The happy couple.
By LUCY ORMONDE
No phones at the table. No tweeting in bed. Sex a minimum of three times a week. Dinner with the in-laws quarterly. No golf ever. Watching sport on TV capped at 4 hours per week. 6 during footy finals. Regular Brazilian waxes for her. No beard for him. Crocs absolutely forbidden for everyone.
These are just a few ideas for your Lifestyle prenup. You know, the thing you may now be expected to sign when you enter a serious relationship.
It’s so hot right now.
Apparently Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and his partner Priscilla signed a relationship agreement before they moved in together a few years ago.
The agreement said they had to go on one date night and spend at least 100 minutes (1 hr, 40 mins) away from Mark’s apartment and office every week.
No word on the consequences of violating the agreement – but we couldn’t help but think Priscilla was doing everything in her power to make her boyfriend giver her some face time away from a screen. Which is, you know, probably understandable.
Anyway, according to our favourite source of all things topical, conversational and credible, The Daily Mail, Mark and Priscilla are not the only couples signing up to lifestyle agreements – which are otherwise known as pre-prenups.
Unlike regular prenups, these agreements aren’t about protecting income or assets (or in Mark’s case, the coupla dollars in his bank account), but the day-to-day lifestyles of those signing up.
Lawyers in the U.S. are reporting rising demand for ‘pre-prenups’; agreements that see unmarried couples addressing their relationship expectations in print.
A survey from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers revealed that there had been a 39 per cent increase in request for cohabitation agreements from live-in couples over the past five years.
Different from a traditional prenup, which typically addresses financial issues in the event of a divorce, a relationship agreement allows couples to establish expectations from a lifestyle perspective.
These might include division of labour when it comes to housework, and how much quality time a couple feels they should spend together.
So no TV in the bedroom? Less Fox Sports and more foot massages? Or how about bathroom cleaning duties are evenly distributed?
If you had one, what would you put in your lifestyle prenup?
Comments
56 Comments so far
No laughing at farts.
Lots of romance.
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Sounds like entering a room mate agreement with Dr Sheldon Cooper.
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I’m a lawyer and think this is ridiculous. Why the need to draft a contract? Why not just have a conversation (or, more likely, ongoing conversations) with each other and set out your expectations and address issues as they arise. Surely if you’re in a relationship you can communicate these things without the help of a lawyer?
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No farting in bed!
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I’d love to know how one hour and 40 minutes was decided upon! So specific.
Obviously Lucy’s suggestions at the top of the article are a bit tongue in cheek, which some commentors don’t seem to get.
The whole idea of the lifestyle prenup as a serious thing for serious couples is sad. Real relationships evolve and if their is mutual repect and real love,then it is completely unnecessary. If some people don’t get that, then that is even sadder.
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I think this would be a great way to really deal with what future the two of you are hoping for. So many things are often left unsaid but someone just expects it. A relationship does change over time, however the basics shouldn’t really change. If one of you want kids and the other doesn’t, that is a huge issue that there is simply no compromise. A puppy or kitten doesn’t quite cut it.
I think a relationship pre-prenup would be forever evolving, however I think it would be a great starting point when two people are contemplating a life together
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If you have to mandate spending time together or minutiae such as who can grow bodily hair and where then there’s a massive white elephant in the room you’re both ignoring. You know, the one that’s screaming about your relationship being doomed.
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My boyfriend and I TRIED to do this at the start of the year – we agreed one date night a month. We’re students and don’t have much money, so it seemed reasonable. But we’re also both homebodies and it only lasted for a couple of months… looks like we’ll have to try and resinstate it soon!
As someone said below, I think it’s more about regular negotiation than a contract that could become irrelevent in a couple of years.
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I’d have to say no beard.
I don’t mind a bit of stubble (kinda like it, actually) but hate facial hair of any kind. I find it a huge turn-off. So, that’s be the main thing on my prenup.
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Not the safest for work, but still hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3C5nE4UqqLk
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I have a really bad feeling about including a min/max amount of time in these kinds of “agreements”. For some people, doing such a thing could possibly lead to “Oh! 100 minutes is up! Outta here.”
In my opinion, most people who would want a healthy relationship would probably have been developing their “lifestyle prenup” ever since the relationship began, and then the thing would keep shifting as the two (or more) of them grow.
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You know why she looks so joyous on her big day? He has $19 billion and her dream wedding took place in the backyard. Dude, really?
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Ummm if there was a breach to the implied lifestyle and its not aout division of assets etc ………….wouldn’t be easier to just break up?????
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Sorry to be a wet blanket, but after being in a relationship that’s changed 55 times in 11 years, I would never sign a relationship pre-nup.
People change and things have to be renegotiated to suit everyone.
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Completely agree with this. And I really like the idea of renegotiation.
Some of the things that seemed like a deal breaker before I met my husband are now actually things I’ve learnt to enjoy.
These lifestyle pre-nups are based on the assumption that people don’t change.
It’s amazing how intolerant it’s possible to be when you’re single and don’t have to share your life.
And it’s equally amazing how impossible such intolerance is to maintain if you want a happy relationship with another human being.
It’s something I’m still learning.
Ipomen Scarlet
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Please remember….those bags that are in the washing machine have things inside them! Don’t just hang them out. You want me to wear “delicates” well those bags hold the delicates. Treat them nice
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What a hoot!
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Let it be written down that NOBODY, EVER, will wear Crocs again
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A friend of mine wore Crocs at his recent birthday barbeque, and even though I didn’t say a word, I was thinking, ‘Really?! All your friends are going to be here and THIS is what you’re wearing?!’ Even some old sneakers would have been better.
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I have to admit that I was quite freaked out when I first saw they’d moved beyond the confines of the operating theatre…
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No peeing with the door open… ever!
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Leaving your wet towel on the bed, bedroom floor…..anywhere other than the towel rack will result in divorce! haha Drives me CRAZY!!!!!
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since we installed a heated towel rail – my husband loves it and no more wet towels; instead nice and warm towels
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Here here am the same with this one!
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Growing up we were never allowed phones or other means of technology communication at the table. Today? My dad is constantly connected to his iPad/iPhone & see’s no harm in it being at the table. How times have changed! I think our family may need to invest in a pre-family-get-together-nup of some description.
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Oooooh that sounds good!! My sisters and I are guilty of facebooking in the middle of family dinner nights and older nieces and nephews plugged in to their iPods and DS consoles.
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Sometimes it prevents you realizing that you don’t really have much in common…
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i love the no crocs rule!!! forbidden for everyone sounds perfect…
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If your communication within your relationship is so poor you need a contract to force someone to consider your wishes, you are in the wrong relationship!
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Personally, I’d go for this:
“If you do not rinse your plate before you stack it into the dishwasher I will start divorce proceedings …”
Too subtle?
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Amen sister.
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Or attempts to re-stack the dishwasher!
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Off topic but It’s actually a waste of water to rinse your dishes, and if you’re using hot water, a waste of energy also – the quality of detergents these days negates the need to rinse before you load.
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But it can break the dishwasher if there’s still tiny scraps of food on the plates? e.g. rice
That’s why we always had to rinse the plates when I was a kid.
We used to just fill the sink up, plop the plate in, quick run over with a cloth and into the dishwasher.
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Or, if you unstack the dishes onto the bench directly above the cupboard where they live and leave them for days/weeks, if I don’t divorce you, I may throw them at you!
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LOVE that one Bec!
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Weird.
Although to be fair at the start of our relationship we discovered that I like cooking and he hates it, and he doesn’t mind doing dishes and I hate it, so we decided that I cook and he cleans every day. 10 years, 4 kids and it’s all good!
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I joke with my husband if he ever grew facial hair or got a tattoo it would be instant divorce! So I guess I would that on it..
I know me leaving my shoes around the house drives him nuts so maybe he would put that one on!
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Whatever happend to having a conversation? Or spontaneity?
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Having to get a brazillian is a deal breaker for me!
Maybe that could go in the pre-nup
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I hope you’re not a dude
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Sex three times a week?? Oh my…
Three times a year is starting to look adventurous…
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We have one of those agreements. It’s verbal and it changes regularly. Isn’t that what a relationship is? If we had written one at the start of our relationship 12 years ago, I doubt any of it would apply anymore. Nice idea, but constant communication of each others needs will work just as well.
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What a genius idea!
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My boyfriend would love this. He would definitely ban phones at the table (I am of the opinion that texting is rude but that checking emails is okay) and probably also limit me to 10 mins of whinging per week (at the moment I am Whingey McWhinge).
I think I would go for a mandatory Date Night every week too. Good one Mark!
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Ughghh this does not sit well with me…
A lot of those things are things that you’d be forced to do if you didn’t want to. So… what… you decide that you don’t want to get brazillians anymore because they hurt, so, what? What happens then?
I think it’s good for couples to make an effort for each other. Example: a date night once a week or a fortnight. But these things should be unwritten, and happily entered into.
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arent these prenup the type entered happily into though.
Its like the gym, you decide you want to go but sometimes its useful to write a contract to yourself making that commitment in writing.
I can totally understand when you are that busy that it takes a conscious effort to prioritise you live, rather then just reacting to circumstances
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You could stipulate that everytime you have a brazillian he has to have the male equivalent.
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A dance off in the lounge room at least once a week…and the moves must be ridiculously crazy.
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I agree, but ours normal happens in the kitchen!
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Rose you are onto something, the kitchen allows a lot more moves if in socks and you need to slide…may have to shift from the lounge
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I concur! Although my partner and I do this at least once a day currently…
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I have heard the Ancient Jews used to require a man to have sex with his wife at least three times a week, which was important because men sometimes had multiple wives and if one was neglected, she might be “blamed” for not having a baby.
If the man did not keep to the agreement, the woman could divorce him.
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I’d limit time spent on the bromance to one day a week only. Instead I have to deal with the 3-4 days a week of bromance because I wasn’t aware of a lifestyle prenup. *sigh*
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i assume you mean 100 minutes each week
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We did! And it’s been changed. Thanks
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