Monty Diamond
by MONTY DIAMOND
I was chatting with some friends the other day about the brainless shit we got up to when we were younger. Things that seemed like an awesome idea at the time were usually ridiculously dangerous. Or just downright dumb.
Now that I’m a Mum, it FREAKS me out thinking of the stuff my son is potentially going to get involved in. Even though he is only eight months old, I know in time his curiosity will inevitably get the better of him.
My fingers and toes are crossed that hopefully he’ll be a little wiser than some of my friends, and I, were. The scary thing is we weren’t even bad kids… we just got up to some seriously mindless shenanigans.
Allow me to start by sharing the genius idea my friend Scott had when he was seven.
Scott’s grandparents had a spa bath. He used to lose his small mind on the weekends when he’d spend hours in the glorious bubbles turning into a human prune. The boring old normal bathtub at his house just wasn’t cutting it anymore, so he decided he would try and replicate his Gran’s Spa. He had a brainwave one evening while he and his sister where having a bath. He thought he could achieve the sort after bubbles with a little help from… a hairdryer.
While Scott’s little sister played with her rubber duckies in the bath, he set up the hairdryer and with one flick turned it on. Unfortunately for him it didn’t quite reach the tub so he ran to get an extension cord. While his little naked soapy body was rummaging through the cupboard, his Mum walked past and asked him what he was doing. When he proudly told her about his awesome idea, she nearly died on the spot.
He isn’t the only friend of mine who acted on innocent impulses.
One afternoon when my mate Mika was about 11, her Dad ducked to the shops leaving her at home with her little sister. The girls thought it would be HILARIOUS to use the fake blood they got in a horror show bag. So, as you do, they got a knife, put the fake blood all over it and lay in the hallway pretending to be dead!
Their acting was so convincing their Dad bolted over to them in a crying mad panic. Can you imagine the thoughts that ran through his mind in those four looong seconds before they sprung up giggling? He had walked in to a murder scene with both of his daughters dead. This very disturbing prank ended in many tears belonging to both child and man.
Oh the horror…
Nearly every kid has a moment or two of being utterly moronic. It goes with the territory of being a minor. My good friend Kylie went through a period of hiding her undies in the garden. Not for any particular reason but just because it seemed like a good thing to do.
One afternoon she took off her undies and dug a little hole, popped in her knickers, then covered the hole back up. How odd! It wasn’t just once though, it became almost a daily ritual… Afternoon undie burial. She was forced to wean herself off her little obsession after her Mother realised her top drawer was always empty.
I didn’t escape the foolishness either. I was overly intrigued with the human body when I was little. You know those kids that would say, ‘show me yours and I’ll show you mine’? That was me. I was fascinated with what was in our trousers. I’d regularly flip over naked in front of the full-length mirror to get an extreme close up of my bare derrière.
It was completely innocent but rather strange. I was politely asked by my Mother to ease up on the private part obsession after my sister informed her of my favourite past time. I was mortified and have not naked mirror flipped since.
All of these stories make me stress out about what my little boy’s moments of lethal stupidity or bizarre obsession might be. Am I going to get home one day and find he’s set the cat on fire while attempting to give his sibling a petrol milkshake?
Oh the joys of motherhood, ah? I guess I’ll just have to wait and see… What fun!
Katie “Monty” Dimond is a broadcaster and media personality. She has appeared on Channel Ten, Channel Nine, and Nova FM. She is currently busy being a full time Mum and loving it!
Comments
145 Comments so far
These are hilarious!
At ten I “rewired my grandparent’s next door neighbours fuse box with teabags and sticls from the garden.
At twelve I set fire to my wardrobe playing with candles. I was then so scared about getting into trouble that I put the fire out myself with my new clothes mum had just bought me. I was lucky to not be seriously hurt and the scorch marks are still on the ceiling and walls today today.
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The dumbest thing I ever did was, when I was about 12, I was baking a cake. So I lit the oven, got my ingredients out, etc …. and smelled gas. Bent down and saw the oven wasn’t actually lit, so I pressed the igniter button. After I picked myself up off the floor on the other side of the kitchen, with burnt hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows, suddenly I wasn’t so much in the mood for cake that day.
My best memory of other kids’ accidents would have to be my nephew’s exploit. OK, so here is a kid with two broken arms, in plaster casts after coming off second best to a fall from the top of one of those twisty slides (remember those?). The casts had been on for a few weeks and we (the rest of the kids) were bored with this whole broken arm thing, surely they were better by now??? So we persuaded him to climb up the lilac tree to the roof of the garage, as we were jumping off it. Well, he didn’t quite make it to the roof – he slipped and fell, his arms in the casts went up and he sliced his underarm open on a rusty nail as he fell. Off to the hospital he went for tetanus shot and to check that he hadn’t further damaged his arms. My poor sister swears there are files about her parenting somewhere, both her sons were chronically accident prone and the damage was never insignificant!
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Oh so many to remember. Here’s a condensed version varying from silly to downright dangerous…
My best friend’s greatest achievement in preschool was that she got a whole red crayon stuck up her nose and had to go to the doctors to have it removed.
My brother and I painting our hair with bright orange house paint along with the swing set a few days before I was flower girl at my Aunt’s wedding.
Agreeing to lay down at the end of my brother’s home made bike jump with the cat whilst he replicated Evil Keniviel stunts
And proof that you should never trust young teens to babysit a child – we “lost” the four year old for a few hours (actually we didn’t even notice he was gone) whilst we played video games on a hot summer’s day. He turned up crying, drenched in sweat and as red as a beetroot declaring that he’d been locked in the old car with electric windows that didn’t work in the back yard and couldn’t get out. We fixed him up by chucking him fully clothed in the shower and gave him a drink of coke!
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Random reasons I should prob be dead or permanently disabled:
My big sister washed my hair with milk as a baby. Im allergic to milk. Not intolerant, allergic.
My big sister managed to climb up a cupboard, retrieve and open the baby panadol while my parents weren’t looking and proceeded to feed it to me whilst playing doctor.
Climbed a little too high and fell out of the used and landed between a large cement pot and old garden bench complete with rusty nails. Decide to continue climbing said tree but to be on the ‘safe side’ used a large stick as a walking aid instead of actually holding onto anything. Didn’t fall though so i must have been on to something!
I have to say though our stories simply don’t compare to those of our parents! Smoking bark , borrowing grandmas car, setting fire to a tent full of brand new Christmas toys just to name a few!
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We had a steel drum from the inside of an old washing machine. We also had a long, steep grassy hill near our home. The neighbourhood kids, sometimes as many as 10 – 15 of us would take turns to fold ourselves up inside it and then the others would push it down the hill. The others would then run along side the rolling drum all the way to the bottom. The victim would then get out and be so dizzy they couldn’t stand. We would kill ourselves laughing and run up the hill again. My ass wouldn’t even fit in that drum now!
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My younger brother, cousin and i were always up to no-good! I actually dont remember this, but apparently one morning my mum and aunty awoke to our lounge room covered in mushed up raw sausauges.. in every corner, in the vents, on the walls.. every where.. Still to this day we cant work out why would we do that?!!
Another time the three of us were sort of grounded, so we were all in my room eating “saved” easter chocolate when we thought we needed to escape.. so we gathered a few dressing gown ties and tied them together ans started to absail up the second story roof of our house.. at 9pm at night! Very safe.. not! We got busted and got in even more trouble!! Ahh being a kid was so much fun
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Ohhh I have many moronic stories from my childhood. One possibly more to do with bad parenting. My sister put me on her handlebars and proceeded to ride to the shop. I was a baby. Couldn’t walk yet. Where were my parents I still ask!
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Grade 4, I and two of my friends decided to become ‘blood sisters’. We pricked and poked our index fingers until bleeding and then stood in a circle, pressed the fingers together and made a dramatic vow of somesort. Very ickky and stupid!
THEN it was all a mega campaign on AIDS/HIV (including that scary tv ad that freaked me out) and Mum trying to explain it said you catch it via blood!!! I stewed on it for years and when puberty hit I caught a cold I couldn’t shake so natch thought I had AIDS…
Other stupid times was when I acted all cool about something just to fit in. LIke watching scary movies at sleepovers (I secretly hated them). I sat through some shockers back in the late 80′s. And trying a smoke. And trying beer.
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My sister and i were fishing with dad and thought it would be fun to cast on to the land on the other side of the jetty instead of into the water. The line got very tangled around a tree. Dad was not happy.
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I played hide and seek in an industrial freezer! you cant open them from the inside luckily my brother was really good at finding me.
another was my dad built his boat in the backyard it was about 4 metres in the air to begin with and was a huge 54 foot yacht my brother and i used to slide off the back of it and jump onto the decking unfortunately for me i forgot to jump and landed on the concrete slab beneath us which had a rose bush in the middle.. 2 broken arms and covered in scratches from the roses
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I have to admit I was a full fifteen years old when I did the DUMBEST thing. Imagine – little, white, sheltered suburban girl in the 80s with older boyfriend who lived in the country. I was helping him move house and I decided to put his posters up on the wall for him. I was banging the old brass drawing pins in with a thing I’d found which looked good enough when you don’t have a hammer. He came into the room, screamed ‘F@#K’ and ‘stop’, went a shade of alabaster and dropped to his haunches with his head in his hands. A little dramatic I thought, until he explained I’d been using the detonator end of a shotgun cartridge to bang the pins in. One or two more whacks and I would’ve lost my arm and my face.
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I can remember one day thinking it would be a great look if I hole punched my hair. I had quite long hair and decided to punch two holes just above my ear. Needless to say, you CANT put holes in your hair…and hole punches hurt when they are stuck dangling from your locks! Straight to the hairdresser to chop it all off!
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My friend and I decided to send a plastic clam sandpit/paddling pool (empty) down a steep concrete driveway and jump into it. I missed and bit the concrete smashing up my whole mouth! Lost some baby teeth and half my front tooth. Luckily my dad was a dentist!
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I was 10. At my Aunts house. They had a pool in the backyard. We used to dive bomb each other by jumping off the second storey into the pool. Then they got a trampoline. The garage roof was a good 2 metres from the pool so we aligned the trampoline in the middle jumped off the garage roof onto the trampoline into the pool at the shallow end. I’m surprised any of us my 3 brothers and 2 cousins are alive. We really did some interesting things.
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when i was a kid i watched my cat hidding in my drawers so i thought i should try it out and when i did i went striaght throught the drawer onto the floor
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When I was in high school I had a bunch of hair which was sticking out from my pony tail, thought it was a good idea to get the scissors out of my bag and chop it off. I had a patch of 5mm spiky hair at the front of my head and even sported the look for my school photos and school I.D card, I use to try and gel it down but mid afternoon it would sprout up again. Should I also include that my best friend was usually the person egging me on to do these stupid things. We often reminisce about the funny things we got up to growing up. Good times.
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Just got busted laughing out loud at my desk at work. These stories are hilarious.
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Mum reminded me of one. When I was very little, maybe 2, they went to a BBQ. They were off with the adults, I was being looked after by the hosts teenage daughters. The girls gave me a piece of paper and some textas then got bored and wandered off.
Quite some time later, Mum saw my little head pop around the corner then disappear, she went to investigate. I had run out of space on the paper so had coloured in the room. The WHOLE ROOM as high as a 2 year old could reach. The walls, the drawers, the cupboard, the bed, which had all been white were now a riot of scribble.
Mum went back and whispered to Dad that they needed to leave a blank cheque, the hosts thought it was hilarious and had intended to redecorate anyway. My poor Mum. She must have been mortified.
A few years later at the same house, my little sister had massive diarrhea and tried to clean it up with their towels. Strangely we stopped visiting them!
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I am trying so hard not to laugh at my desk. Your poor Mum must have been mortified!
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When I was about 12 we got one of the first microwaves available – very exciting! One day I decided to bake a cake which I had done many times before in our gas oven. I put the batter in the normal aluminium (?) cake tin and wanted to try out the new machine …. I set the timer for 30 mintues (as per usual) but it only took 10 minutes for black smoke to start rising from the back of the microwave followed by a very loud bang!!
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When I was 5, after months of begging, my parents finally gave me a bunny as a pet.
I made a nice comfortable bed for the bunny – inside a drawer – and tucked him in.
Needless to say when I opened the drawer in the morning it was dead.
Looking back it was animal cruelty and although I was only 5 I still hate myself for doing that.
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Don’t hate yourself. 5 is too young to be held responsible, especially when you were just trying to make it comfortable.
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I did a similar thing when I was three…
My older sister just got a kitten. It was a really hot day so I decided it would be nice to put the cat in an esky to keep cool. Poor thing was brain damaged and walking around in circles when Dad found it, we had to put it down.
My sister has never really forgiven me…
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So so many stories..
A. I was fascinated with my mum’s applicator tempons and when in bathroom I sometimes played with them. Somehow the string broke on one of them, so I stuffed the tempon back in packaging and in box. My mum used it in the middle of the night.. Had to go to dr to get it out..
B. woke up in the middle of the night when I heard my mum go to the toilet, stood behind the wall and when she walked by me, I let out a huge BOO and she fainted.. I couldn’t sit for a whole week..
Lucky my mum still loves me
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Hahahaha! Oh gosh! I cannot stop laughing! Your poor mum!
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Awesome post monty!
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my idiot brother (who is allergic to bee stings) thought it would be really cool to paint the back fence right outside the back door with honey to see if bees would come – he used a whole jar of honey early one morning while mum was in the shower, and yes – bees came, we went out to the shops and wen we got home the fence was COVERED in them and he was full of glee…till mum realised what was going on and swooped outside..grabbed my brother (who was doing a victory dance right infront of the fence and gajillion bees) and hustled him inside while simultaniously screaming at him.
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two particularly dumb things that stand out , although there were many stupid occasions-
- my bro and i and our two friends patted a rat. a big, gross, sick poisoned rat that we found in our family friend’s shed. we thought it was cute and could not understand why-when their little sis dobbed on us – our mums came flying outside to grab us and scrub our hands raw
-we lived on a fairly steep hill and our neighbours courtyard was quite a decent drop down from our front yard – roughly 2.5-3m from memory, and our neighbour had a trampoline up against the retaining/brick wall seperating the properties – our neighbours daughter (she and i are still close friends to this day), myself and my bro decided it would be a brilliant idea to climb the brick wall and drop down onto the trampoline….seemed like the best idea we had ever had- until i jumped over the wall…bounced way too high..flipped over and fell through the gap in the corner of the trampoline (the old school rectangle trampolines with no protective padding over the springs and no nets!) thank god my legs somehow got tangled in the springs on the way down or i would of crashed head first into the pebblecrete courtyard floor.
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This isn’t funny at all, I actually feel really, really horrible about it to this day. When I was about 6, we got a puppy- a tiny Yorkie cross. I used to take her on walks, but if she was naughty, I would literally swing her around in the air on her lead (attached to the collar). She would yap and squeal, and I remember this with absolute horror because that dog is the light of my life now. She’s 17 years old and seemingly no worse for wear, but I just have no idea where that cruelty came from! And I wasn’t even a cruel child- I don’t think- just this horrible dog swinging anomaly.
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I’m sure your 6 year old self didn’t realise what exactly you were doing to your dog.
My best friend at aged 4 and his little brother aged 2, were at home one day with their Mum while all the older siblings were at school. They had just gotten a new puppy jack russel about a week earlier. The two boys decided they wanted to see the puppy swim so put him in a little inflatable pool which had been set up. They were very excited that the dog could ‘walk on the bottom of the pool’ and ran in to tell their Mum, who quickly got the dog out and rushed him to the vet but the poor puppy died
(Why they weren’t being watched while around an inflatable pool I’m not sure)
The poor siblings were devasted and the boys both feel awful to this day
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Oh
that’s so horrible! But yeah… maybe I was just too young to understand. Thanks x
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When I was six, my brother (5) and I were playing Danoz Direct with a round brush in the mirror. He got the brush stuck in my knotted hair and we panicked because we were supposed to be asleep by then. He got the big orange scissors and cut the brush out of my hair, we panicked again and both went to sleep before Mum came in.
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I’m peeing myself laughing because you “were playing danoz direct”!
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When I was five, my dad was building me a cubby house. One afternoon he left the paint out while he went inside to cook dinner and thinking I was being super-helpful, started painting things he hadnt got around to doing yet: the side of our (brick) house, the fence, the letterbox, the scratches on his work van… it was a good 30 minutes before he found me and alot of damage had been done by then.
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1. I remember putting a piece of glass in my mouth as a 4 year old and lying to my mother about it when she asked what I was doing.
2. My sister convinced me it would be good fun to climb up the bonnet of my man’s beetle (car) and slide off the back of it. We did that forages until mum caught us.
3. Hitch hiking as a teenager.
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1. And another I just remembered. When I was about 6 I took a starfish home from the beach with a friend (I think I told my mum it was just water and shells in the bucket). I was worried he would get cold so I put him in a shallow dish on the trampoline for a few hours.
Fried starfish.
2. I thought I would swing between two parked cars in a carpark, with one hand one a door of each car. I face planted in the rain, narrowly missing a glass bottle but splitting my chin open on the tarmac. Had to call a Dr in to get my chin skin glued up. Next time I was in the shower, and I liked to plug the drain up with a face washer to get a little pool going. I slipped and face planted against the glass, splitting the wound open again. Poor Dr had to get called in a second night in a row to this time do stitches.
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Not a ‘stupid’ thing as much as a misinterpretation. A friend of mine about 6 was in the car with her little brother circa the ‘You bl*ody idiot’ ad campaigns. Driving them home from school, her Dad had a drink from a water bottle, while the kids sat too stunned in the back to say anything.
Their Mum came home a few hours later to find both kids crying at the awful thing their father had done, and when she asked them what was wrong, the replied ‘Dad was drink driving when he picked us up today’.
Their Mum rightly went ballistic while the poor Dad to try figure out how they had gotten so confused.
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When I was a kid I remember being told about the cigarette lighter in the care (as in ‘don’t touch, it’s hot’). Me, being the skeptical little soul I was, decided that I should test this out. I was about 8 or so at the time. Pushed it in for ages, pulled it out (it was bright orange by this point) and then put my thumb squarely on it because I thought it didn’t look hot….
Moment number 2 – had been told not to drink the water in the ocean. I had never been told why I shouldn’t, so one day when I was in the surf and was feeling really thirsty I turned my back on my family (so they wouldn’t see me do it!) and took a big gulp of it…. I figured out why I had been told not to do it!
These are just my more innocent dumb moments. I won’t start on the truly dumb things I did as a teenager that were quite a bit more dangerous!
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At around age 3 I would spend my days with my grandparents while my parents were at work. My grandmother would butter Granita (sometimes Milk Arrowroot) biscuits for me for afternoon tea and I’d take them outside and drop them, butter side down, in the dirt then eat them. Every day.
And aged 8 or so I decided to see what it felt like to staple my finger. Not as much fun as I thought it would be. And the blood! Wasn’t expecting that, for some reason.
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More stories please! I was so disappointed to get to the end of them
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When I was about 14 months my mum was cooking dinner and put me in my walker and put me out on the patio. my dad had gone to get my sisters from brownies and didn’t tell mum he left the garage door open he passed me about 300m down the road on his way back home. My second time running away was when i was 3 and we were staying in a caravan park in busselton( a small coastal wa town) when i was following my big sister around on my bike, she was trying to lose me when i lost site if her and made a wrong turn and just kept going till i made it onto a major highway and kept riding luckily i got picked up by some people in a van. by this stage the police and all the people in the park were all looking for me. i can remember telling the lady in the van that i wasn’t lost i knew where i was going
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I was around 6 or 5mabey and my cousin(a year older than me) asked me if I wanted a makeover. I willing said yes. She did my makeup then when she got to my eyelids she proceed to paint them using Nail Poilish.
Let’s just say that it was extremely painful.
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My brothers and I used to use Dad’s neck ties and tie them around eachother’s necks… Then drag eachother across the floor and pretend we were walking our dog.
Fun times.
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These are hilarious (some are horrifying though).
My Dad used to go fishing and if he went at night he would take in turns giving me and my sister his glow in the dark nightstick fishing lure thingy to play with after. One time when I was 5 I decided to chew on it, ended up being rushed to hospital and having my stomach pumped. It wasn’t till years later that I found out they knew because I had fluoro green all around my mouth.
My friends and I used to put our trampoline up on its side and run and jump against and hold on to it for the ride down. Unforunately one time we did it, the trampoline turned against us and decided to fall backwards. My friend managed to make it, I unfortunately did not. Its rather painful to have the bar of the trampoline land on your back.
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Reading some of these have made me laugh uncontrollablly. Ahh the innocence and ignorance of children.. here are mine
When I was about eleven my best friend had pet mice and I realllyyyy wanted pet mice too, but mum always said no. So one day I bought one from the pet shop, snuck it home in my sleeve, emptied out my second sock drawer (the first and last drawer were too obvious, and would be checked more frequently, apparently) and set up a nice little home for mousey.I really planned ahead for his welfare: He had a real mini home-made cardboard bed with scented lavender tissues and dolls house pillows, a water bowl, a food bowl, an exercise wheel, and a rock to play on. everyday before I left for school I would throw in a random piece of dolls house furniture, to keep him interested, such as a toilet or a sink or a lounge haha.
He must have liked it, because he never tried to escape, when in hindsight he probably easily could have.. and seemed quite content haha, I loved him and he loved me. I named him Fruitcake:)
I think he was there for a few weeks before Mum finally approached me and told me off about hiding him, and I had to give him away to my friend. Just quietly though, I am pretty sure she knew he was there from about the start… she hated rodents and creepy pets like that so it is a miracle she didn’t kill him at first sight!!!
My brother was slightly more reckless, he would douse tennis balls in deodorant, hold them with the very long bbq tongs, light them on fire so they would explode into fireballs, and jump on the trampoline and fling them as far as he could into neighbours backyards. His reasoning was “most of the neighbours have pools anyway”…. ummm…?
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Back in the days of no school holiday parental supervision. We used to, (with all the neighbourhood kids aged from 5 to 12) climb on our roof. From the street it was 3 stories high. We run over the over side of the roof when a car went past.
More enterprising then stupid, my sister charged all the kids in our street money to watch dads porn!!
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I remember sharpening a huge knife by a sharpner and to see if it worked I tried it on my hand and cut it terribly. And was so afraid of my mum that just kepy my fist close and sat till she found
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These stories are hilarious!
The trampoline was the source of much of our mischief, a large rectangular one.
We had a two storey house with a 1metre deep pool. We would put the tramp next to the pool which was next to the house and then attempt to jump from the verandah, onto the tramp and then into the pool….
Thankfully, no injuries.
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We did that too!!! Thankfully no injuries for us either…
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I once sat in the middle of the road declaring I would not move until my mom said I could have my cousin over for a sleepover – the repercussions hurt more than being hit by a car would!
I also had a deep desire to have long hair so would wear pajama pants on my head to compensate!
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OK, the blood thing reminded me of a story which I’m now going to share… it’s not something I did as a child, it happened last year. I dye my hair red and, heavily pregnant, decided last year to do it in the bath not the shower because I was tired. (Yes, i dyed my hair while pregnant. Baby turned out fine) Anyway, I went through the process and washed the dye out in the the bath and, exhausted by my efforts, started to doze in the tub. My husband got home from work, walked into the bathroom to find me – eyes closed, motionless – in a tub full of bright red water, massive tummy protruding like an island.
For a second or two he thought I’d topped myself. I’ve never seen him look so relieved as when I opened my eyes and informed him it was just dye. I promised to hang a sign on the door next time.
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Odd thing: I remember being about 3 years old (maybe younger) and resisting toilet training. I used to pee on the carpet in the corner of my bedroom but had the good sense to blame it on the cat.
Really really stupid thing: Drink driving a couple of times as a teenager.
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I think more people have done the drink driving thing than would care to admit. I have.
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Oh, I remember now! My godmother had a farm out in Little River, and we’d occasionally go out and stay with her. Being free range on a farm when you’re a kid is awesome, though for some reason I couldn’t be kept away from the tack/feed room. Apparently I had a taste for the chook grain..
I also used to spend hours and hours and HOURS rounding up her chooks and putting them in the show pens (she shows chooks at the Royal Easter). I’d catch them, put them in the cages with water and food, and then let them go at the end of the day. Lol, weird
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Hours spent exploring the underground storm water system when I was in grade 7.
Making rockets out of nitrous oxide cylinders, strapping star wars men to them and sending them skywards.
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You blew up Star Wars men? How could you!!
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They came back to Earth, sometimes landing in the neighbours yard or down the raod. Yoda was run over but I was able to replace him. I still have the ENTIRE collection.
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That’s alright. It’s only Yoda. If it was Vader I would cry.
Wait, you STILL have the ENTIRE COLLECTION.
I am your humble servant . . . I kneel before thee . . .
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When I was three, I used to steal eggs from the fridge and bury them in the sandpit.
I also used to eat snail pellets and lick the bottom of the bath plug.
When I was about 10 I liked to conduct seances and burn pot pourri in glass bowls.
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When I was little my hair caught on fire because I was lighting the end of my shoelace and I lit it too close to my head and I could hear popping and I scratched my head and looked like tobacco falling out of my head. Not realises it was from the lighting I did it again and then my hair caught on fire. Luckily I was infront of the sink.
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I stuck a butter spreader in the toaster. Fortunately, the spreader had a wooden handle otherwise I would have been barbequed and half the city of Brisbane would have been blacked out.
The incident caused a section of the blade to melt. Quite often when my sister and I were arguing, she’d reach into the drawer, pull out the spreader and curse like mad at the wooden handle.
Another dumb thing I regularly did also involved the toaster. I’d spread butter on the bread prior to popping it in to cook. Almost started several fires.
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When I was 8 or 9, I was lying on the floor on my back in my pajamas in winter, holding my feet up to the fireplace. I was wearing fluffy slippers with plastic soles, and holding my feet up to warm them, so they hovered only a few cm away from the glass. When my mum called, I rolled on my tummy and jumped to my feet as kids do, and promptly burnt thick black plastic footprints into the new cream carpet. I literally melted my soles into the carpet fibres, right in the middle of the large lounge room, newly carpeted.
Oops. Mum was not happy. At the time i felt bad but didnt really understand how much carpet cost and that my silliness meant the whole lounge had to be recarpeted. again.
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I did something similar – I rested my slippered feet against the glass of the wood heater and they got stuck. Had to ease my feet out and leave them on the glass. My mum went berserk!!! She had a hell of time getting the soles off, hahahahahah
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As a kid I grabbed some bullets from my dads shed and a hammer and my brother and I started hitting them on the cement floor and the bullets went flying
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