Why do people get such a charge out of criticising the parenting of others? You can see them flashing the evil eye at the young mother in the supermarket as her toddler has a meltdown in the Tim Tam aisle. You can see them tut-tutting at the local pool as some kid does a bomb near some elderly swimmers.
And you can see them, pursed-lipped and superior, chanting from the sidelines as the Australian Medical Association proposes a restriction on advertising junk food in the early evenings. ”The parents should just learn to say no.”
Have they entirely forgotten what it was like to be a parent? Sure, the human mind is designed to block out horrific events. As a result, most parents have no memories of the year known as ”the terrible twos”. Most of years three, four and five are gone as well. In our mind’s eye, the child goes from cute baby to half-decent junior soccer player over a period of about three days.
All the same, can’t we try to remember what it was like? Most toddlers have to be approached as you would a madman wired with explosives. The usual method involves a combination of threats, entreaties and bribes. It’s much like the US policy in Pakistan. It’s about as effective.
You then reach for distraction: ”Oh, look! A wincey little spider is tickling your tummy.”
This ploy, of course, brings an intake of breath, as the surprised toddler forgets to cry while considering the matter of the wincey little spider. This momentary quiet, of course, just serves to emphasise the sudden and startling recommencement of the howling, this time invigorated by the notion that their body is under sustained attack by arachnids.
You can understand why the child has now thrown herself face-forward to the ground and is busy turning blue. First her mother refuses her the opportunity to eat a whole packet of Tim Tams, then she stands idly by during a major spider attack. Really, if there was a phone available, the child would call DOCS herself.
At this point, every person in the supermarket is staring at the crime scene, the tut-tutting rising like a mist over the cereal aisle. If bubbles were balloons, the ceiling would be a mass of grey, complete with the message ”baaaaad parent”.
There’s nothing as lonely as being that parent, with your toddler in meltdown, the whole world condemning you and nary a sympathetic glance.
From the looks on their faces, the children of the tut-tut squad must have been perfect.
At their place, it must have been like a scene from The Sound of Music, the children lined up in order of height, hair combed and lederhosen scrubbed, awaiting the chance to chorus ”Welcome home, papa” before scrambling off to do their homework.
I just don’t believe it. I think the tut-tut squad comprises older men who simply didn’t partake in much of the parenting and, thus, always assumed it was easy. And the women, left alone for years with the burden, have successfully blocked out all the difficult moments.
Here’s the other thing about those staring at the young mother or father with such naked hostility: while they are all agreed that you are a baaaaad parent, each will have a different idea about what you should be doing.
Some will be mumbling about how you shouldn’t bring toddlers to the supermarket (presumably Santa delivered all their food when they had young children), others will be saying ”Why doesn’t she smack that child?”, while others will be saying: ”He threatened to smack him – that’s the problem.”
The only thing they agree on is that ”parents should take more responsibility”. This phrase has been heard ad nauseum in response to the Australian proposal to ban junk-food advertising on early-evening TV.
”Parents are the bosses, they should just control what their children eat.” Some, with stomach-turning smugness, even say, with a trill of laughter: ”It’s not that hard to say no. You are bigger than them!!!” (Even when spoken, this phrase comes with multiple explanation marks, each one a wagging finger.)
Of course, in truth, parents do say ”no” all the time. That’s why that toddler is on the ground at the supermarket in the first place.
The better question is this: should ”the tribe” try to help people be better parents, or should ”the tribe” do all it can to make parenting more difficult?
At the moment, we sternly tell parents they must fight the obesity epidemic by insisting their children eat properly.
Then, at the same time, we spend millions trying to convince those same children that eating fast food is fun and they should fight their parents over every healthy food decision.
Really, you couldn’t design a better technique if your aim was to turn parenting into a military obstacle course.
Why do we want to hinder people instead of help them? Isn’t it in all our interests for good parenting to be made easier and not more difficult?
On the other hand, the system we have now gives people the chance to tut-tut about young parents. And since it affords them such immense pleasure …
Richard Glover is the author of 12 books, most recently Why Men are Necessary and More News from Nowhere, a collection of his comic pieces for radio’s Thank God It’s Friday. He is also author of The Mud House, the story of building a house in the middle of nowhere with no power tools.
His book Desperate Husbandshas been a best-seller in Australia and is published in translation in Italy and Poland and he’s also written two short novels for children – The Dirt Experiment and The Joke Trap.
Richard is also the author of The Dag’s Dictionary, published by ABC Books and based on the Drive Show competition.
His other writing includes In Bed with Jocasta, The P-Plate Parent (co-written with Angela Webber), and Lonestar, a stage show about country music.
Click on any of the links to buy Richard’s books. You wont be disappointed.
Comments
158 Comments so far
I do the $2 each in the supermarket thing. It’s awarded for very good behaviour and for helping mummy get the things she needs into the trolley as quickly as possible. Usually they want to put it into a machine to get a transformer thing at the end – so every time they pick something up I say “you have $2. Spend it as you wish”. After the second time they don’t ask for anything else, and get there little transformer thingo from the machine! It’s fool proof.
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it’s not a case of tut-tuting the parents.
I just hate kids.
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I think with this its a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t! I do my utmost to keep our kidlets in line in public and to that end I will discipline them if required. I will also let our 3 1/2 yr old walk around the market and he doesn’t always watch where he is going, but how will he learn if he doesn’t get the chance to have a go.
Generally they’re both fairly good kids when we’re out. I don’t think its fair to expect them to be lugged around the shops, market or supermarket without a break, food or a bit of fun for them and I certainly wouldn’t make them do it all day, that’s just asking for trouble.
Whenever I ask them to do something I say please & thank you as they do learn by example to the point where our 15mth old daughter puts her hand over her mouth when she coughs as she’s seen me do it all winter.
Lead by example, remember they’re little and learning and sometimes it is 1 step forward and 5 back!
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Such a minefield. My partner and I have 5 between us, between 7 and 19., He works away a lot and sees them about 50% of the time. As a result, he overcompensates like mad. He lets them do their own thing, they dont eat meals together, are on the computer or ipod or telly and it does my head in. Hi daughter has zero social skills but he justifies it as ‘she is shy’. Bollocks she is shy – she is quiet and manipulates him like a puppet. Her teachers say she has issues, his family say she has issues, but he forever overcompensates so she delveops no lifeskills whatsoever. He even pre-cuts cheese for her – she is 13?! His son is finally coming out of his shell and being more social after the mr and I had a talk about how it was rude to allow him to ignore us when we are all together. But the daughter is still manipulating him like crazy. So frustrating especially when we are trying to meld our universes.
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As a mother of an ADHD child, I feel entitled to tut-tut. I had to really put the yards in with this child to socialise him. He would be a terror in the shop and it wasn’t until I started leaving my groceries behind (with a whisper to the assistant that we’d be back) and taking him in the car that he finally ‘got’ that he had to behave. You have to put in the effort to parent. Some kids more than others.
Most of the behaviour problems I see when kids are acting up are because of their parents. The kids are bored, ignored, have no toys to distract, are tired and or hungry. But my pet peeve are the kids who are encouraged to just be plain loud! Is it acceptable to talk at a massive rate of decibels in a public place? Maybe I missed that memo. All you have to do is say “shoosh, inside voice please”.
It’s really sad at the hospital waiting room when you see mum’s there for the second time and they haven’t even figured out how to parent the first one. Bored child, no toys, no food, expected to behave…… Hungry baby being given a COLD bottle and then the big mystery as to why they wont take it? Coffee shops have hot water and microwaves are most places…..
I sound like a grumpy grandma, but it’s really not that hard and if you find it is, pick up a parenting book or do a google.
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Anonymous pregnant lady you raised some good points. I think all parents who put the hard yards in with their kids are entitled to tut-tut. Its hard work to teach children good manners, to ensure they say please and thankyou, to respond with I’m well thankyou how are you etc. Its not done by the good fairy, its done by parents repeating the request many times a day for years before children finally do it themselves. So with that, I will happily tut-tut a child with bad manners because I’ve been chanting ‘please, thankyou’ for 12 years now and it is something my oldest kids now know to say without prompting and some parents havent been bothered to do the same with their kids.
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I couldn’t agree more with your comments. I used to fly frequently for work and it always amazed me how parents would take their children onto the plane as though they were just another piece of hand luggage; bringing no toys or activities to entertain them. The parents are usually too interested in themselves to entertain them, so of course they kick the seat in front, climb from lap to lap, winge, eat junk food given to them by parents in an attempt to keep them quite, etc, etc. If we had to go anywhere for an extended period, my own mother would pack a little bag (or encourage me to pack my own bag) of colouring in books, reading books, and toys to keep me entertained while on the move. The majority of the parents I see don’t put the effort in, and it’s also too hard for them to say “no” or “stop doing that”, so they just don’t bother.
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I disagree. Kids need to know how to be well behaved and bored at the same time. My mother never packed toys or games for us on long flights etc and all four of us were perfectly well behaved.
My mother is super old fashioned, she had us late and she used old fashioned parenting methods. She didn’t entertain us, we had to find our own amusements, without disturbing others. As a result of all the “boredom” we ended up being very independent and were considered smart kids, learning to read to HSC level by year 3, being dux, etc. We were all well behaved and I remember so many parents being surprised when my mother would take us to events not considered children appropriate and these parents would tell me how mature I was and wish their children could behave so well. I think it was precisely because my mum didn’t cater to our boredom that we were so well behaved!
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Based on the mixed comments below, the ‘tribe’ might be justified in being totally CONFUSED about their role in ‘helping’ or ‘hindering’ parents. Just like the parents themselves, you’re never going to get it right every time. Hopefully good intelntions will be appreciated, and intolerant ‘tutting’ ignored.
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Honestly, I only skimmed over much of this article because I disagreed with so much of the start I really just couldn’t be bothered finishing it…..Although I did read the very bottom section about all the books Richard has written….didn’t see any line saying how many children he has…have I missed something or is this just another case of “the best parent in the world being the one without children”?????
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He has two sons, FYI.
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I think I’m perfectly justified in tut-tutting as a mother comes into my store, with not one but three screaming children, and does nothing.
One child was running around knocking over merchandise while yelling. Another was sitting in a shopping trolley, screaming at full volume. The other was literally trying to rip her handbag away from her, yelling and demanding twenty cents for a vending machine. She ignored them and browsed for fifteen minutes before casually leaving without buying anything.
In that time, other customers complained to me and left the store. If it was one child having a meltdown and a harried parent quickly trying to contain it, I would understand. But in this case, I am perfectly justified in thinking – bitch, if your brats are annoying you, imagine how much they are annoying everyone else in the world, then get out of my store.
Edit – before the usual brigade of offended mothers come along to cry ‘woe is us’, if your child is flipping out and you are dealing with the situation, I can understand and sympathize. But you are responsible for your child in public. You wouldn’t scream and throw things – neither should they, and if they do and you just let it happen, we will look down on/call security on *you*.
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When all is said and done, when something really irritates you….then it really irritates you.
If I have had a rotten day and it is the beloved and bless-ed fruit of your womb screaming and carrying on, annoying me, then expect me to raise an eyebrow in your general direction.
Just as it is your right to be offended by that action, it is equally my right to be offended by the actions of your child.
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When I see a toddler in the supermarket throwing a big wobbly I just smile to myself glad that it is OVER for me! Having said that, and I have gone through five toddlers, and had my share of wobblies, although there were not that many of them. I had a system where I promised they could have something if by the end of the shopping trip they did not nag for anything, run around, argue with me or each other. This seemed to work well, and I had to keep my promise for it to stick. Sometimes I would say you will get nothing today but you still have to be good or next time you get nothing. This also worked as the fear of never getting a sugar hit again was just too much for them! I also made their treats a dollar limit, example you have one or two dollar limits on anything.
I also had another method that whenever we walked into a shop the kids had to stroll through with their hands behind their backs so nothing would get broken, knocked off shelves or touched. If they were really ogling something I would assist with the touching, kids want to touch for goodness sakes.
Anyway, I do get my feathers a bit ruffled when I see parents of NEWBORN babies letting them cry so badly, that cry that makes the baby silent for a moment then really struggle for a breath. Well I couldn’t help it one day and I went up to the mum and just told her to pick up her baby, what is more important , keeping a newborn content or chatting with a teenage cashier? I know I was out of place and the baby did stop crying after a few minutes of her picking him up. But that newborn cry is so heart wrenching…
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I was one of those judgemental people about parenting until i had my own child, i then vowed i would never judge again. I find every day is different with parenting depending on how much sleep u get , what annoying things are set up all over shopping centres.,rides, lollies near checkout etc all this just makes shopping harder and noisier , and also nosey people should just back off unless they are helpful .
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This is a favourite mamamia topic, but always a popular one.
I think people are judgemental about loads of things, including children, and are just more vocal about kids when they’re irritated. But if you spend your entire life worrying about what people are mentally tut-tutting you about, you’d never leave the house. And who has never thought, gees that person’s an obnoxious arse, or, I wish that woman would push her trolley faster, or he has incredibly bad taste in shoes, or she’s really rude to her own friiends? In a mass society where we’re constantly surrounded by strangers, we’re going to objectify people more and judge them, without always making allowances. You’re an example, not a real person.
Just be confident in what you’re doing. Expect that you’ll make mistakes and have a bad day, and so will everyone else. In 5 years time you will probably be wondering why you were so convinced that the mother of that child who ate maccas every Friday was responsible for the downfall of the western world, and why you thought everyone was noticing what your kids were doing at the shops when they were more likely wondering how big their own bum looked in their jeans and whether anyone had noticed the huge zit between their eyes. Worry about the people you actually know and interact with, and let the others entertain themselves at your expense.
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I was trying to put my tantruming then 20mth old into the car in a shopping car park and she was doing ‘the plank’ to prevent me from doing up the buckles in the child seat. And it was one of those scenarios where you have to laugh so as not to cry. So I was holding her steady so she wouldn’t fall on the floor and also trying to find the right moment where I could buckle her in (knowing that as soon as we started driving she’d calm down), so a passer-by would have heard her screeching and seen my shoulders shuddering (from laughter). Next thing I know there’s an old lady poking her head through my drivers seat door asking if everything’s OK! And I say, yes, yes, she’s just tired and very cranky, I’ll just take her home and she’ll be right. And then, the old lady starts asking my daughter if she’s OK?! As if I’M torturing her or doing her harm or anything. I mean, I guess, it’s good that people have their eye out for that sort of thing, but my daughter used to be super loud when having a meltdown, so I’m not surprised the woman was concerned but I felt a little indignant, too. Like, hello? She’s just having normal toddler tantrum.
The worst was when she had a full on meltdown on the way home from the UK on the plane after about 30hrs in transit. She was good as gold for 95% of the trip, and had the two middle aged couples sitting in front us cooing at her adorableness. But she does not sleep well on planes and when we were nearly there, the lack of consistent sleep caught up on her and she cracked it for about 30minutes and NOTHING we did could comfort/distract her. And she was ROARING! And eventually, with no sleep myself, I was in (silent) tears just holding her until she fell asleep, absolutely exhausted. At one point during the tantrum, one of the women in front of us asked, “is she OK?”, along with a lot of irritated looks. I could have slapped her! Um, no, she’s not OK, she’s absolutely exhausted and only 2yo! Grrr…. Again though, my daughter is so sweet and she rarely gets angry but when she does, watch out, she’s ferociously loud and angry and totally inconsoleable.
We’re making the long haul flight again to the UK in 6 wks and hopefully breaking it up into 3 8hr legs with lay overs will help. She’s 3.5 yo now, so hopefully it’ll be better… Fngers crossed. Thankfully, we’re emigrating so we won’t have to do it twice, until we come back to visit in a few years!
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Lol, I know the plank only too well. Good luck with the flight. I think you are both amazing for even trying it!
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Oh my, toddlers on a plane…if they start the trip rested, they explode mid-flight, if they start it exhausted it’s a russian roulette: they might sleep the whole flight OR refuse to relax and drive you insane the entire time. No advice there, then , i know i’m helpful…. just, good luck! (and i know the plank. There’s the “sliding down very limply” version of the plank….the…melting cheese? lol…..)
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Melting cheese, haha otherwise known as The Dali Manoevre!
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God, traveling long haul is THE hardest. My Mum always suggested drugging them as that is what she did with us. Why didn’t I?
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Love it Katy! The Plank… I keep thinking i wish I had an extra couple of hands to take a photo of our daughter doing the plank as I put her back in the car seat when she doesn’t want to be there!
Good luck with the flights – been there and feel your pain.
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i had my in-laws over for a couple of weeks.
My daughter threw a massaive tanrum, it went on for about half an-hour. we tried everything, and i held back from smacking her bum due to he presence of my in-laws.
Once the storm passed, my father in law casually said. You know, ‘a smack would have cut this a lot shorter. ‘
Now let the tut-tutting begin!!!!!!
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I’m with your FIL on this one.
Sometimes a gentle tap, not a semi-fatal beating, is all that is needed for a child to see things through the eyes of an adult.
Short, sharp, over and done.
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yeah, me too, but i held back for fear of judgment…
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A lot of the posts here are about toddlers and their behaviour. I have a 15 year old son and believe me I am guilty as charged of tut-tutting other parents – and I believe with good reason.
I am constantly navigating the minefield of my son and his requests to go to parties and stay at friends’ houses etc etc…. Other parents in this area (small country town, on the coast) seem to think its okay for 15 year olds to go to parties, drink themselves into oblivion and not come home.
Well, I disagree. As I say to my son, he has plenty of years ahead of him to drink, party and fall down. However he is 15, in Year 9, and it aint gonna happen.
I just can’t get my head around the slack attitude of parents who think its okay for a 15 year old to get drunk. It’s not. And I will tut-tut very loudly about those who allow it to happen.
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Wait til he gets his licence and can legally go to a pub……the fun and sleepless nights begin! I have 2 kids now in their 20s and it’s a minefield even if they’re not too bad. Dreading the younger 2 going through it (and teaching them how to drive).
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I know. I feel sick thinking about it already
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I also cant believe parents who let their young teenagers out to parties late at night! I’m dreading that stage with my kids because I know it will be a battle of the kids whose parents dont care versus the kids whose parents are trying to keep them doing age appropriate things. I remember when I was at school the ‘cool’ kids who were doing all the wild stuff we the ones whose parents had given up the fight or didnt care as long as they were leaving them alone.
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The drinking thing is quite a serious issue and I agree with you completely. When my daughter turned 18 only 2 of her friends were already of legal age, so given that her party was an alcohol free zone. Not that hard to accomplish when you only invite 15 girls
Some people thought I was crazy or a wowser, but the parents who collected their perfectly sober children at midnight were very appreciative.
Having consideration of the law and other parents rules is the adult thing to do when it comes to decisions regarding supplying alcohol to someone else’s children.
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Thanks and gratitude from me too for being a parent who cares!
It’s so important to protect them and I am fanatical about it but sometimes they dodge this protection – as kids do – and test their boundaries.
After an incident in which my son passed out at a party I now have contact details for my the parents of his friends (long story but I was in Sydney, he was staying with his dad – we are divorced – and his dad gave him permission to overnight at a friends house – they went to this party and he was given alcohol by adults…..and I found out two months later…….) We text each other to confirm that the boys are where they say they will be.
Needless to say, he was grounded for a month and is still not allowed to stay overnight at friends’ houses. Just this weekend he begged to go to a friends house overnight for this boys birthday – no no and no again – and did I say ‘no’? He has to earn his trust back.
Parents of toddlers. Start planning for this phase. it’s never too early
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Good
On
You
!!!!!!
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Kathy, I have noticed this too and I think the problem is that parents are just too lazy to do the picks up later in the night so they rather not do it at all. I must admit I hate having to drive out too, especially if I am tired or wanted to have a few drinks. but it is just another parenting stage and we all signed up for it. I know of parents that supply the drinks…just blown my mind.
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Yes I think you’re right – especially the bit about parents wanting to have a drink themselves.
I’m also very judgemental of parents who shrug and say ‘there’s nothing I can do’ or worse…’boys will be boys’. What a parental cop-out. There is everything we can do and staying sober so they can come home safe is such a small thing.
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Many parents need to understand that not everyone is interested in their kid. Funnily enough most people may not find the behaviour of someone else’s kid cute/funny/endearing/etc. Ricky Gervais has spoken on this topic before and he nails it.
I think there are a lot of rude, inconsiderate parents out there and they are creating a whole generation of spoiled, overindulged brats that are heading for serious problems when it comes to employment prospects and obesity.
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Must admit I don’t like tut-tutters, while also admitting that I have been guilty of doing it as well.
Hate the tut-tutters on a plane who think that parents must take their children onto a plane and want them to shout the whole plane down. the parents know the child is making noise and are trying to calm them down. While preparations of booking appropriate flight times & activities help, delays do not.
However, when seeing a parent empty a 600ml coke bottle into a baby’s bottle, I will tut-tut. No child need to have soft drink espec one who is still using a bottle.
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What about the kids that are older that are kicking the back of seats (and therefore another passengers back), standing on the seats and annoying the passengers all around them. It is not the kids fault, it is the parents. The parents couldn’t care about anyone but themselves and their kids know no better.
Also, I am not referring to special needs children or the odd supermarket meltdown. I just mean regular precocious little brats that clearly have nothing wrong with them other than their bogan parents.
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Absolutely, certain parents think we all love their child just because they do. Some kids are painful and not cute. I am not going to ga ga over every child that pokes their head over my seat to throw a half gnawed on arrowroot biscuit. The seat kicking is just plain bad manners.
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I completely agree with (almost) every aspect of this article. There is so much judgement around parenting. The one point I would like to contest is where Richard said this “Some will be mumbling about how you shouldn’t bring toddlers to the supermarket (presumably Santa delivered all their food when they had young children)”. Both of my parents worked full time when I was a toddler/growing up, yet I was NEVER taken to the supermarket as a toddler. I hadn’t stepped inside a Woolworths until I was around 8 years old. It’s do-able, may not always be convenient, but Santa definitely didn’t deliver my food, my Dad did, without me and my sister in tow.
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but why?
Were you a monster, an unreasonable and unteacheable child?
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I was actually a very well behaved child, but Dad always felt that shopping alone was quicker than having others with you. I don’t understand why the fact that my parents didn’t take me shopping makes you assume I was a monster, an unreasonable and unteachable child. I was merely highlighting the fact that it can be done.
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I did not imply you were a bad kid- just the opposite. I suspect your parents under-estimated you and your sister.
Or perhaps they have sold you a story, whoever went shopping liked being alone.
As a child of a single mum, we had no such choice. And I behaved.
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Hmmmm, so we should do what your folks did?
My mum also tried to convince me to do my grocery shopping alone in the evenings, when my husband isn’t travelling. Apparently worked for her!
Um, no not really mum. That marriage disintegrated remember?!?!
Grocery shopping with the kids is far from my favourite activity. But part of me (sometimes!) enjoys teaching them how to behave in the supermarket etc. It’s part of their learning. Patience + tolerating a little bit of boredom etc etc. Welcome to life
It’s a shame that a few adults still have to learn to tolerate and demonstrate patience towards children in supermarkets!
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I also used it as a tool for teaching the kids manners etc. It is also a great time to teach them about food. Go and choose 5 red shiny apples for instance. It also teaches them about money and waste. I would always tell them” that food we got just costs us $60″ or whatever it was and they would be shocked at the money that had to pass hands. Perfect for explaining why you should not eat half of the apple and throw the rest away. Choosing eggs was a big one for my son, he took the task very seriously. He would plop down and put the carton on the ground between his legs and take out each egg, check it and determine if the dozen were OK. One of the ladies that works there still remembers him doing this and he is 13 now.
Of course this all makes the trip take-longer, but anything to make the outing work!
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I agree: children have to learn how to behave and how are they going to do that if you never let them participate in daily life? I sometimes involve my daughter to things that I’d prefer to do alone, purely for the learning experience.
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One of my daughters had a complete meltdown/tantrum at a museum exhibition (for kids) last school holidays – because she wasn’t getting her own way. We had so many unhelpful comments – varying from “Why don’t you just let her take it home?” to someone saying to her “I’m on your side love.” It was so frustrating! I had taken her out of the way and was holding her on my knee (gently – no force) and speaking in a calm, quiet voice, helping her to calm down. It worked too – just needed five minutes or so. It probably would have taken less time if we’d had a bit less ‘help’.
The worst tut-tutters I know though are my parents-in-law. They drive us up the wall! My husband is their only child and he has no cousins anywhere near in age and I truly wonder how he was brought up (he doesn’t remember). We can never do anything right and are constantly told that we should do things differently. Plus anything that our daughters do well gets a “Oh you’re so lucky they are good eaters/sleepers/at playing together…” like we had nothing at all to do with it. (Rant over.)
I always try to give a sympathetic look to the parent with a child in meltdown.
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Just another perspective, I am a parent of a child with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). My child looks like any other child but he has a neurological condition that means that he does not and cannot behave like most people would expect a typical child to behave. So often I have felt disapproving eyes upon me as I try to help him navigate his way through what is at times a very difficult and confusing world for him. So just putting it out there, that these behaviours that you may be observing may not be because of bad parenting.
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Hi Anonymous. May I ask you what signs your child showed before he was officially diagnosed with ASD? My son is 2yrs 3mths and I am not sure if he is going through the terrible 2′s or if there is something deeper going on?
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Hi Trina, My son was diagnosed at 2 and the thing that first alerted us that things weren’t as they should be was a speech delay. Other things that seemed different at that age was a sensitivity to noise, fussy with food, difficulty interacting with peers and lots of other subtle things that separately didn’t mean much but added together had us worried. It can present so differently in each child. My advice would be to trust your instincts – if you are worried go and see a good developmental paedetrician, they will let you know if there is anything to worry about or if it’s the terrible 2s (which my second typically developing child has hit big time!). Other people that can also help make a diagnosis are child psychologist & speech therapist. Good luck and I hope things turn out okay
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I wish the symptoms of ASD were more widely discussed. If your child doesn’t point at things fairly early in life, I would be extremely concerned. Parents of neurotypical kids will notice that their child will point at a toy before picking it up from a very early age ( about the same time that they sit up). Eye contact (lack of) and failure to respond to their name are signs that show up before speech delay becomes evident. Perhaps an article about ASD signs would be helpful, Mia, so much more can be done if diagnosis is completed eary. Not to mention tht the earlier a child can access the government funding(refer Medicare site) the better as it is unavailable after the child turns six.
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Anonymous, there’s definitely nothing like having a special needs child to make you rethink any pre-conceived ideas about tantruming kids is there! I now NEVER judge a tantruming child (or their parent) , and actually usually assume there is a deeper reason for the behaviour, even though most often there probably isn’t. I usually send an understanding smile the way of the parent. I figure they get enough grief from everyone else – a smile can go a long way sometimes.
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Yes, people need to get reminded of this, not because WE have kids with special needs but because people don’t realize at least 1 kid in 150 has an ASD….and this number excludes girls with an ASD that will never be diagnosed (who gets a diagnosis for “reading too much and being a bit shy” as a girl….noone. ) That’s a lot of children with a totally invisible disability. Let’s not judge on appearance.
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I had a security man say to me the other day outside the shopping center (when I must have been looking harried and tired with my toddler and baby) “You’re doing a great job, love. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world.” It made my day! The kindness of strangers…
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I try really hard not to judge. I don’t have kids of my own, and only have a future stepson who is extremely well-behaved. Oh, he has the odd cranky moment of course, but usually at home. I’ve yet to see him chuck a tandy in public – but that’s just luck, I don’t think it’s because his parents and step parents are perfect!
I can see some people’s points that they sometimes tuttut… I guess the thing is, you never know. You don’t know if the parent has had a horrible day, or if the mum is suffering PND and is struggling and so inadvertently ignores their kid for a few minutes. You don’t know if the child has autism or if they’re overtired. I’m sure there’s plenty of occasions where the parent IS being self-indulgent and not paying enough attention, but how can you ever really know? My sister’s eldest is 4, and she’s a REALLY picky eater. She ate anything and everything when she was very small, but it was almost the moment she hit 3, she decided to become picky. A friend of mine once commented (trying hard to sound caring) that maybe if my sister and her husband ‘just didn’t give in’ to my neice’s pickiness, then she’d get over it. But I’ve spend several nights in a row with them and seen them try this – the whole, ‘that’s all there is if you don’t eat it you go hungry’. And my neice has literally gone 12 hours without food because she insists she have PLAIN rice, with PLAIN meat and PLAIN veggies, even though her twin sisters (2 yrs) are perfectly happy chowing down on them all mixed up with some sort of sauce etc. What can they do if it’s looking like she just won’t eat? So they’ve given up for now, and just make her food seperately – it’s easier than fighting every single night or fearing she won’t eat at all. I think she’ll grow out of it, but I’m just saying that sometimes kids just have odd quirks and it has nothing to do with bad, lazy or indulgent parenting. My brother in law has some great advice: pick your battles. Whenever I try to give him and my sister a break and try to scold every sister-tiff I see, my bro-in-law just says “Aims, you have to pick your battles… if they’re about to hurt or break something/one, sure, have a go, but sometimes you just gotta let them scream at each other.”
I’m also hoping that if I don’t tut tut other people, then karma will come back and no one will do it to me when I’m standing in the supermarket about to cry while my kids screams blue murder!!
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That’s what makes me laugh the most is you are saying no that’s why they are on the floor or make life easier and open a packet of chips and chocolate milk to just ge through shopping.
That would be my two biggest stressful times
Shopping and paying for the shopping!!!! Arggghhhh with three kids under 6 some ones going to chuck a wobbly over not getting something…….I can never get my money out with out Dropping it, putting the bags some where under the pram ( man I got it in there….) sorry for holding everyone up!!!!!!!!! Lol!!!!
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Getting money out of an ATM was always tricky for me. Before there were a lot of ATMs, lining up in a bank. Gaaarh!
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Been there, done that! Child has melt-down in shopping centre, screaming, kicking, turning red, and all the looks you get! God, give me strength…
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Personally I think you only see Tut-Tutters if you’re looking for them. I know I generally do a good job with my kids & I always try to be as considerate as possible to others in public so I’m not particularly sensitive about other people’s opinions on me or my kids. As long as I’m not hurting anyone I can’t see why I’d need to worry about a strangers uninformed opinion. I even think some of these people commenting may imagine tut tuts where there may be none? I have a friend who has young children and she’s always telling me about disapproving ‘looks’ she gets. I’ve been there when she thinks she gets them too and Honestly, I think half the time she’s imagining it. My view is that I won’t ever know what other people are thinking but I suspect that most of the time it’s about themselves and their own lives- not about me and my kids. And if they are thinking I’m a bad parent well I know they’re wrong so what does it matter? I actually find a lot of lovely helpful people out there like the elderly woman who helped me load my groceries onto the conveyor belt when I was trying to do it with one arm while I held my grumpy 10 month on my hip. And I don’t tut tut others very often either- I don’t like seeing kids not strapped into carseats, bring sworn at or hit but I don’t make judgements on junk food or tantrums etc – my personal philosophy is that I don’t know anything about that child or the parents circumstance so passing judgement would be a bit mislead. Just remember- not everyone is tut tutting…and there are some lovely helpful and understanding people out there too.
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Couldn’t agree more. I think because people are so self conscious at those moments, they assume everyone is looking at judging. Most people are just getting on with their grocery shopping!
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Restaurants!!!
My wife and I have always had a common sense rule – If the child starts crying we up and remove said child until calming down has been achieved.
I am a tuttutterererer when it comes to people who have their kids in high end restaurants and let them just scream and cry and don’t remove them for the benefit of the other 50 people in the restaurant who spent money on a baby sitter, saved up some hard earned cash and decided to have a nice dinner out.
Screaming children do not a well earned dinner out make.
I think we have the rights as human beings in a civilization to expect people to be respectful of the privacy and comfort of others, and being that your kids are always your responsibility it’s not a huge stretch to simply expect you to take them out of the crowd when the racket ensues – many of us have and continue to do so.
Kids cry – It’s no big deal – But you can move them most of time unless they weigh 200 pounds because they live off KFC, not that there’s anything wrong with a high protein diet.
After all Sarah Jessica Parker went to the Kentucky Derby and the good news is she won.
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SJP won the Kentucky Derby ?
Why did she have such a long face, then ?
Personally, I would have been thrilled !
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Before you tut at that child having a meltdown, PLEASE stop and think whether or not that “naughty, spoilt, badly parented” child has autism spectrum disorder. Have the sights and sounds of the shop or public space suddenly become too much? Did this child bump your trolley because she just has to touch that shelf everytime she goes into Coles. And please,show a little compassion, maybe a supportive smile or even ask if you can help. It can make all the difference to the parent and the child. I find older men are less likely to tut tut than older women and other mothers and grandmothers.
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I had a woman on a train apologise becuase her children were talking and laughing with a loud voice and some people seemed annoyed. I told her not to worry with a kid with a big strong voice as hopefully when they grow up they can stand up and yell out at all the problems in the world, at grafting, pompous politicians and so called do-gooders and schemers who only wish to fill their own pockets. She smiled and we enjoyed the laughter of children
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BEST: Got my P’s-yay! I was really getting nervous that I wouldn’t get them before my baby was born so I’m thrilled. And also getting a lot of work done this week as well as getting out of the house and enjoying this incredibly Sydney sub! And as sad as it sounds the return of the Rachel Zoe Project on Foxtel
WORST: Third trimester nausea AND vomiting. So yucky.
OMM: How to get everything done that I need to get done in the next 6 weeks before baby arrives!
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Ummmm what are you talking about?
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Obviously they meant to comment on the Best and Worst post
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Yes I did Apologies.
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I often find that judgement is from people that don’t have children, whether they are old or young. They seem to have all the answers.”I would do this…..”, “I would do that..”. I just think people need to walk a mile in that person’s shoes. I am so over how judgemental some people can be. Great article, Richard.
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“(Even when spoken, this phrase comes with multiple explanation marks, each one a wagging finger.)”
Exclamation marks?
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Richard Glover, you are my new favourite person. What a wonderful article.
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This article was in the SMH recently. I was so impressed by Richard & could relate to almost every word that I emailed him to thank him….and….he replied!
It was the highlight of my tough week with a pre-schooler & a toddler!
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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr Seuss. Love it!
I also love Richard’s comment that Santa must have delivered food in the old days. There are times when you just cannot escape taking toddlers/babies to the supermarket. My son is on the autism spectrum & I simply hand the tut tutterers a card explaining he has autism and has dificulty controlling his behaviour – usually does the job at taking their smug look off their face.
To the people who use the supermarket shopping as a bit of ‘me time’ – I appreciate that but perhaps going after 8pm like I do would help as hopefully the kids are all in bed by then…(although I have been known to tut tut at people strolling around Kmart at 10pm with their young kids in the trolley – sorry!)
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Yes, I also tutt tutt at people with little kids out late at night, i feel sorry fot the poor little things who should be in bed asleep.
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You think that’s bad? I live on the Gold Coast and am constantly surprised by the people who have young children out in Surfers Paradise and Broadbeach (party districts) at midnight and beyond.
I often loudly say to no one in particular something about BED TIME?
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You never think that maybe they’re on holiday and need to eat out because it’s the first night they’ve flown in and they haven’t had time to go to the supermarket/their hotel doesn’t have cooking facilities? And/or this is the ONE night they’ve decided to have a late one – just for fun?
Don’t you remember how much fun the occasional late night was a child? There was something magical about being up past your bedtime and seeing what the adults get up to when you’re not around.
My daughter is in bed by 7pm 89 nights out of 90 but the very occasional dinner at a family-friendly pizzeria until 9pm never hurt anyone.
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I’ll repeat the important bits in my comment;
These kids are out AFTER MIDNIGHT in a PARTY DISTRICT.
By party district I mean people falling over, vomiting, swearing, fighting, flashing, being arrested etc.
That is not comparable to leaving a pizzeria at 9pm. What a joke.
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I see you’ve edited your comment to delete the bit where you accused me of not being able to read. Thank you for that. I was just coming on here to apologise for forgetting the part of your comment that said it was after midnight.
My point was just that at a place like the Gold Coast where there are vast amounts of people are on holiday they often end up out late with their children through circumstances beyond their control or as a one-off.
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I’m unable to edit my comments once posted, are you able?
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I’m a bit mixed about this. Yes I’ve taken my kids out for special events : river fire Brisbane, new years eve and holidays etc, but generally I believe kids need to go to bed at a reasonable time. It used to drive me insane when I’d see young women that had taken their babies to a pub/ disco with baby just popped under the table in a basket (kid you not) or the toddlers running around a beer garden at 10pm. It probably annoyed me more knowing that I’d gone to the trouble of getting babysitting for my own kids….
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I think the people who notice the tut-tut brigade are the one who are trying to parent. The ones who are too busy letting their little darlings destroy a store or even wander behind the bar in a restaurant (so safe). Who require the waiter or sales person or whoever HAVE to step in. I don’t have kids i have many many nieces and nephews and i find it uncomfortable to tell another persons child how to behave in order that they not hurt themselves or someone else. I admit i do tut tut but i got myself some serious burns and cuts from trying not hurt the child who is hurtling up and down the aisle while the parents smile benignly “aw isn’t he cute” as i wear a burning hot meal.
I would however never judge what a parent did or didn’t feed the kids i have a brother who was 28 before he tried a vegetable (not counting the years when mum could shove food down his gullet)and he turned ok. I don’t even mind the tantrum’s over toys and because hey they have to learn the word no some how. Honestly i am not watching and judging on purpose i am just reacting and maybe i’m in a crappy mood and the screaming makes me a little wired no one is perfect even the irritating bystanders.
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This bit I love: “Of course, in truth, parents do say ”no” all the time. That’s why that toddler is on the ground at the supermarket in the first place.”
So, so true.
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“I think the tut-tut squad comprises older men who simply didn’t partake in much of the parenting and, thus, always assumed it was easy”
Bang on.
I’ve been tut-tutted twice by older men at the shops when I’d let my toddler walk a few steps in front of me (I know…the horror). The kid was just walking in a straight line, not making a sound, but they didn’t think that was appropriate behavior.
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I’m hesitant to stereotype and feel fortunate in that I’ve very rarely felt judged.
But the few times I have been openly judged? Yes the judgers have been from that same demographic….
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I recently got very cranky at an older man at the supermarket. My six year old ( while helping to put the groceries on the belt) pinched her finger between the trolley and the belt. She naturally started to cry because she was hurt, goddamn it, I was comforting her and she was sobbing into my shoulder, the silly old codger behind us decided to take that moment to tell me ” she’s too big to be having a tantrum”!!! … I saw red and told him ” she has just hurt herself, surely you’re too stupid to be be handing out parenting advice? ”
In hindsight I should have just ignored him, but it just felt so unfair to my daughter- she had behaved beautifully up to that point and she had really hurt herself
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Great column, made me actually laugh out loud, love the arachnid comment! When I see something like this going on, my reaction is to say something as I continue on along the lines of “we’ve all been there, you’re doing fine!” and then hope that the next time my son chucks a wobbly in public that someone gives me some encouragement too!!
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I fully agree those of us who have left the toddler cringe time behind need to support verbally those who are suffering now. I wonder how many people think some one is tut tutting when actually they are remembering all their own bad moments.
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I haven’t noticed the tut -tutting – perhaps because I’m too busy ‘ignoring’ my whining toddler.
I feel that I am doing the best I possibly can at any given moment of parenting, and I extend that same belief to other parents.
They are doing the best they can – with their individual toddler, in their individual circumstance.
No tut-tutting or judgement is necessary or fair.
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My favourite is the tut tutters that don’t have kids. ” I’d NEVER give my child hot chips at 10:00am”. Oh guess what love, when you want 15 minutes of peace and quiet and the only thing that will zip their lips is a pack of hot chips, you’ll be ordering 2.
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especially when you have probably been up since 5am or soon after so 10am feels more like lunch time!
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Jette how true is your comment! I laughed so hard when I read this! And how many times have I done it. We all learn the lessons once we have our own kids and I am definitely guilty of saying what I would never do when I had my own kids and over the last eight years have broken every single one of those promises many times. I absolutely loved Richard’s article but must say that I did encounter one gorgeous lady in the supermarket the other day who remarked that “after all it is a full moon tonight” as my 3 children all played up a treat at the same time at the checkout leaving me completely helpless.
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Yes, the hot chips thing is an interesting one! We eat pretty healthy at home, not much junk, so I figure once a week some hot chips or a donut is fine for my kid. A good balance for the carrot sticks.
But sometimes the way some people stare, you’d think it was a scandal! Everyone’s an expert on childhood obesity, even when my kid is as skinny as a whippet!
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my darling turns down donuts for strawberries! she certainly doesnt get that from her mother! (i have a weakness for fresh cinnamon donuts!) bless her heart though… donuts don’t stain clothes half as much as smooshed strawberries!!
Our last grocery shop, we started at the deli, bought some cocktail franks (cheerios for those not in NSW!) and that got us to aisle 8…. then out came the strawbs again! LOL! food fixes everything! (well, today it does, tomorrow might not be so lucky!)
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Amen! I remember my eldest being about 2 and having a tired tanty along the street wanting me to pick her up. This nosey old biddy has a go at me telling me to ‘just pick her up, wont you??’ I swung on my heel saying ‘Have you been lugging her around all day?? No! So Shut up!!’ Hehe
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I feel sorry for the parent who is doing some shopping in peace having found a way to escape their own house of meltdowns and has to listen to it. Maybe they’re not tut tutting they’re just thinking the noise the noise………
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No Way! The parents who have escaped it are to busy going “woohoo! not mine for a change!” to tutt tutt!
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When i shop I don’t even notice or hear tantrums anymore. Too many years of trying to ignore my kids.
My biggest bug bear when shopping was the chocolates at the checkout. I let my toddler play with them but never once bought one. If the checkout chick or chap even raised so much as an eyebrow about the mess he made or the ensuing tantrum that followed I would say in a very loud voice to anyone who would listen “can we PLEASE have a lolly free checkout?”
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Yep, having my legs waxed today there was a baby in the room next to mine screaming its way through mums treatment. My beautician apologised profusely, I didnt care because it wasnt my child! Though personally I would never have taken a child with me to the beautician out of respect for the others there.
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You said it!
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Indeed, I don’t get it….WHY care if it’s not your kid? You don’t have to remediate the situation….you just have to smile and relax and think “someone else is doing this, not my kid, not my problem”…I actually feel all fuzzy inside (from relief) when i realize the kid screaming is not mine.
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Eugh I never want to have kids because I know my SIL would judge the heck out of me.
She’s been lucky enough to have a perfect baby who is always quiet, has never used a dummy and slept through the night very early on. I just KNOW I will have a screamer who wakes every 2 hours and needs a dummy to shut it up. I can’t wait for her to judge me. ‘MY baby never needed a dummy!’
I learnt early on the major differences babies can have. At 16 I became an Aunty, 2 boys 3 months apart, both 100% different in behaviour, sleep patterns etc. What might work for your baby won’t necessarily work for someone elses.
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My baby was pretty great too, but now she is almost 3, she is not the same quiet baby she once was and I doubt your SIL’s will stay that way either
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Her baby is perfect? She’s not telling you everything then
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Bulls-eye Susan, I was just going to say the same XD
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When I see mothers shopping with toddlers I mainly think thank god that isn’t me anymore. Kids yelling/squealing not in tantrum, but just to hear themselves with oblivious parents whilst surrounding people are deafened does set my teeth on edge however.
I remember how vile my eldest was aged 3 1/2 – 4 1/2, on several occasions I carried him kicking and screaming through the register for not wanting to leave the toy section. The average struggling parent you can see is trying, tend just to give them sympathetic smile. One stranger said calmly to my misbehaving toddler what are you up to? he was immediately self-concious and embarrassed knowing he was being naughty and dropped the act immediately.
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I want to give myself a pat on the back – if that’s OK? It’s rare that I do it you know….
You see I’m not a tut-tutter. And if I see a parent struggling with their little terrorist I always try to give them a knowing smile of “It’s ok love…we’ve all been there.”
Thing is, these little terrors just grow into big terrors. Small kids, small problems. Big kids, big problems, and so on… And while I would kill FOR my kids – or run in front of a bus to save them – I’m afraid there are just as many moments now that they’re 19 and 21 that I’m closer to running under said bus just to escape them – or to avoid myself killing them! (kidding…I promise).
Love this post; love Mamamia for posting it, and love Richard Glover’s work. A whole lotta love to balance out all the violence above….xx
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I like your comment, but can I suggest you say ‘terror’ instead of ‘terrorist’. I just don’t think it’s that funny in this day and age.
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Thanks. Point taken and duly rectified!
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Oh, I feel your pain….
Teenagers have far more in common with toddlers than they think.
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Great article, was grinning to myself as I read it!
But I must say that I often get ‘sympathetic smiles’ and ‘knowing nods’ from older people when my munchkins decide to ‘perform’ in public! In my experience the ‘death stares’ are few and far between…thank god!
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I confess, I am a tut-tutter and I do not fit into your convenient little categories, I am a mother, not old, not young. I can accept a certain amount of tantrum etc from children, but often it goes above and beyond. I have no problem with parents that are obviously parenting their child but so often the parent is not paying any attention (and I don’t mean strategic ignoring – I am aware this can be the best strategy for some kids). To be honest I am totally sick of the ‘don’t pick on parents, they are so hard-done-by’ routine. Parenting is hard, yes. But it seems like so many parents are developing some sort of learned helplessness disorder. We do things wrong, we don’t always do a good job, we need to do better. Doing ‘our best’ these days is clearly not enough, all you have to do is take a look around – we don’t exactly live in a society where children all grow up to be polite, generous, intelligent and kind. Something is going wrong. So please, I agree that we need to be more supportive, but parents are not helpless creatures wandering in the wilderness and every parent is not always doing their best, lets stop turning a blind eye to bad parenting and sweeping it under the rug of ‘parenting is hard, pity me’.
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I agree.
I had a bit of a dilemma about a year ago in a mall…
I was eating my lunch and watching these two boys (probably about 5 years old, but I’m not sure) throwing a toy into the crowd of people at the food court and then running after it. This went on for about an hour. In that time, the two mothers were just around the corner not even watching their kids. A number of times, those kids almost knocked people over – people who were carrying trays of hot food, which could have been dropped on one of the boys’ heads. The fact that the mothers didn’t look up once in an hour pissed me off royally. I had to make a decision – do I walk away, or do I tell the mothers that I saw their sons almost have multiple head-on collisions with various people in the food court. I decided to tell. I tried not to ‘tut-tut’, but it doesn’t matter how nicely you say it, the message is: ‘You’ve been a crap parent over the past hour – putting your child in danger and possibly countless others.’ As soon as I approached her, before I even said anything, one of the mothers had an angry look on her face – because she KNEW what I was about to say or, at least, imply. She did NOT take the news well. She made a grand assumption that I didn’t have kids, and when I didn’t respond either way, she said, ‘Yep, didn’t think so.’ There was certainly no accepting of responsibility, that’s for sure.
Did I do the right thing? To this day, I’m really not sure. It certainly didn’t make ME feel any better. But I have a feeling she’ll keep a closer eye on her son from now on, so not to have another person like me approach her.
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I doubt it. She probably couldn’t care less!
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I’d be the one shooting the dirty look about dive bombing elderly people, sorry. My kids would be banned from the pool if they did that. If other kids did it & mine were there I’d use that as an example of what not to do. I make no apologies for that.
I’d never judge anyone for a kid having a tantrum in a supermarket, we’ve all got to eat.
I get this article’s point, some people are just ridiculous about the things they judge, but of course we all do it to some extent. And I’m aware that other people are judgemental about some of my parenting choices. I have one friend who always buys my kids things because she doesn’t think I buy them enough stuff. I buy her kids books because I think they have too much ‘stuff’.
Anyway, I went to a kids party recently, and I judged the parents based on the behaviour of their kids the whole time. The entitled, spoilt, demanding things I saw took my breath away. I’ve got no interest in ever being a part of it. So, I’m probably one of the people this article is talking about.
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‘Most toddlers have to be approached as you would a madman wired with explosives.’ – funniest thing I have read all week!
A friend of mine is constantly bitching about other people’s parenting skills. I’ve mentioned on here before… it is so bad that I feel it may mark the end of our friendship. Not only do I hate listening to her rant on about other parents, it makes me wonder what the hell she says about my mothering skills to other people!
Unless there is potential danger on the horizon in a public setting, everyone else should bloody well just back off and let the child’s parents handle the situation. Unless of course, you are a fairy godmother who has come to put a magic tantrum-stopping-spell on the kid
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I have a friend just like that, she has been tut-tutting my parenting for years, she tries to be discreet but it is fairly obvious. Hate to think what she says behind my back. I dont spend much time her now as a result but – she is just about to give birth to her first and I cant wait!!!
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Love this! Love it. Love Richard Glover.
Am concerned though that he has obviously been hanging out at my house with my 2 year old and 4 year old.
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I’m guilty of giving parents a few dirty looks. I have two jobs, one in a shop, one in a cafe. At the start of the day it’s all good, but when for the 20th time a kid runs into me while I’m carrying hot food and drinks I just want to scream. Same thing at the shop. Start of the day I brush anything off with a laugh, by the end of it every tantrum or parent who let’s their child into the store with food put’s me on the verge of having my own tantrum.
Plus just want to say, all tantrums aren’t equal. I can handle the regular ones, but at the shop where I work it’s not rare to have a kid go nuts and start tearing clothes off hangers, stomping on them, ripping them, kicking the glass displays etc. I’ve seen the same thing at supermarkets, kids knocking down displays, stomping on food and tearing into packaging. Usually the parents just stand there and watch. Before the advent of online shopping I might have been less judgy, but if there’s a chance your child is going to lay waste to a shop, just buy online for everybody’s sake .
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I agree. While most parents are just doing their best to get through the day and the shopping while trying to control their child and teach them some manners along the way, lets be honest here, there are some rather lazy entitled parents who think the world and your store does revolve around their childs pleasure. I was in Country Road the other day and one of women who works there, who I chat to reasonably often, was telling me how horrified she is with the way children rip clothes off hangers, chuck clothes on the floor and generally run amok while mum ignores them.
In my local bakery I always tell my kids not to touch the glass counter because the staff dont want finger prints all over it. Yet, I’ve seen kids wipe snotty faces all over the same glass while mum ignored it completely.
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I must admit I hate people letting their kids clamber all over food counters, yuck.
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Mee too! Totally unhygienic.
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I think these behaviours are worthy of dirty looks if the parents are not trying to control their child.
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I work occasional shifts at Dominos Pizza – I have also been known to tell children to get down from the counter before they hurt themselves, put the chair back where it was, and said ‘ssshhhhhh’ with a friendly look on my face.
Yes, I understand it is your right to parent how you see fit. However, when you are eating your pizza with your friends and choose not to watch what your child is doing, in a space in which I am responsible for the safety, and comfort of other customers as well as yourself, I will speak to your child.
Mostly because my regular job is health and safety, and I don’t want to complete the forms when your child falls off the section of the counter they are trying to scale, or when the chair they are trying to stand on slips out from under them.
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