Four weeks after the birth of my first daughter, I returned to work performing in a television comedy show three days a week. At the time it seemed like a perfectly reasonable plan; in hindsight, I had no idea what I was letting myself in for.
After my baby was born I had three weeks at home with a gorgeous little girl whom I completely adored. She was so placid that I was convinced that if it was this straightforward at home, surely doing a couple of days a week at work wouldn’t complicate matters too much. Obviously I’d forgotten to factor in two very important bi-products of giving birth – breastfeeding and hormones.
My husband and I worked out a plan for the two days I’d be filming. He’d bring her to set (obviously these would be the exact times when my boobs would be ready to produce milk and she would be ready to eat) and I would feed her between filming scenes. Easy.
Well…not so much.
I cried when I left her in the morning. I cried all the way to work. I cried when my husband brought her to the set so I could feed her, and I cried when they left. Expressing milk behind the curtain in the wardrobe bus every three hours was a pain in the pelvis and, as a result of going 5 to 8 hours without emptying my boobs, was on the verge of contracting mastitis several times.
Feeding my baby surrounded by male comedians who thought it was hilarious to make jokes about “Fiona getting her boobs out again” was never a peaceful experience. Although, they quietened down once I threatened to squirt milk in their eyes and blind them for life. There was also the time when the first assistant director informed me that she could see my breast pads outlined through my top on the monitor, and that the camera crew had asked what they were.
The glamour of awards ceremonies all but vanished when I attended the Logies and ended up expressing milk straight into the toilet bowl, while I listened to soapie stars having flattering contests over whose hair and make up looked better. If only they’d had x-ray vision to see the thirty-three year old woman with the top of her Charlie Brown designer gown pulled down, hunched over a loo squeezing breast milk from her nipples. Actually, my aim wasn’t that great. Most of it ended up all over the floor.
Following is a list of tips and coping mechanisms for new mums back in the workforce:
- Never leave your breast pump lying around your work area. You will soon discover your male co-stars using it as a trumpet while playing dungeons and dragons.
- Try to avoid speaking to anyone for the first half hour of the day if you are feeling particularly guilty and hormonal that day. Just saying hello to someone could mean a straight four hours of sobbing.
- Be discreet when expressing – or in my case that the curtain in the wardrobe bus is drawn all the way across to the other side while a dozen male extras are getting changed into hobbits for a “lord of the rings” sketch on the other side.
- If you are not Victoria Beckham or Gwyneth Paltrow, be prepared for the fact that your body may take more than three days to stop resembling the “before” photo in a weight watchers ad and accept that this is OK. (Unless you are filming with size six girls who are ten years younger than you. You then have the right to bawl your eyes out in disgust and shame)
- Try to avoid writing jokes at a time when your main train of thought is “How long does it take for infected stitches to heal?” There’s not much comedy in that and you will probably hear screams of horror when you read it out to your cast members.
My daughter now seems completely unscarred by her mother abandoning her at such an early age. And what about me? Do I regret my decision to go back to work and if I could do it all again would I change anything? Not on your life. Beggars can’t be choosers and an artist’s gotta take the work when it’s there. I’m proud of myself for surviving it; we were able to pay the rent on time and I managed to get through those few months in a sleep-deprived hormonal daze, even if I can’t remember what the hell I did during that period. Thank god there will always be reruns to remind me.
How did you cope with the return to every day life after the birth of your baby?
Fiona Harris has been working as a professional writer, director and actor in the Australian entertainment industry for over twelve years. You can follow her here
Comments
50 Comments so far
you returned to work after 3 weeks because your career is more important than your baby!
people have fought for so long for paid/unpaid maternity leave and so many women who can be a great influence on society don’t appear to support it or use it!
i’m looking at you tanya plibersek.
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Technically I never stopped working, When my newborn slept for longer than two minutes, I was working from home, editing unpublished manuscripts.
When my son was seven months old I started back at work as a newspaper journalist three days week, which soon become four, then five days a week.
My son is nearly two now and, yes, there are days when I wish I didn’t work so much. But this line in Fiona’s article really resonated with me:
“I’m proud of myself for surviving it; we were able to pay the rent on time and I managed to get through those few months in a sleep-deprived hormonal daze, even if I can’t remember what the hell I did during that period.”
The breast pump at work, the sore boobs, the long-hours, the search for a family day carer we felt comfortable with; I did it for my family. So we had food on the table, a roof over our heads and a quality of life. We didn’t rely on government support. My husband’s a mature-age apprentice and going back to work was the only way our family could stand on our own two feet.
I believe our son will look back when he’s old enough and be thankful for having two hard-working, loving parents who did everything they could to give him the best start in life.
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great story thanks for sharing! it really resonated with me although i went back to work part time at 7 months for my first and 8 months for my second.
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Amazing feat Fiona, I wasn’t even able to get dressed or string together coherent sentences for the first couple of months, and there you are, talking to the nation. Amazing!
I was lucky in terms of maternity leave. My husband makes enough (just) that we can get by without my income, so I stretched it to 9 months, although entitled to none initially. I work at the local council, and they let me express in the Mayor’s lounge, which I thought was quite alright. I still cried when having to leave my girl at day-care, but luckily she LOVES going, so it didn’t take long before I allowed myself to enjoy using braincells on more than being a mum.
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Nice thing to say under the cloak of Anonymous. Sometimes things like paying the rent are classified as more than ‘luxury items’.
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…not a good look at all. I don’t know why some women won’t be women even when nature demands it. Your baby demands your full time attention for the first few months of its life – Let alone a 1 month old?!.. why would someone even be thinking about getting back to work at that point in time…whatever happened to parental leave.. to give mother and baby that Critical bonding time in the most important time in its life – the start..
In cases where a mum is a solo bread-earner, one can understand why they’d need to work, but in cases where one chooses go to work, its arguably selfish in my opinion that they would do so. I’m no specialist, but some things really are common-sense. Its a natural motherly instinct to be bonded with their baby, and yet some women continue to innovate unnatural ways to occupy themselves with other things – at that critical time(this is my focus)..expressing milk into bottles, keeping in the fridge to heat later, etc, and having others do the feeding…its nowhere as close as the way nature intended it to be, and it never will be. The tears when you leave for work and the tears at work.. all can be avoided by simply being with your baby lol.. and just because babies can’t speak, I wouldn’t bet against the possibility that they don’t suffer the same emotional distress their mums do when they’re aren’t together.. Or would one rather find out in coming months and years? I don’t think so..
This is just how I see it – I’m no expert. Child birth, and everything that comes along with it can be difficult in more ways than one – this, I know. However, if one gets a baby, especially if one has planned for it, they should put ‘other’ things on hold and give it the best possible start in life.. that’s my view.
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Could we please stop labelling women and especially mothers as selfish?? This word gets thrown around so often, and it is absolutely cruel.
You have put a lot of your own ideas in to what constitutes being a ‘woman’ and being a ‘mother’ and what is ‘natural’, without realising that others see those roles differently to you. She is no less a mother than you, and she’s no less natural than any of us, for going back to work 2 days a week.
She’s described that it was difficult, but the whole point of it is really to say that yes it was bloody hard, but more than that – she coped! She made it out on top, and she’s happy with it, and so is her baby.
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Was it a selfish act? Absolutely – All things considered. What things? The baby’s age, and the fact that Someone KNows that healthwise(physically + emotionally) it is the best thing for the baby, but still opts out so that they can pursue career ambitions.
This is not the best thing from my perspective..afterall I’m a man lol, but from the perspective of medical experts around the world, and the World Health Organisation who unanimously recommend at least 6 months of breastfeeding – if you didn’t know, now you know.
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So selfish. But fact if life some mothers will put their careers before their babies needs ..
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I think it’s highly simplistic to call it selfish. Every family needs to work out what works best for them, and take in to account all sorts of factors that people outside the family can’t possibly understand – including financial and the well-being of all involved. So in some situations what is best for the baby – all things considered – will include the mother going back to work early. Let’s remember that the baby is being looked after at home by her dad – still receiving all the love and attention that a newborn needs – and is still being breastfed.
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Hear hear.
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Tripitaka..
but (there’s always a but ey..) there are some things that have universal guidelines – mostly health issues, and breastfeeding just happens to be on the list. The reason why I commented on this in the first place..not exactly one of my fav. topics lol, is that these articles are highly influential, she is famous, and the humor behind the way she goes about explaining her experience (although it worked out for her) might not necessarily be a good thing for others, especially those who don’t have all the facts. That’s all it is really..
Circumstances are different from person to person, I couldn’t agree more
keep up the good posts
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Dosh, you are ridiculous – there is no universal standard for what is an isn’t appropriate in terms of working and being a mother.
It is EACH INDIVIDUALS’ choice as to what they choose to do.
It’s also really harmful to claim that not breastfeeding a child is some form of abuse – some women can’t breastfeed, for any number of health reasons, and some babies never take to the teat. To claim that women who don’t breastfeed are unnatural, or bad mothers is not just offensive, it’s plain ignorant.
Stop being judgemental of a situation that, clearly as a man, you will never experience and that no one person or organization can ever be an authority on.
I think Fiona, and any working mother should be commended for balancing their lives so well. Just as I think any stay-at-home mum should be commended on choosing what works for them, and their lifestyle.
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Again, similar to other articles I’ve read of this nature I really hope I am able to be a SAHM during the breastfeeding period as working and breastfeeding sounds horrifically difficult by all accounts. Not to mention the constant mention of guilt and tears that Fiona mentions. Again….is this not mother nature’s way of saying women arent meant to be leaving their babies to go to work when the hormones are clearly telling them not to?? Although the SAHM situation wouldn’t prob wouldnt prevent situations like the logies event from occurring when one is at an event and need to get rid of some milk regardless!!
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From what I’ve seen and experienced SAHMs manage to squeeze out a few tears too, but you never hear anyone saying that it might be ‘mother nature’s way’. It’s a hormonal time — full stop. I stayed at home (and am still there, almost two years later) and I had a dream run with my bub and still managed to shed a few tears from time to time. And yes, you’re right about the need to get milk out regardless — I can vividly remember squeezing my breasts over the bathroom sink because I was so engorged and my baby simply wouldn’t wake up and drink. Whichever way women do it, they have moments when they’re doing it tough and moments when it’s pure joy. C’est la vie.
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Yup. I am lucky enough to have a year off work to be with my baby. But blissful snuggles and gazing into each others eyes? Erm, no. I cry almost as much as her some days. It’s just a hormonal, tiring time all round.
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You do what you need to do to get through.
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I reckon it’s a good thing you can’t remember much of what happens when you first come home with the baby. It’s no bloody walk in the park and if you could remember every detail you’d flatten every tree and concrete the lot.
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I was working in a country where I had no maternity leave and unfortunately was married to the laziest man alive (I can say that with hindsight) … I went back to work TEN days after giving birth (that included a 22 hour stay in hospital to deliver). My neighbours were horrified but I had no choice as I was the sole breadwinner and my work contract did not cover maternity leave. I have less than fond memories of me leaking various bodily liquids from different parts of my body while trying to maintain my professional image. Learnt my lesson and stayed home for 6 months with number 2.
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Such a real new mum story. I went back to work as a media adviser for a major gvt stuff up just months after my baby was born – no sleep, significant stress and an overwhelming feeling like you really do have to prove yourself all complicated by being the main breadwinner – further complicated by my guilt and husbands lack of coping skills = divorce and single motherhood which is a whole different ball game.
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Returning to normal life after the birth of my last baby meant my husband returning to work after 1 week off (which he used to care for our other kids while I was in hospital with the baby). Really bad timing, it was his busiest time of year and thats all he could take off. That left me at home to recover from a c-section and care for our newborn, our 1 year old, our 2 year old and our 3 year old. The 3 year old was attending preschool so I had to wrestle them all in and out of the car 2 mornings and 2 afternoons each week, with that really sore post caeser tummy. Luckily my Obstetrician didnt stop me from driving for 6 weeks like some do, that would have been a real pain!
I look back on those days now and really have no idea HOW I did it, but I wouldnt change a thing. My husband would come home from work each night though and make me leave the house for an hour and go for a walk. I would come back and the toddlers were ready for bed and our dinner was ready, so it really was a team effort.
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I don’t want to rave about your husband without acknowledging what you were doing all day. Having said that… what a gem of a husband! Too many hubbies don’t realise the complete physical and emotional exhaustion of looking after children. Good on you, and good on him for backing you up and giving you some time to reenergise!
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I need a lie down after reading that…Wow. I am always amazed by what some families can do to get through the crazy months.
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“(Unless you are filming with size six girls who are ten years younger than you. You then have the right to bawl your eyes out in disgust and shame”
When oh when are women going to stop obsessing about their post baby body? “Disgust” and “Shame” certainly should not be in your vocab when talking about the body that just four weeks before still had your baby inside it!
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I think it was a joke
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It’s so refreshing to read this. All the ‘new Mum’ stories seem to be about models shedding their baby weight and returning to the catwalk. Ummm I just want to shed my tracksuit and return to the supermarket.
Thanks for making me feel ‘normal’
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Funny article. I could never relax in my home to manage expressing with a pump for my first child. The fact that you managed to do it behind a curtain with a bunch of guys on the other side is amazing!!
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Oh I pumped after every feed day and night to try to up my supply and got so relaxed with it all that one night I waved to my poor neighbour (our kitchen windows faced each other’s) and he dropped like a stone behind his sink. “How very strange” I thought, “is he cross with me?” until I realised I was topless and had the pump attached. Nice… He was always red-faced and too busy to chat from thereon.
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Ba ha ha ha!
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That’s awesome! LOL
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Great Article! I honelstly dont know how anyone could do this (not having a go at people working – just saying how hard i think it would be!) I am breastfeeding my 10 week old and sometimes it is just a struggle to get out of the house at a set time, let alone coping with work as well. I know my baby is so unpredicitable in his feeding routine and no day is the same as any other. I have tried expressing but the time and effort needed to get enough milk……..well I have just given up all hope of going anywhare for more than an hour (without my baby) for the next 6 months! Hats off to anyone organised enough to be able to manage.
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If you would still like to express I’d recommend giving it another go. I ended up expressing for four months after returning to work (when my girl was 9 months), and wish I had started earlier. It would have given me so much more fredom, and as it turned out, once I ‘had to’ it wasn’t all that hard. Seems your body works out what to do, and basically just lets it go. I did start by expressing after my girl had finished feeding, and added a few batches together, so I could eventually express a whole feed, while she was having the bottle.
Should I be so lucky to fall pregnant again and be able to feed, I’m definitely starting earlier, so I don’t have to be so attached all the time.
As far as getting out of the house at a set time, not wearing pyjamas and possibly even having run a comb through my hair, I’m right with you. I have no idea how I would have ever managed to get to work.
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Hey MM, FYI: in the list of tips, “ball your eyes out” should be *bawl* your eyes out. xx
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Thanks! x
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I returned to work with my newborn son when he was 10 weeks – my employers were great – allowing me to this so I could breastfeed. I had not been apart from him for one millisecond since his birth but once back at work I was so worried ( 1st baby) to leave him for anything, that even a toilet break was out of the question for the first few days. Anyway sooner or later I had to go to the loo and my much younger , all childless and usually hilarious co workers thought it would be super funny to hide my baby ( capsule and all ) in the cupboard!!!! Ha , not! thank goodness they did not go through with this ( the thought alone was enough to amuse them ) but it made me so crazy that I spent the next six months carrying my son into the bathroom with me in his little capsule x x
I remind them of this occasionally , and we do all laugh about it now. I
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hahaha – awesome article, thank you.
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Sounds awful! Poor thing. A good argument for paid parental leave, thank goodness we now have at least 18 weeks to bond with our babies full time, without the pressure to go back to work. Thank you Julia Gillard and Labor!! (Now to increase it to at least six months…)
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I suspect in Fiona’s job that she would have had to go back anyway. TV schedules wouldn’t factor in maternity leave I imagine.
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The idea of 18 weeks being long enough is an insult. Its a good start but until we have 12 months as a minimum it wont be acceptable.
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Someone has to pay for it. I think we are very lucky to have the 18 weeks tax payer funded. If we want longer we have to plan, save and make some other sacrifices. We can’t have everything.
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Agreed.
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In Denmark the tax rate is about 39% (with an increase for high income earners).
Intrest on any loan can be claimed, university is free for all, health services are free, along with all services we receive in Australia. Parents still get 12 months parenting leave, which mums and dads can split between them in any way they see fit.
While I agree we can’t have it all, I think we can still do better.
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I agree! I would happily pay a higher tax rate (actually I do in the Netherlands, I think I’m on 42%) to increase maternity leave. Scandinavian countries have this structure so sorted compared to the rest of the world.
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I’m long past the baby stage so I have absolutely no personal interest in paid maternity leave at all. My personal view is it should be the families responsibility to fund their choices fullstop. However I understand that today it is a huge ask for many families and when you hear of so many women returning to work who are still fully breastfeeding it is a sign that something is really wrong with our society and new mums do need more support to mother their children in a way they all deserve. If a baby is still young enough to be fully breastfed it really should still be having mum at home caring for it. If we are supposedly a caring society I think this is something we should be expecting.
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Great story, although I know the pain of leaving your newborn behind so you can go back to work and a breastfeeding mother is VERY different to a non-breastfeeding mother (no judgement to those who don’t, we’re just different). I left my baby at home or brought her to work with a carer for the first 6 months of her life when I was exclusively breastfeeding. I was never able to express as every time I did got mastitis. It was difficult, and looking back now I can’t believe I used to do this. I remember having to leave an event where I was listening to Richard Brandson talk so I could go to the bathroom and hand express as I had leaked straight through my top. Glamorous!
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I don’t really agree with this. I think the practical difficulties are greater, and things might be physically more uncomfortable for breastfeeding mothers, but the emotional side of things will be different for every woman, regardless of that. A friend of mine who couldn’t physically breastfeed and had to return to week quite soon after work was just wracked with grief really about missing her baby girl every hour of every day that she was at work.
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You are quite correct WillaWay that the emotional side of things is different for every woman, regardless of how you feed your baby, but as Dionne rightly points out the feeding practicalities of working and breastfeeding are a whole other story (when your breasts are bursting out and you aren’t able to express or feed!)
Great funny article and I think the author makes a good point that she has no regrets…I think all we can do is love love love your baby, do your best with the choices available, ignore criticism (because there will always be someone who thinks you are making the wrong choice either way) and have no regrets.
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Yes, but Dionne specifically says ‘the pain’ of returning to work is different… and really, she can’t say that honestly, because she has done one, and not the other…
And anyway, I think it’s sad that the whole feeding issue was even brought up… and why compare mothers who breastfeed with those who don’t and comment that they are ‘different’? Yet another way to divide motherhood. Yuk.
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Hi WillaWay, any new parent goes through struggles that sometimes include/exclude breast feeding. For those who cannot breast feed they must not feel defeated or be in any way less considered ‘emotional’ when it comes to new parenting. I was simply stressing the stress that I personally was under, running a business, breastfeeding exclusively (no bottles) with no expressing. Leaving your baby/child no matter what age is difficult, breastfeeding or not.
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I’m on second baby & had no luck expressing either time. Until we hit solids at six months & she can stretch out a wee bit if I’ve dashed out. I’m ‘it’ for bubs. Feels like a huge tresponsibility (& privilege) sometimes. Used to envy the mums who could express & take off to hairdressers without being anxious. I sit on edge of seat & think, ‘come on!!’ come on!!!’. Great article btw.
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