Katie and Baxter
by MONTY DIMOND
When I squeezed my mini human out ten months ago, I was a tad delusional!
I had set myself some rules regarding parenting, which I wrote about for this very website. It’s fair to say I didn’t just break every one of these rules – I snapped them in half and tossed them in the bin.
Daydreaming about what my life was going to be like when my bub arrived was rather different than the reality. Rules are so easy to make when you have no idea what’s required to stick by them.
The first rule I made was No Bottles. This lasted eight long hours. Second rule I declared was No Dummies. I stood by this for 18 hours. The third and final rule I made for my newborn was No TV. This lasted four days (Looking back that is actually a pretty good effort!).
Fast-forward ten months and I realise that despite my failure so far my addiction to making rules has continued. I’m still making them and failing miserably at keeping them.
So here are round two of the rules of parenthood:
NO junk food until at least two years of age.
I am a relatively healthy person, (don’t get me wrong I’ll happily inhale a whole block of Cadbury creations chocolate in one sitting) but I planned on feeding my child food that is full of only natural goodness, which led to this rule.
Whoops, fail! About a month ago while half way through the never ending path of IKEA, my little boy decided he’d had enough. Perfectly understandable, but I had no snacks to keep his mouth entertained for the remainder of the yellow brick road. Normally I have cheese stringers, cruskits or some other blandness for him to gum on but the stash was empty.
There was nothing else to do but shove a choc chip muffin in his trap. All I can say is I have never been so grateful for Muffin Break. The little bits of cakey goodness silenced my child as I grabbed the rest of my IKEA un-essentials. His little eyes nearly bounced out of his head from the sugar over load but he was quiet and happy. Muffin equals extra 20 minutes of shopping time. Win!
Play pens – child jail or genius invention?
NO play pens in the house.
I used to look at playpens like child jails. How could any mother put there kid in a square metre animal enclosure and then happily sleep at night? No chance was I going to invest in such a thing. Rule Number two was made.
I planned to invest my time in reading and singing to my son. I would teach him life’s most valuable lessons every waking second. This was until he became mobile. What a bloody game changer that is?
When simple tasks like going to the loo and making a cup of tea became trickier than brain surgery…. I penned him up. I went out and purchased the fanciest playpen money could buy and my kid will often spend hours of his day in it, thoroughly entertaining himself. It’s heaven. I can now race to the toilet…..alone. What a treat.
NO baby sitters.
If we ever needed our son looked after it would only be by a family member. How could anyone leave their beloved child in the hands of a stranger? The rule was made.
This rule stood in place until every family member was unavailable to look after my mini man one night. Was I going to cancel going out to dinner and having grown up conversation with friends? Nope. The rule was snapped in half and a lovely 18 year old did a perfect job of babysitting my kid.
Once the rule was broken I indulged in my newfound freedom. On a recent trip to Bali I hired a babysitter nightly. It may have just been the best idea I have ever had in my whole life. Big statement…yes. But getting a babysitter = freedom.
Rules are much easier to make when you are living in a dream world. As soon as the reality of a baby living on your hip hits home, they will be broken. I like to think after making so many rules and breaking every single one of them that I’ve learnt my lesson. Must fly, its 7pm and I have to put my son to bed. Just one cheeky little bedtime rule is ok yeah?
Katie “Monty” Dimond is a broadcaster and media personality. She has appeared on Channel Ten, Channel Nine, and Nova FM. She is currently busy being a full time Mum and loving it!
What are your parenting rules? Have you managed to stick by them?
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Comments
81 Comments so far
Just a tip with the playpen. If you want some limits placed, but don’t want to put the kid in the playpen – you can put yourself in there. e.g. my MIL (mother of 5, now all adults) used to iron inside a playpen, with the children outside it. She could obviously easily step out of it, but they couldn’t reach the iron or the board.
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Ikea is a humbling place! I continue to make and brake rules in my life and my little boys lives every day!
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Maybe I’m just weird but I didn’t make any of these absolute type rules and as a result haven’t broken any and don’t feel guilty. My daughter eats healthy homemade food most of the time, plays without the TV on most of the time, was breast fed but knew that the world wouldnt end if we used formula. Maybe because I teach teenagers I’m more realistic about what matters and that many of the things parents get very passionate about (dummies, bottles, organic food etc) make very little difference in the long run.
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American author Jane Smiley said when her loved Barbie and everything pink she was horrified, but she let her rip and lo they grew into what she called “a fair isle and corduroy wearing film makers”.
Much better to be a bit feral than a zealot.
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American author Jane Smiley once wrote that to her horror her daughters adored Baribie and everything pink. She let them rip and they grew into ‘fair isle and cord wearing film makers’.
Much better to be a bit feral than a zealot.
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Why do we make balck and white rules like only breast feeding? What’s the matter with doing both as the situation arises? As a parent you have to try and stick to your beliefs but don’t give yourself a guilt trip when things don’t happen exactly as you planned. Parenting has to be a bit intuitive for the moment…….so don’t judge, do the best you can do at the time of our child’s development just as long as you are both mentally happy and safe….just be there for their moments of need but remember that at times you as a parent need a relax, downtime…a wine….a break…..a little TV is not going to kill them but may give you the break that you need to be a more chilled parent.
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A girlfriend at work made similar rules: no junk food, no lollies, no tv (as a couple, they didn’t have one in the house!) and no smacking (I have no problem with this but there was no discipline either).
I bumped into her a few years ago… in Macdonalds….coming back from a party where the kids had sugar loaded and yes, the tv thing lasted a month – they bought one.
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We had no tv for about 2 years when my eldest was aged 1 – 3… of the four kids guess which one is absolutely addicted to the tv….
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We had a strict not tv except between dinner and bed rule (so about an hour). We have stuck to that on the week days, but I have to confess the weekends are not going so well. It’s just so nice to let them watch ….mumble mumble…. a couple of hours … mumble mumble… on the weekend mornings and sometimes a bit after lunch too. Given they’re up between 6:30 and 7:30 it just helps us to not have to leap straight into our weekend. I feel guilty about it though.
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haha, i have a number of rules and I’ve broken a number of them and Little Mister is one 2 weeks old!!! Including:
- dummies (But I have managed to restrain myself to one kind (and orthodontic only) AND only when everything else has been tried! and typically only at night it’s needed, hurrah!)
- exclusively breast for the first month (he’s had 2 expressed bottles via Daddy thus far)
- 10 mins tummy time daily (he HAAAATES it! you’d think we were murdering him!!)
But loving the motherhood journey!
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I always said i’d never be one of those parents who opened a packet of something in the supermarket before getting to the check-out just to keep the peace *hmmmm*
(In my defence though, i DO pay for said item!)
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As a cashier, I’d much rather you do this than have your kid chuck a tantrum!!!
I once had a woman who wouldn’t let her kid eat a stick of celery while in the shop and the kid screamed bloody murder! I realise its important to teach them control and such but really a stick of celery wasn’t going to hurt anyone.
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Make less rules! lol
I’ve stuck to mine by and large. No dummy, make all my own food (make all my own food for us – or Big Fella does, so it would seem unfair not to do that for the babies). But I didn’t have many. I’d grown up around kids and babies and knew they sleep and eat differently and you go with the flow unless its REALLY important to me.
I think there is also a difference between what you can control and what you can’t. I didn’t do any barbies or pink clothes etc etc when *I* was personally in charge and she had no opinion, once she developed one (not encouraged by me in the sense that we don’t ‘go shopping’ or watch commercial tv etc – so its from day care/friends etc) I went with it and limited what I wasn’t cool with and allowed her to develop her interests where I could stomach it.
One that I did not foresee is the whole ipad/iphone thing. I suspect that if I was asked five years ago I would have said I would not let my child play with a device at a cafe (i’m a late adaptor, first iphone last year, ipad a few months ago). But I do and I love them.
I have no ‘rules’ about as they become tweens and teens in relation to social media etc but I do wonder how I’ll manage.
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We have a rule no facebook until they’re 13, which is playing it strictly by the rules.
I am surprised though by the number of parents who allow their kids on facebook even when their school principal deems it inappropriate and unacceptable for children their age.
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We have that too, but you can run into problems as their friends may help them open up an account behind your back. We found that one out the hard way.
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We’ve blocked it from our home wi-fi so that makes it a little trickier, but I guess if they’re desperate they’ll work around it!
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Yep. Our daughter opened an account at a friend’s house.
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Believe me, 13 is a very bad time to start Facebook, wait until they are are bit older to understand the consenquencesand only if you are their friend so you can monitor.
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It depends on the child and their circle of friends. My daughter has been on since she was 13 but she isn’t that phased with it. All four parents (2 natural 2 step) have access to it and constantly log on as her and check it out. We emphasize to her that it is not a private facility and she should treat it as such – including that she has no right to privacy from us on there.
We also locked down her account so what others can see is limited and so people can tag her in posts and photos without her approval (this is how lots of teenage bullying happens). We found some good hints on protecting her account at http://www.computerworld.com/s/article/9223862/5_ways_to_secure_your_Facebook_profile_in_a_post_Timeline_world
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After what I’ve seen 15 yr olds going through with FB, there is no way in hell I’d let anyone under the age of 18 on it. Absolutely no way. Just destroys their self esteem and opens up yet another avenue for bullying.
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I’ll never forget going on holiday with friends who had the first child. I was absolutely horrified that they fed them in their pram in front of the tv. I remember thinking how I would NEVER do something like that, my children would not be strapped up like an animal and left in front of repeats of Hi-5. I so nearly said something to them. Thank God I didn’t. TV + Food = dinner & wine for parents, especially in a holiday unit with limited toys and room
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Why do so many people go on about the evils of licenced clothing, I am sure there are bigger issues!!
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Cos its hard to teach my kids about the evil of advertising whilst they are a walking advertisement?
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I was one of the first to have children in my group and remember friends’ reactions as I did things that clearly they didn’t approve of. It was quite amusing to see them do similar things with their kids a few years later and more interestingly ask me how I did things from toilet training, to deling with teenage parties.
I think my lamest rule, which of course, I broke, was that I wasn’t going to tell my child to shut up. I also wasn’t going to shout at my children. Ha!
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Thats funny you mention that because I remember being horrified when my first friend had a baby and she used disposable nappies. Heaven forbid!!! And then 12 months later I had my first baby and the hospital made me use cloth nappies for the first 24 hours. I happily asked my husband to go and stock up on Huggies after that experience!
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I had my first kids when mainly cloth nappies were used, so I’ve used more cloth than disposable. I can see how much easier they can be.
Modern, shaped cloth nappies are much better than the old terry squares.
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I thought I would be a good feminist mother and never let my daughter play with barbies or dolls that show an unrealistic view of a female body… or never let my daughter read or watch disney-esque films that portray women as passive and only able to be ‘saved’ by men by virtue of their looks.
Scores of barbies, barbie movies, and cinderella books later…. Oh well. She seems well-adjusted? who knows!
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My mother was the same! But I still ended up with a Barbie dream house, Spice Girls dolls, the absolute works! After all, there are worse things you could do to a kid.
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Monty what a fabulous post! I did the exact same thing as you – had my list of parenting rules and even looked at other Mother’s with disgust thinking, “I’ll NEVER do that!” or “I’ll NEVER be like that!” Yeap – rules broken within hours of arrival of baby. It is so true what people say, that nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, prepares you for a baby!
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I swore that there would be no tv, that lasted 6 months. I said no dummies but when the teething process started well i tried a teething dummy. I am also hoping to not have 1 year old eat junk food till he starts school. Think it might be wishful thinking.:)
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Not buying merchandised bags and clothes. How tacky! When I had to put my 18mnth old in daycare I was so guilty and emotional I bought him a Bob the Builder bag just because I thought it would make him happy.
It did. We now have Peppa Pig and Bob tshirts. I don’t lovel them, but know they are not the most evil thing in the world.
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Lol, funny stuff. With first child whos now 9 i broke – reusable nappy rule, homemade food rule, no dummy rule, (my mother was hellbent on not having one till i forgot the teat to bolttle and she had to use it! lol She was like oo this works well!) no bottle rule, no tv rule to name but a few! With my now 5 yr old son i think i didnt bother as i knew id break every rule! Funny coz he hated jar food and i HAD to do homemade, refused bottle till 6 months and refused to use a teat so didnt have one!
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My rules with no. 1 were no dummies, no co sleeping and no formula. Bought a dummy the 2nd night in hospital, co slept within a few months but she never had formula! No 2 we had a dummy in the labour bag, a cosleeper in our bed… But still no formula. Hey, one outta three ain’t bad, right?
Oh, and we’ve had babysitters since my bubbies were 3 months old. Not strangers, but teenage girls we know and trust. Best thing ever!
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I have a feeling I am making rules to break about phones and ipods. My kids are 5 and 6 and I refuse to get them hand held games or ipod yet. Nothing worse then seeing little kids burried in gadgets to quieten them.
But I do let them play with my phone and ipad sometimes( iview anyone?- who needs DVD’s anymore?) Is it really that different to having an Ipod?
Still while my kids enjoy sports and creative play I don’t want to dampen them down yet.
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Not feeding children in the car… ha ha! Sometimes the only chance my kids get to eat (between activities/appointments) is in the car!
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Oh, I had forgotten, the no food in the car rule was one of mine too. That didn’t last long. I wish I’d stuck to it – my car is such a tip as a result
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Hi I would love to know the name/company of the Bali babysitter you used! Could you share?
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Absolutely hilarious!!!!! My eldest is 33 and dealing with his own child, and I have laughed through all his rules, the sounded so much like mine. He too didn’t last as long as he said he would.
My fav comment was “m um you may not have been able to keep that rule up when I was young but I am stronger than you “ he lasted less than id did.
And it really doesn’t matter: love, lots of love and being consistent wins every time. Plus explaining why there is a rule, and why something is not good for other people, and why you may have broken the rule “just this one time”.
I was classified as a very strict parent by many others but my 4 children tell their kids how well they turned out, because Gran loved them no matter what!!!!
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Wait until they’re teenagers. I have ripped up, spat on and thrown the rule book out the window. Now parenting like a ninja and all is happy in my little world
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Ah yes, I’m in the mood for flaunting my flaws today, it’s been one of those days.
The rule that felt the worst for me to break was the one about no McD’s… we made it to 2 years and 9 months… Now that we’re on the other side of that monster, I’m OK. I think we did OK.
Apart from that most of the rules went out the window when I fell pregnant. TV watching has increased as has amounts of snacks, quick meals etc.
With a toddler girl, the rule about no pink also hasn’t survived, especially as I’m no longer the only person buying her clothes. I still pretend though, just to get through the day.
She still hasn’t had soft drink, as soda water turned her off the bubbles!! Score with that one.
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I’m happy that my 3 and 5 year olds have never had soft drink. Long may it continue. Neither of them have a sweet tooth (!), which helps.
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They don’t have a sweet tooth because you haven’t let them have soft drinks etc.
As a child I was never allowed sweets (bar chocolate, because that’s all my mother liked). Guess what? I now only like chocolate – the idea of eating colour & E-number filled sweets just makes me feel ill.
My 21 month old gets fruit toast as a treat at home and that’s it. If he’s at his grandparents’ house he’s allowed half a chocolate scotch finger. Today he was handed a slice of banana cake with chocolate icing and started to cry …
People should read fewer books and parent by intuition and getting to know their baby.
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Breast milk is very sweet. I breastfed my daughter until 3 but didn’t allow her any lollies or soft drinks or juice. She still developed a massive craving for sugar, I’m sure it was the breastfeeding. She is 5 now and will steal the honey jar from the fridge and eat it straight, can’t get enough sugar at Birthday parties, asks for sweet things all the time. I’m not sure what to do about it. We have sugar in the house for cooking and for coffees, she even gets into that with a spoon.
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The craving for sweet, salty and fatty food seems to be inbuilt. I think because those tastes generally come with food we need (fat =energy dense food like meat etc).
A lot of kids will do that, sort of thing. This weekend we took some sugar sachets off our 8 year old at a cafe because she just wanted to pour them in her mouth.
I guess she’s old enough now to use a rewards system to stop it (eg:can get a couple of lollies/chocolate etc if she doesn’t go for the honey/sugar for a few days).
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Might try that, thanks Faybian.
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I have to admit I didn’t use bottles, dummies, put the TV on or give my kids junk food, (and still don’t) but I did say I was not going to dress my girl in pink and of course all the clothes we got (hand-me-downs) were pink!
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Hmm, I don’t know, I think it is still a good thing to sit and think, before your kids come along, about the type of parent you want to be, and make some rough ‘guidelines’ for yourself. Because sometimes in the heat of the moment, it can help to remind you of the type of parent you want to be.
Personally, I set a lot of ‘rules’ and have been really pleasantly surprised that I haven’t broken them, and I have a 2 year old and a baby! No babysitters other than a few very trusted people, no junk food, NO chips before the age of 2, no television before 2, and limited tv after 2, no formula, no controlled crying, no smacking or shaming, never make food a battlefield… I have lots of ‘rules’ which I never thought I’d be able to follow but actually, we have, and it has been pain-free! I feel a real sense of achievement
Not to say that any of those things are terrible, but it makes me happy that I have been able to parent in the way I planned 
I guess what I’m saying is – don’t underestimate yourself! If things are important to you, you can stick to them generally!
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I totally agree with you – it is so valuable to work out what is important to you. I really want my kids to have their 2+5 each day. I am fanatical about sunscreen. I limit screen time (although my limits are based on the day’s activities, not a set limit each day).
But, I’m not too worried about babysitters or packet food. I would never have stuck to rules around those things!
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I wouldn’t have been able to go to uni consistently without babysitters. On the hours that I did placement outside of normal daycare hours, I regularly used the same agency. They were very good and tried to line up the same sitter where ever possible and if I wasn’t happy with a particular lady, they took my concerns seriously and acted on them.
I understand your concerns, but sometimes you actually have to bend your rules.
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Im a private Nanny, and can i just say that the bond between nanny and child becomes incredibly strong. No they are not mine, i can hand them back at the end of a very long day and have that glass of wine in peace just like their mum is dreaming of. But i still think about them all night and how we should have had an extra piece of fruit, the jumper got left at school and bath time ran long…what im trying to say is that hiring a babysitter/nanny isn’t a sin and your most likely just adding another aunty/uncle to the family who will care and love (and maintain rules) just as you would wish.
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Please come to Italy and baby sit my kids! You sound awesome!
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I was pretty realistic as i had been a nanny and baby sitter for years and years before i had my babies so kind of had a teeny little look into the world of parents(only teeny) but i never made any rule except that my children will not dress in clothes that have any disney, or dora or thomas or any other tv character anywhere on their body or in their room! Im cool with the toys to play with, but this rule has stayed firmly in place from day one and still hasnt been broken! I will not give in! i cant even handle a kindy bag with Thomas on it! Bottles and dummys and tubes of pre made food are all welcome when needed without any guilt(well except the bottle, but society guilted the hell out of me for that one so i cant help it) Its funny though…no matter what, when a girlfriend is around feeding her child from a squeezy tube, almost always is something said…like ‘oh i just was running late i had to just grab this, but its soooo healthy there is nothing in it like its just veggies thats all’…..why do we need to even justify it? I couldnt care less, just feed your kid! oh an i have to say i dont like maccas to be fed to my kids…so we just keep that as a road trip meal(only if KFC isnt available because its my guilty pleasure) plus sushi seems to be more the 5 year olds thing, and i couldnt be happier..well my wallet isnt, salmon is freaking exprensive
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i thought these kinds of rules … my children would never be abused as i had been. rule broken. my children would never feel abandoned as i had felt. rule broken. my children would not have to grow up faster than they ought to by having to mediate adult dysfunction or feel responsible for adult inadequacy. rule broken. sometimes other people get in the way of best laid plans … and sometimes you don’t know when to get out of your own way … i think the best we can do is reconcile the little things, forgive the big things, and love love love love … cos i think that if after such grave assaults upon their spirits, my kids can forgive me and love me, which they do, that things like playpens, childcare, dummies, and corduroy overalls (yes, i totally did that) really do not feature in a child’s recall of their life … love trumps all … it just does … those things only matter and add to a dimension of carelessness if there is an absence of care elsewhere … and i’ve been following this site for a couple of years now, and i’ve never read a comment that indicates that a parent doesn’t love their child enough, or strive to provide enough protection from feelings of abandonment or isolation … indeed … without exception, truly, i’ve only ever encountered parent comments that indicate a profound care and a desire to protect their children …
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So eloquently put. Indeed love trumps all. Very sad to read of your three broken rules. May you and your children come to terms with the past and embrace the future with joy and open hearts. But it sounds like you have and do already.
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Awesome Monty. The amount of rules we make up as Mothers are hilarious. I had quite a few too! My son is 9 and has been sick with the flu at home all week. I can’t tell you how many “rules” we’ve broken this week.
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Rule 1 – My baby will never eat packaged food. Hmm, lasted 5 days – she loves those satchets of food and I even spent an hour replicating the ingredients of her favourite pack for her to turn up her nose after one mouthful! So those satchets are the best thing invented as it gives me half an hour of quiet time in a cafe (yep, she plays with the empty packet)
Rule 2 – My baby will never play with a turned on mobile phone and be subjected to endless amounts of radiation – NEXT!
Rule 3 – What idiot mother gives there child a wallet to play with and then complain when cards are missing….TRIFECTA!
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Lol at rule # 3! Just recently we were in Target, i turned around to look at something and sure enough, my 15 month old had my entire identity strewn all over the floor. I literally had to retrace my steps, get down on the floor and pick everything up. Oh and i’ve lost count of the number of times someone has come up to me in a playcentre and said, “Excuse me, but you’re daughter’s holding 50 bucks!”
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I reckon there’s hardly a parent on the planet who didn’t have all these good intentions – all broken within months. One friend opined that he didn’t think having a child would change their lifestyle much. Oh ha!
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There are no rules in parenting. It’s every man, woman and child for him, her and itself.
http://www.daddyslittlemiracle.com/
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1) I will NEVER dress my kids in character clothing (hmmmm that’s not the term I’m looking for) but you know what I mean… like Wiggles, Barbie, Thomas the tank engine etc – RULE BROKEN – very early on… when you’ve got 2 babies 17 months apart and you’re with them 24 hours a day, a fight about a Dora Tshirt REALLY doesn’t seem worth it!
2) One treat a day – MAX e.g. one lolly or cupcake or small toy or trip to the park etc – BROKEN – all day, every day.
3) Limited amount of TV watched – RULE BROKEN – Don’t get me wrong, i don’t prop my kids up in front of the telly all day whilst I shop online (ok, sometimes I do…..KIDDING!) But I always thought I’d have a strict time limit e.g. 20 mins a day or whatever…. and I definitely don’t….. the amount of TV time varies depending on a million factors such as what I have to do, what the weathers like, if they have a cold etc
4) Home cooked food – ALWAYS – RULE BROKEN – hahahaha! As if!
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Love point 1!
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I was never going to dress my daughter in pink or purple. That lasted until the first stranger referred to her as a ‘he’. She was never out of pink or purple after that until she chose her own clothes!
When I had my son 9 months ago I was determined no-one would refer to him as a ‘she’ so he has been in blue and other ‘boy’ colours since he was born.
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I usually have my boy in blue, but that doesn’t stop people from referring to him as a he. Same goes for my girl, she can be wearing a skirt but people will still think she’s a he.
I think they just get confused by their hair – she’s got fine, straight hair and he’s got thick curly locks.
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My poor son reminded me of my psych days at Uni so i would dress him in pink or blue to see how people treated him. this would horrify my husband, once my son was old enough to know i went with normal things
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That’s interesting, my son (13 months) has about 1/2 ‘boy’ and 1/2 ‘girl’ clothes. If he is wearing ANY pink/butterflies/sparkles, he is referred to as a girl. Never bothers me tbh.
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I’m curious to know why it matters so much if a stranger mistakes your child’s gender?
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I was just talking about this very subject with a friend this morning. Before I had kids I said I would never:
Turn on the TV to keep them quiet while I finished a job
Bribe them to get them to do something
HILARIOUS!
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When did using babysitter become controversial? When I was a kid my parents and all my friends parents used babysitters on a weekly basis. I had literally dozens of babysitters. Now it seems like a lot of people recoil in horror if you hire one for a night.
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Yeah, and I remember BEING a babysitter from about 13 onwards.
It was easy – watch TV, eat stuff in the fridge and collect $20!
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The things I used to do when babysitting at the next door neighbors when I was around 15/16/! I used to steal a pack of Alpines from open cartons kept in the kitchen cupboard by taking them all out and repacking them leaving a 1 pack space at the bottom. The worse thing I did was tear a page out of a very old family bible to use when I ran out of rollie papers one night. In hindsight think how awful damaging a book like this…
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My parents belonged to a babysitting club back in the 80s. It had a whole lot of parents who didn’t have relatives in town who would look after each others’s kids based on a point system, so, best of all, it was free. I can only remember being excited about babysitter nights.
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My Mum was also in a babysitting club and I have now started one with my mothers group. As long as you don’t mind watching tele or reading a book in someone else’s house once in a while it is fabulous. No paying for babysitters and you trust the mothers as you know them so well.
I have paid for babysitters in Bali several times though and I agree, this is the best.
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My children are 13 and 10, so they’re at an age where they remind me of the rules that I make and break, constantly!
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I think my rule will be ‘do not put the kid on a leash’ but who knows if I’ll actually stick to that. :
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Alexandra, I felt that way. Then I had my third child, a son, who is a runner, and autistic. During his toddler years his monkey backpack (leash as you call it) saved our sanity and his life on many occasions. I know many other parents with kids on the autism spectrum who use them for the same reason.
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Amen mumofthree! My autistic four year old loves his “monkey cuddles” and that thing has been a godsend for us as we try to teach him how to behave and be safe in public! My only regret- that I’m doomed to pretend that the “monkey on your back” joke is funny even after hearing it a few thousand times! Why didn’t I get the turtle???? : )
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haha Kate, I get that.
My son is 3 almost 4 now and I recently started letting him walk with me if he promises to hold the pram handle. If he runs too far ahead, then he goes into the pram, and his need for freedom means just the threat of the pram tends to keep him in check now. It’s taken a lot of hard work, meltdowns and heart in mouth moments to get there, but we have.
It’s been painful to know people judge my decision to put my child “on a leash” without understanding why it’s been necessary. I shouldn’t care what others think, but nothing hurts more than people judging your parenting as inadequate when they have no idea what ‘extreme parenting’ is like.
All the best to you and your little man.
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My brother used to have a leash when he was little (This is late 80′s early 90′s) and I used to hold the end of it on shopping trips. I fail to see anything mean about it. My brother used to run off and get into all types of scrapes. He was quite happy to walk around with a harness on. Prior to the harness he tried to pull a set of shelves down on himself and also suddenly took off and ran in front of a car. He just used to be really sneaky and be really good at making a break for it. He’s now an adult and I’m not even sure he remembers the harness.
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I had that rule, and then I broke it with both my kids. The upside of this was I didn’t lose my child in an airport, or let either one get run over because they took off and I wasn’t fast enough to catch them. Win!
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You’re not alone, Alexandra.
My husband detests them and states that “our children are not dogs, we do not walk them on leashes.” I on the other hand think they are a fantastic safety tool and I have no doubt they have saved many little lives over the years. They may look a little bit bizarre but trust me – they are used by many parents with the best of intentions. It’s not to restrict them – it’s actually for their freedom! The freedom to move about and explore without being in a pram or having to hold hands (and some kids just won’t hold hands…) but still being kept close enough so they are safe. I haven’t won the argument with hubby over this one yet – and thankfully my little ones are pretty good and don’t stray too far or run away from us. But the minute they do…
All the best for when it is your turn to be a mummy – it’s the best fun you’ll ever have! (With, or without a leash)
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Depends on whether you have a “runner” or not.
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