The last time you were dumped, how was it done?

Me? I’m fairly certain it was over the phone. A landline, not even a mobile because I didn’t yet own one of those. That’s how long ago it was.

Afterwards, I recall there were many tissues involved and possibly a few drive-bys where I looked up mournfully at The Dumper’s apartment window from my car (which may or may not have been parked across the road) to see if his lights were on. What the lights might have signified was not clear then or now but seemed very important at the time.

I was 19.

I did a bit of dumping myself over the next few years, in person or on the phone. It was always unpleasant. Human emotions can be like that. Messy too. And, let’s be honest, a little time-consuming as you wait for the other person’s feelings to catch up to your own.

Kids understand that break-ups are a nasty business and that’s why back in primary school, the dirty work was out-sourced. There you’d be at recess, standing in the canteen line waiting patiently for your fingerbun when one of your beloved’s mates would stride across the playground to announce, “Sam says you’re dropped”. Before you could properly digest the life-changing information, he’d be gone. Brutal but effective. Meanwhile Sam’s hands remained clean as he watched your heart shatter from a safe, cowardly distance near the monkey bars.

The way your last relationship ended speaks volumes about your age and the era in which the breakup occurred.  A modern dumping is unlikely to involve a Dear John letter or hand-writing of any kind, let alone face-to-face or voice-to-voice contact between the interested parties. That would be awkward.

So what about texting then? Nope, texting is not ideal because it still takes some effort, what with having think of words and use your thumbs. That’s just dull. And so pitifully 2009.

All the cool folk are now dumping each other via Facebook and I learned this from…..Facebook. Specifically, I learned it from a Facebook application AreYouInterested survey of 1000 Facebook users which identified the number of people who have used the social network to end a relationship.

Almost 25% of respondents found out their relationship was over by seeing it on Facebook first. And 21% of respondents said they would break up with someone through Facebook by changing their status to single.

Wow. If someone broke up with me on Facebook I would be seriously devastated that such a kind and sensitive soul had slipped from my grasp when I wasn’t looking. My loss!

In fairness to the Facebook dumpers, there are some truly excellent reasons for breaking up this way. As I mentioned, the in-person approach is uncomfortable, time-consuming and often ends in pity sex (diverting but ultimately unhelpful). You might have to watch your brand new ex weep. Or answer their questions in real time. You may be required to find them a tissue. Or give them a hug. I know. Total drag.

Similarly, in a phone call, you have to set aside precious minutes, sometimes hours in which to do it. More opportunity for questions and discussion. More possible emotions you might be forced to witness or even experience. More exposure to the pain of someone who probably loves you.

Far better, faster and cleaner to just click once on the box that changes your Facebook relationship status to ‘single’. This serves a dual purpose because not only does it inform your partner that THEIR status has changed, it also effectively tells the world you’re back on the market. ‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ it says ‘Start your engines and dig out your fancy underwear. I’m ba-ack.’

And once you are ba-ack and dating again, Facebook will continue to play a big part in your romantic life, according to the AreYouInterested survey. Nearly 40% of respondents have updated their status so the person they’re dating sees they have plans and about 35% of respondents have used their Facebook status to make someone think they have plans, even if they don’t.

Makes you yearn for the simple days of just waiting by the phone for your love interest to call and when they didn’t, picking it up every hour or so to make sure the line was ‘still connected’ doesn’t it?

There is much to be learned from this movement towards Facebook breakups, however. Much that can be applied to ‘real life’. Quitting your job or, conversely, having to sack an employee can also be awkward. Why not just leave it Facebook! If you’re the employee, you can change your status to “looking for a new job” and wait for someone to tell your boss. If you’re the employer, you can post a recruitment ad on your wall and wait for news to spread.

And the next time the Labor party decide to change leaders and thrust the deputy into the top job? There’s no need bother with those pesky cabinet meetings or spills. Nah. Wayne Swann can just update his Facebook status to Prime Minister and get on with it.