BY KATIE ‘MONTY’ DIMOND
I have never had to deal with the male anatomy on a daily basis. However five months ago that all changed when I bore my first baby boy. Obviously he was born with boy ‘bits’ and until he can attend to them himself, they are my responsibility. This leads straight to the question my boyfriend and I are currently pondering. What should we refer to his ‘bits’ as?
There are two sides of the fence with this topic, one being to refer to the body parts in their clinical term, eg Penis and Vagina. The other side being to give them a cutsie name eg: ‘Binky Wanga-Wang’ and ‘Woo Woo’. To be honest, I’m perched right on top of the pickets when it comes to naming the thing that resides in my child’s nappy. I don’t want to sound like a Biology Teacher when potty training him, but nor do I want him to think he has a Disney character living in his undies.
If anyone were to hack into my computer, my recent Google history could quite possibly have me sent straight to the slammer. My searches include ‘baby penis names’, ‘cute names for genitals’ and ‘what should you call a babies penis?’ Why didn’t Tizzy Hall tackle this important topic?
After extensive research on parenting forums, and a very interesting conversation with my mother friends, I have compiled a list of some of the more commonly used names to refer to a baby boy’s genitalia.
Winky Tinky- Isn’t this a Telly Tubby??
‘Wee Wee’- If my son happens to make friends with a lovely French girl at school this could get awkward.
‘Wing Wang’- I’m familiar with calling a Penis a ‘Wang’, but have never heard ‘Wing’ added to the front of it. This sounds like it could be a Superheroes’ name complete with a bold ‘WW’ written across his chest.
‘Weenie Peenie’- I’m not sure if any male, even a five month old, wants the word ‘Weenie’ anywhere near his penis. This would be sure to create a complex later in life.
Doodie – This sounds like something you step in on an American holiday.
Mr Noodle – I’m not sure who Mr Noodle is but I don’t want him any wear near my son at bath time.
Little Johnson – Yuk!
Pecker- A ‘Pecker’ is a technical term for a bird’s bill. How did something so innocent and non-phallic make its way into a child’s pants?
Dicky Bird – This makes me think of Richard Wilkins.
Ding-a-ling – My sister and I used this term to refer to my brother’s ‘bits’ when he was a baby. He is now 21 and may never speak to me again. If his band mates or footy coach happen to read this, I am very sorry.
After saying each out loud several times, (which I whole heartedly invite you to do…in private!) I just don’t think I can bring myself to say any of them seriously. I don’t want to crack up in my child face every time I change his nappy or give him a bath, the little thing will grow up needing therapy from it.
So after much contemplation I have come to my decision. Drum Roll Please….. The winner is…Penis! Simple, straight to the point, and although it makes me giggle a little, I’m sure the novelty will soon wear off.
Katie “Monty” Dimond is a broadcaster and media personality. She has appeared on Channel Ten, Channel Nine, and Nova FM. She is currently busy being a full time Mum and loving it! You can (and should) follow her on Twitter here. You should also like her Facebook page which you can find here.
What do you call a penis? Do you have different names for adult ones and children’s one?
Comments
201 Comments so far
We happily, and very organically (in that, there was no actual discussion about it, it just slipped into our parental vernacular) dubbed our son’s penis his “dude.” To me, it doesn’t sound ridiculous, doesn’t make it sound small or magical, and is unlikely to offend the ears of other parents, grandparents, or kids who haven’t been introduced to the term ‘penis.’
To my mind, having a baby girl presents the bigger problem. Saying the word ‘vagina’ to a six-month-old bundle of pink squishiness just doesn’t feel comfortable.
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Just had a great giggle reading this. Even though my 3 sons know the correct terminology they still have their nicknames
Pips/Jatz crackers/ ding dong/ cobblers/ diddle
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many of the pay ones do that including pertty much any adult hookup site. There’s a class action suit against one of the big ones in the states for defrauding people who were about to cancel by enticing them with bogus so and so wants to meet you messages. In any case every guru I’ve seen who says you can meet hot women on POF with a good profile are invariably young and good looking. Don’t believe them, unless you have a killer picture the women will quickly delete your message.
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In my mind this one was easy. I had to go with the classic Walter line. John Noble was great in this epidsoe. I’m actually kind of surprised that more have picked Olivia’s line at this point. Maybe they are circling Venus as well. To each their own.
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Thoughtful discussion re vagina or vulva. We’ve always been vagina, penis and balls, boobs and nipples (inquisitive children forced this latter distinction).
It’s never occurred to me to differentiate with my daughter about her vagina and vulva. I guess because it’s not all visible. I will explain this difference to her soon.
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my 10yo daughter always corrects us and her brothers, 7 & 5, that it is not her vagine, but vulva that they see in the bath. Gotta love an anatomically correct daughter!
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My 9 year old son calls it his ‘Morton’. I don’t know where he got it from but he won’t drop the term. He knows it’s a Penis but prefers to call it a Morton. His 5 year old brother calls it the same name. I know some may think it’s wrong but we all get a laugh out of it.
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A quote from Sunday Life mag re Brazilian waxes – “Forget weight, forget everything else, the most embarrassing thing for those girls was stubble on the vagina.” What do they mean?? Hair grows on the INSIDE of the body?! Or do they mean MONS PUBIS? Honestly, it’s very confusing when people don’t use the proper names for all the bits.
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the end of the article did give a disclaimer noting that it was correct to use vulva but they used vagina for recognition by readers….
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On the online version? (I have it in print.) Or is your tongue in your cheek?
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A willy or a doodle. No matter what you call a penis, it is hilarious!
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a girl’s is obviously called a ‘front botty’
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I used the word Penis from the beginning. When my son became aware that he had a penis, he started calling it his willy. it stuck and now he has many name’s for his penis. In fact yesterday he was laughing at the word doodle (as in doodle pad) why would anyone have a Doodle pad?!!
As i have a boy and a girl, if i am talking collectively i do use the term private parts. As in, we don’t let anyone touch your private parts. they get it.
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I was reading some of the materials that Daniel Morcombe’s family sent (through Foundation Red) after I requested them here: http://danielmorcombe.com.au/web/foundation-red.html
I don’t have children but I thought that it’d be good to have a look at important child safety tips. One thing they say is to teach your child the correct names of their privates. I suppose so there’s no ambiguity if it comes down to them explaining something that’s happened (forbid!). Also, if someone is being inappropriate with them, they can shout “don’t touch my penis!” or something to that effect and really draw attention.
Anyway, I suppose it’s really up to parents to decide how they want to approach this topic of ‘bits’-naming! And I can’t imagine it would make much difference with very young children (babies) anyway. Each to there own – but things worth thinking about!
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I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old boys. I have always referred to their “boy bits” as penis because for me it makes it easier as you get older and there is no hilarity with the word in time to come because you are used to saying it.
But, in the bath a few months back my 2 year old decided his wasn’t big enough to be called a “penis” for now it was just called a “pee pee” which both made me laugh and reel in horror at the same time that he is already comparing sizes with his brother!!!
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Dicky bird = Richard Wilkins?! Classic. This girl ‘Monty’ is seriously funny!
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I’m curious as to why some of those commenting are more comfortable with using the word “penis” than the word “vagina” with their children. Can anyone enlighten me regarding the difference?
Personally, when I do have children, I would prefer to make sure I teach my children the proper words, but I will probably teach them to say something along the lines of “private parts” for the benefit of the public, and to prevent embarrassment if they use the correct words around adults who are uncomfortable with this and for some reason choose to scold them. I saw a lady scold children that weren’t hers in public today, and I don’t want to give people who have that audacity any reason to be rude to my kids.
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It is not a comfort thing for me but an accuracy thing. ‘vagina’ is not the name for everything down there in a girl – labia, clitoris, vulva etc etc. It is like telling a little boy his testicles are also called a penis.
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Fair enough. So, again just out of curiosity and only answer if you feel comfortable to, if you had (or if you have) a son, would you also make sure he knows all the correct names of his “parts” e.g. glans penis, urethra, testicles, scrotum, etc?
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I know you asked the question in a serious manner but the point you manage to make is such a good one that it made me laugh
Most people, if they need to distinguish, just refer to either the inside or outside of the vagina. But the whole lot is ‘vagina’.
A lot of people don’t know what vulva means! Not to say don’t use it – it’d be understood by the appropriate people if necessary. But in everyday life, vagina IS correct because it’s what people use and know and understand.
I like your inclusion of ‘urethra’ in the list as it applies to girls too. Can we all start telling our children that they wee out of their urethra?
ETA: Sorry, urinate. Not wee. Shock, you might not have known what I meant!
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MONS PUBIS. Lol. Use it!
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This so could have been written by me 4 years ago when my little boy arrived in my world. And yup, I’ve stuck with ‘penis’ and funnily it is his dad that struggles more with saying ‘penis’ than I! Hilarious. But bloody better than anything that reminds you of richard wilkins….
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Doodle. Always was, always will be.
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We were divided my son has a penis and my daughter has a blossom
She was very confused one day in the supermarket when she saw air freshener with blossom fragrance
It took a lott of explaining.
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I used to be rigidly in the ‘penis/vagina’ camp until I started studying linguistics. These are the words introduced by our modest ancestors because the original English words were considered too vulgar. They needed a Latin euphemism. We don’t, for example, insist that our children use the correct term ‘umbilicus’ for ‘bellybutton’ or ‘intergluteal cleft’ for ‘bottom’. I also found out that it is actually very common in cultures throughout the world to have different language terms for children to use. So I am much more relaxed about it now. Whatever works for that particular speech community is fine.
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Yeah, me too. But only if they’re commonly understood. Belly button and bottom are examples of that. Winky Dinky etc are not.
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Yep, I like the idea of the words being child-friendly, but widely comprehensible. For this reason, with my daughter, I went with ‘wee hole’ and ‘poo hole’, recommended in a book called “Potty Training Girls”. Trouble is, I don’t quite know what to call a boy’s penis in child-friendly language, as it’s not technically a hole. Either I will seek out “Potty Training Boys”, or just use the word ‘penis’ And yes, I think it’s important to use consistent language from very early on. Kids are learning language earlier than you think they are – long before they learn to speak! – and if you don’t use words you’re happy with from the start, then when are you going to change your vocab, and how will you explain it, if that becomes necessary?
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As the mother of two sons, we have always called their bits a penis. I think nicknames are stupid. I must say though I don’t know if I would have been quite as enthusiastic to use vagina or vulva with such abandon if I had daughters.
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Both my daughter and son were introduced to the correct terminology early on but in less-serious conversation we tend to use ‘doodle’ for penis and ‘bajingo’ for vulva. Fans of the TV show Scrubs will know the ‘bajingo’ reference.
If ever we’ve needed to go to the Dr for issues of the nether-regions both kids have automatically said penis and vulva without any reminding from me.
Now, don’t get me started on people who tell their kids that babies are made with a ‘magic kiss’ or ‘special hugs’….you don’t need to go into huge detail with a toddler/preschooler but PLEASE don’t just make stuff up!
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Our boys used ‘dick’ simply because its easier for small kids to say, but now they are at school they use penis. Our baby girl is too small yet, so am not sure on this one – at the moment it’s just ‘private parts’. They all know “private parts are not for sharing” – I’m sure I say this most nights when the 3 boys bath together!
As for the ‘how was I made’ question. The answer we gave when they were toddlers was “dad put a seed inside mum’s tummy and you grew from that”. Now we are getting ‘but how did the seed get in there?’, but they are old enough to get the answer properly.
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My mum always used the term ‘private parts’.
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A friend returned from living in the UK and happened to mention that the English friends she made were aghast at her teaching her children ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ and so forth. She said, she also had the creeps with the pet names they taught their kids (front bottom, tail for penis etc). I mentioned this to a good friend who is English (living in Oz). And she shrieked with horror, “What do you tell the boys then?” “Penis” I say. “AARGGGH!” she says. She then told the pet names they used for their girls’ bits and I had a turn to go “ARRGGHH!” Very funny.
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After hearing a speaker at a childcare conference say that she had known of paedophiles escaping justice because the child had used an obscure term for their anatomy such as hoohaa – I came straight home, rang my daughter and begged her to teach her little girl vulva and vagina. Same when my grandsons were born.
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I can’t understand why you would not teach children the proper names? Wouldn’t using cutsie names emphasis that something is wrong with the proper names or even worse make them think there is something wrong with saying ‘penis’? I mean why is a hand a hand. A leg a leg. But a penis a pecker or doodle or insert other word that has nothing to do with their body part?
Also, as others have pointed out, making up cute names for genitals makes it harder to work out what they are talking about. I know some people refer to vulvas/vaginas as flowers. Imagine a child telling people that someone had touched her flower. “That’s nice dear” would probably be the reply. Someone touched my vulva/vagina is obvious and something that would call people to immediate action.
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My young daughters have always called their bits their fifi. ( they can’t believe Fifi Box is called Fifi Box…..) We call my little boy’s penis his plonker. We also use tummy, bottom, and I have boobies. They know the correct terms, but they are only little for such a short time, I hate seeing all these people get all high and mighty about it!
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Fifi Box is a very unfortunate name.
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I do not have kids so have not had to deal with this..but as someone who works with children who have been sexually abused i will be teaching my future children the correct terms and the importance of telling anyone if they are worried..and i would urge all mothers to do the same!
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So what name would you teach them for the girl’s external genitalia! I hope not “Vagina”!
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So do you teach your kids about their anus? Or do you use bottom?
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My kids use bottom for the fleshy bits of the bum…eg, I fell and hurt my bottom, and anus for their anuses, eg, my anus is itchy. It works.
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I don’t know anyone, adults included, who use the term vulva. Vagina is like stomach – yeah sure technically it’s the inside bit but everyone knows what you mean. Surely that’s the point of language – to be understood.
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We call it a penis too. It seemed simplest, being its real name and all.
I also read that using the correct terminology can help protect your child against molestation – it makes it harder for anyone to try and have ‘our secret’ with them if you child knows the correct terms. I don’t see my kids as being at risk but, all things being equal and given that it is actually called a penis, i’d choose to protect them as much as possible.
http://mummyateme.blogspot.com.au/
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I like to call it a cock. My husband likes me calling it his cock too. I have a 2 year old girl so “doodles” haven’t come up yet. She calls her vulva a “hoo wah” – hilarious. She can say Volvo and zagina, but for now it’s hoo wah. She’s 2, she doesn’t need to know about penis, vulvas or vaginas, not till she’s at least 3.
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Wow….that would be seen as profanity in this house, because, it is! (well, technically it’s defined as vulgar) I would be really upset if my child came home from day care using this word because you’d taught it to your child. I just see it as a really unusual choice when there are so many other innocent ones out there.
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I don’t mean this condescendingly, but I think demonising the real terms as ‘vulgar’ is pretty dangerous and unnecessary. Teaching kids there’s nothing ‘dirty’ or ‘vulgar’ about their privates and that they have rights to privacy and control of that area is a lot more constructive. More ‘innocent’ terms are underestimating their intelligence in my opinion and not paying them any respect as little people.
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Saa I’m thinking she means ‘cock’ is vulgar, I also think she said she doesn’t use that word with her little girl, just her husband.
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Really?
That word is is pretty crude.
It would sound disgusting coming out of a toddler’s/child’s mouth!
They’ll have to go to school and mix in public one day you know!
There is the other ‘c’ word..hopefully you don’t go there!
Even more hopefully, that’s what you call it in private, and not what you teach your children. :/
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I said I call it a cock – NEVER in front of my child, omg I would be mortified if she came out with that. I will be more careful with my wording in future.
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Oh cool! Sorry for the misunderstanding! And Sass, look it up in the dictionary, the word ‘cock’ is known as a vulgar term penis. I have no problem with using the word penis, it’s perfectly innocent.
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I just remember growing up men had dingles and ladies had fannys. Took me all day to remember!
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a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina. Why do people have to cute-it-up. Ive worked with toddlers before and there is nothing more infuriating than having a child come up and tell you something about some ambiguous object that we have NO IDEA what they are talking about. I heard about a child constantly talking about his sore dinosaur. Yes. thats right. HIS DINOSAUR.
Its extremely irresponsible. Lucky this child just had a UTI and not something serious and it wasnt til it was mentioned to the parent that he kept talking about his dinosaur that she informed with a laugh that that was their fun name for his penis.
Children need to be taught that the proper names for their private parts. Either refer to them as their genitals, private parts or penis/vagina and be done with it. We dont make up cute names for our arms and legs, do we?
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I agree that it’s important to know the proper names but after that, maybe people cute it up in the same way we give each other nicknames….
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Im all for calling it whatever when your kids are past the age of being able to properly comprehend what its correct name is. vulva/vagina penis whatever… But I do think its important to start children off by calling it what it is before the cutesy names.
For instance, I prefer to call it a wang and a lady wang… lol. But if I was talking to a child and it came up, itd be the correct terms.
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But we don’t give other body parts cute nicknames, so why give genitals cute nicknames? It doesn’t make sense to me.
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I agree so just playing Devil’s Advocate but one that comes to mind is tummy or belly for stomach? Although applying the logic of others, ‘stomach’ isn’t accurate since it technically only applies to the internal organ. But I don’t agree with that level of specificity. I think that commonly understood nicknames are okay but obscure ones like ‘dinosaur’, above, are potentially problematic.
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I agree. As long as you can understand what a child is referring to, does it matter what they call their body part? If a child told me their tummy was sore, I would know the general area. Same if a child said their vagina was sore. However if a child said their dinosaur was sore I would have no idea what they were talking about. As long as the words are generally accepted words for those body parts, does it matter if it’s not the exact correct word?
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Adult: peenie when being cutesy with my bf
Kids: willy
heehee!
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We refer to it as a diddi until they are old enough to to say penis. We also let our boys know that no one can touch or see it. But a heads up they love to get it out & show it off. Also teach them to clean the toliet boys really are dirty & smelly
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I have to add, a truly WONDERFUL first book for body parts/sex etc is “It’s NOT the stork!”. Brilliant.
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I have a 5yo girl and a 9 month old boy. She has a vulva and vagina, he has a penis and testicles. Easy!
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When I speak to my daughter (4) the whole area is her bottom (which I use to cover the front part and the back part). I have once or twice told her that that the specific name for the front part is vulva but it’s very rarely that we are having a conversation where I need to refer to just the front part. She also knows that she has 3 holes: one for poo, one for wee and a vagina where babies come out of. We haven’t really discussed the names anus and urethra yet!!!
Now I also have a son (who is far too young to talk) so naming anatomy hasn’t come up yet in conversation WITH him, but it has never occurred to me to call his penis anything other than ‘penis’. My daughter calls it his penis as well. I don’t know that she has ever enquired about what testicles are, so I suspect she probably thinks the entire area is called ‘penis’ so I guess that’s the next piece of info we need to impart!
Soon ‘where do babies come from’ is going to need to be discussed too I guess as I heard a discussion on the ABC conversation hour a while ago where an expert was saying the younger the better – while it can still be a factual convo without any embarrassment on the child’s behalf. Mamamia maybe this is an idea for a story!?
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Great idea for a story!
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My 11yo son calls his penis “Mr Winky & his two best mates”.
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I dont care about using anatomically correct names all the time but generally we use penis, dick or willy for boys and fanny for girls but we do use vagina correctly, if we mean vagina.
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In saying you use the word vagina correctly do you distinguish it with correct use of the word vulva? There seems to be some people who are very keen on making the distinction. But I think vagina covers it all.
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Vagina doesn’t cover it all, it’s inside the body & totally different to outer bits! Bottom covers it all better!
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You’d say ‘bottom’ to include vulva? I think ‘bottom’ covers it all in reference to the backside only.
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Haven’t bothered reading the article yet but Monty you look stunning in that pic!
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Just read it and keep it classic!
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I’ve always used the correct name with my boys, but they insisted on coming up with their own name- “peeni”. I guess it’s fairly close to the original!
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Little girls don’t even know about the existence of their vaginas, (I didn’t until I was 10 & learn’t about sex)! So why call their wee wee a vagina? It’s a VULVA if you want to use the proper word! I hate it when they say “vagina” but they are referring to the outside bits
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You’re right but most people use the word vagina to mean vulva e.g. “Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.” Its usage is so widespread to make it the common term for female genitalia.
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I would be really worried if a little girl came to me & told me that she had a sore vagina! “Vagina” doesn’t cover it all! The word “bottom” covers it all! Since when do you need to talk to little girls about their vaginas, they only need to know about poos & wees at that age.
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Really? Why?
My girls know their terminology. We have to distinguish the terms to help diagnose problems. To have them only describe a pain as a sore ‘ bottom’is not helpful at all. If they know about poos and wees they can know about vaginas, vulvas and such. Why wouldn’t they? It just names of body parts like nose and arm and tongues.
I can’t understand the negative/fearful over reactions to kids using proper terminology. I find adults doing this is where the problem lays.
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Ugh… I hate the fact that the penis is referred to as a ‘wang’. It’s so unfair to all the Asians (including me) with that surname!
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When my daughter was two she named her bagina her “Lady Beetle”because it looked like the back of a lady beetle which she was a bit enamoured with at the time. At nearly five the name has stuck. Although we have always made it clear that the proper name is vagina.
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*vagina…my fingers too big on iPhone keypad!
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I totally didnt read bagina as a typo, I’ve heard little girls say it like that because they cant pronounce their V’s! I thought you did it on purpose
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So Monty, whàt did your mother teach you to call YOUR vagina???
Seriously, vagina and penis is fine. They can call it what they want and that will probably be many things over the years, but as long as they know what it really is, no issue. No confusion for anyone, family members, babysitters, teachers, doctors, police, anyone, to know what is being talked about.
An arm is an arm and a leg is a leg, but no one gets confused or doesn’t understand what a bottom or a tummy is either, for all you pedantics and killjoys.
But, after stopping laughing at a previous post, if anyone was talking about a “shaboinka”, oh my god, it couldn’t be taken seriously and what the hell is it???? Still laughing…SHABOINKA!!
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Pedantics and killjoys! Lol. Touche.
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Very much in an awkward place with this one. I totally. Believe in using proper names and making this part of my child’s anatomy as inconspicuous as her arm and legs, however, as I talk Danish to her I’m using the Danish terms as opposed to the Latin. Vagina just doesn’t flow in Danish and is a word I don’t think I have ever had to use in my life. Hopefully my little girl won’t be too damaged
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Just curious, what’s the Danish word?
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Haha, ’tissemand’ and ’tissekone’ which directly translated is pee-man and pee-woman. We’re ingenious like that with our phrases
(meanwhile, spell check on my phone was having a field day)’
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Dickle! = a little dick
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baby dick=dicklet
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I only have 2 girls, so its always Vagina here. And if anything about boys anatomy comes up its penis. Plus women also have breasts.
We like to be straight forward with our kids, I only want to explain the body parts once, and I don’t want them going to school and getting teased for having a fanny or something!
I would hate to have them get to 12 and not know the anatomically correct names for body parts. Its nothing to be ashamed of, everyones parts are called the same thing!
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My son refers to his peanuts and tentacles …
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Adorable!
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HAhaha, priceless!!
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That is sooo cute!
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I love that
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When it came to my two boys, as a non ‘owner/operater’, I deferred to my husband on this one.
We used ‘Willy’ predominately but now my oldest is 7yo, ‘Penis’ seems to be used at any and every opportunity and it has caught on fast with the 4yo.
In a discussion with my 4yo earler in the week, he was telling me about a person named Jessica and I told him that if he had of been a girl, that would have been his name. He thought about it for a minute and said ‘If I was a girl, I would have to wear pink and I would also not have a penis. That would make me sad because I like my penis! He is my friend.’
My daughter never felt the same way about her vagina!
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My friends in Adelaide tell me ‘Wang Wang’ and ‘Funi’ are catching on. I’ll never look at Pandas the same again.
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It was always fanny in our house, and I remember when we were playing in the bath mum always asked if we had washed the 3 Fs (feet, face & fanny).
No brothers & dad wasn’t around so I don’t really remember what our name for penis was… I think it may have been doodle.
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