perversely accepting of them. I wish you the absolute best of luck with dealing with your anxiety issues
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It’s funny – being a new mum also spurred me on to see a psychologist for my anxiety issues. It is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself (and for my family). I’ve made such amazing progress in only a few sessions. I adore my psychologist and credit her for changing my life. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
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yep me too!! Have spent far too many hours of my life contemplating the horrors that have never happened. Nice to know I am not competley bonkers.
always enjoy your writing Kirsty!
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awwww – thank you! I always like popping over to MM.
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This is my life! With four of the children driving now, I have a breakdown every time I hear a siren or hear about an accident. When they’re out at night I worry myself into cardiac arrest. A lump is a tumor, a cough is cancer, a headache is a brain tumor. I’m mostly calm on the outside but inside I’m ready to meltdown.
We travel like the royal family – different cars and if possible, planes!
My daughters come off shifts at the hospital and I talk to them until they’re safely locked in their cars.
The ex could never understand my worry and thought I was an idiot. In my defense, a close family friend and her children were murdered and I have seen enough accidents and sickness to never ever take my family for granted.
There but for the grace of God …
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I think I’ve just read an insight into my future. I often wonder how I’m going to be when my children are driving/working/traveling and I have to relinquish the control. Thank you for confirming that it’s only going to get worse
At least I won’t be alone – it sounds like there’s a few of us out there.
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oh wow, I just felt as if you were reading my mind. I do the same. just the other evening my husband was very late from work, and I started thinking the same things. and even if I could have rang him, I didn’t, instead I just went on and on with all those really bad thoughts. I then tell myself what a horrible person I am to actually have such negative thoughts.
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Are you a Virgo?
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Capricorn. My mother is exactly the same (she’s an Aries). The irony in all of this is I tell my mother off for unnecessary worrying ALL the time. In her defense, her mother died when she was 16, she once told me “it’s very hard not to expect the worst, when you’ve seen the worst happen”.
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That’s it! That quote is gold. Thank you for writing this article, Kirsty, I don’t feel so alone now. I’m Capricorn too …
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Thank you Thank you for writing this… I was actually just thinking the other day that someone on Mamamia should cover this topic!
I have been this way my whole life and I really don’t know how to free myself of it, its a constant.
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Oh and I hate it when my family is in the same plane… although at least we’d all go out together. Sometimes I think we should make like a Board of Directors and only have two in the same plane at any given moment.
Given car travel is probably more dangerous, this is a train of thought I should just nip in the bud.
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I’ve never got the whole “let’s travel on separate flights” thing. My f.I.l still insists on thay for his adult children if we go on a family trip. how would the survivor guilt be if you were the one on the flight that didn’t go down?
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I do this in a BIG way if my husband is out and may be drinking. OK, is probably drinking.
And my poor husband is confused when I’m all upset that he hasn’t answered his phone. “But I thought you were DEAD…” I dramatically wail at him.
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this is me all over. And I don’t just imagine scenario’s for other people, but for myself as well.
Like when I’m jogging along the bush track that runs behind my house, I imagine how someone would find me, if I’d tripped and fallen off the cliff, or if I’d been attacked by a stranger.
I know this stems from watching crime shows where they always find a dead runner in the bush, but I can’t help thinking it.
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You are all my people. I worry about every tiny little thing and catastrophise everything. It’s exhausing. I’ve done a bit of CBT and that at least helps me process it a bit.
The most bizarre thing though, is what I *don’t* do. I thought I had breast cancer so made the appointment, had the mammogram, and then NEVER picked up the results. I can’t think about a will because it stresses me too much to think about what would happen to my kids. It makes no sense at all.
Anyway, I’m glad that at all times there are likely to be other people around me in the cafe wondering which table they’d dive under if a gunman came in. I recently watched Rabbit Proof Fence with my children, and I kid you not, I was quietly hoping that my kids would pick up some tracking skills in case someone came in and murdered my husband and I and they needed to get away. I kind of decided that my middle daughter would probably take the lead and not panic in that scenario.
See, exhausting.
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oh yes, sounds like me. straight to the worst case scenario, everytime.
its such a bad headspace to be in, where every headache is a probable brain tumour, a tiny blind pimple may be a skin cancer, a heart palpitation is definatly a warning sign of early heart failure, husband late home from work is a car accident, a cough he got but couldnt shake for ages was lung cancer (even though he has never smoked)
I always think about what would happen if i crashed driving home from work at night, would my husband remarry, would my son call the stepmother mummy and forget about me….i make myself feel sick with some of the things i worry about.
ive always been like this since i was a kid, but funnily enough during my pregnancy was the only time where i wasnt overly anxious about anything, my husband was expecting me to be a nightmare anxious ball of fear stressing over everything, but i felt calm and
right and positive the whole pregnancy, even when complications developed i never got worked up with fear. it was strange. but a nice change!! after pregnancy however the anxiety was back with avengence, never so strong as when i was on mat leave, at home with my young baby, sleep deprivation taking hold and being awake at all hours of the day and night (night is always worst!) to contemplate every worst case scenario possible
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Oh my god – you may just be my twin. I am exactly the same! On maternity leave at the moment and worrying myself stupid. It really is tiring!
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Yep, this is me too. Always has been since I was a child. I actually think (for me) it’s a coping mechanism. IF the unthinkable happened THEN what would I do? I let myself go down that train of thought and at the end of it I realise I can actually do more than I thought. Doesn’t stop the panic of not knowing why my beloved isn’t home/won’t answer his phone/etc but it does make me think about the ‘what if’.
And I don’t think men generally do this at all!!!
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalized_anxiety_disorder
I am currently undergoing CBT for Generalised Anxiety Disorder – and it has changed my life.
I could write pages on the worries i’ve had during the time it’s taken me to make this comment – thankfully every day is a bit easier.
My Clin Psych is my super hero
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I do this too, big time. And not just about big stuff – I will sit at my desk at work and imagine all the possible screw ups I could have made recently, and wonder when they will be uncovered. It’s debilitating.
I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, and am getting treatment. It seems to be helping a bit, but the anxiety still controls my entire life.
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I know exactly how you feel. I notice how far I’ve still go to go when i’m faced with new situations and a myriad of new ‘what ifs’ to deal with
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OMG this is me too ! At the moment i am thinking through all the scenarios for our US holiday and if anything happened. We are travelling with another family, and at times will be in a different helicopter, or hire car. What if something happened to us…who should we tell them to ring. what if somethign happened to them! Who would I ring first…does my head in.
I worry often unnecessarily to the point that i have plan a & b in most instances. Drives me husband crazy…
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Yep, me too. Right down to details like what I’d wear to my husband’s funeral. It makes me feel anxious but also guilty.
Have any of you seen the movie ‘Look Both Ways’? It’s an Australia film starring William McInnes and Justine Clarke (and made by William’s wife Sarah Watt). It is brilliant and you will soooo relate.
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I thought of ‘Look Both Ways’ too! Love that film.
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I definately do this, most times while I’m laying in bed, waiting for sleep to come. Although, its more about my children than my husband, things along the line of “if there was a fire in the kitchen, it would get to their rooms before ours, who would I try and save first? How would we get out/ what if I couldn’t save them both and had to choose, who would I choose/ HOW could I choose what if someone broke into the house? what would I do? etc etc etc.
And you can probably guess it then takes a loooong time for sleep to come..
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I totes do this.
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oh THANKYOU for writing this. This is me exactly- I do it about the kids too and with myself, My husband is endlessly creeped out by the depth of plans I have for ANY eventuation (What he should do if I die, if theres a home intruder whats the best course of action, if theres a shooter in the shopping centre whats the best way to survive, if tomorrow when the war began happened where would be best to hide, if there was an accident and we ended up in a body of water how could I get all three children out of the car etc.etc.) Every time Tim is late home from work I’m sitting there just WAITING for someone to knock on the door and tell me theres been an accident, so that by the time he is home I’m so relieved- but I also have his extraordinary measures plan thought through his funeral planned and am thinking about how I would go about telling the children. Having been married a while now he knows I panic so he usualllllly remembers to ring me and let me know these days!
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