A woman in the UK has sparked controversy with an article in which she calls having a child the ‘biggest mistake of my life’.
Isabella Dutton, now 57-years-old, says she knows that ‘there are millions who will consider me heinously cold-blooded and unnatural’, but believes that there are also other mothers who secretly feel the same.
Dutton wrote for The Daily Mail:
My son Stuart was five days old when the realisation hit me like a physical blow: having a child had been the biggest mistake of my life. Even now, 33 years on, I can still picture the scene: Stuart was asleep in his crib. He was due to be fed but hadn’t yet woken.
I heard him stir but as I looked at his round face on the brink of wakefulness, I felt no bond. No warm rush of maternal affection. I felt completely detached from this alien being who had encroached upon my settled married life and changed it, irrevocably, for the worse.
Dutton was 22-years-old when her son Stuart was born – quite young by today’s standards – and she was required to give up her career as a typist. While Dutton says that it wasn’t the job she missed after becoming a mother, she did miss other aspects of childless independence; time alone to think, to read, peace and solitude.
Two years and four months later, Dutton gave birth to a baby girl. It might seem wilfully contrary that someone who claims to hate motherhood so much chose to bring a second child into the world, but Dutton explains that she thought it would be cruel not to give her son a sibling.
Dutton’s feelings after having her daughter were much the same. She writes:
Yet I dreaded her dependence; resented the time she would consume, and that like parasites, both my children would continue to take from me and give nothing meaningful back in return.
Whenever I’ve told friends I wished I’d never had them, they’ve gasped with shock. ‘You can’t mean that?’ But, of course, I do.
Despite her aversion to motherhood, and not feeling a natural inclination towards being maternal, Dutton devoted herself to the ‘job’.
She believes that it was her dedication and commitment to being a good mother – to making sure she provided for her children, and fulfilled their needs so conscientiously – that made her resent it all the more.
Top Comments
I have an 8 month old and feel exactly like this woman. In fact I sometimes wish I could put him up for adoption. I certainly won't be having a second. Worst decision I ever made.
I do believe the original article showed it wasn't just her daughter's MS that influences her opinion. I share her opinion. I wish I had done my homework on what children REALLY mean for your sanity. I feel if society was honest with itself then the birthrate would be much lower. Children suck. First is the crying, then comes sleeping or lack thereof for two Years. Then comes loss of intimacy with your wife. Then comes the endless noise, fights, disappointment in them, forcing them to go to school, breaking everything in sights, inability for me to do what I want to do because the little monster decided to throw a tantrum. Then comes teenage rebellion. And judging by how sometimes I talk to my folks, regretting various mistakes. This doesn't even include finances!
Sure some times are fun, happy, etc. But there is a whole lot of BS you have to go through to get to those fleeting moments.